Anon Begins

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Chapter 14: The F Word

Well, you might want to mark off 'No Shippers' off your 'Great Things About This Place' list as well.

Apparently, even children here take one look at two random individuals and won't stop at nothing til they're together.

And the "Crusaders" were no exception.

Now you have nothing against shippers, but you just don't understand the appeal. It was just annoying that if two people breath in the same ROOM, they're "destined" to be.

But, hey, that's just you.

Anyways, you are having a conversation with the CMC's about their crazy antics, all the while strolling towards the farm. It seems they're prepping up for a specific event of some sort. The smell of apple treats in the air, ponies scattered around, helping each other out. Almost like one big, happy family.

Up ahead, you spot a big red barn and notice a banner around it:

Apple Family Reunion

You stand corrected.

As you all reach the barn, you run into the orange farm pony.

"Howdy, Anon," AJ waves. "How's yur day?"

"Eh, pretty fine," you shrug. "What's up?"

"We're settin' things up for the Apple Reunion."

"Ooh, cool. Need any help with that?"

"Well, that's mighty kind of ya, Anon. Big Mac 'n the boys are out gatherin' apples in the orchard and we need these hay bales set up, but I couldn't ask ya to do such hard work."

You just heard the words "couldn't" and "work".

Oh, so now you're saying I'm WEAK now?!

Seeing the pile of bulky hay bales nearby, you march right up to it and crane kick each and every bale into their places.

Applejack and the Crusaders are stunned.

"Hard, huh, AJ?" you scoff, smugly dusting off your hands.

"Hooo, doggy!" she hoots. "Whatcha be eatin' with your oats?!"

"Meal..." you deadpan.

Congratulations, fool. Way to ruin an epic moment.

The four ponies chuckle at that easily thrown away joke.

Oh, well never mind then.......you're still a fool though.

"Heh, ya really are somethin', Anon." AppleBloom jokes. "I guess we could use the extra hoof-"

You hold your hand out.

"Y-Yeah, that......whatchamahoo."

---

"Well...whataya think?" Applejack asks expectantly.

Whoooa! This is what crack must feel like!

"Mmm, wow..." you moan. "I've never tried an apple fritter before."

The Apple sisters stare at you, wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry, I must've a li'l dirt in my ear," AppleBloom stutters. "C-Can ya repeat that, Anon?"

"I've...never tried a fritter before?" you repeat hesitantly.

AppleBloom's jaw hit the floor.

"Oop, looks like you broke her, Anon." Sweetie says poking the stunned filly.

"Now I'm gonna assume you haven't had apple pie before either?" AJ asks.

"Oh no, there isn't a single pie in the universe I haven't tried out."

Applejack chuckles at your statement. "We'll let Pinkie be the judge of that." she states, looking past you.

Curiosity made you its bitch and you turn around before a pink blur tackles you to the ground and grappling onto you.

"Hiya, Nonny, it's so good to see you! How were you? I am fine. What are ya up to? I mean, besides being super duper hugged by me, Pinkamena Diane Pie! Why'd I say my full name like that? I'm so silly! Wa wa wa wa-"

Damn you, Pink....amena? Sounds like a horror character. God, is she still talking?!

"Anyways, how was your- Mmmm mmm MMMM!"

You've clamped the mare's muzzle shut.

"It's nice to see you too, Pinkie."

A moment of silence later.

"Uh, Pinkie?" you croak. "You can let go now. Humans need to breathe too!"

"Hee. Sorry, Nonny," she squeaks, finally releasing you from her death grip. "Got carried away."

"So......what are you doing here?"

"For the reunion, silly! I am part Apple after all!"

"For real?"

"I-It's......complicated, long story." AJ shrugs.

So technically, she's an Apple Pie? The cringe is real.

"Yeah, suuuper crazy I know. I mostly help out with the treats! You HAVE to try the turnovers! They're really really REALLY good!!!"

"I just had a fritter a while ago. Reactions to that being my first were..." you turn to a petrified AppleBloom twitching on her side as the other Crusaders try to revive the poor thing. "Interesting..."

"Eh, don't worry, she'll be fine." The farm pony looks past you again before trotting up to the filly. "Watch this. Hey, AppleBloom! Babs is here!"

The yellow filly jolts up and frantically searching the area for this "Babs" pony.

Down the dirt path you spot a orange filly with a red mane and clippers for a cutie mark.

"BAAAABS!!!" AB screams before zipping towards her, the Crusaders following after.

"Well, children'll be children." AJ guffaws.

Out into the horizon, the three of you see a cloud of black smoke fuming out of the farmhouse.

"It's a Code 549!!!" Pinkie yells.

"Yup. Granny Smith's sleep-bakin' again. Anon, I'll be right back, make yurself comfy!"

The two mares gallop towards the pastry in distress, leaving you alone. Soon, more and more ponies start showing up in wagons and Old West-esque attire. You actually thought it was adorable. They all look like dress up products for a multimillion dollar toy company. Although, it got a little awkward when some would notice your unfamiliar appearance. While strolling around the farm, continuing to receive uneasy looks, you see a group of stallions pulling large carts filled with apples.

Suddenly, one of the cart's wheels come loose, sending it tumbling down the hill at a rapid pace. Ponies in the surrounding area scatter except for a baby earth pony who's gumming away at a fritter.

Alright, time to show these horses what you're made of.....which sounded a lot cooler in my head. Wait, this is my head- AH, SCREW IT!!!

In your pathetically forced heroics, you race over to the unsuspecting child and catch the crashing cart with your back, the sound of wood creaking over you as a huge wave of apples graze your both.

That. Was close...

Placing the cart aside, you examine the slobber mouth.

"You okay, little one?"

"Mo' appul fwitter?" she babbles.

You look around to see everypony's looking at you in awe.

Soon, a light-yellow stallion in a cowboy hat approaches you.

"Boy howdy, that's a mighty fine thing ya done did there, partner! Who are ya, stranger?"

Okay, don't buck this up, dude. You gotta blend in.

Without a second thought, you give your best cowboy impression.

"Me? I'm Anon, mysterious newcomer to Equestria. Perhaps ya heard of me?"

"I have," a red stallion approaches. "AppleBloom wouldn't stop talkin' bout ya. Name's Big Mac."

"Name's Braeburn. Now, Apple Roots, didn't I say no more fritters today?"

The baby girl playfully sticks her tongue out.

"Anyways, we're just 'bout to take these out back. Wanna lend a hoof, Anon?"

"Happy to."

You scoop the pile of apples into the cart and carry it one-handed. While helping around the farm, it seemed like everypony's slowly warming up to you.

You've chatted with a few, practically beaten every stallion in "hoof-wrestling", and even introduced them to some of your jams.

And you knew the PERFECT one:

You're there, playing your heart out on the banjo while everypony else's square dancing, line dancing, you name it. You think Pinkie might've come up with a new move, 'octagon dancing'.

It confused the hell outta everypony, big shock.

Anyways, after all that rocking, your poor stomach beckons you. Great timing though, because AJ and the others have set up the mouth-watering bounty.

Alright belly, hope you're in for apples, cause that's all we're- HOLY CRAP IS THAT CHILLI?!

You dash over to the large pot of chilli where Big Mac's giving it away.

"That's some good lookin' eats, Big Mac. Mind if I try some?"

"Are ya sure 'bout this, Anon? This is my spiciest chilli of the season. Nopony here can handle it." he warns.

Despite the searing hot stew looked like straight-up LAVA in a cauldron, you're NOT going to let that deter you.

"Here's the thing, I'm not a pony. Now, hit me!" you yell mouth WIDE open in full Ready Mode.

"Eeeyup."

He scoops a ladle full out and a huge glowing, red pepper is revealed, a skull-shaped puff of steam emanating from it.

You feel everypony's eyes on you while you go through this foolish action. As the spoon reaches your mouth, you regret your life choices.

Again, don't buck this up! You can do it- actually, no, you can't. You're totally boned.

In a flash, you gobble the chilli down in one go, earning gasps and whispers from all.

As you await your impending doom, nothing happens.

Your belly growls a bit, then stops.

Nothing...

"Well?" he asks worriedly.

"Huh, that was actually pretty- URRRRPP!!!"

In a split second, you suddenly burp flames. As soon as the fire died down, you fall to your knees.

Okay, that legit hurts. Next move......?

"Yaaahooo!!!"

Soon, all begin hoot n' hollerin', hats tossed in the air and that dreaded party cannon goes off.

"Sweet Celestia, Anon! Yer crazier than a woodpecker on sugar!" AJ snickers.

"Best. Burp. EVAAAH!!!" Pinkie squeals. "Do it again!"

---

The rest of the day goes by relatively smoothly. You've participated in the Apple family activities, ate til you drop and told western stories of Earth. Right now, you're just chillaxing sipping on a mug of apple cider watching everypony supporting each other. They're good ponies.

Something about their love for one another just warms your heart.

Sheesh, maybe I really AM in a Spielberg film.

Almost wish your family's like this.......if you could remember them, besides your grandfather.

Now that you think of it, your grandfather was probably the only one who cared for you.

It's all coming back...

Both your parents were dead, your grandfather took you in and the two of you were practically inseparable. He was the one who taught you self-defense and introduced you to your favorite jams. But, when he passed, you ran away and the next minute, you're in Equestria.

Ugh, no wonder why I looked like I was gonna live on my own coming here. Oh, grandpa. I'm so sor-

"It's PICTURE TIME!!!"

You're cut off your train of thought and you see everypony gathering in front of the barn for a family photo.

As you recover from the flashback, you notice streams of tears flowing down your cheeks.

As you compose yourself, the talkie goes off.

"Anonymous? Come in, old chap."

"R-Read ya loud and clear, Doc. W-What's up?"

"I believe I've perfected this concoction of yours. It- URP, pardon me, seems to be working quite well."

About time!

"Oh great! I'll be there in a bit. Out."

As you prepare to leave, you hear something barreling towards you.

Those all too familiar hoofsteps.

And then it hit you...

Literally.

"Nonny! Where are you going?! Were you crying."

"Uh, n-no, a bug flew in my eye. I was just heading to Doc's."

"Well, you GOTTA be in the photo first, silly!"

"I-I'm sorry, what?"

"Yer part of the family now, Anon. We'd be plumb crazy not to include you!" AJ states trotting up to you.

Oh, the diabetus is setting in.

Your heartstrings are being tugged til they could be tugged no more.

A warm smile grazes your face and you follow AJ to the barn, Pinkie getting a piggyback ride out of this.

Damn ponies. I love 'em.

Being the tallest, you walk to the back of the group. Pinkie's not planning on letting go, so you wing it. You stand between Applejack and Big Mac and pose for the camera.

As it counts down, an idea strikes you.

CLICK!

The camera flashes and everypony scatters.

You examine the photo and grin.

In the picture is you and your "family" all together. Pinkie seemed to have thrown confetti in the air, and you spot the little TOUCH you added to the memento.

Bunny ear prank behind AJ and Mac. Gets 'em every time.

"Now THAT is a keeper." you whisper with a smile.

---

Author's Note: