//------------------------------// // 5. - Blueblood // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “Ow, my head,” Bean moaned. “How in Equestria do you read this stuff without going cross-eyed?” “The trick is to tackle it like you would a banquet.” Celestia tapped the ream of papers on the desk to straighten them. “Take small portions over a long time, especially with complicated things like this.” “Minister Wise will be happy to see her budget approved, I bet.” “In her own deadpan way, yes.” Celestia chuckled. “Just sign this here.” “My first budget!” Bean proclaimed, and he took the wooden handled quill in mouth. “Should we have a picture taken to remember the occasion?” “We’ll have plenty of those when we return to Canterlot and give it back to Minister Wise for implementation,” she said while he dipped the steel nib in the ink and signed. “But perhaps we save this authorization paper. It is your first legislative accomplishment, in a way.” “Probably the first time I’ve been accomplished in anything,” he remarked, but then Celestia gave him a not-quite-so playful nip on the ear. “Stop that. You are an accomplished cook, after all.” “I suppose so,” he replied back as she kissed his cheek. Though he had doubts about the validity of that statement he decided it wasn’t worth a debate. She was praising him, so he should accept it as such. “Does Luna need to sign this as well?” “She does, but I think it would be best to let her rest for now,” she replied while they both turned their attention to her sleeping form. “The duties of the night will not wait, and she will need her energy for them.” “I see what you mean about her looking tortured,” he offered with a touch of sadness. Luna was curled up into a tight ball and her face was contorted into what looked like depressed anger, but with a strong hint of self-loathing for some odd reason. “I feel bad for her, and she isn’t even doing anything.” “I can only hope that she is not having troubled dreams. That realm lies beyond my abilities, so I cannot assist her unless she allows me in.” “It’s a bit surprising that you don’t have access to that.” “Not really.” She shrugged. “Just about everything has a limit in this world, including magic. I cannot do everything, as much as I might like to, just like anypony else. Dreams are under Luna’s power, just like the moon should be.” “So, is there some sort of special ability you have with the sun that she does not?” “Oh, indeed,” she replied in haughtiness. “I have the ability to read budget proposals without going stark raving mad.” “Any chance you could share?” They both laughed softly before she replied. “I’ll see what I can do. I do have prophetic visions from time to time, but I am not sure if that is limited to just me.” “Visions? Wow,” Bean said in awe. “It’s not quite as precise as you think. They are rare, and so far they have come to me only when there is something that is a grave threat to Equestria. I did not foresee Discord’s first release from stone, for example, so I cannot rely on them to warn me of all potential problems. However, when I do receive them I know that the threat is most dire, and I will do whatever I must to prepare for it.” “Still, that’s pretty cool.” “Let’s hope I don’t have one for a long time, though,” she replied. “I agree. So what should we do now? We still have a few hours before we reach the Empire, I think.” “We do, and I do have something we can try if you’d like.” “I would like,” he replied with a curious gaze and an eager grin. “What is it?” “I’ve been thinking about how you want to know more about my hobbies, and I thought I might try taking one up again, just to see if I have any interest in it.” Bean looked like he might burst with happiness. “Really? What is it? What can I do to encourage you?” She giggled at his enthusiasm. “Out of all the hobbies I have tried, painting was the one that has held my interest the longest and that I have enjoyed the most. I think that I should try that again.” “I think you should too!” he replied. “What can I help with?” “Would you like to be my subject?” she replied with a slight grin. “Princess Celestia wants to paint my portrait? How could I possibly say no?” he said with a laugh. “I’d be honored, my dear.” “Good. Have a seat right there for me.” She pointed to a plush chair, and Bean promptly plopped himself into it. “Let’s see. I need a canvas and easel first,” Celestia thought aloud with her horn alight. Said items then appeared in the rail car with a flash, along with an open wood box that held an impressive collection of paint tins and brushes. “And my supplies, naturally.” “Naturally. How long has it been since you last painted?” “Only five years.” “Really, that recent?” he asked. “It’s been an off-again, on-again hobby,” she replied while she squared away her canvas. “And I don’t claim to be a great painter, only a modest one.” “Modest is just fine by me,” Bean offered, while Celestia pulled out a palette with her magic and began scooping out small clumps of paint to work with, although she had to add a few drops of solvent to each color. Personally, Bean wondered if it had been perhaps just a few more than five years since she had picked up a brush, but he dismissed the thought in order to offer encouragement. “I bet whatever you paint will astound me.” “Perhaps,” she replied with a smirk. “But I do appreciate the inspiring words. Are you comfortable like that? I’ll need you to stay put for a while.” Bean flung himself over the armrests and put a hoof on his hip. “Here we go. Paint me like one of your Prench stallions.” Somehow Celestia didn’t laugh, but her lips twitched upward. “That’s not quite how it’s supposed to work, love.” “No? How about this, then?” he retorted, and he sat upright before pulling a face that was probably supposed to be dramatic but came off as badly puckered lips. “How’s this?” Celestia didn’t bother to try and hold back her snicker. “Do you really want that to be preserved and placed on display for all of Equestria to see?” “I think the question is do you want this face to be on display?” He asked with a quick bob of his eyebrows. “It is adorable and very kissable, so perhaps not,” she replied. “The guards would have to keep all of your fans away from it.” “So, they would have to keep you away?” “And it is very hard to keep me away from what I love, but I’m not kissing a painting,” she said with a shake of her head. “Just be natural. You’ll hurt those lovely lips if you hold it like that for too long.” “I think you may be onto something,” he replied as he relaxed. “I’m good now. Paint away.” “Hmm, let me see,” Celestia thought for a minute, and then she took the palette and brush in hoof. “A nice cadmium yellow, with just a touch of—” “No magic?” Bean interrupted. “No magic,” Celestia confirmed. “Believe it or not, I paint by instinct, without a preliminary sketch or drawing lines all over the canvas. The earth pony I learned from hated it, but in time, he realized that I actually work better this way, and it’s stuck ever since. Besides, I use magic for nearly everything I do in a day. It’s therapeutic, in a way, to use my hooves to create something. Though I suppose painting by mouth might strengthen my kissing muscles,” she said before smacking her lips and bobbing her eyebrows. “I dunno, your kisses are pretty powerful already,” Bean said with a return bob. “But what you say makes sense. I love making new dishes and preparing meals by hoof, so why couldn’t that extend to other things?” “Now that is an interesting thought,” she said. “I’m sure Luna told you about Blueblood’s more eccentric attitudes, especially regarding so-called ‘common’ things, but I wonder how he would react if he was served one of your meals in secret.” “I think he’d love it until he found out the truth, and then he’d hate it.” “Most likely,” she said as her brush began to move across the canvas. “Still, perhaps we’ll have you make a meal all the same.” “If the food is as exotic as you say it is, you may not be able to stop me.” She laughed a little at that, and dipped her brush in more paint. “I never want to stop you, my dear Bean.” “Nor I you.” Celestia smiled. “I don’t believe you ever will. Even now you motivate and inspire me, and I do believe you will always do so.” * * ✹ * * “You took up painting again?” Luna asked. “I did,” Celestia replied simply. “Good. You don’t take enough time for yourself,” Luna looked over her sister’s work. “And it is a fair start you have. I dare say it is even as good as your portrait of Star.” “I hope so,” Celestia replied. “That still remains my magnum opus.” “If anything deserves to replace Star, it is Bean.” Luna replied with a soft smile. “For you at least. Perhaps I shall make my own portrait of Star.” “I’ll make a special wing just for Royal Husbands. We’ll have Cadence provide a portrait of her husband as well.” “Does she know how to paint? I fear she may just cover Shining Armor in phthalo blue and roll him on the canvas.” “I have taught her the wet-on-wet technique, so I’m sure she could paint a lovely winter scene with some happy little clouds. You and I would probably need to coach her some on portraits, however.” “A pet project for another time, I suppose. Where did your husband get to, anyway?” “Sergeant Clover Leaf pulled him away for a moment to go over some security details. I believe she is mostly showing him where the emergency exits are within the Empire. He should be right back.” A scroll then flashed into existence before the diarchs, and Celestia quickly snagged it in her magic before unfurling and reading it quickly. “Ah, good news! Pinkamena Diane Pie has graciously accepted my offer to join us in the Crystal Empire. She will join us tomorrow to help finalize plans for the wedding party.” “Pinkamena? Who is that?” Bean asked with a quick close of the door. “Is that Pinkie Pie?” “It is,” Celestia replied and she gave him a quick boop. “All done with the briefing?” “I think so, but I really hope I never have to use any of those escape routes. Particularly the ones in the sewers.” “As do I, but it is always best to be prepared.” “Right. I think… that…” Bean’s gaze had drifted to something outside the car, and he slowly walked over to the window with wide eyes and mouth agape. Celestia and Luna both chuckled slightly before joining him, and Celestia’s wing draped over her astonished beloved. “Baked Bean, welcome to the Crystal Empire.” The sight before the Bean was one that he knew he had to use at some future point in his writing, and he desperately wished he hadn’t left his notebook back in Canterlot. The sudden shift from snow-covered wasteland to lush, green fields was what had first caught his attention, but now that the tracks were bending around the perimeter of the Empire, he was graced with an unparalleled view of the silvery Crystal Palace, and the stately crystal homes and buildings that made up the magnificence before him. His wife’s sun reflected off of the structures with a brilliance and sheen that only served to amplify the grandeur of the structures, and his mind whirled in anticipation of what else the luminous Empire held for him to experience. “I see why they call it an Empire,” Bean said softly, as he tried to take in the totality of the sight all at once. “This is astounding! All that is made out of crystal?” “The exact same crystal that now hangs around your neck, yes,” Celestia replied with a smile. “Wow. This thing is, like, indestructible then,” Bean remarked with a quick touch of the sun he wore. “Not quite, but it is extremely resistant to damage.” “So, how much of the Empire is made out of crystal?” Bean began, but both Celestia and Luna smiled as he rattled on without stopping. “Do they harvest it or grow it, or do they mine it? Is it like diamonds, or any other gem we know of? Do they eat it? How did the crystal ponies first come to be? Were they always ponies, and moved here, or—” “My dear Bean! Breathe!” Celestia admonished with a laugh, and Bean paused long enough to inhale deeply. “All your questions will be answered, but I think we should let Shining Armor and Cadence handle them. It is their kingdom, and they know it best.” “Any chance you could teleport my notebook here?” Celestia smiled, her horn lit, and Bean’s notebook came floating out from under the train bench where it had been hidden. “You brought it with you? I think I know a sun princess who is due for a wing massage tonight for having amazing foresight into what I would want.” “Mmmm, that sounds good to me,” she replied with a nuzzle for him. ~*~ “Bean!” Shining Armor called out. “Good to see you again!” “Good to see you too!” Bean offered, and the two shared a quick hoofbump. “Long time, no see, eh?” “Right. It’s been, what? Two weeks maybe?” “Something like that. Cadence, hello! It’s a pleasure to see you too.” “Welcome to the Empire, Uncle Bean,” Cadence offered with a quick hug for him. “We’re glad you could come.” “I don’t even know how to begin to say what I’m thinking. There really are no words,” he offered. “I need Celly to expand my vocabulary so I have more ways to express ‘overawed’ and ‘amazed.’ Everything I’ve seen is incredible!” “And you haven’t even gotten past the train station yet!” Cadence laughed. “If you like what you’ve seen so far, you’ll love the rest of it. Canterlot is nice, but the Crystal Empire really is a treat all unto itself.” “That it is, and I have to say Celly made the right call in sending you both here. My Crystal Empire history is a bit sketchy, but what I do know tell me you’ve been making miracles here.” “We can hardly take credit for much of all the things our subjects have done.  We just provided the means for them. They had the drive.” “A thousand year rest and a fresh start will do that to a pony.” Bean chuckled. “So, what do have planned for us?” “Dinner is almost ready, and Prince Blueblood is here as well,” Cadence replied as they walked towards a waiting carriage. “I’m sure Auntie Celestia warned you about…” The Royals laughed as Bean quickly trotted away from them and up to the crystal ponies who were to provide their transportation. The newest Royal Spouse looked like a colt in a candy store who had gotten a hold of the largest candy bar in the shop and was about to make a gigantic chocolate mess of himself. “I love his curiosity,” Cadence remarked to her aunts while they watched Bean pepper the nearest pony with questions. “It’s nice to see that he wants to learn so much about everything. The crystal ponies will be overjoyed to see he him acting like this.” “You may have to put a leash on him, Sister,” Luna cautioned with a nod. “He’s liable to wander off on you.” “I don’t think he’ll be too hard to find,” Celestia replied with a quick laugh. “He’ll probably attract a crowd wherever he goes. But, to answer your question, both Luna and I warned him about Blueblood, yes. How has his behavior been so far?” “Well, he’s been civil and polite, so good, I suppose,” Cadence replied. “Were you able to question him concerning the Yaks?” Luna asked. “I did,” Shining answered, “but I didn’t get much out of him. He just said the Yaks cut off talks that morning and kicked him out. He claims not to know why or what could have caused them to so abruptly cease negotiations.” “Have they shown any other signs of hostility? I mean other than being Yaks.” “Not so far, no. I’ve got a scout patrol near the border, and I’ve got my commanders here on notice, but the Yaks seem to be content to just sit. There was a slight increase in troop numbers just after Blueblood arrived here, but I’m not sure if it’s a vanguard group or just a small increase to dissuade us from trying anything.” “Interesting. Perhaps Blueblood will be willing to share more detail when I meet with him tomorrow.” “We have that scheduled for right after breakfast,” Shining replied. “Would you like me to be there as well?” “No, I believe he will be more forthcoming if it is just us. Besides, I would hate to cut into your ‘stallion time.’” “No worries there,” Shining chuckled. “Cady and I are planning on returning to Canterlot with you for the wedding party. Bean and I will have plenty of time to talk buckball.” “Should we go rescue poor Toola-Roola?” Cadence asked. “I think Bean is going to talk her ear off.” “You two should have seen him when he first met Spike,” Luna laughed. ~*~ “Bean? Are you coming?” Celestia giggled a bit when she turned and saw her Bean gawking at the composition and symmetry of the main foyer. “So… much… crystal…” “I get the feeling you like the Crystal Empire.” “That’s like saying I like you,” he replied, and he smiled up at her. “I’m sorry, I’ll quit staring now.” “Don’t worry about it, my love,” she replied. “If anything, the Crystal Ponies will appreciate the attention and praise, especially from a Prince.” “Yeah?” Celestia nodded, and her gaze turned upward. “I’m sure you know at least the basics about King Sombra, and you’ll learn more about him while we are here. But, you can imagine that after the traumatic experience of his rule, the ponies of the Empire were a bit hesitant to see another male ruler within these walls. I would not have sent Shining Armor here without Cadence; the crystal ponies would have simply cowered in their homes in fear of another Sombra episode. His efforts to protect the Empire during its return did much to assuage their feelings, but the haunting memory of Sombra still weighs heavily on their memories. With you, they can see many things: one who was once a commoner, like them; a royal who wants to learn about their history and how their Empire runs; and most importantly a prince who loves his wife and what she loves as well. The more love they see and feel, the more at peace they will be. I believe they will receive much of both from you.” “And the love and harmony that is generated here spreads to the rest of Equestria.” “Right,” she replied with a quick boop for him. “So, y’know. No pressure, right?” he chuckled. “Just be yourself,” Celestia offered through a whisper in his ear. “That will make the biggest impact. They will be able to tell if you are trying too hard, or if you are ‘faking it’, so to say, and then they will wonder what your true motives are. If you are you, then they will know that you are here as their friend, and they will respond with friendship in return.” “And if I mess something up, or say something wrong?” “We’ll all have a good laugh about it, and we’ll move on,” Celestia replied. “Nopony here is expecting you to be perfect. Honestly, I think the ponies here will appreciate a bit of non-professionalism. If you are really a commoner, you should behave like one, and that involves slip-ups. There is no pressure, love. Enjoy yourself, and enjoy the time here.” Bean nodded. “All right. I can do that.” “Good,” she replied with a nuzzle for him. “Let me go check on dinner. I’ll be right back.” She then teleported away, and Bean sighed with a glance around the hall again. He was still a bit worried, but his love’s words had calmed him and he was going to try to simply enjoy his visit, just as she had said. All he had to do was smile and wave. A set of hoofsteps caused him to flick an ear towards the source, and he turned to see who was walking up towards him, expecting some member of the palace staff, or perhaps Shining Armor. However, the hallway he was looking down showed no pony, despite the hoof falls getting closer, so he glanced towards another hallway. “So. You are ‘Prince’ Baked Bean, I presume?” Bean let out a rather undignified yelp and whirled to face the voice that had come up behind him unawares. A white unicorn stallion stood before him, with a blonde mane and what looked like a gold-and-blue compass for a cutie mark and a rather disinterested glance over the Bean before him. “Oh! Sorry, you startled me,” Bean remarked, and he extended a hoof. “I’m Bean, yes. You must be Prince Blueblood. It’s nice to meet you.” “You’re a rather homely looking thing, aren’t you?” “To some, yes,” he replied, and he dropped his hoof back to the floor. Blueblood was not much for hoofbumps, it seemed. “Hmpf. Well, I suppose my Aunt Celestia could have done worse. I am Prince Blueblood, yes. I suppose it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. You’ve just arrived, I take it?” “Yeah, just about half an hour ago.” “I must say, I was quite surprised when Aunt Luna abruptly left the negotiations with the Yaks to attend to your wedding,” Blueblood continued while he circled Bean with a critical eye. “And all of this occurred because of a nose boop?” “Well, yes, but that was only the start.” “So I’ve heard. I suppose you are quite madly in love with Celestia, yes?” “I am,” Bean said with deep conviction in his voice. He wasn’t sure if Blueblood was trying to intimidate him or not, but he wasn’t going to let him win if he was. “And she is quite in love with me.” “I suppose she must be,” Blueblood replied. “But I also suppose it wouldn’t take much to impress her. A little affection, some soft words, and she’d be putty in your hooves.” “I love Baked Bean for all that and more,” Celestia replied, and both turned to watch her walk up to them, wings flared, with Cadence right behind. “And it actually took quite a bit for him to impress me. I would urge caution if you wish to think otherwise.” “I meant no disrespect, Aunt Celestia,” Blueblood responded with a deep bow. “I question that, but I certainly hope you are being honest. If you’re quite done with your ‘greetings,’ dinner is ready. Would you care to accompany us?” “Of course, Your Highness,” Blueblood replied flatly. * * ✹ * * Prince Blueblood couldn’t believe what he was seeing. When had Celestia repealed the rules of Order and Decorum? He didn’t recall hearing that it was acceptable for a pony in a formal and royal setting such as this to behave the way this Baked Bean was. It had all started as soon as the meal had been presented for their enjoyment. Baked Bean, instead of nodding politely to the waitress, had chosen to hold her back and to interrogate her on what the meal was composed of and what the specific ingredients were. Chef Amberlocks was then summoned, and Bean had actually had the audacity to talk to her about how much salt she had put in the dish! Of course, Aunt Celestia had simply thought the whole thing was amusing and probably adorable, given the look on her face and the way she kept giggling behind a hoof at his antics. Aunt Luna was no better; she simply smiled and watched as she ate, and Blueblood could tell she was not the least bit concerned with the way he was acting. Shining Armor was, well, Shining Armor. The other commoner in the room had that ridiculous smirk on his face too, and he hadn’t bothered to see how Cadence was reacting. Then the Yellow One began eating the meal. He had this ridiculous habit, or perhaps some sort of nervous tic, of sniffing each new food before gently touching the tip of his tongue to it and then pausing to contemplate what he had just introduced to his senses. He would then scribble some thoughts in a notebook he had brought in with him, and then he would move to take another sniff-bite. What was he trying to do with that sniff? He had been told that this Bean was a chef in some backwater town that he didn’t care to remember, but there was no way a simple sniff of the food and a quick taste could give him any insight into what he was eating, not to mention the impropriety of taking notes during a formal state dinner. Clearly this Bean hadn’t learned proper etiquette prior to this point in life, and it was a bit shameful that his aunts had not bothered to educate him on the proper manners one should have. Thankfully, things now seemed to be settling down, and Baked Bean was calmly eating his meal while Cadence, Shining Armor, and Celestia discussed their plans for tomorrow. Luna was silent as well, but Blueblood knew she was listening to the discussion, and he wasn’t looking forward to explaining what had happened with the Yaks. But that was a problem for Future Blueblood. For right now, he needed to gather the facts and to perform his evaluation. He knew that the infatuation that Aunt Celestia and Baked Bean felt towards each other meant that this yellow mud-trotter wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, so he was going to need to play his cards carefully. One wrong move against her little pet, and he’d incur the ire of Celestia, which was never a pleasant experience. No, this required tact, as difficult as that might be, and discreet observation. Once he had a fuller understanding of what the competition was, then he could make the appropriate adjustments. There was even an outside chance he could teach the commoner a few rules and how things were supposed to be. This brought a small smile. It would be a challenge, but he knew he was more than equal to the task. If his Aunts did not care to teach this Bean the proper order of things, then he would. It really was his duty and honor to do so, now that he thought of it. He alone could bring a degree of culture to this uncouth outsider. The fool would thank him for it later. A small belch emanated and echoed in the room, and Blueblood barely held back his sigh of annoyance as Baked Bean blushed behind a napkin and excused himself. This was going to take a lot of work. The sigh escaped, and was accompanied by a heavy eye roll when Shining Armor let loose a belch of his own with a smug grin. He stood corrected: there were two crass ponies he needed to work on. Though he did realize he shouldn’t be surprised. The soldier-prince had probably had all manners drubbed out of him during basic guard training. He truly had no idea what Cadence saw in him. But then another belch reverberated off the walls. By Celestia’s sun! Did the two of them really not understand how rudely they were behaving? “Is that a challenge, my dear niece?” Luna asked Cadence, and the reply made Blueblood’s ears hurt: “Why, I do believe it is. What will you do about it?” “This is not happening! Please tell me this is not happening!” Blueblood protested, but his words went unheeded. He watched in a confused shock as Luna quickly emptied her goblet, pulled a face that made it look like she had just bitten into a lemon, and then let fly a belch that rattled the silverware on the table before him for a solid four seconds. “Oh, you can do better than that!” Celestia laughed. “Come, I bet I can best you by at least two seconds!” Blueblood groaned and put his face in his hooves while the floor beneath him vibrated and the dinner guests laughed. He had to act quickly. Baked Bean was already corrupting the Diarchy with his common ways, and if left unchecked he could bring about the end of Equestria as he knew it.