• Member Since 26th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

TDR


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.


Featured In1

T

When Twilight Sparkle had the magical surge that cemented her place as Celestia's student, the amount of power she released not only hatched a baby Dragon, it brought forth something else. Something that shouldn't exist any more.
Something that has Celestia worried.

A fluffy puppy.


[Despite the gore tag it's rather light on that, and they have yet to make a lewd tag and there's a bit of that.]

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 97 )

Please! Please! Pleeeeease, tell me you are going to have a few scenes of cuteness with Twilight, Spike, and Rahs as they grow up before they meet the rest of the mane 6.

At least Spike has company. Maybe Moon Dogs age slower?

It’s a VERY good thing you have the Comedy tag so prominent, this chapter was absolutely hilarious!
Yes, even the part about the would be kidnappers. A bit grim-dark but still able to get a laugh out of.
The only sad part was the roughing up the poor pup got.
Also, the antics I can see the trio and Caddy getting up to MIGHT be worthy of a dark tag. All the damage to palace from the fun and games that are sure to be had in it.

Cadance wont last long against that weapons adorableness:pinkiecrazy:

This is very interesting definitely tracking it.

:rainbowhuh:So Cadence is Twilight's bodyguard?

...

:applejackunsure:Neat

Cadence is doooooooooomed. I will have to find the cloning spell so I can make sure to have a copy of cadence's mind when they fire the cuteness overload weapon at her.

I did not know Cadence was part of the Thieves Guild or that Equestria had one. I'm not so sure she can withstand the trifecta of weapons-grade cuteness that is Twilight, Rahs and Spike. I'll bet Rahs looks like a mix between a malamute and a pomeranian.

I looked at this and noticed that the author description seemed familiar... then the writing style of comedy and gore-ish stuff... TDR strikes again! You get a favorite, you get a favorite! All your works get favorites!

Thestrils

Thestrals

8415237
It can't be misspelled so many times, ergo - it was designed to be this.

I gave all my yes to another story a while ago. I just generated another truck load. Take it. Take all the yes and make more of this awesome adorableness with pup, whelp, and filly shenanigans. And from Celestia's diary too! XD

Rahs de Medici was the inventor of ice cream.

That was pretty hilarious, but unless I'm missing some kind of reference here, you picked a pretty weird name for that. The House of Medici was well-known for being hard-ass medieval bankers and traders, not for being any kind of innovators or inventors. I mean, if you're doing a reference to real-world historical figures, I would've picked someone who fits the theme better.

Also, the thieves guild uses Hobo Code, haha.

TDR

8415237
Huh... okay fixed.

TDR

8414724
The dark/gore tag was actually added solely for the kidnapper bit. And perhaps for his eating habits later on. I do like a bit of dark humor to tell the truth.
8414973
I have been trying very hard not to use this line as it is a reminder of one of the most hated chars of the 80s.
8415144
Cadence isn't Celestia was.In a disguise of course. Actually Rahs' design is based of Red XIII from final fantasy 7. That guy was both a cat and a wolf.
8415555
Catherine De Medici [wife of Henry the 2d] was rumored to have brought some chefs to france who knew how to make sorbet. There were earlier names but this one stuck.. and Rahs was Rahs before that. This was just a random tie in i had put together.

Skyrim thieves markings actually.

8415576
I mean, they're a fictional race of bat-ponies not named in the canon, so you can technically call them whatever you feel like.
However, the fandom pretty much universally uses Thestrals as they are a actual mythological bat-winged equine species (they also featured in "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", which instigated it and pretty much guaranteed its adoption.)

8415586
Huh. You learn something new every day.

I actually liked the 'Medici' more than the 'Rahs.' It's just so stereotypically "cool fantasy name." Might just be me, though.

... The mention of a fluffy pupper has caught my attention. I must read...

Hmm... Pupper will run distraction while Spike and Twi grab the cookies. It's the revenge of the foal-sat!
... Hmm? What's that? Wrong universe? Humbug...

Like really good, I’m talking Marey Cloppings good.

"Clopping Mary" sounds like she isn't the most family friendly of foalsitters.

Nah, Cadence is well versed in the ways of the cuteness and has developed an actual counter to all cuteness based attacks. Those who unleash their cute looks while pleading for cookies and being allowed to stay up after bedtime shall be countered with two simple questions.

for cookies, "Do you want one cookie later or none at all?"

And for bedtime "If you don't go to bed now, then you'll oversleep and be tardy for things you want to do."

just the cookie question would work as I don’t know how to work with filly Twilight's personality.

And since it's me suggesting her, Night Light and Twilight Velvet can't complain. Particularly with how much their current sitter is charging them so she could buy full body plate mail. Not that I think that would help when Spike finally realizes he can breath fire on command not just on burp.

Wait until Spike realizes that plate tastes like a cantaloupe. Then the fun will start once she remembers that she is still inside the plate.:pinkiecrazy::scootangel:

I just found this and I absolutely love it! :rainbowlaugh:

[Despite the gore tag it's rather light on that

So why have the gore tag?
It means this story won't appear for people who search with 'gore' redded out, and those who forget to do so - or search in groups or the like - will pass this by just because it has a tag they don't like.

Every way I see it, having a tag when the story contains little of what that tag describes is just detrimental.

8415831

Every way I see it, having a tag when the story contains little of what that tag describes is just detrimental.

Because it's a rule. Gore and Sex must be tagged. You don't get to pick.

Fun fact: Hire beings that are apathetic we are immune to cute, flirty, and death looks and/or glares.

8415843 In Equestria, that sort of being is hard, if not impossible to find.

8415853
And thank God for that. Disaffected teenagers with a chip on their shoulder are one thing I really do not miss in this show.

Here's hoping Cadence survives her first encounter with those three.
I've got the cardiac teams on standby.

If you've got a puppy, a cute pony and a 'just born' dragon all giving you the puppy eyes, I'll say it now!

You're dead!

... wait a minute:rainbowderp:

Cadence is a cougar!

If you need a name for the three of them, why don't you try the "Triwoofcta?"

So adorable we need more of the puppy and he's race there cool interesting lore and cute

TDR

8416065
ooooh not bad but a slight change, How bout Twiwoofdra

You've got an interesting concept here, but the flaws in the story far, far outweigh its good points.

First and foremost, the grammar. There are errors in everything from punctuation and formatting to spelling. If grammar isn't your strong suit, that's fine, but by your sixteenth story you should know that and know that you need to have an editor look over your work before you publish it.

The second is tenses. There were a couple slips in the first three chapters, but it got even worse in chapter four when you started intentionally trying to write in present tense. It was hard to go even one paragraph without finding somewhere that the tenses switched back and forth. This one has the same fix as the grammar. You need an editor.

There were a couple other things in the content that could end up being plotholes later on, but it's still too early in the story to say whether or not those are actual mistakes or intentional.

This story seems like it could be really good if you take the time to clean it up, but as it is all I can say is that it needs work.

TDR

8416073
Present tense is not my strong suit and the speed and amount i write tends to discourage most editors. I do have an offer of one for this story however as my chapters are more manageable than SiS's 10-20k monster chapters. It probably doesn't help that i've knocked out 4 and a half chapters in less than 24 hours because i can't focus on anything else atm.

While the story will follow canon as close as i can, head canon takes priority as it's an AU story , so a lot of back ground is going to be altered from canon verse. Some things might tie in parts to the SiS storyline, but that's cause they are locked as head canon for me.

The second thing she notices was the amount of bookshelves that filled the living room. She had seen libraries with less. The books were in alphabetical order, though there didn't seem to be any sort of specific type. Foals books were mixed in with juvenile novels, higher magic theory books sat next to baby's first readers.

Ah, we see that Caddy has found Twilight’s light reading selection.

Rahs misbehaves just squirt him with the water bottle and try to ignore his growling, he hasn't bitten any one too hard in months.

And they deserved it!

“Nothing bad...” Cadence mutters looking up the stairs. “Sure, how hard can it be.”

The first impressions Cady has of this family, I LOVE IT! MOAR!:flutterrage:

Good chapter. Like cady introduction.

8416077
The thing about plot wasn't directed at things being changed from canon since, as you said, that's to be expected in an AU. At the moment it's mostly directed at how Rahs appeared and the consequences of it. The fact that Twilight somehow managed to not only summon a creature that's supposed to not exist anywhere and that she's never even heard of in order to recreate, but also bind it with what is supposed to be the blackest of magics and yet somehow suffer no ill effects from it, is a bit of a stretch. I can't say it's an actual flaw at this point, since it's still very early in the story and there's plenty more to come, but it's definitely something that needs to be addressed eventually. The only reason I even bothered to mention it this early in the story is because it's the kind of thing that I see a lot of authors on this site overlook for one reason or another.

TDR

8416157
Ahhh okay. I get it now. The summoning spell will be addressed. Still it's not that far of a stretch she transformed her parents into a completely different life form and they came back with no ill effects. Not something supposed to be possible in most spell book rulings either. i can see why it gets ignored. It's really easy to blend that sort of thing into a mcguffin.

One of my problems however is fluff. I love explaining everything which is why SiS became so long winded at times, and getting even more long winded as i go back and fix it.

In any case don't worry Rahs will be explained further along in the story. The summoning spell reason will be more theorised than anything else. But it is hinted at.

It was coming up after the Cady arc when we pop back to Celestia's journal.

Why is the latest chapter so shit compared to the rest? Is it unedited or something?

Regardless, I'm liking it so far. Here's to hoping it doesn't end up being cancelled or on indefinite hiatus, like so many stories I just happen to enjoy end up.

TDR

8416336
I do have some one who wants to edit it. And as i said current tense isn't my thing. I may re write this into 1st person from cadences point of view.

8416406

I mean, it's good enough, I guess? But yeah, I would recommend having it edited by someone else, or just switch the style around to what you're familiar with. Although, practice makes masters, so with practice I'm sure you'll get around to using present tense and third person just fine.

In the end, you are the author, so take my advise as you like. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment