//------------------------------// // 21. - Trade Ya // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “Mom, have you seen my saddlebags?” Lentil cried out. “I can’t find them anywhere!” “They’re down here by the front door, right where you left them last night!” Cannellini shouted up the stairs. “Now get down here; they’re going to be arriving any minute!” Lentil paused in front of her vanity mirror, fussed with her mane, and giggled. One month ago, on a bit of a whim, she had sent a letter to her cousin and his wife to see if they might be interested in visiting the Rainbow Falls Trader’s Exchange with her. She had not expected them to accept, given their busy schedules, but then to her delighted shock a return letter had come stating that they would be honored to accompany her. Given the fact that cousin Baked just happened to be married to Lentil’s long-time Princess idol, this news caused a chain reaction of squeals that took several hours to abate. Even now, the desire to prance about in place was strong, but she had to resist. Lentil had alternated between delighted and terrified in the time between then and now. While she could hardly imagine anything better than spending a day with Princess Celestia—and hanging out with Baked was always fun—she worried that she might say something or do something that would embarrass the Princess or make her uncomfortable. This was the Daytime Diarch of Equestria, and she wanted every moment to be perfect. “She’s family now, so I need to play it cool,” she told her reflection. Sadly, this brought out the opposite effect because, once again, it brought up the fact that Princess Celestia was now part of her family! “No!  Seriously! Cool. It. Girl,” she told her bouncy reflection, while she took her brush—which just happened to have an iconic sun emblazoned on it— to her strawberry blonde mane. “El! Come on! The first few guards are starting to arrive!” Lentil grunted, brushed her mane furiously for ten seconds, then she thundered down the stairs like a buffalo who had spotted a fresh apple pie. Through the front window, she could see a pair of armored pegasus guards had taken up positions across the street, and her heart leapt into her throat. They were coming. “C’mere, let me see you,” Canneilli admonished, as she took Lentil’s red rimmed glasses in her hooves and began wiping them on her coat. “Now, remember, stand up straight. Look them in the eye. Be sure you call them ‘Prince’ and ‘Princess,’ and that you use ‘Your Highness.’ Don’t speak unless spoken to. Be polite, and make sure you—” “Mom, I got it,” Lentil groaned, snatching her thick framed eyewear back and putting them on again. “I’ll be good, don’t worry.” Canneilli smiled and straightened her daughter’s glasses with a smile. “I know you will. Most of all, make sure you have fun, okay?” “That’s easy. I can do that.” “Good. Did you eat breakfast? Please tell me you ate.” An authoritative knock on the door prevented Lentil’s answer; she was too busy sprinting over to answer. She did take a moment to calm herself with a deep breath, and she smiled broadly while she opened the door. “Baroness Lentil!” Prince Bean proclaimed with great joy. “So good to see you again!” “It’s good to see you too, Bak—er, I mean, Your Highness.” Baked Bean smiled a bit deeper. “On behalf of Her Most Royal Highness, the Princess Celestia, and His Trying To Be Royal Highness, Prince Baked Bean—who just so happens to be myself—it is my most welcome duty at this point to convey you to one Trader’s Exchange, being held at Rainbow Falls, where aforementioned Princess and Prince will be your guests for the day, provided you are still amiable to their company. Is this agreeable to you?” Lentil glanced past her cousin and to the carriage, and her heart pounded even harder when Princess Celestia herself smiled and waved to her. She then turned her attention back to Baked and his playful smile, and she dipped her head to him. “I would be honored if The Princess and The Yourself would accompany me, please,” she replied before glancing up to him. “Is that a good way to reply?” “Works for me,” Baked replied with a small laugh and a shrug of his shoulders. “I just made up that introduction, after all. Shall we?” “Yeah, I’m ready.” “Saddlebags!” Canneilli yelped, and she quickly tossed them onto her daughter’s back. “Honestly, child, you’d lose your head—” “—if it wasn’t attached to my neck, I know.” Lentil’s deadpan words overlapped her mother’s. “Can I go now, please?” “Go on, scoot.” Canneilli laughed. “Just be prepared to give us a full report when you get home!” “I will, I will.” “Shall we?” Baked asked with a sweeping motion back to the awaiting carriage. Lentil giggled a bit, and she eagerly trotted with him down the walkway to the Princess. Celestia seemed to be both pleased and eager to talk to her, but Lentil remembered her manners and bowed before speaking. “Your Highness, thank you for accepting my invitation today and for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do so.” “It is entirely my pleasure, Baroness,” Celestia replied while Bean stepped up and in, and Lentil couldn’t restrain her squeal of delight. “She called me Baroness! Oh my gosh!” “Come on up, El.” Baked reached down with a hoof from the carriage. “We’re ready if you are.” Lentil took the offered hoof, and Bean gently guided her to sit next to the Princess before sitting himself on the opposing side of the carriage, facing them. Though it was a bit tight with all three of them, it was still comfortable, and Lentil had to focus on the mechanics of breathing to keep from hyperventilating. “Baked! I’m sitting next to Princess Celestia!” “It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?” he replied. “You should try talking to her next. She’s quite the conversationalist.” “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, Princess!” Lentil replied in horror. “I didn’t mean to ignore you!” “No need for apologies, Baroness,” Celestia replied with a reassuring smile. “No harm was done. You may wish to hold on, though.” Lentil braced, then shrieked in delight while the carriage rose into the sky and gently banked towards Rainbow Falls. Once they had leveled out, Lentil took a moment to peer over the edge and back towards the rapidly shrinking Salt Lick before composing herself and turning her attention to the Princess. “Thank you so, so much for coming with me today. I know you and Baked—er, the Prince—are very busy with your duties. It means a lot to me that you would take the time to do so.” “The pleasure is all ours, Baroness,” Celestia replied with a warm smile. “And I thank you for the invitation. I always enjoy traveling with my family.” Lentil nearly melted in joy. Oh my gosh, she said it first! SHE. Said. It. FIRST!  “Family, really?” “Prince Bean has given me many wonderful gifts by marrying me, and one of the best is his family. For a thousand years I was forced to be alone, but now I have my sister, nephews, nieces, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I am quite happy to forget that I should add ‘in-law’ to any of my new relations, and I see you as a dear cousin, just like Bean does.” Lentil could only giggle in joy for a reply to that. “What did you bring to swap, El?” Baked asked. “I hope you managed to swipe that ridiculous leg lamp Uncle Budge has.” “He actually hid it so I couldn’t do that, even though Mom suggested it,” Lentil replied before she shifted her voice to take on a deeper, fatherly tone. “‘It’s my major award, and I won’t let you vultures take off with it,’ he said. I’m really surprised it hasn’t been broken yet.” “Your father has a lamp made out of a leg?” Celestia had to ask. “Well, one that looks like a leg. He won it in some crossword puzzle contest, I think. Mom has hated it from the moment it arrived, and she’s been trying to get rid of it ever since.” “Well, maybe I shall ask him to show me this legendary lamp when we visit next,” Celestia replied with a sly grin. “Oh, there’s no way he would let you see it. He’d be so embarrassed. I think he’d rather throw it out… oh.” Realization dawned on Lentil, and she mirrored Celestia’s devious grin. “You know, I had heard you could be mischievous at times, but I always had a hard time believing it.” “I find a hint of impishness helps my little ponies to feel at ease around me, and I hope you feel so with us today.” “I’m pretty sure I will. I actually brought a bird whistle to swap, but I have no idea what I want to get. I think I’ll just need to be flexible. What did you bring?” Baked chuckled a little before he replied. “I actually stopped at the Zurest and grabbed one of my old ladles to swap. I’m just gonna see what I can get for it.” “How about you, Princess?” “I elected not to bring anything,” Celestia replied with a bit of a sigh. “I fear that whatever item I select would be declared a national treasure and I would be unable to gain a fair trade for it. I did seriously consider bringing a rather hideous tapestry that’s been infesting the palace ever since Broad Stroke had his ‘grand epiphany,’ though.” “Oh. I didn’t think about that,” Lentil replied with a bit of sadness. It didn’t seem like the Princess was going to have much fun. “I am curious to see how my Bean fares with his bargaining, however, and I would love to help you find something for your bird whistle as well. This day will be most wonderful, of that I am sure.” “Have you been to the Trader’s Exchange before, Princess?” “A few times. Each year, the exchange has a Princess to ensure all trades are fair and that nopony takes advantage of another.” “Oh. So, you’ve been to a lot of them.” Celestia nodded and chuckled. “One or two. However, I believe my former student will be in charge for today’s events, unless I am mistaken.” “Wait.” Lentil put a hoof to her chest, and took a few deep breaths. “Princess Twilight will be there?!” “And her friends too, I believe. Is that a problem?” “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh—” “—ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Lentil felt like she might explode from a nervous excitement that was comparable to when Celestia had invited her to assist with the meal at the family reunion. She had explained that after Celestia, the Elements of Harmony were her favorite ponies in the whole of Equestria. She had followed their published exploits with great devotion, but she had been far too nervous and overwhelmed to introduce herself to them at the wedding. Celestia had then suggested that arrangements could be made for Lentil to meet her heroines, which had set off the latest round of ‘oh my gosh’ and a large buildup of panicked glee. “El, relax.” Baked patted her withers with a hoof. “You’re not going to have any fun if you pass out. You need to breathe.” “Breathe. Right. I can breathe, I’m very good at breathing.” “Was I this bad when I met you?” Bean asked Celestia. “She is actually faring better,” she shot back with a grin. “You tried to run away, after all.” “Touché.”  Bean playfully rolled his eyes at her. “So, where should we begin?” “I believe we should make a general announcement,” Celestia replied while looking over the crowd and the booths. “There may be some confusion among the traders if we do not clarify that I am here as a guest. I do not wish to diminish Princess Twilight’s authority here, nor do I wish to complicate matters. Once we have made that clear, I believe we can begin trading.” “Hey, everypony! Look!” A pony cried out. “It’s Princess Celestia!” A wave of ponies then flooded their position, and Celestia offered a few quick greetings before holding up a hoof to silence the crowd. “My little ponies, thank you for your warm welcome. It is my pleasure to be here today, but I am not here in my official role as Princess.” “You’re not?” A blue unicorn near the front asked. “No. I am here at the invitation and as a guest of Baroness Lentil—” “...ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh…” “—and my husband and I will be participating in the Exchange with all of you. Thus, please remember that Princess Twilight Sparkle is the official Princess delegate for today, and all concerns or questions should be addressed to her, not to us. Now, I don’t know about all of you, but I believe I would like to do some trading! Who’s with me?!” A cheer went up from the crowd, which then settled into a buzz of excited chatter. Princess Celestia, here to trade? This was going to be an unforgettable Exchange for sure. An excited pegasus then quickly flew in and hovered over the crowd. “Princess Twilight just arrived at the station!” The crowd quickly moved back to the main entrance for the exchange, and the three Royals followed at the rear. Lentil was close to getting her breathing back to normal, and she smiled a bit when Baked gave her another friendly pat. “Do you ever get used to all of the attention?” she asked. “Celestia keeps telling me yes, but so far, no.” He laughed. “Just smile and take deep breaths whenever you feel overwhelmed. Once everypony gets over the initial excitement of our presence, they’ll go back to trading. We may get a few requests for autographs, but other than that things should be pretty normal.” “I hope so. I mean, being the center of attention is going to suck the fun out of today.” “Don’t worry about that. Celestia causes a stir wherever she goes, but it’ll die down and we’ll have fun.” “And if it doesn’t?” “If we get desperate, you and me will ditch her and go make our own fun.” “I heard that,” Celestia offered with a sly smile, and Baked scoffed. “You’d be the one issuing the order for us to leave.” “I would,” she agreed with a light laugh. “But I doubt we will need to resort to such drastic measures.” “It’s Princess Twilight!” a pony shouted. A large cheer again broke out, confetti and streamers drifted onto Twilight and her friends, and a huge banner with Twilight’s likeness was unfurled. Cries of “she’s so awesome!” and “I can’t believe it’s really her!” could be heard over the crowd, and Lentil felt a twinge of sympathy and relief as Twilight waved and smiled nervously. “See?” Baked said over the roar of the crowd. “Nothing to worry about.” ~*~ “Princess Celestia!” Twilight called out with joy before she and her friends bowed. “I didn’t know you would be here.” “Hello Twilight, and to you all,” Celestia replied warmly, and she draped a wing over Lentil. “It’s a pleasure to see you all again. I am here as a guest of Baroness Lentil, and I am looking forward to doing some trading.” “Oh, I remember you!” Twilight replied with a smile. “You’re Prince Bean’s cousin, right?” “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Lentil replied. “It is such an honor to meet you all! I mean, I know we were introduced at the wedding, but I didn’t get a chance to really meet all of you, and oh my gosh! I don’t even know how to say how awesome it is to really meet you!” “Well, let’s make this formal, then.” Baked interjected. “Princess Twilight, allow me to introduce you to Baroness Lentil Bean, daughter of Cannellini Bean and Balanced Budget. El, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, and—” “Baked, I know who they are,” Lentil replied with a bit of a huff. “Go say ‘hello,’ then.” Bean gave her a shove towards Rainbow Dash. “We haven’t got all day. I’m sure the Element Bearers have some trading to do, too.” Lentil took a moment to share a few words with each of the Element Bearers while they walked further into the swap, but as she did so Twilight broke away and approached her former teacher. “Princess Celestia, I’m glad to see you here, but does this mean you will be in charge of the Exchange?” “No, Twilight,” Celestia replied with a gentle shake of her head. “You are in charge here, not me. Any decisions on the fairness of a trade will need to go through you.” “Well, that’ll never happen. A trade can’t occur unless both ponies get something they want, so it shouldn’t be a problem.” “Indeed. I doubt that any issues will be encountered, but if one should happen I trust your judgement, and I will not interfere. Please, enjoy yourself, and proceed with your day as if I was not here. There is no reason for you to change anything you had planned.” “Right. Thank you, Princess,” Twilight replied with a smile. ~*~ “So, where should we start?” Celestia asked. “Perhaps we should see about your bird whistle, Lentil?” “We could, I guess,” she shrugged. “But I still don’t know what I want for it. Why don’t we try to get something for Baked’s ladle?” “Too late,” Baked proudly announced. “I swapped it already.” “You did?” Lentil verbalized the question both mares shared. “For what?” “Well, it wasn’t easy. The stallion wanted to give me everything he had for it, but I insisted that wasn’t fair. So, we haggled a bit and I got this lovely pillow instead.” “That has got to be the ugliest pillow I’ve ever seen,” Lentil pronounced. “It looks like split pea soup.” “Well, I’m gonna try to trade it over there for a pineapple,” Bean remarked. “Then maybe I can use that to get one of those chalices over there.” “And then what?” “I dunno. Maybe I can trade for a cake for lunch.” “Oo, I’d like that,” Lentil added. “A nice blueberry cake, maybe. Or some muffins.” “I bet you could trade your whistle for a muffin, if you wanted. That seems about equal to me.” “I dunno. Mom gave me some bits for lunch, too. I’m pretty sure I can find somepony who will trade for those.” “I would recommend the oatburgers,” Celestia offered. “I have always found them to be quite delicious.” Lentil sniffed at the air, then glanced around. “Hmm. There is something here that smells good.” “It’s up to you, El,” Bean replied. “And don’t worry about the cost. I’ll cover it for you.” “Isn’t that a misappropriation of funds, or something like that?” “Nah, the Princess and I have a personal account that we use to buy stuff when we travel. There’s a pony in the Exchequer’s office who does nothing but maintain that account, all day, every day.” “That’s gotta be boring.” “Two Bits is actually kept pretty busy, if I understand how it works properly. He invests a portion of the funds in the account into various revenue-building ventures, and then the profits are kept and reinvested. That way, we don’t have to dip into tax revenues for personal expenses.” “Really? That’s how it works?” “It is,” Celestia replied, “but that is the simplified version.” “Hey, El! Check that out!” Bean pointed over towards a tent. “They’ve got a bunch of pots and pans over there.” “They do?” Lentil replied with wide eyes and a grin. “Do you think they have any Balefire stockpots?” “I’ll trade them whatever they want if they do,” Baked replied with a grin. “I take it this particular brand of pot is valuable?” Celestia asked. “They last forever!” Lentil eagerly replied while they walked over. “Baked has told you about the legend of the First Bean, right? Well, the rumor is that whoever he was used Balefire cookware in the cookoff with your challenger. I’ve heard of some other chefs who have passed down their pans for the last fifteen generations, and some say they’ve gone even longer. Uncle Garbanzo has a set somewhere, doesn’t he?” “He does, but he never uses them. There’s a little shrine set up in the office of the Zuerst with the set as the centerpiece, and every now and then he sacrifices a ripe zucchini to them for good luck and even better tips.” “Well, let us see what they have, then,” Celestia replied with a light laugh. ~*~ “Thanks again for buying lunch for me, Baked,” Lentil offered while they unpacked their food at a table. “Can I repay you somehow?” “Nah, don’t worry about it,” Baked scoffed with a wave of his hoof. “It’s my gift to you.” “Shame they didn’t have any good pots or pans,” Lentil continued while she took a quick sniff of her oatburger. “I’m not sure why anypony would want any of their rusty old stuff.” “Well, there is some vintage charm in them, I suppose,” Baked replied with a sniff of his own burger. “I’m sure they’ll get somepony to trade for their stuff.” “Yeah, probably. This smells a bit off, doesn’t it?” Baked nodded. “It does, slightly, but fried foods in busy locations like this always smell funny. They never have time to clean the grill between orders.” “Barbarians,” sniffed Lentil before touching the tip of her tongue to the patty. “Huh. Oats, salt, and… hah.” “Lentil beans?” Baked offered with a bob of his eyebrows. “Always amusing when I find my namesake in something,” Lentil took a bite and chewed thoughtfully. “Hmm. This is all right, I suppose. Maybe need to dial back on the salt some. What do you think, Baked?” “I’d maybe add a bit more spice, I think,” Baked replied while chewing. “Oregano, maybe.” “You put oregano in everything,” Lentil scoffed. “You really need to broaden your horizons.” “Oh ho, fine then,” he retorted with a playful smile. “What would you change?” “Cut back on the oats, for starters,” Lentil spoke her thoughts. “This is an oatburger in the literal sense. Maybe a dash of paprika, for some kick. I always like my food to let me know it’s not going down without a fight.” “You carnivore,” Baked chuckled. “Next you’ll want it to scream on the way down.” “No, no. But c’mon, just a little pop is nice, you gotta admit. Here, look,” Lentil reached back and pulled a small shaker out of her saddlebags, and she sprinkled some paprika on his patty. “Try it out.” “You brought seasonings with you?” Baked replied with a curious look. “Well, yeah. You never know when inspiration will hit. Don’t you carry seasonings with you?” “No, I never did. Maybe that’s why I failed as a chef.” “You didn’t fail,” Lentil replied with a sympathetic pat of his hoof. She’d forgotten how sensitive he could be about his lack of skill. “You just did things differently.” Bean scoffed before taking a bite. “Yeah, like ‘marry a princess’ differently. You know, this could maybe stand a little thyme, too. Do you have some?” “Yeah, hang on.” It took just a moment for Lentil to produce the spice, and Baked measured out an exact pinch into his hooves before sprinkling it onto his patty. “There. Try that,” Baked offered. Lentil took a small nibble, and for a moment, she said nothing. “Better. You know, I think I’d maybe add some wild rice flour to this, too. That might make for a nice balance, you know. Even things out a bit.” “I dunno about that. Rice can overwhelm everything with how plain it is, so you’d need to add some heavy spices just to gain a hint of flavor.” Celestia then settled down next to them, and she smiled in an apologetic way while she unpacked her food. “I apologize for taking so long. The line was moving slower than I thought it would.” “That’s all right, Princess. We haven’t really started yet, and…” Lentil trailed off and suppressed a gasp of horror as Celestia snagged the nearby bottle of generic ketchup and promptly drenched the poor, innocent oatburger patty with a massive glob of redness. As if she had no idea what terrible crime against food she had just committed, Celestia then took one gloriously messy bite of the vandalized oatburger and chewed with obscene pleasure. “Augh!” Baked proclaimed in agony with one hoof clutched to his chest. “You didn’t tell me you were going to kill it!” “What? How can you kill an inanimate object?” Celestia asked with little flecks of oatburger carnage escaping from between her royal lips, but then she noticed Lentil’s matching look of abject horror and she swallowed hard. “And why do I suddenly feel like I have done so?” “Ketchup is the ultimate disgrace a tomato can face,” Lentil replied slowly. “It is an unholy abomination, spawned from the depths of Blandness⁽*⁾ to cover the multitudinous sins one has committed while cooking; a horrific attempt to hide the fact that one does not know how to properly prepare food or that one has no taste buds. I might as well go eat the bark straight off a tree.” (*) A subsection of Tartarus. Seriously, do not eat at the cafeteria there. — “I had no idea the humble tomato concealed such dark powers,” Celestia replied with a small laugh. “Oh, the tomato by itself is fine,” Lentil continued. “Dad makes a lovely mushroom, lettuce and tomato sandwich. There’s really nothing quite like it, especially when the mushrooms are lean and crisp, and the tomatoes are ripe and perky.” She smacked her lips in approval. “Really, there’s nothing better. But ketchup is like you killed the poor thing, then brought it back from the dead with unholy rituals involving high fructose corn syrup, vinegar, and salt. If there’s such a thing as tomato necromancy, then ketchup is the end result.” “I shall have to be more judicious about my choice of condiments, then.” Celestia thought for a moment, then brightened a bit as a thought occurred to her. “What if it had a bit more pepper?” “Pepper we can negotiate on,” Baked replied, and the two Beans relaxed. “It could use a bit of pepper.” “Perhaps after a hundred years of training, I will have a nose like you two have.” “It’s a mixed bag at times to be able to do that,” Lentil replied with a munch on her fries. “It makes us better chefs, sure; but then you can’t help but sniff and taste everything, even when you’re not cooking. I’ve embarrassed myself on my fair share of dates with the sniff check. Not on them, of course,” she added quickly. “I personally think it’s a wonderful skill to have,” Celestia replied warmly. “And I hope you continue to cultivate and refine it.” “Oh, no worries there.” Lentil sat up a bit straighter. “Mom has let me run the Waffle by myself already. I’ve got a few ideas on some new menu items, and I’m thinking we need to expand, open up more restaurants. I think the concept of having waffles available whenever a pony wants to have one, day or night, could have great appeal. Our burro customers really seem to love ‘em.” “Didn’t you say you were going to add pancakes to the menu?” Baked asked slowly. “Yeah, I’ve thought about adding pancakes, but I’m not sure how well they’d do. I’d need a really good recipe for them.” “I may be able to help you with that,” Celestia replied with a ketchup-smeared grin. ~*~ “You all right, Celly?” Baked asked with a bit of worry. “I am, yes. I just…” Celestia shook her head, and she smiled to her husband and her cousin. “Forgive me, I just was not expecting to see that. Come, the hour is growing late, and we still need to find a swap for Lentil’s whistle, if we can.” “I dunno,” Lentil replied. “I haven’t seen anything that I want to trade for it.” “I don’t think it’s a big deal if we don’t find anything,” Baked offered. “We got to spend the day with you, and that’s been a blast.” “Yeah, it has,” Lentil replied with a quick hug for her cousin, and a smile as Celestia’s wing draped over her. “I’ve really enjoyed spending the day with both of you.” “Hey! Check that out!” Baked laughed, and he quickly darted away. It took a couple of moments for Celestia and Lentil to catch up to him, but once they did, Celestia began to chuckle to herself. “What’s so funny?” Lentil asked, the puzzlement clear on her face. “Is it the lamps? These are really goofy-looking.” “What?” Baked gasped. “My dear Lentil, these are anything but! Stellar Eclipse here has the most remarkable collection of Discord lamps that I have ever seen! They are perfect! Mister Eclipse, would you be willing to trade my set of antique chicken feed spreaders for one of your glorious lamps?” “Yeah, I’ll trade you.” “You’re not just making the trade because he’s the Prince, are you?” Lentil asked. “Nah, that feed spreader will go great with this antique chicken I just got!” Stellar proclaimed, while holding up a small statue of a rather confident looking chicken. “It’ll make for a nice set! That’s totally worth it for one of my lamps.” The trade was made, a hoofbump was shared, and Baked smiled gleefully while presenting his find to his wife. “Not bad, eh? Now we just need to find a place to put it.” “How about in the dungeons?” Lentil dryly offered. Celestia gave a quick chuckle to that. “I believe we can do a bit better than that. There is a shelf in our drawing room that could accommodate this unique light fixture, and it will be useful to have during our late-night study sessions.” “I thought you wanted the lights turned off for that,” Baked teasingly muttered under his breath, and Celestia’s wing smacked him upside the head. Inadvertently, of course. “You always did have some odd tastes and interests, Baked,” Lentil remarked with a shake of her head. “But I suppose that’s what makes you a good writer, and a good Prince.” “Thanks. I should introduce you to the draconequus that this lamp is based on sometime.” “No thank you,” Lentil replied with a shudder. “That guy gave me a seriously bad case of the heebie-jeebies at the wedding.” “Oh, he’s not so bad, once you get to know him. Maybe I should try to get another lamp, and I can give it to him for his birthday or for Hearth’s Warming.” “I do believe Discord would appreciate that very much,” Celestia replied with a smile. “I’ll see how much Mister Eclipse is selling them for.” “TWILIGHT!” Rainbow Dash’s voice rang out over the din of the marketplace. “I need you to say a trade wasn’t fair! Fast!” “What’s that all about?” Lentil asked. “I don’t know, but it sounds like something we should go check on,” Baked said with some concern. “You both go ahead,” Celestia offered with a wave of her hoof. “I’ll catch up to you once I finish here.” Lentil glanced around at the crowd quickly before turning her attention back to Princess Twilight. Based on what she had heard, it seemed that Rainbow Dash had traded an orthros for a first-edition signed copy of Daring Do and The Quest for the Sapphire Statue, but she had also somehow added in Fluttershy to help train the cute and fluffy two-headed puppy. The trial that had been hastily called centered on undoing the trade based on the uneven value, but as Lentil had listened, she hadn’t heard anything that supported Rainbow Dash’s position. But now that the arguments had been presented, it was time for Princess Twilight to issue her ruling. She looked nervous upon her throne, and Lentil could only imagine the amount of angst she had to be feeling. “I’d hate to be Twilight right now,” she whispered over to Baked. “She might have to tell her one friend that the other friend is stuck in the trade.” “That’s the joy of being in charge,” Baked replied solemnly. “I can relate to her.” “I bet you’ve dealt with some doozies already.” “Well, thankfully I’ve had Celestia to help me, so this is a bit different. It’s still difficult to ensure you’re doing the right thing, and it’s easy to second guess yourself.” “I have faith in Twilight’s ability to rule properly,” Celestia announced. “And I believe a valuable lesson will be learned as well.” Lentil caught the look of borderline panic that Twilight shot to her fellow Princess, but Celestia seemed to know just how to help, even from a distance. She put a hoof to her chest, inhaled, exhaled while drawing her hoof away, and then she gave Twilight a reassuring smile. With a shared nod, Twilight repeated Celestia’s actions and then faced her friend. “I’ve heard what you both have to say, and I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but my hooves are tied. You did say it was a fair trade.” “Yeah, I said it, but I was wrong!” Rainbow protested. “I did want that book, a lot. I said I wanted it more than anything in all of Equestria. But there’s no thing that’s worth as much to me as a friend. I might have forgotten that for a little bit, but it’s true. Which means there’s no way this trade can be fair!” The other pony—Teddie Safari, if Lentil had heard properly—seemed to be irritated by Rainbow’s impassioned plea. “Oh, come on, that’s —” she paused for a moment, and then smiled “—the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Okay, the trade’s off!” Rainbow gladly handed the book back to Teddie Safari while the crowd roared in delight, and the adorable orthros tackled both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to give them a happy and soaking lick with their tongues. “And with that, I declare this trial, and this year’s Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange, over!” Twilight declared with a bang of her gavel. “I still can’t believe you swapped your bird whistle for that, and after the Exchange was closed,” Baked remarked with a shake of his head. “Hey, she made a compelling offer,” Lentil replied with a smile. “Besides, I think Dad will like him.” “You’d better hope so. I don’t know how you could ever get rid of him.” “Well, I think he’s cute,” Lentil replied, and she held up a square-ish, watermelon colored toy with large, playful red eyes, and a smile that would make anypony who looked at it feel instantly happier. The cute little pug nose was the cherry on the top of the adorable little bundle, and Lentil giggled in delight when her squeeze of the toy brought out a warm purring noise that instantly helped to soothe both body and soul. “A fair trade indeed,” Celestia commented. “But I did harbor some concern that you would try to trade your bird whistle to Miss Dash for that orthros, I must admit. ” “Oh, but he was a sweetheart too,” Lentil replied. “I’d take him home if I could, but we don’t have enough room for him, and I don’t think we have the time to train him properly, either.” “I’m sure he’ll be happy in his new home,” Baked replied with a glance over his shoulder to where the orthros was walking away with his new owner. “But what are the odds we’ll hear about it if that doesn’t work out?” “There is a small chance, I suppose,” Celestia replied. “I certainly hope we don’t have to intervene, however.” “You know, I really don’t want to go home yet,” Lentil remarked with a heavy sigh. “I’ve been having so much fun. I hate it when days like this have to end.” “I am afraid that is the way of all good things,” Celestia replied with a wise nod. “However, perhaps this day is not at an end yet.” “No?” Baked asked with a sly grin. “Are you planning on keeping the sun up past its bedtime, my love?” “Nothing quite that dramatic.” Celestia pointed with a hoof towards the train station. “But this should prove to be even better.” Lentil froze in place when she saw who Celestia was pointing to, and she began to hyperventilate.  “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh…” “Greetings, sister!” Luna called out from the platform. “I trust your day has gone well?” “It has been most enjoyable, but we do not wish for it to end just yet,” Celestia replied. “Ah, I understand.” Luna gave a quick nod. “Doubtless there is the possibility of the fun being doubled, yes?” “There is, but only if you would care to join us.” “But of course!” Luna cheered. “You know I am always ready to partake in merriment! Come, young Lentil! The night is young, and our slumber party awaits!” “Slumber party?” Lentil asked in a very soft voice. “You want me… to…” “Here it comes!” Baked called out. “Brace yourself!” “OH MY GOSH!” If there was a way to die from an overdose of happiness, Lentil was on the verge of discovering it. “I do believe our cousin has understated her love for all things Princess, my Bean,” Celestia said with a nuzzle for her love while Lentil bounded to Luna’s side. “I can’t believe Princess Luna wants to have a sleepover with me!” Lentil cheered. “Oh my gosh! We can build a blanket fort, and drink root beer until it starts coming out of our ears, and we can tell ghost stories, and I know a delicious recipe for caramel popcorn that I can whip up real quick…” ~*~ Lieutenant Spear Point drew in a suppressed yawn while he walked back towards his office. Whenever Princess Celestia was away from the palace, it felt like his working hours somehow managed to dig in their metaphorical heels and seconds would pass by in minute intervals. Thankfully, he had only a few reports to fill out before he could head home, and nothing sounded better than putting himself through a few reps on the free weights to release his built up tension. He smirked a bit when Sergeant Pokey entered the hallway ahead of him. He remembered well the many times he’d been forced to stand guard for an entire day in the sun, and he could bet the Sergeant had lost five pounds in water weight from the day. Yet Pokey, being the consummate professional that he was, carried himself like he was ready to go tackle an Urlock, if need be. “Sergeant! Hold up!” Pokey snapped to attention and saluted. “Sir, yes sir?” “At ease, Pokey. May I safely assume you just returned from the Exchange?” “Yes sir.” “How did it go?” “Nothing of major importance to report, sir.” “Good. We’ll forego the formal debrief then, just submit your written report. What’s that you’ve got there?” “Oh, this?” Pokey held out an odd looking thing with a small plastic bear’s head on one end. “I picked it up at the Exchange, sir, from an odd little colt who just had to make a trade with a guard. I couldn’t say no.” “Not much harm in that, I’d say. May I?” Spear asked, and Pokey gladly turned it over. “What is it?” “I’m told it’s a bear whistle, sir. Something like a bird call.” “Why would anypony want to call a bear?” Spear asked while he looked the device over. “Does it work?” “I don’t know, sir. I haven’t had a chance to test it out.” “Here, try it. I’d be rather upset if I swapped for a broken anything.” “Yes sir.” The roar that then proceeded from the ‘whistle’ defied the laws of acoustics and was at least ten times louder than it had any right to be. Granted, the physical makeup of the hallway may have helped to amplify the sound, but not to that degree. Lieutenant Spear Point was convinced a rattle and tinkle from the nearby stained glass window spelled a substantial deduction from his next few months paychecks, and Sergeant Pokey simply stared at his acquisition in shock. A distant clanging of armor and spears brought the two guards out of their trance, and they glanced at each other as shouts of alarm began to join the chorus. “Sergeant?” Spear asked. “When was the last time we ran an Ursa Major drill?” “I’m not quite sure, sir, but not within the last year.” “Ah.” Spear smacked his lips. “I blame Discord for what happened, for the record.” “I concur, sir.” “So, would you like to take point on the drill you just started?” Pokey slowly began to smile. “Yes, sir. I believe I would.”