//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: We Come in Pies! // Story: Anon Begins // by 23 KM To Nerdiness //------------------------------// Darkness. All you see is darkness. You are Anon, and that's all you can remember. You don't know where you are and you have an extreme migraine. All you had was a tattered backpack and your adequately quick wits. Without warning, large flashes of light appear, followed by a deafening BOOM. "JEEZ!" You look at the radiant night sky to see fireworks going off in a blaze of glory. Though they are a sight to see, you continue on. Using those flashes to your advantage, you get a better look at your surroundings, which appears to be inside a deep, dark and humid forest. While exploring the area, you hear cheers coming from outside of the gloomy setting. With your backpack strapped to your back, you trudge through the dark wood. As you get closer to the source of the fireworks, you get an odd feeling, like something's following you. Suddenly, a low growl getting progressively close creeps around you. There, an undeniably putrid odor assaults your nostrils as what sounds like something charging at you. You turn around to see you're being pursued by a wolf.....made of wood! "A timberwolf? Nah, that name is too cringy to-" Who the hell cares?! Get outta there, dummy! your mind hollers. "OH, MAN!" you yell, running deeper into the forest. In your still groggy state, you dash through the woods, heart pumping, zigzaging past trees hoping to lose this Pokemon wannabe only to realize you've attracted two more of these creatures. Darn you and your tasty bod. "HEEEEELP!" you scream at the top of your lungs, hoping someone would hear you. Still trying to evade the beasts, though not getting anywhere near a few feet away, you trip over a root. Out off all the small things you zip past, a ROOT screws you over.... Clichéd, but still, you fall flat on your face and roll down a hill into a pit. Seriously, why is this place trying to kill me?! Powerless and at the mercy of the three monsters, you accept your splintery fate until you hear what sounds like a balloon exploding and deflating. You open your eyes to find......confetti on your chest? Looking up, you see two of the wolves chasing after something up above. "Pick on somepony your own size, ya party poopers!" a voice bellows out, female to be exact. Soon, a BLAST is heard, almost like a ray gun followed by bits of sticks, twigs and leaves cover your helpless body. "You're not hurting anypony on our watch!" another female's voice yells out in defense. You wish you could see the intense confrontation, but......you're in the pit. After a minute or two of explosions, confetti and lumber wearing you out, a shadowy figure reaches down for you. "OMC, are you alright?!" the figure shouts in concern. "I'm okay," you wince due to your bruises, reaching out to grab the figures......hand? "Thank you for saving me from those wolf things or whatever they are." As you are lifted out of the pit, you get a good look at one of your saviors: a lavender coated pony looking you directly in the eyes. "No problem." she says sweetly. "AH!" Startled, you fall back into the pit shocked at what was witnessed. You open your eyes to see your body floating mid-air surrounded by a purple aura. What the... As you are lifted out of the hole, the pony gives you a look of confusion and worry. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asks. "He needs a CUPCAKE!!!" screams the pink, poofy pony accompanying her. "I need my emergency confections kit STAT!" The pink one pulls out a medicine kit filled with diabetes waiting to happen and shoves what she promised down your throat with a creepily-cute smile. As you struggle to choke down that cupcake, you turn to the lavender pony in confusion who shrugs it off and rolls her eyes with a smile. Mmm, not bad. "Sorry about her," Purple pone giggles. "She tends to think cupcakes solves everything." "But they DO, Twily!" the sugar-fueled demon whined, gobbling every sweet in her kit at light speed. "Anyway, where are my manners? I'm Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship. And the pony with the croco-" "ALLIGATOR!" "...In her mane is Pinkie Pie." Twilight adds slightly annoyed. "His name is Gummy!" "I-I'm Anon..." you utter, dumbfounded. "Hee, that's a funny name," Pinkie giggles. "I LIKE IT!" The word "princess" stuck with you and, using the last of your strength, you flop toward the ground, struggling to bow down. You stare up at the purple-eyed alligator at your level, who slowly and creepily, blinks one eye at a time. You shudder a bit and break eye contact. "Oh, you don't have to do that," Twilight states reassuringly. "At the end of the day, I'm just a regular pony like everypony else." Your mind had a MILLION questions: Who are they? What are they? Why are they talking? Why are they so colorful? What is this place? Is it Earth? Is it another planet? What were those pile of twigs that wanted your ass medium rare a minute ago? Do they like butt tattoos? Is the pink one on something? Can I HAVE what she's on? Why is that alligator still staring at me?!?! The brain had to work overtime to process what is going on, some brain cells contemplated suicide. After a few moments, you use your vast reserve of mind power to ask the right questions. "Where am I, what were those things and how the heck can you talk?!" Twilight looks at you in confusion. "Um....well, THIS the Everfree Forest, those were timberwolves-" Are you freaking serious?! They actually called them that?!?! "Aaaaand we can talk. Ponies could always talk." she adds, matter-of-factly. "Pardon me for asking, Anon, but what exactly ARE you?" "I'm a human." "Hmm," Twilight ponders for a moment. "I haven't heard of such a creature..." There, the largest smile you've ever seen on....ANYONE slowly forms on the nerdy pony's a-dork-able face. Pinkie Pie hops over to you and gives you a sympathetic smile. "Brace yourself, Nonny." she whispers, patting your back. "Wait, wha..." was all you could say before turning back to a grinning Twilight, who's eye-level with you, with tons of quills and notepads floating around her. "Tell me about yourself, Anon..." she chimes, bringing the writing tools closer. You get an incredible sense of uneasiness as you look down to find Gummy gumming up your pant leg promptly, keeping his motionless eyes on you. Well, this is starting off JUST peachy here...