…....the one with the waggly tail
Twilight Gets a Puppy
By TDR
…....the one with the waggly tail
Celestia's Journal entry.... Thursday I think? Or is it Friday? No. It's Thursday, nothings on fire.
While I know I explained this before, that journal is probably buried under a hundred others, so I might as well again. It's not as if anything exciting happened today aside from my nearly dying watching Twilight’s face scrunch up like a prune as she tried to cast a teleport spell for the first time.
The spell is far beyond even her abilities at this point, but she was insisting she be allowed to try.
Any way, about my niece, Princess Mi Amoré Cadenza.
First and foremost is that she is none of those things. She is not related to me... trust me I checked, she's related to a bloodline that vanished from Equestria a long time ago.
Second, she isn't a Princess, see vanished blood line. At best, she could claim to be a noble.
Third, that's not her real name. I chose it because that long winded thing was funny at the time.
Finally, she's not a proper alicorn.....
I think.
Don't quote me on that last one.
The other gods I know have been around since the thing they represent has been around. In my case the sun. In Luna’s case, the moon, there was Chaos, the Oceans, the Earth, and Sky somewhere. And I'm pretty sure there was a rabbit god somewhere who represented the concept of time. But he was always running late to the parties we used to throw so we stopped inviting him.
Cadence [her preferred name, though still not her real one, which was McKillip or something], started life as a pegasus about two hundred years ago. While I am only somewhat sure of the details, there was a unicorn within the town she grew up who created a love stealing spell and had one of the alicorn amulets; Another artifact created by Her to boost Her troops’ powers. The things keep turning up like bad bits.
Cadence reversed the spell, [I have no idea how she was a pegasus for stars’ sake], and cured the unicorn's issues.[ I still say getting her laid would have done the same thing.] Then according to witnesses, Cadence exploded.
At this point in time I was dealing with some pressing issues on Equestria's east coast. Mostly stubborn idiots who refused to run from a Category 5 out of control hurricane that had cropped up due to some weather ponies sleeping on the job. [ I had that investigated later and it turned out to be a butterfly’s fault of all things.] I only knew of a bit of the trouble in Hollow Shades, but a wild category 5 hurricane was a bit more pressing than some depressed ponies.
The sudden flood of energy from her explosion was hard to miss however, and I suddenly knew a destination to teleport that I didn't before. Still, priorities, but after dealing with the disaster evacuations the pinging note of the power was still going off in my head. Since I was finished I popped into the destination ready to throw down with something thinking it was a threat. [I was really annoyed at that butterfly.]
Of course what I found was a terrified pink pegasus who had been stuck in a weird place floating in space that was showing her all her past memories. This included a number of the sort of memories that just pop into your brain and make you think “why was I so stupid” at 3 am when you're trying to sleep.
She didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what was going on, and before I could figure it out, she exploded again.
So if anyone asks, yes, yes you can do that, you can explode twice.
Still, the explosion left a trail of magic I could follow and when I did, I found myself in Hollow Shades. Next to me was a super confused pink pegasus, who now had the whole town bowing to her, a horn on her head and a perfect heart shaped ass.... I mean, heart shaped cutie mark on her flank....
Note to self: get a disguise, and go bar hopping again soon.
Don't you judge me journal, a mare's got needs.
At any rate, after a thorough investigation it was found that she was a real alicorn, and an alicorn of love at that. Which as I wrote before makes no sense as love was already a thing. It had been a thing since chocolate cake was invented... or maybe a bit before that, I just know that was my first love.
Still, I was fully prepared to bring her back to Canterlot, put her on a throne and halve my paperwork and time with the nobles when she did something unexpected.
She thanked me for the offer to make her a Princess, and then refused it.
Honestly, I wasn't aware this was even an option. Had I known, some other schmuck could have been dealing with running Equestria and I could have been kicked back on a beach some where moving the sun to just the right position for a perfect tan.
Since I hadn't planned to force her to do anything anyway, I did the expected wise Princess thing of leaving the offer open and giving her a place to send a letter if she had questions. It was then I found out that she didn't know how to read or write. Which, while fairly normal at the time for working class ponies, I've since fixed that, because who wants to rule over a country of idiots? I'd never find intelligent conversation, nor anypony creative enough to make new kinds of cakes. So I sent a scribe out there to write the correspondence for her and to teach her to read and write.
So until about twenty some years ago Cadence lived out in the back woods of Equestria, dealing with the weather for farmers over the little rural area. In time, Hollow Shades pretty much stopped treating her like a Princess and more like someone who was just there like any other neighbor. Any travelers still had a conniption when they saw her however. She eventually became a bit of a tourist attraction for a while and earned the name “The Rural Princess”.
She hates that title by the way. She also really hates the fact that one of the first photographs of her, shows her slopping pigs, covered in mud and strands of hay while she was helping out a neighbor. It's a long forgotten image now, but I’ve got close to three hundred copies of it stashed away, including one on a giant banner that I am so going to put up if she ever gets married or hosts a big party.
It wasn't the first time she had come to Canterlot, though that was usualy to ask for some help with something she found out she could do now or some bit of magic or another. The first time she did it there was a large fuss over her. The second time she came by she had a disguise spell that I was rather impressed with. Her unaided magical progression if she managed a disguise like that was phenomenal, though she didn't think it was that important of a step.
It was. She didn't hide her horn, she simply made a spell to make it the most uninteresting thing about her and thus every one ignored it, and probably focused on her rear, though I didn't say that to her. My student at the time, Sunset Shimmer, was the one who pointed it out to me. She was very clever for a six year old, pity that went south as bad as it did. Even Cadence couldn't help with that one.
Still twenty years or so ago Cadence had had enough of the farm life and wanted a more formal education, but given her education, she didn't know much, and needed to start from the bottom in everything. So after upping her disguise and giving her a fake background, she was sent to act as a teacher's aide for a local school as a unicorn. This allowed the 'adult' mare to experience all the learning of Kindergarten through eighth grade without the boredom that would come to an adult during nap time and the panic of juice box tantrums.
It also had the side effect of making her really good with foals. Like... really good. I’m talking Marey Cloppings good.
Once she hit eighth grade she was enrolled properly as it took little to no effort to make her look like an awkward teenager, and her social skills were still out of whack enough that she fit right in.
She's is doing rather well, though it seems she's become the 'popular mare' in school despite not wanting to be. Probably the spell hiding her wings making everyone focus on her butt again. I've also set up a tutor for giving her after hours classes on nobility and anything else needed to be a proper Princess. It was part of our deal.
I'll get my vacation yet.
Recently I brought up the issue with Twilight, Rahs, and Spike to her and she agreed to offer her service in dealing with foals to the parents. She wanted to be helpful and she didn't think she had managed that yet spending all her time in school.
And since it's me suggesting her, Night Light and Twilight Velvet can't complain. Particularly with how much their current sitter is charging them, so she could buy full body plate mail. Not that I think that would help when Spike finally realizes he can breath fire on command not just on burp.
Given Cadence will be funded by the crown, that should help them a little financially.
All in all this seems like a decent plan if I do say so myself. And I do.
Here's hoping Cadence survives her first encounter with those three.
I've got the cardiac teams on standby.
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Hmm... Pupper will run distraction while Spike and Twi grab the cookies. It's the revenge of the foal-sat!
... Hmm? What's that? Wrong universe? Humbug...
"Clopping Mary" sounds like she isn't the most family friendly of foalsitters.
Nah, Cadence is well versed in the ways of the cuteness and has developed an actual counter to all cuteness based attacks. Those who unleash their cute looks while pleading for cookies and being allowed to stay up after bedtime shall be countered with two simple questions.
for cookies, "Do you want one cookie later or none at all?"
And for bedtime "If you don't go to bed now, then you'll oversleep and betardyfor things you want to do."just the cookie question would work as I don’t know how to work with filly Twilight's personality.
Wait until Spike realizes that plate tastes like a cantaloupe. Then the fun will start once she remembers that she is still inside the plate.
I just found this and I absolutely love it!
So why have the gore tag?
It means this story won't appear for people who search with 'gore' redded out, and those who forget to do so - or search in groups or the like - will pass this by just because it has a tag they don't like.
Every way I see it, having a tag when the story contains little of what that tag describes is just detrimental.
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Because it's a rule. Gore and Sex must be tagged. You don't get to pick.
Fun fact: Hire beings that are apathetic we are immune to cute, flirty, and death looks and/or glares.
8415843 In Equestria, that sort of being is hard, if not impossible to find.
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And thank God for that. Disaffected teenagers with a chip on their shoulder are one thing I really do not miss in this show.
If you've got a puppy, a cute pony and a 'just born' dragon all giving you the puppy eyes, I'll say it now!
You're dead!
... wait a minute
Cadence is a cougar!
uh, phrasing
Celestia, I have no idea you would be so cruel!
Can't find it, but the constant references to killer cuteness are reminding me of this old pic of Sweetie Belle reaching out for a hug and the guy she's reaching out to falls over from a heart attack.
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Here were a lot of images like that with the cmc and filly mane 6
Can't find it, but the constant references to killer cuteness are reminding me of this old pic of Sweetie Belle reaching out for a hug and the guy she's reaching out to falls over from a heart attack.
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*Gives you a filly Luna*
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Woooooona!!!!!!!!
pre04.deviantart.net/06c6/th/pre/i/2012/104/7/4/woona__moonstuck__vector_by_spykev-d4w3wl9.png
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I think the proper term is
OMAE WA MOU SHINDERU
Bar hopping with Granny Smith, of course.
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You see, Equestria has magical cuteness that is cuter than physically possible. What that means is that, unless you also have an active mind blank or other high-quality mental defense, the magically boosted cuteness will CAUSE you to lose your apathy and become vulnerable to heart attack.
Well, darn. Was that intentional, or did you write it, come back later and say, "Bad subconscious, no cookie for you."?
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Actualy it was to see who's minds were in the gutter. Clop is the sound a hoof makes against a hard surface as a equine walks......you dirty people you......
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I don't understand what you're on about...
Still no fucks given about the date
Um. How can she be related to a bloodline that doesn't exist anymore? That's kind of contradictory. If the bloodline vanished, that means it died out, and no one is related to it anymore...?
Hah.
Ah yes, that one
She did have a perfect heart-shaped ass too, mind you
I already look forward to this fic's version of the royal wedding
Y'know, I'd think it'd be loads easier to disguise as a unicorn... wings can be hidden under clothes, but how do you freaking hide a horn in the middle of your forehead?!
Ahh, she read the Great Teachings of Douglas Adams, inventor of the S.E.P. spell.
Her progression to babysitter was inevitable
Called it
I see that gag'll keep on running
She's gonna be so disgruntled when that Crystal Empire shows up and she realises she needs someone to manage it
Ah well. At least Luna will (hopefully) be back by then.
Remarks and corrections:
> Any way, about my niece,
"Anyway". One word.
> I have no idea how she was a Pegasus for stars’ sake
You need a semicolon between "how" and "she" there.
> Unicorn's issues.[ I still say
Space on the wrong side of the bracket.
> [ I had that investigated later
More space issues with brackets... normally, you have spaces outside, none inside.
> and a perfect heart shaped ass
"heart-shaped"
> I've got the cardiac teams on standby.
There's an orphaned "." on the line below that for some strange reason.
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A blood line can vanish but still have those related around who are not of the pure bloodline. Bastards and 2d cousins and the like. Nobility is odd like that.
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Ah yes, that way, heh.
Just because I've never done it. Wooot first comment of the new year.
This pun works on too many levels. I cringe while I chuckle.
Aww that's cute... she thinks that plate mail will protect her
I understand that you're referencing Mary Poppins, but "Cloppings" sounds really bad if you know what the word clop means in brony slang.
She's is doing rather well, though it seems she's become the 'popular mare' in school despite not wanting to be. Probably the spell hiding her wings making everyone focus on her butt again. I've also set up a tutor for giving her after hours classes on nobility and anything else needed to be a proper Princess. It was part of our deal.
'She is' or just "She's.'
Marey Cloppings! That made me laugh. This Is a particularly great work because of the originality and creativity you bring into the setting of the story, and the creativity and realism of the backgrounds of the characters. You made me go, "ooooh, yeah that makes sense. Why isn't that in the actual show; it makes a lot of sense," multiple times.
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Phrasing asside, MARY MOTHERBUCKING POPPINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I get that reference
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i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/903/396/a6d.jpg
I understood both.
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Heeheeheeheehee!!!!
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Aren't the naive SO adorable?
Mary Cloppins, NOT Mary CloppinGs.
Thank you!
Are you talking about the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland?
So that's what happened! It was the plan all along!
What..? is Friday fire day?
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Friday in Canterlot, is Tuesday in Ponyville
Sounds like Fridays are fun.
I will join in that celly
Oh crap the cute attack happened again! Get the defibrillator!
I can't believe i have forgotten this story,still is one of the funniest and epic ones out there.
I like the background and history you gave Cadence, her being an accidental alicorn from the country side who wants to help people and who then moves to Canterlot rather than being a reserve princess for marketing purposes.
This story is pure comedic gold! Magnificent
Clueless goddess... Amazing concept!
Very well done =3
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I guess they need to invent a puppy laucher yet...
Indeed. The comedic ' i didn't know what was going on ' from Celestia was quite entertaining and how Celestia was unsure if one can earn godhood...
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Indeed. I read over a thousand and favorit a few hundred but thats indeed quite the exotic treat ♡
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Cuteness is like friendship. It can be used to dispose of others you want gone
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One night stand as Princess is probably problematic. Tjan again if the hit it of and the stallion dont run after learning the truth
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Every day can be fun. Making it so is just very challanging ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Running a Princessdom for centuries/millenia is long enough i guess
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Dont know something that fits better...
When l read that, the cola spit-take l did from laughter could have launched a rocket and sent it to Mars in 10 second flat... How in the named of Celestia's sunny ass, could it have taken me so long to find this gem of a story?... Can you ever forgive me for not having found it sooner, TDR?