//------------------------------// // 8. - Morning Preparation // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// Baked Bean yawned deeply, shook his head to try to clear the cobwebs of sleep, and smacked his lips while forcing his eyes open. He had thought that he could handle an early morning, but it seemed his body did not appreciate being awoken four hours before dawn for the march down to the red-eye train back to Canterlot. The plan to return home had seemed innocuous enough last night, especially when he had seen the length of the to-do list for the wedding. Twilight had been the one who suggested leaving early to get a head start on the items, with a poorly concealed look of delight at the prospect of having a checklist to complete. Assignments had been divvied out before everypony had retired for the evening, and Luna was profuse in her assurances that she would wake them all in time. She was a cruel, cruel alarm clock. He had awoken with his hoof in a bucket of warm water and an intense urge to use the little colt’s room, leaving Luna to cackle with delight while he had made a mad dash to the crystal throne that was adjacent to the guest chambers. Celestia had been awoken by his sudden departure and his frantic scrambling across a crystal floor that made his hoof falls sound like a berserk tap dancer in the middle of a chineigh shop, and then Luna had playfully bounded away to awaken Shining, Cadence, Blueblood, and the Elements in her own lunar way. Bean didn’t know what she had done, nor did he want to; but he had a strong suspicion part of it involved fabric, if the anguished cry of “not the Taffeta!” from Rarity was any hint. Now that he had finished his business in the lavatory, Bean stumbled back out into the room and into Celestia’s magic. He smiled a bit while she levitated him up to drape limply over her back, and he hugged her neck gently as she walked into the hallway. “I say we get a real, clock-with-bells style alarm clock next time,” Bean offered while his beloved yawned. “I second the motion.” “Where are we going?” Bean glanced around the unfamiliar hallway. “I need to show you something before Blueblood wakes up,” she replied through another yawn. “But I need you to promise to never tell any living creature about this.” “Certainly. I take it this is something that’s pretty important.” “It is. The only ponies who know about this are Shining and Cadence, Luna, myself, and the Elements.” Neither of them said anything more until Celestia stopped in front of a door that looked like it led into a storage closet. Celestia’s magic twisted the knob, and the door swung open to reveal… “Brooms?” Bean asked. “Are they important brooms for some reason?” “Oh!” Celestia muttered in annoyance. The door quickly shut again, and this time Celestia applied a surge of magic to the surface before opening it again. Bean glanced around in the new room, which still looked much like a storage closet, as Celestia carefully shut the door behind them and moved towards a large object that was covered by a sheet. “Is that the secret?” Celestia’s magic gently put Bean on the floor before pulling the sheet down and away. There was a brief pause while Bean looked over the intricate mirror, but then he glanced back to his wife with a confused expression. “This is no ordinary mirror, my love.” Celestia put a hoof on the surface. “It is a gateway, or a portal if you like.” “Really? Where does it lead to?” “It leads to a different dimension, filled with creatures that are quite a bit different than you or I. They call themselves humans.” “You-muns.” Bean tasted the word. “Yes. A former student of mine used this portal to escape when she grew bitter and angry over her progress under my tutelage.” Celestia then gave Bean a quick history of one Sunset Shimmer, her theft of the Element of Magic, Twilight’s travel to the human world to recover it, along with a quick note that three sirens had been banished to this world by Starswirl the Bearded and the Pillars of Equestria. Bean took all of this in with subdued interest and asked no questions until she had finished her explanations. “And this thing only opens up once every thirty moons?” he asked in clarification. “Yes. So for now, we do not need to worry, but when it is open we will need to be extra vigilant and guard it, just in case those sirens figure out how to use it.” “And?” Bean asked. There had to be more, because he could see she wanted to tell him something else. “And when it opens again, I hope my former student comes back,” she offered, while Bean put a hoof on the reflective surface. “I have even entertained the notion of going through the portal myself. I wish to make amends with her, and I want her to know that she is always welcome back in Canterlot, or anywhere in Equestria. From what Twilight has told me, I believe she has established a new life there, and I doubt she would want to leave it, but I still feel that I have failed her. Perhaps if I had just given her a bit more praise here and there, and not been so stern. I worry I was needlessly coarse with her, or that perhaps there was some other unknown issue that I did not resolve.” “How’s that phrase go? Hindsight is always twenty-twenty?” “You have no idea how true that is,” she offered in sadness. “I maintain what I have said before: you did the best you could, and you did not intentionally sabotage her. She made the choice to rebel against you.” “The sting of that rebellion still remains,” Celestia softly said, with a long and distant gaze. She then sniffed her sadness away, smiled as her magic snagged her husband, and she playfully booped his nose before placing him on her back again. “I will give you a more detailed history of the portal, the sirens, and my student when we get back to Canterlot. For now, we should join the others, and possibly save them from the pranks of my sister.” ~*~ Once everypony was in an upright position and awake enough to coax movement out of their hooves, Luna had far-too-cheerfully cajoled them down to the train station with an infuriating mix of statements such as: “What a delightfully beautiful night sky there is this evening, I am so pleased you are all able to witness it!” and “Isn’t this the most wonderful time to begin working on the many projects one has to complete?” But now they were making the final steps towards the train, and everypony seemed pleased that they would again be able to slumber, if only for a short time. Bean did notice that the train was longer than before, as far as he could tell, and he glanced up and down the length of it while his sleep-deprived brain tried to figure out who or what had stretched out their ride. “The dining car is open now and will remain so for the duration of our trip,” Luna announced, “so you may procure food and beverages at your leisure. The sleeper cars are there, and our private car is there, Celly. Blueblood, you will need to ride in the baggage car with Bean and Shining. It seems there was not enough time to procure a place for you stallions.” “What?!” the now instantly awake Blueblood barked. “I utterly refuse to—” “Oh, relax,” Luna cut his rant short with a scoff. “Do you really believe Cadence would leave Shining, or that Celestia would leave Bean? The first sleeper car is for you, the second is for the Elements.” “Good,” Blueblood groused with a sour glare for his Aunt. “If you’ll excuse me.” Luna watched alongside Celestia and Bean while Blueblood walked away, and as he entered the car she leaned over towards them. “Do you think he will appreciate that mouse trap I put on his pillow?” “He may never speak to you again,” Celestia offered. “Worth it,” Luna announced after a moment of thought. “Well, my dear Bean, shall we retire?” “We can, but I don’t think I’ll be going back to sleep anytime soon,” Bean remarked. “Why don’t we get something to snack on,” Celestia offered. “Then we can discuss what Luna learned from Blueblood.” “Huh!” Luna snorted. “That will take all of five minutes.” “Really?” “His story remained the same,” Luna replied with irritation dancing on her words, while the three boarded the dining car. “The Yaks expelled him for unknown reasons, shut their borders, and are now refusing to talk to any envoy from Equestria.” “But, surely there is a reason for their sudden dismissal.” Celestia shook her head. “It’s extremely hard to believe that they would simply cut us off like that.” “I agree,” Bean offered. “You said yourself they were cooperating, as much as Yaks cooperate. Why the complete turn around? There’s got to be some underlying reason.” “It remains a mystery for now,” Luna sighed while they all sat before the counter in the car. A unicorn with a chocolate mane and a pleasant smile waited patiently, and once they were settled in and comfortable, he simply asked what they would like. “One medium caramel frappuccino in a large cup with an extra pump of frap roast, double shot affogato, and caramel drizzle, if you please Mister Roast,” Luna succinctly stated. “I didn’t know you were a coffee drinker,” Bean remarked. “I will indulge in a caffeinated treat every now and then, but usually it is more then than now,” she replied. “I do not wish to become addicted.” “Coffee. Black.” Celestia proclaimed it as if it would be the newest law of the land. Bean gave his wife an amused look. “Black?  Really?” “Sugar and creamers are for the weak.” She sniffed. “Oh really?” Luna glowered, but then Celestia smiled. “No, not really. You remember Father always used to take his black?” “I do,” Luna replied with an instant flip to happiness. “It drove Mother absolutely crazy, too. He always said he wanted to taste the beverage, not the added sweeteners. ‘If I want sweet I’ll ask for a sugar cane,’ the crazy fool.” “Yes, but thanks to that, my perception of proper coffee preparation has been forever skewed. It just doesn’t taste right with anything else in it. What about you, my love?” “Oh, just water for me. You don’t want me to have any caffeine; it won’t end well.” “What will happen?” Luna asked with a bit too much eagerness in her voice, and Bean rolled his eyes at the display. “Do you want to peel me off the ceiling? Or perhaps you feel like running two marathons back-to-back? The stuff over stimulates me like mad. The last time I had a cup—and it was just one cup—I didn’t sleep for thirty-three hours. I went on some sort of bizarre cooking binge, but nothing I created was edible. It wasn’t pretty.” “Oh, come now,” Luna scoffed. “I can believe the not sleeping part, but I doubt your parents would allow you to waste that much food.” Bean gave her a flat look. “I’m telling you, it was horrible; beyond my usual bad screw-ups, by a long shot.” “Wait, ‘it’?” Celestia asked. “Did you only create one dish in that time?” “Eeyup,” he said with a deep nod. “What was it?” “You don’t want to know.” “Please?” Bean clamped his mouth shut, and he folded his arms tightly. He groaned and his lips quivered when Celestia batted her eyelashes at him, and he inwardly bemoaned his inability to resist that seductively inquisitive look that his wife was calling out with. “Dah! Alright!” It only took a moment for him to break. “If you really must know. But don’t ever tell anypony else!” “I won’t, love.” “I meant Luna.” “Mister Bean!” Luna gasped in disappointed shock. “Do you really believe I am capable of such an act?” “You stuck my hoof in warm water,” he pointed out, “and you told me Star Struck had to put up with your snoring for fifteen years, and you slammed me up against a wall, and—” “You should really have more faith in me, Mister Bean,” Luna said with a smile. “Fine. Not a word out of me either.” “I made cod cakes.” The unicorn behind the counter let out a deep gasp of horror, and the coffee cup he had been holding in his magic fell and shattered with a sharp snap. Luna recoiled backwards slightly, and Celestia’s face took on look of serious concern. “I… I see.” Luna was the first to speak, but that was all she could muster. “I warned you. I don’t remember how I got my hooves on fresh cod, but my guess is a trawler must have been in the docks with a load bound for Griffonstone. Thankfully, my mom talked my dad out of disowning me over a taboo, and she found a Griffon who was willing to eat it. Sadly, he said it was actually quite good. I self-banned myself from coffee after that.” “Well, I suppose we know what to do the next time Ambassador Ghis visits,” Celestia replied slowly. “This was the only time you’ve done this?” “The one and only, yes.” “Then none of us shall ever speak of it again,” Celestia stated with finality. “I think we should continue this conversation in private, sister.” “Indeed.” Luna stood, and her magic wrapped around the foam cup that had been placed before her. “Thank you, Mister Roast. Your services to the Crown are greatly appreciated, as always.” “My pleasure, Princess,” he offered with Celestia’s coffee and Bean’s water in his magic. “Here’s these for you, and please let me know if you need anything else.” “We certainly will.” The rear door of the dining car slammed open, and three pairs of royal eyes turned to watch as Blueblood fumed his way over to them with a small object being towed along in his magic and a bright red line across his right ear. With plenty of venom in his glare but not a peep out of his mouth, he dumped the small mouse trap on the counter, turned, and left in the same way he’d entered. There was a deep and profound silence for a few moments while each royal contemplated this turn of events, but after that moment Luna took in a slow breath through her nose. “Totally worth it.” * * ✹ * * Bean took a quick glance out of the window as the train lurched under his hooves. As much as Rainbow Dash had wanted to take a flying leap off of the top of the car at full speed into Ponyville, Rarity had kindly pointed out that the ending for all non-pegasus ponies in that scenario would be rather uncomfortable. Having now allowed the passengers who needed to exit to do so, Bean was on his way with Celestia, Luna, and Shining to begin preparations in Canterlot. “Let see,” Twilight announced while she quite happily applied those marvelous marks of check to the list. “Rarity and Fluttershy are taking care of the dresses, Rainbow Dash is checking in with the Weather Department, Applejack is handling the catering, and Pinkie Pie is… huh. Where is Pinkie?” “I thought she was with Applejack,” Bean replied with a glance up and down the car quickly. “She didn’t go with her?” “No, she didn’t. I didn’t see her get off. That’s ok; she’s probably checking on the cake.” “Does she make a habit of disappearing?” “Only on Thursdays, typically. It’ll be fine. Now, I need to see how the transportation for the VIP guests is coming along. I’ll be right back.” She then teleported away, leaving Bean to sigh and to figure out what he should be doing to help. But then he heard… screaming? It was low and distant, yet it seemed to be increasing. “Discord, I’m going to rip the horns off of your head and use them for sconces in my apartment if you don’t get me out of here right now!” Wysteria then poof-exploded into existence right before Bean’s eyes, but on her back and with her legs straight up in the air. “Sorry, busy at the moment!” Discord’s voice emanated from nowhere. “The boy toy is with Shining Armor, you’re welcome, and I’ll see you on Tuesday!” “Welcome back?” Bean offered a hoof up, and Wysteria accepted the offer with some muttered grumbles concerning Discord’s travel arrangements. “Thank you, Your Highness.” She straightened her flowered collar, adjusted her glasses, and summoned her ever-faithful clipboard with a quick flash of magic. “It’s good to be back.” “How were the Pineapples?” “Delicious, and the Islands were nice too,” she remarked with a warm smile. “Discord was right, I did need that break. I feel a lot better now.” “Glad to hear it. Did Discord take care of you and Quill?” Wysteria’s lips thinned. “He did, except for the transportation. I really hope your little journey through the chaos zone was not as surreal as my trip. Other than that, though, he did provide pleasant arrangements. The bungalow was light and airy, the drinks were superb, the entertainment was charming, and Quill and I even got lei’d.” Bean’s cheeks burned a bit, and he coughed into a hoof. “Um, I’m not sure that’s something you should be sharing with me.” “No, no, no,” Wysteria groaned. “Lei! Ell Eee Eye!” “Oh.” Bean nodded in understanding. “And you say Quill got lei’d too?” “Anyway,” she shot back with an annoyed smile, “I’m positive that I am now very much behind schedule, and there is much that needs to be done.” Her magic flipped through the papers on her clipboard, but then stopped halfway and started over. A deep frown appeared when she started the process a third time, and Bean tilted his head slightly. “Problem?” “I’m missing some pages. The catering information is gone, and the transportation arrangements, and—” “Oh, that. It’s being taken care of.” “What? By who?” “The Element Bearers. Princess Twilight just barely took off with the transportation details.” “Oh,” Wysteria replied, and the papers flipped again. “Should we have left them?” “No, no. I just… uh. It looks like most of my work has been taken off of my hooves.” “That was the idea. Celestia is working on the invitations at the moment if you want to check in.” “I think I will. I’ll need to do follow-ups on everything, just for cohesion.” “Go ahead. I was just about to go see if Cadence needed help with anything, myself.” Wysteria nodded and turned to meet up with the Princess, but just as she reached the door she turned and looked at Bean over her shoulder. “May I ask a personal question?” “Of course.” “What are your personal feelings about Corporal Quillpoint?” Bean shrugged. “He seems nice enough, I suppose. I don’t know enough about him to really have an opinion.” She nodded slowly. “I see.” “Look, don’t let me stand in the way if you want to pursue a relationship. If you like him, then go for it. I think you would be a cute couple, honestly.” Wysteria smiled a little. “Thanks.” “Uncle Bean!” Cadence called out. “Could you come here? I need your input on the music.” Bean watched on with a smirk while Wysteria pulled a goldenrod paper from her clipboard, crumpled it, and dropped it to the floor. “That feels pretty good.” Meanwhile… Principal Celestia liked getting into school early, before the problems had a chance to breed in dark corners and produce more paperwork.  Dawn normally found her secure behind the oak principal’s desk of Canterlot High, bent over one report or another that tied into the activities of her days. This morning was no exception, but no sooner had she rested her rump on the Chair of Office, as her sister liked to describe it, than there came a light and expected tapping on the office door. “Come,” she called out, putting on a polite smile when the school dietitian swept cautiously into her office, bearing a tray in one hand.  “You know, you don’t have to do this,” she added. “I’m sorry, Miss Celestia, but I think I do.”  He placed the tray down on the cleared section of the desk she had prepared and swept off the cover.  “A gently poached onsen egg, several miniature pancakes with real maple syrup and butter, a croissant with my aunt’s apple jam, organic orange juice, and two slices of whole wheat toast with butter and strawberry jam.  A little high in carbs, but since you didn’t want any sausage or bacon, I had to work with what I had.” “Thank you, Mister Bean.”  Celestia heaved a quiet sigh.  “How long are you going to make me apology breakfasts?  It was just one minor bump, and my nose quit bleeding almost at once.  I shouldn’t have been sticking my nose in the sunflower patch of the school greenhouse anyway.” “Well, I shouldn’t have been standing in the sunflower patch,” said Bean, who finished laying out the breakfast items in a perfect arrangement and produced a large foam container labelled Java le Choza.  “And your coffee. Black, as requested.” Celestia could not resist taking a quick sip of the ebon brew, and tried to identify the subtle hint of flavor he had added, despite being discouraged several times so far.  She was not about to admit she enjoyed the effort, despite the obvious smile on his face that showed her resistance might not have been as good as she thought. “Thank you again, Mister Bean.” “You’re welcome, Principal Celestia.” Bean bobbed his head and slipped out the office door at almost the same time her sister came yawning into the room.  Luna looked at the breakfast spread, then quickly snatched a piece of toast and took a bite before any objections could be lodged. “He still at it, sis?” Luna polished off the toast with several quick crunches and washed it down with a gulp of her own coffee, an undoubtedly corrupted brew filled with such things as soy and flavoring pumps. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Luna.”  Celestia blew gently on the poached egg and took a delicate bite. After some chewing and deep appreciation, she looked up at Luna, who had decided to sit on the edge of the table. “I’m not interested in him as a romantic partner, so you can wipe that smirk off your face, Sister.” “You’re not getting any younger, Celly.”  Luna took a deep drink out of her coffee and smiled.  “Try something new. You might find you like it.” “Baked Bean is freshly out of college.  Imagine the scandal it would cause if I go for someone so much younger than myself.” “When has age ever stopped true love, dear sister?” Luna countered and pressed forward, despite her sister’s scoff. “He is a far cry from the ‘forbidden fruit’ that you think he is. Besides,” her eyes went to her drink with a glimmer of tease, “I’ve seen the way your eyes wander.” A school girl blush cascaded across Celestia’s cheeks, but she attempted to hide the fact behind a convenient manila folder. “H-Have you nothing better to do?” “Sadly, yes. But this is not over.” Celestia could only shake her head as Luna left her to the busy work, but she waited for a moment and watched the door like a hawk. Once she was satisfied that there would be no more intruders, she slowly opened the top drawer of her desk and withdrew a simple spiral-bound notebook. With a soft smile spreading across her face, she flipped over the cover and unfolded a piece of yellow lined paper from within. This is the (very) rough draft of my story, per your request. It’s not much to look at, but I greatly appreciate you taking the time to review it and for your input. I doubt I will ever actually be a published writer, but if my simple tale can bring a smile to your face, I will consider it a success. -Mister Bean Celestia’s smile deepened. He had given her this draft only two days ago, and yet she had already found his tale to be an engaging and interesting yarn. As expected,  he was making most of the mistakes an ametuer writer would—comma placement, subject/object inversions, passive voice versus active voice—but the core of it was good. With some red pencil polish and perhaps some encouraging words, the dietician could have a respectable story on his hands. “Perhaps Luna is right,” Celestia remarked to herself with another loving glance over his delectable spread. “He does have a way with words. I wonder if he does desserts, too.”