This Nose Knows

by Irrespective


28. - Coming to Terms

It had been a long time since Luna had visited the Plane of Ascension, but as she looked around, she found that nothing about it had changed. It was much like her own dreamscape, but without the commotion of dreams and nightmares to interrupt the serenity. It was a place of peace, a place of relaxation, and a place that she knew Celestia often visited when the world became too much to overcome.

It was also a place with very few hiding spots.

In a few moments, Luna located where her sister had settled down, staring off into the starry void with a hollow gaze and a limp mane and tail. Luna made no noise as she approached, but Celestia somehow heard her anyway and glanced to her with a doleful smile.

“I thought I might find you here, Sister,” Luna gently said while she settled down next to her and glanced around the astral plane before them. “And I am sorry to see that he is not here.”

“Even a fool’s hope is better than none,” Celestia said in a heavy tone. “Could you imagine it, though? My Bean, an alicorn?”

“I fear I would be quite jealous, to be honest. While I have grown to love your husband like I would a brother, I would be quite upset if Bean achieved what Star did not.”

“True. That would not be fair,” Celestia replied. “But then again, what did Bean ever do to earn it?”

There was silence for a time, and Luna offered her support with the gentle wrap of a wing around the sister who had given her so much. While Luna had many thoughts and ideas of what to say, she was unsure of how to begin the conversation.

“Why does it hurt this much?” Celestia said quietly. “I have only known him for a few months, and yet …”

“Your heart breaks for time that was taken.”

“Garbanzo and Lima were devastated, you know. The three of us simply cried until we could cry no more. I cannot imagine what they must be forced to endure, having lost their only child at such a young and tender age.”

Celestia trailed off, and Luna offered nothing to break the silence.

“How did you do it?” Celestia asked when her voice returned.

Luna inhaled slowly, trying to keep the breath from catching in her throat. “Losing Star was a horrible blow, and I still feel a tenderness with the wound. I cannot say that the pain will ease, for no two ponies experience pain in the same ways.”

“I did not mean—”

“I know.” Luna let out a long exhalation. “If I am totally honest, I do not know how I managed to keep Nightmare Moon from consuming me for as long as I did.”

“I feel so cold, and so angry.” Celestia’s gaze remained on the distant horizon. “Like I want to scream, and cry, and then burn everything that would ever dare to harm Bean. I don't know how to get through this.”

“May I suggest you need not suffer in solitude?”

Celestia glanced to her sister, and Luna met her gaze directly. “Solitude?”

“I know you, Sister. For a thousand years, you have been forced to travel alone, with the full weight of Equestria upon your back, like some cosmic turtle. Onward you have pressed, without complaint and with a cheerful smile, and your little ponies have never known how lonesome your duties have truly been.

“I can see it in your eyes, dear Celly. It is pure reflex for you now, much like breathing. The Great Celestia must press ever onward, the picture of perfection. None must see the pain, the anguish, for revealing that would show weakness to Equestria’s enemies, and bring questions to the faithful. You have become the living embodiment of our fair land, and everything you do, everything you say, and everything you are is a direct reflection of the Kingdom as a whole.

“I never fully appreciated that role when I was young,” Luna continued while giving her sister’s neck a soft nuzzle. “Nor did I appreciate how that separated and isolated you. It need not be that way, Celly. This is not a burden that you must bear alone. I am here to support you, and the whole of Equestria will stand beside you as well. Share your pain, Celly. Do not bottle it away; for that will bring about everything you do not want. The Nightmare gained strength over me with the lie that I was alone, that nopony cared, and your doubts can do the same with you. I am here to share the burden with you. You need not suffer your loss alone.”

Celestia’s head dipped, and her gaze went to the ground. “Thank you, Lulu, but how can I go on without him? How can I love my little ponies with a hole in my heart this large?”

“That is the most difficult question anypony will have to face, Sister, and I have no easy answer. I wish I could tell you that it was all in remembering him, or perhaps in knowing he would want you to press forward through the pain. It would be nice if all wounds could be healed by simply recalling the times that were shared together.

“The true answer to that lies within yourself; but for me, the hole was filled to a degree with the love I received from others. When I lost Star, the void that became my world was lessened by the affection I received from my Wee Rascal and from you. Within the embrace of those whom I loved and cherished, I found a measure of calm. Perhaps it will so be for you.”

Celestia gave a mirthless chuckle. “I do have some experience with burying myself in my work. Perhaps that is what I should do again.”

“You could,” Luna agreed with a nod. “But I fear you would never be anything more than a shell of your former self if you did. There is still much for you to live for, Celly. Our true selves are revealed in what we do after a tragedy such as this.”

Celestia did not reply, but Luna felt her sister shiver slightly, as if a cold chill had decided to run from the base of her tail upwards. One golden shod hoof moved to touch the solar princess’ midsection, and a long inhale came before Celestia nodded.

“You are right, dear sister,” Celestia said at length. “The choice is now mine, and your words have illuminated my path. I will need much of your strength and support in the coming days, but I will not allow the darkness of Bean’s death to overwhelm the light that he brought to my life. Come. I do believe there is work to be done.”


The ponies of Ponyville were restless, resulting in a great deal of murmuring while they awaited the arrival of Princess Celestia. It had been many hours since the search for Prince Bean had been ‘suspended,’ and at first, most had thought that the break was to give everypony a chance to rest for a full evening. Now that day had broken anew and no effort was being made by Captain Armor to get the search parties going, the concern was growing exponentially. Why did they not make use of every moment of daylight? Surely they still wanted to find the Prince who had tried so hard to protect them.

It was just as a few ponies began to threaten to break off on their own that Celestia emerged from town hall and stood in front of the masses. Her wings were fully outstretched, and she offered a sad and tired smile while Luna, Cadence, and Twilight took up their positions beside her.

“My dear friends,” Celestia began in a voice that quavered only slightly. “I … I wish I knew how to fully express my gratitude for your services. You have given everything you have - and more - in your efforts to find my beloved prince, and I will forever remember your sacrifices over these last few days. I am in your debt, my little ponies, and I do not know that I can ever repay you for what you have done.”

Celestia paused, and without even thinking about it, she slipped into the familiar role of emotionless diplomat. She held her head a bit higher, and her face became a neutral blank. “But I can no longer ask you to make this sacrifice. Sergeant Hokey Pokey, Sergeant Clover Leaf, and Captain Shining Armor have found where my Bean landed, and I am afraid I must report that he did not survive.”

A sharp intake could be heard, a gasp that left her feeling cold for being the one to say it, and the ponies of Ponyville glanced between each other in horror.

“I know this news is difficult to hear,” Celestia continued, and she took in a shuddering breath to try and shore up the cracks in her facade. “And how I wish I could tell you all anything besides the truth, for then my dear Bean would still be with us. But the evidence we have found indicates that he has departed this life, and so there is no reason for you to continue to put yourselves in harm’s way.

“I have, therefore, called off the search for Baked Bean,” Celestia went on with tears in her eyes, and she tried to make eye contact with each pony in an effort to show her gratitude. “Captain Armor will leave a small squadron here to continue to search until we know with finality what happened to him, but there is nothing more that can be done. We must all now move forward without him, as difficult as it may be, and return to our lives and the duties that we have neglected while we have searched.

“I’m sure none of us will ever forget the brief but powerful impact that Baked Bean had upon our fair Kingdom, and upon our hearts individually. Bean was the sort of pony who ever sought to be of service to his fellow pony, to lift them up when they were struggling, and to offer a smile and a kind word when the world seemed to have lost all meaning. He gave me insight into the life of the average pony that I could never have received on my own, and it was with his humble insight that I began to see the everyday challenges that you face a little more clearly. His was a life dedicated to the ennobling of others, and within it all he brought me a love that I never thought I could have in this life.

“Baked Bean loved me not because I was his princess, but because I was his friend. He was one of the few who saw me at my best, my worst, and just about everywhere in between. I will forever cherish the memory of his gentle kisses, his curious and loving eyes, and his beloved nose boops. He came to me when I did not even realize I needed him, and he brought with him a youthfulness and a joy of life that I do not think I can ever fully replace. If I am to be honest, I will admit that I will miss his cooking, and he never did bake that rhubarb pie he promised me.”

There were some light chuckles, both from the crowd and from the princesses. Celestia nodded and let a smile tug at the corners of her lips, but it went no further than that. “There are so many things I wish I could say to him. So many things I wish we could have done. Death can be cruel at times, taking those whom we love just as we begin to know them, and leaving us with nothing more than emptiness and questions in its wake.

“I have lost so many over my many years,” Celestia said as her feelings began to overrun her stoic composition. Her head dipped, and her eyes went to her hooves. “So many friends, acquaintances, and even family members have come and gone, never again to return. Each time they have left me, I have felt their absence keenly. Every soldier who marched and fell on the fields of battle in my name, every member of my family - especially those who came from Luna’s marvelous union with her husband, Star Struck - the various ministers who spent their days and their lives in the service of their Princess and their country; I have mourned at the loss of all of them and more. But if had I known that Bean’s life would be so fleeting, I might … I might have …”

Celestia could only imagine how ridiculous she looked at that moment. Her, the great Daytime Diarch of Equestria, the leader of a proud and prosperous country that was first and foremost in all aspects, and she had been reduced to a blubbering mess with the death of one yellow stallion. It was taking every last bit of her willpower to keep from collapsing right there, and she feared what would come to be when the news of what she was doing became public. She was supposed to be strong for her ponies, a steadfast light and an unbreakable bedrock upon which all hopes and dreams could be built. What kind of a message was she sending with her emotional breakdown?

It was in the midst of this struggle for self-control that a young filly worked her way out of the crowd and towards the Princess. In her peripheral vision, she could see the youngster had a red mane and a large pink bow, and that alone was enough for Celestia to know that Apple Bloom was the one who now stood before her.

“Princess Celestia?”

Celestia lifted her head slightly, and the concerned and sorrowful eyes of Apple Bloom met her own. “Yes, my little pony?”

“You’re really hurtin’ right now, aren’t you?”

Celestia gave a small chuckle. “You could say that, yes.”

“Ah think ah know how you feel. Ah’ve lost some ponies that were pretty special to me, and ah didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them either. Ah had to cry a lot, too. Ah miss ‘em real bad, and Ah still wish they could come back.”

“I wish they could come back for you too, my dear little one.”

“Maybe it’s not my place, but Ah think there might be somethin’ that can help you, even if it’s just a little bit.”

“What do you recommend?”

“A hug,” she simply stated as Applejack stepped up and put one hoof over her sister and pulled her in for one in demonstration. “Things are never so bad if you’ve got a pony to hug.”

Whatever rules of propriety that had held Celestia captive for centuries were destroyed in an instant, and Celestia felt the tears flow while she sat and opened her arms and wings wide.

Apple Bloom and Applejack needed no further invitation. Both moved quickly to Celestia’s embrace, and the three wept openly and without reservation as they each allowed their emotions to have the free reign they needed to be expressed in the only way they could be.

It was only a brief moment before Big Macintosh joined them by wrapping his earth-worn hooves around her shoulders, and the singular oddity of seeing such a rugged and placid pony weeping like a newborn moved the rest of the crowd into action. Luna, Cadence, and Twilight managed to reach Celestia’s side first to offer their own embrace to her, and before Celestia knew what was happening, she found herself in the middle of the largest spontaneous group hug that Equestria had ever seen. The entire town of Ponyville poured out their love and support to the heartbroken princess, and Celestia knew in that moment that they all hurt just as much as she did.

And Celestia, in that moment, felt her broken heart beginning to mend. There would be anguish and depression in the coming days, of course, and she would send many a tissue to a inglorious end while she worked her way through this maze of emotions and fears that had beset her.

But if this support could remain with her - and she had no doubt that it would remain - then there existed a light in the darkness and a path for her to follow.


“I have to admit, that was unexpected,” Celestia humbly mused while she landed with Luna in the former gardens of The Castle of the Two Sisters.

“Our ponies are, in truth, wondrous creatures. One can learn much of their ways within a few moons, but even after a thousand years, they can still surprise you,” Luna quipped from her side.

Equestria’s timeless princesses then began to walk close together on one of the many paths that led out from their old home through the Everfree forest. Their guards had protested, of course, but the fact that Celestia herself had been tearing the very trees from their roots for the past three days quickly rendered their arguments moot.

“I am still going to need time to sort all this out,” Celestia admitted. Her gaze still scanned the woods for something she had missed, something to reignite hope, until she remembered there wasn’t anything to look for.

“Of course.” Luna nodded solemnly. “A leave of absence is to be expected; prudent even.”

A peaceful silence then settled in around the sisters, and Celestia enjoyed the calm for a moment before a squirrel darted out of the bushes and paused in front of them, an acorn in its paws. For a moment, Day and Night were held at bay while contemplating the simplicity of this event, but then a distant chittering caught the visitor’s attention, and it was gone as quickly as it had come.

“Perhaps it has a young one to feed?” Luna remarked with a light laugh. “Twilight was never patient at mealtimes either.”

Celestia felt her wings tighten on her barrel. She felt she was cradling the one piece of her prince that was left, and a sudden fear chilled her to the bone when she thought of meeting with Doctor Horsenpfeffer. What if she was wrong, and she was not with foal? If such a horrible thing was to be, her blissful but brief union with her stallion was to be relegated to nothing, a blink of an eye to all of history and a memory that could fade from her in time.

It would be too cruel if such was true. She had to be pregnant. Her dear prince had to live on, in some way or another, and Celestia could carry on if she could still hold on to his legacy through their creation.

A moment of quiet silence followed before Celestia spoke again in an absent whisper. “Do you think Bean and Star would have been friends?”

“Bean’s teetotaling would have utterly confounded him,” Luna all but snorted, and the two sisters smiled to each other as they began to walk again. “I also believe Star’s concept of a good meal would have made Bean weep out of pity.”

“But what if they were to pass beyond that?”

“Star would have spoken of adventure and glory and then dragged poor Bean on every single one of his ludicrous crusades, be it camping in the Macintosh Mountains or pilfering desserts from the kitchens.” Luna laughed, her tears betraying her mirth at the idea of the Princes of Equestria operating in cahoots together.

Celestia laughed along, her own tears feeling welcome and comforting. “And Bean would have demanded that he and Star make a finer dessert and meal for the chef as an apology.”

Even with their heavy hearts, the sisters of Sun and Moon had found the ability to laugh. Ageless and eternal though they were, both still felt incomplete without the part that was mortal, the part of them that made their immortality have meaning from the time they had shared with their respective stallions.

“Perhaps they have met now,” Luna remarked with a wistful glance to the sky. “I know my Star would be delighted to assist the one who finally managed to capture your heart.”

“I have no doubt that Star would do whatever was in his power to make my Bean feel welcome,” Celestia replied while they both turned down a weed strewn and overgrown path. “And I do believe your wee rascal would be overjoyed to meet him as well.”

Luna nodded, but then she frowned. “I am afraid I have neglected this area, Celly. I have always flown here in the past.”

“As have I. I believe I could find some royal gardeners who would be willing to clean and organize this area, if we asked them to.”

“I would like that. Even if we are the only two who are to visit here, it would be appropriate and respectful to keep near the grounds cleaned and trimmed.”

Celestia nodded, and her magic gently reached out to open the simple iron gate that stood guard over the small plot of grass and stones behind it. “After you, sister.”

Luna gently crossed the threshold into the cemetery, and Celestia found her own breath slowing to near nothingness as she followed Luna across the hallowed ground. Despite being as old as the Diarchs themselves, the headstones were still in excellent condition thanks to the preservation spell over the area, and the grass was free of weeds and cut to a uniform length. A glance around revealed all of the venerated and heroic ancients of Equestria still lay in peace, and for a moment, Celestia allowed the memories she held for each of them to replay in her mind. She laughed a little as she looked over Chancellor Puddinghead’s tombstone, she stood a bit straighter and nearly saluted while she passed Commander Hurricane’s final resting place, and she paused to nod to the granite bench that marked where Princess Platinum now spent her eternity.

“I still miss them too,” Luna offered from her side, and a dark wing draped over her. “I never did get to hear Puddinghead’s ultimate joke. She kept telling me she was working on it, and that it wasn’t ready.”

“All she managed to complete was the ultimate punchline: ‘the gravy boat.’ I’ve had philosophers drive themselves mad trying to figure out what her intent was.”

“Smart Cookie,” Luna pointed to a small plaque that was embedded in the ground. “Wise beyond her years, and thank Harmony for that. I don’t want to think about where we would have ended up without her.”

Celestia nodded, but they said nothing more as they walked further in. Celestia allowed her eyes to linger on the tombs for only a brief moment; the day was fast approaching its end and Celestia hoped to return to Canterlot before she would need to guide the sun to its rest. She did inwardly promise to visit this sacred site again soon, and to pay the proper respect to those who dwelled within it.

“Well, here I find you again,” Luna announced, and she trotted up to a large obsidian headstone that rested near the back corner. Several large groups of night lilies were beginning to bloom from their places besides the marker, and Celestia was grateful that they yet lived on, despite their location.

“You always were a lazy layabout,” Luna said with a sad laugh to her husband’s grave. “Forever trying to get out of your chores. I miss getting after you about that.”

Her hoof then gently reached out to touch the relief of his face in the stone. “What am I saying? I miss you, period. I would give nearly anything to have you back beside me. Eighty-eight years, and it was still too soon.”

Celestia wrapped a wing over her sister, and for a long moment, there was nothing but the ambient sounds of the woods. Celestia doubted that mere words could ever convey the full feeling that was now caressing every part of their immortal being. This was a moment that simply had to be lived.

“I think Star will appreciate the company,” Luna finally said, and she wiped at her eyes with a hoof. “A next door neighbor, in a way. The marker should fit right here, between his and the memorial to the Pillars.”

Celestia nodded, and her wing hugged her sister a little tighter. “Bean would like that too, I’m sure. It would ensure he could make new friends, somehow.”

“We should have it hewn from sunstone, I think. It seems fitting for him. Perhaps we could even plant some sunflowers for him to enjoy.”

Celestia laughed softly. “They may just bring him back to me. I think he would like that very much.”

Luna nodded, but then her head turned to the east while Celestia’s gaze was drawn to the west. Night was beckoning, and Celestia knew that she needed to return to Canterlot and resume her life, no matter how empty it would seem.

“Come, Celly; the day is waning fast. These details can wait until tomorrow.”

Celestia nodded, but she took one last moment to turn her attention to the memorial for Starswirl the Bearded and the Pillars of Equestria. As much as she hated to admit it, there was a very real chance that her beloved Bean would be forever missing, just as the Pillars had gone missing without a trace so many centuries ago.

“You know, Lulu, I always wondered what happened to Starswirl and the others,” Celestia remarked. “They left so quickly, and with no information other than they were to battle a great evil. I suppose they were successful in their efforts, but I can’t help but wonder how powerful that evil was if it could overwhelm the Pillars.”

“It would have to be great, indeed,” Luna said. “But as I recall, their disappearance meant that we did not get into trouble over those assignments we never turned in.”

“The silver lining to the cloud, perhaps?” Celestia replied while they began to leave. “I couldn't write a coherent dissertation on Starswirl's Fourth Law of Conveyance then, and I doubt that has changed.”

“I hated those Laws,” Luna said as they stepped out of the cemetery and Celestia gently closed the gate. “All that nonsense about objects in motion. He really should have figured out a better way to present the information.”

Celestia nodded, and her wings flared out with Luna’s. They both gave them a slight ruffle in anticipation, and both crouched to leap into flight.

It was just then that Sergeant Pokey slammed into the ground in front of them, and the Princesses both gave a shout of alarm and reared back before moving to check on the mangled guard.

“Sergeant, hast thou been robbed of thine sense?!” Luna shouted while two magic fields began to check him for injuries. “We didst tell thee to remain in town, did We not?!”

“Couldn't … wait …” he groaned. “We … we need you in Ponyville. Bean … is …”

Celestia gasped, her eyes went wide, and with a flash of golden magic, they were gone.