You wake up in bed the next morning, your skin's itching like a fool. For some odd reason, you're craving fruits and vegetables more than a vegetarian ever would.
You were supposed to meet up with the girls to meet this "Rarity" friend of theirs to fit you into some less shitty clothing. You go Pac-Man on that apple Applejack gave you the other day before searching for your equine acquaintances. As you walk down the hallway, you notice your scaly bro's suffering from an unforgiving hangover. I guess punch has different effects on some creatures.
"Morning, Spike," you ask, rubbing his poor head. "You feeling any better today?"
"I'll be fine," he belches. "Just need a gem......or five."
Huh, I guess dragons are like hippies, using crystals as a form of medicine. 'The More You Know', I guess. Where's that one I got from the party?
You search through your pockets until you find a plump scarlet jewel.
"Here," you say holding the sparkling gem in front of Spike's face. "I dunno what to do with it anyway-"
Suddenly, the dragon goes Frogger on your arm and swipes the crystal from your grasp with his slimy tongue and swallows it whole.
"Thanks, Anon," he sighs in relief. "I owe you one."
Aww, GROSS, dragon spit! Guess jewels must be dragon painkillers instead.
"Don't mention it, my scaly dragon bro." you sigh.
While you and your hungover hombre carry on to the kitchen, you hear something flapping, almost at rapid speed.
Almost like a butterfly in the distance.
"You hear that?" you utter.
Nothing but silence.
"...hear what?" Spike asks.
"That sound, you don't hear that?"
"Maybe it's your stomach. Come on, I'll get you something."
How do you misinterpret a butterfly's wing beat for a growling stomach? Whatever, I'm starving anyways. Wait......is that what I think it is? Dang, I could go for a large salad right now!
The two of you enter the kitchen when you spot a basket on the dinner table filled with vegetables.
"So what can I get ya? Muffins, pancakes, cauliflower bi-"
You cut Spike off as you go raving rabid and lunge at the table, tearing into the vegetable basket before you. You feel like you're in absolute heaven right now. These crazy cravings are getting the better of you, it's insane.
BWAAAAAAH! What has gotten into me?!
"Bowl of vegetables it is then." Spike snickers.
Finally satisfying your inner veggie monster, you and Spike leave the castle. Spike says something about needing flowers for a reason he's clearly too embarrassed to explain. Like, everytime you ask why, he keeps trying to hide an obviously visible blush.
"What do you need the flowers for?"
"S-Something, Anon." he stutters.
Come on, Spike. Can't hold out on a bro!
The two of you stroll towards a large field on the outskirts of Ponyville. You stood out there for about nearly a half hour or so, but your not complaining. It's actually quite peaceful out there in the fields. As Spike plucks roses, a yellow pegasus with a long pink mane apprcoaches you.
"Hello, Spike," she says in a low, quiet tone. "What are you up to today?"
"You know, just picking flowers for Ra-" he stops himself. "R-Reasons..."
The butter colored mare notices you.
"Oh, who's this?"
"This is Anon, he's new in town."
"Hi." you wave sheepishly as the mare extends a hoof.
"I'm Fluttershy. N-Nice to meet you." she says barely making eye contact with you.
Quite the bashful one, aren't ya?
As you shake her hoof, she fully examines you.
"Wow, I've never met an ape like you before." she says in bewilderment.
If she wasn't so dang adorable, her neck would be snapped by now. And is it me, or does she sound a lot like Pinkie? If she was ever calm, that is...
"He's a human." Spike shrugs.
"It's best not to question it, I'm not really a type of animal."
"Hm, that's strange. For a 'non-animal' you do have a lot of fur." she states, pointing at your arms.
She was right. Your arms are looking a bit hairier than they usually were....
Eh, probably needs a little shave here and there. Haven't shaved for a long while.
"Meh, that's normal for us," you brush off. "Just a little snip here and there."
You spot a white rabbit in Fluttershy's mane with an impatient look on his face, violently tapping her forehead.
Pretty aggressive little fuzzball, isn't he?
"Well, I've gotta go," Fluttershy sighs. "Angel here's a little grumpy when he's hungry. I was just heading out for some carrots."
You and Spike see her off as you notice the little hell spawn has his paws crossed like a little brat.
"Angel" my ASS!
Time passes, your bro found enough flowers he deemed "fit for a queen" and the two of you return to town. As you reach the square, you find the nutty professor near a fountain tinkering with something metal.
"Morning, Doc," you greet. "What are you working on this time?"
"Oh, greetings, Anonymous!" the stallion waves heartily. "I'm testing my latest invention. I call it the 'Talkie Walkie!' Wanna give it a go?"
At this point, you wanted to kiss this kooky crumpet, he was that brilliant. He made FIVE of these and they're the perfect size. Not too big, nor too small. You and Spike grab one and examine them. Pretty simple for a walkie talkie: one button, two speakers, four remotes. You push the button and all the talkies give a low chzzt!*
"S-Spike?" you hesitantly say into the talkie and out the others.
"This is so COOL!" he screams into the talkie.
"I KNOW!" Doc yells in his.
The three of you are shamelessly geeking out in public over little boxes. After many minutes of you and Spike testing out Whooves' new gadget, you run into Twilight during her shopping time.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
After a quick huddle with the others, you hand Twily a talkie and instruct her to press the button when you all were out of view. You and the guys hide behind a building giggling like a bunch of school fillies, awaiting Twilight's call...
"H-Hello...?" she says in a confused tone.
"Hi, Twi!"
"Hello, Twilight!"
"Greetings, Miss Sparkle!"
You peek around the corner to see Twilight's stunned expression.
"No....WAY!!!" she squealed in excitement.
"Oh-"
"Yes-"
WAY!"
"And this is what a phone is like, basically." you finish. "Cool, right?"
"Doctor Whooves, you wouldn't mind if I may keep one, do you?" she begs in crazed anticipation.
"By all means, Miss Sparkle," Whooves nods. "I have more than enough materials to create more at the moment. In fact, all of you can have one."
"Oh, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!" she squees, flapping her wings happily.
You're starting to wonder who's the insane one: her or Pinkie. But eventually, something snapped her out of her nerd mode as she gets a look of realization.
"Oh, Anon, we're supposed to see Rarity about your clothes." she states.
Even you're wondering how you forgot about your battered up clothes while geeking out with the guys. You snap out of the freak zone and look at your ripped up shirt jacket.
"HOLE-y shirt, your right!"
Screw you and your lame ass puns.
You say your goodbyes as you, Spike and Twilight make your way to the Carousel Boutique. You notice Spike's still holding those mismatched flowers and a nervous look on his face.
As Twilight goes to knock on the boutique's door, Spike pulls you aside.
"Um, Anon," he whispers. "Could you give these to Rarity for me?"
"Sure, I guess," you utter, confused. "But I don't see why I-"
By the time you look up at him, he was GONE.
There, the doors open to reveal a marshmallow white unicorn with a luxurious purple mane. She seemed to be on the more stylish side than any of the other ponies you've met.
"Sorry to bother you, Rarity," Twilight says. "I have a friend here who's in need of your stylish expertise."
"Oh, don't worry about that, darling," she shakes her head. "I just finished up on a client's order. Just you wait, I'll have this one looking absolutely fab-"
She finally got a good look at you and your condition.
"Sweet Celestia, what is this?!" she gasps dramatically. "This is a code velvet! CODE VELVET!!!"
She's practically dragging you inside over to a stand on the verge of having a mental breakdown. She gallops over to a sewing table and pulls out a tape measure.
Ain't she the drama queen?
As she's measuring you, you remember the flowers you still have in your hand.
"Pardon me, Miss...?"
"Oh, darling, just call me Rarity, mister...?"
"Anon," you say. "Spike told me to give you these."
She turns to see the flowers in your hand.
"Awww, same old Spikey Wikey. Thank you, I'll put these in a vase."
She walks behind you and places the obviously wilted roses in a small turquoise vase.
As she trots back over to you, something catches her eye.
"Um, Twilight? What did you say he was again?"
"A human." Twi states.
"And not an ape." you add.
"I've never designed an outfit for a 'hyewmun' before. Don't you worry, you'll look divine when I'm done with you! I'll have to work around the tail, though."
Hopefully, she doesn't want to use me as her model 24/7- wait, WHAT?!
"Wait, say WHAT?!"
You look behind you to find a fluffy green tail sticking out of your backside.
...buck.