Loup Before You Sleep, Epilogue
Twilight Gets a Puppy
By TDR
Loup Before You Sleep
Epilogue
Trotting down the road on the way back to her farm, Applejack decided to slow down a little to look over the damage the storm did. The river around town was swollen and one of the bridges had partially washed away, though it was an older one, due to be replaced soon anyway. A few trees were damaged, one or two ponies might have some new leaks to fix, but the damage was rather minimal over all.
The sky was still dotted with a number of clouds though the majority of them had already been cleared. Given what Dash had said about needing to watch the storm all night she expected the team was passed out somewhere in the cloudscape likely to finish up after a nap. Applejack couldn't fault them for that, while Dash seemed lazy, when work needed to be done, she was just as hardworking as the Apples were.
Of course all of this thinking was to distract her from the real issue. What happened last night at the library.
She knew her anger with Rarity was unfounded, but she couldn't help it. It was one of those things where a pony automatically didn't like someone and every little thing they did cemented that hatred.
Applejack sighed, her walk slowed and just let one hoof fall in front of the other as she moved on, lost in her thoughts.
Her father had told her once that holding onto anger was like swallowing poison and waiting for another pony to die. She wondered if that also included Diamond Dogs and not just Ponies.
She wanted to think that the ones that killed her parents had been taken care of by the Royal Guard, but their pack was still out there and Applejack wanted to crush the life out of every single one of those Bone Hounds she could get her hooves on. Only Big Mac, Granny, and Applebloom had kept her from hunting every single one of them down, or die trying.
Her family was torn apart by the damn dogs and then, out of nowhere, this prissy white unicorn gets foal napped. Before the Guard could come back she then waltzed back into town like nothing had happened, some how striking some sort of deal with the Hounds. A deal she wouldn't tell any pony the details of.
Applejack knew that was where her anger stemmed from. Rarity's deal with the mutts kept them away from the town and leaving travelers alone. Applejack didn't see a reason for there to be peace, she wanted them all gone.
Still.
At the very least she shouldn't hold Rarity responsible for the mess. Her parents were killed long before this deal was set up. Applebloom wasn't even walking yet, her sister only recalling her parents from faded photos and memories from her infancy.
The incident last night brought home that it was stupid. Her anger at Rarity over nothing almost ended another friendship.
Poison indeed.
She had to let this go. Being angry at some pony when they did nothing wrong was no way to live. It would take time and effort, but Applejack was nothing if not stubborn, she'd get over this.
Rarity looked up at her shop, walking around the outside of it with an appraising eye. Aside from a few loosened shutters her shop was still in top shape. Rarity sighed pushing open the front door and closing it behind her, not bothering to turn the closed sign around. Every pony would be too busy with clean up today to bother with coming in for a fitting any way.
Something Rarity was quite fine with this morning.
She flopped down on a couch pressing her face into a pillow with a groan. Last night had nearly been a disaster simply because she couldn't stop goading a mare who didn't even seem to recall why.
In a word it was pointless, and it nearly cost her her friendship with Twilight. She still felt she owed the mare and her brothers something. Not just for the gala tickets and her harsh behavior either.
She put up with the occasional prank and oddity of the trio, and for the most part they seemed to accept her despite her own flaws. In truth Rahs amused her the most out of the three, when she had discovered his love for drama and the theater the first time the pair of them had gone through at least four scenes of a 'Wagon named Desire' before Spike threw them out of the library.
Not to say she disliked Twilight or Spike, but of the three she shared more interests with the Moon Dog. Odd given how their initial meeting went.
Still last night was nearly the worst thing ever. Certainly she had learned some things about Twilight and her problems, but she had also caused a number of them, all because of a petty feud with Applejack, one that the farm mare didn't even remember was going on.
Long before she had gotten her cutiemark she had been part of the drama club in school. Applejack had been on the hoof ball team. As most bit novels say, jocks and nerds do not get along. She had been picked on, teased, and shoved in her locker by the jocks as had a number of other drama club members. Applejack it seemed had made her a favored target and would go out of her way to harass the white unicorn filly.
Then one day Applejack stopped coming to school. It wasn't long after that that the Royal Guard showed up and at the time Rarity hadn't known what was going on, but she knew now that Applejack's parents had been killed by the Diamond Dogs.
She knew it was a bad thing, but at the time, her young mind could only think of the joy that she didn't have to deal with Applejack. Without her as ringleader the other bullies didn't seem to have as much desire to pick on any one.
That mattered little to Rarity. She had been pushed past the point of anger with Applejack and had forced her parents to allow her to take martial arts lessons so that the next time Applejack tried anything she could knock that pony into next Tuesday. It never came to pass however as by the time she was skilled enough Applejack was gone.
Applejack never returned to school and the Drama club managed the best performance ever after Rarity gained her cutiemark and made the new costumes. This catapulted the Drama club to the top place in the schools pecking order of finances and the Hoof Ball team was forced to have bake sales to pay for their things.
Evidently Applejack had gone away for a while and was home schooled after that, as Rarity didn't see her again for years. And when she did, the old embarrassment and anger had come up again as if she had just been shoved in a locker moments before.
Applejack however had changed, she didn't even seem to recall she was a bully or even that Rarity went to the same school. Despite that, Rarity couldn't help but hate her.
That had been clear last night, she had been goading Applejack just waiting for the mare to lose her temper and take a swing or do anything so Rarity could put her down. But that never happened, instead she had nearly ruined a new friendship because of her issues with some pony who didn't even recall why Rarity didn't like her.
She couldn't do this anymore, nothing was going to come of her feud with the farmer save more pain and problems. She needed to let it go and simply accept the mare for who she was, not what she had been. Clearly the trials Applejack had gone through when she left school had changed the mare for the better and Rarity had to accept that, and get on with her own life.
It might take some time , but she was certain to be able to do it.
In a dark vault in Canterlot, two Elements of Harmony started to glow softly.
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Work on that title... Seriously.
A pretty good background story that would explain their dislike in each other in a deeper level than their difference in life style.
I would love to see Rarity and AJ has out their problems "on screen" as it were, but I can understand if you are running a tight narrative, and these details are just neat little world-building tidbits you threw in. Great work as normal, and waiting with baited breath for the next update.
8654287
It was loop before you sleep , which was a joke on dogs spinning before laying down. Then it was pointed out that Loup sounds the same and is French for wolf so it became a double pun.
8654329
That was what i was gunning for. Dumb reasons but it makes sense to them
8654367 More will come up about this. I'm a big fan of Chekov's gun so the dumbest little thing i mention in a earlier chapter may come up again. The Wolf of the Harvest Moon is one of those things.
8654371
You sir, have very prompt response time. The only reason I'm awake right now is because I accidentally killed my sleep schedule, and am now functionally nocturnal.
Very nice to know that it stands a chance of popping up again. I love the depth of character you work in, in this and the Stories in Stone. Also amazing to see the progress in your writing style/grammar since your first outing. You do amazing work, and like I said, I look forward to more.
8654371
I’ve been waiting years for someone to implement Chekhov’s Mantle. The audience, expecting the gun to be used, is thus gobsmacked when the mantle is torn off the fireplace and used to bludgeon the victim to death because the gun lacks a firing pin.
8654389
Hmm not sure i've heard that one before.
Apostrophes don't pluralize things.
"any day now any way"- Anyway is one word rather than two.
"memories from her infant hood."- Infanthood is also one word, though Infancy is in more common use nowadays.
8654472
Rarity's did Applejack's was hinted at before, just not the connection with Rarity.
This was an excellent chapter, and you created a rather compelling backstory for these two as well <3
8654371
I was talking about Briard-ile Gossip. Loup was fine, it reminded me of lupine... but Briard-ile?
There's reaching for it and there's breaking your arm for it.
Over a barrel, eh not much Rath would do to change things probalby
Super Cider Squeeze Six thousand, shrug, spike wasn’t even there. although make me wonder what flim an flm magic wou taste like. sour candy i bet.
8654969
Well briad is a type of dog and not all puns are good....
Okay, right off the bat the section put me in a charitable mood, simply for that title. Mostly becuas while I get it's just French for 'Wolf' it makes me think of the only other time I've heard the word, the Loup-Garrou (Uber-ultra badass werewolf) from The Dresden Files, and anything that reminds me of Dresden is a good thing. (Well unless you are doing so via reminding me how good various Dresden/MLP fics have done at blending an Urban Fantasy and Pony by trying to blend the two yourself, and creating a fic of Ed Wood levels of spectacular fail that is so bad, you can't not keep reading to see the train wreck through.)
And it keeps right on going, expanding the scene a bit, something that feels natural to include and perfectly fits what could have gone on if the show makers had more time and resources for things. Dash's bits were just awesome here.
And it goes up even more with the mention of Spike and Rahs hitting up a karaoke bar.
And, having Twilight act more like her canon self, socially naive but eager to learn and just, so adorable. Seriously so far, one of the best chapters yet.
And even showing us the boys side too, and Spike, Hey! I don't care of if he only sings that song, it's a damn good song! Rahs has excellent taste in music. And this just further pushes the story playing keep away with actually telling us how he does this. It's clear he can talk in ways other can understand under certain circumstances, otherwise, how would he get any role in any play that isn't fully silent? Not to mention karaoke, so it's clear there is something up with all this the story isn't telling us.
And yeah, Spike really is the most balanced and level headed one in the family, and he is such a glorious font of unending epic snarking, and it is GLORIOUS! Also, Trixie.... He has quite possibly got the most finally honed bullshit detector in all of Equestria. Also also, yeah, you hurt Rahs, a pissed off dragon will be the least of your worries.
That song though, that song......
All while keeping that build up of Trixie's oncoming slide into super-villainy.
But back to Spike, the fic really does an amazing job with him, not only making him so.. Spike and snarky, and amazing, but balancing that with him still being really young. H's the most emotionally mature of the group, but also the one with the least life experience and likely to miss a lot of stuff. Just, a great balancing act.
Well, then a slight downturn, pushing the whole, Twilight's estranged from her family' bit just, feels wrong. I get the reasoning but, it still, just feels, needlessly forced and, just, not right.
Okay story, you get some points back for Twilight's adorable hypocrisy on reasons for having spare beds.
And, yeah there are time your clear dislike for Rarity comes through and things feel... really off about it. I get you are trying not to, and it mostly shows but, just little things like her telling AJ "Stuff it Hayseed' feel, like unneeded barbs at her.
I am also questioning where that book came from.....
Now, the change to the tree coming down on it's own. I do get the randomness of it, and that's not really my issue, it's more, how this also changes the whole point of events here by not making it Aj's fault for rushing in to do something, while ignoring the more detailed eye noticing the issues with what she's doing. Now, switching this around a bit to be more, them realizing how they are screwing up and hurting Twilight still works, but not really on the level of getting passed the main issues they were having. And more on that later. Again it's less the change itself, as how it changes the context of events that is a bit...ehhhhhhh to me.
That said, I do like the way Twi's freak out is handled and depicted, just, getting stuck in a feedback loop of doubt and freezing up with it just taking one thing going wrong to set it off after a series of events, it's... really well done. And the whole slap her thing, yeah not usually a good idea, but, it's situational.
Also, you dropped the Discworld reference yourself story, it's your fault if I'm highly disappointed if at no time in this story does Twilight and co. enter L-Space and meet the Librarian! Come on, you can have a whole chapter that is one of the deepest, most profound, most engaging bits of character interaction ever, all done in woofs and ooks. Related, so.. can ponies see octarine?
Spike.... is not wrong about that door thing. Especially with the ponies he's around.
Okay, Rahs has good taste in music but... A Wagon Named Desire? Ugh.. had to read that in English class, hated it. Just, so stupid, and forced and just.... bleck.
And now we get to the epilogue. Loved the episdoe up till that, barring a few small bits, but overall, really really damn good. But then we get to this.... To quite another mimetic equine "No sir, I don't like it."
Just.... why? The traumatic pasts, the added drama, the long standing hatreds, just.. feel so utterly out of place with everything. It all feels incredibly forced, and, like with all my biggest issues with the story, fundamentally changes the core meaning behind that whole series of events that is the core narrative. It just, comes so out of nowhere for them to have this and feels so unneeded and pointless. It changes everything about the Mane 6 coming together, not as much as Twi only staying as a 'fuck off' to Celestia rather then an honest wish to stay with her no friends. But still.
And, they feel so out of place beyond that. AJ? A bully? Yeah, I can't buy that at all. Not helped by you setting the age they got their cutie marks back a bit making them even younger where, the whole idea of these kinds of cliques gets a lot harder to buy. For one, we've seen the school house, they don't even have lockers for Rarity to get slammed into. The whole thing, is just cu and pasting the cliched IRL upper school social dynamics, onto in verse school, without accounting for the rather massive differences in basic setting and context. (Yes, I know, that comic, I have issues with that one too for this) Plus, a school having that many clubs and such? It's a one room school house.
On AJ's end, that... rather works overall for what the story's set up. Though given the set up, seems it might have been better to save the Rarity and Dogs bit till when it does happen, and use AJ's past with them as something else thrown into the mix.
So yeah, this just, feels like forced drama, which, this stuff happening is the most reoccuring problem I'm having with the fic. When it's doing comedy, it's freaking GOLD! When it's doing it's own thing, it's amazing and putting together one hell of a story. Seeing Rahs' take on things, or getting more Spike Snark at events is glorious. THere is a lot doing so good. But, there's this consistent thread of the narrative simply, trying to hard to add 'drama' into stuff for no reason beyond, making things come off more bitter then they should. Twi and her parents, Twi and Celestia, this stuff with AJ and Rarity. The story just, seems to be trying to slapped in very unneeded drama and interpersonal tension for... no reason beyond having it.
And yeah I get you think they needed a bigger reason to be at each others throats, I disagree. It really can just be their personalities irritated each other, and we see clearly why that would be. Plus, this was the only time it really came up as a major factor, there are times, simply being irritated or annoyed already can make little things simply seem that much worse, like the whole situation they were in.
So yeah, aside from the reveal in the epilogue, this chapter was gloriously fun. But that stuff, ... no.... just no.
9187377
yeah looking back on this part i did sort of shoe horn the past bits in there, but the school house, like much of ponyville seems to change on the needs of the show. Really i just wanted to put the connection with Rarity and the Diamond dogs out there before the episode hit where it was relevant.
Aj as a bully wasn't really a thing, that was just how rarity saw it. She was the sort that didn't care what she said about any one and like rbd she had no filter and tended to hang around with those who did bully rarity and the drama club.
i am rather curious your reaction to pony and dog show .
As for the why of Rahs, the reason is so stupid it's funny... to me any way.
9187377
OI! SHES TWI IS ADORKABLE!! GET IT RIGHT!
This whole thing about Twilight, Spike, and Rahs being super bitter and antagonistic towards their parents better have a dang satisfying resolution. I mean, you're saying there still this much resentment over something that happened almost ten years ago. Twilight wanted to move out before she was 18, she and her brothers didn't talk to them before they left, and Rahs and Spike seemed to physically recoil at the mention of them. I understand it being traumatic... but then the whole ninth birthday bit was a bit much. It almost felt like you went out of your way to frame them as clueless, out of touch parents, despite them appearing to have a pretty good grasp on Twilight in earlier chapters. Like they both had to outside to handle Rahs? Neither of them noticed that most of the presents were for Rahs? And in the nine years since they haven't been able to mend that rift with their children? Even if you're going with the, "Twilight has mental health issues so she doesn't forgive easily, and Rahs is super loyal so he won't either," what about Spike? You have mentioned several times that he is the "most sane of the three." And seeing as he was four at the time, thus probably barely remembers it if at all, he hasn't gotten Twilight to make up with them? In this very story he has convinced Twilight to do things she didn't want to do. I honestly am beginning to agree with 9187377 (Sorry for the necro bump!) This all seems... well, like I said, forced.
Look, I realize that I have left a slew of critical comments on the story, so you probably think I hate it... but I don't I really dig the characters and interactions you've set up. And hey, this story is three years old! You just may resolve all these issues in future chapters. I'm just pointing these things out for A) my own piece of mind, and B) so that maybe you'll take it to heart in future stories.
10655948
S'right, and yeah, still feel, especially at this point in the story, it does have those issues. But, from far in the future, can say that yes, the story DOES get better and learns to not force in drama for the sake of overblown drama by making characters randomly idiotic assholes. For the most part..... yeah you know the stuff I'm talking about Rabbit! But builds up more of its own story where things feel far more natural and make more sense for why things happen as they do.
Especially once the story stops trying to blame every single thing that has ever gone wrong on a certain pony always screwing up!... Except for when that pony is Starswirl because let's face it..... you could probably find some way that they actually are behind a good 70% of everything in some way even in canon, mostly through a lack of giving a fuck about long term consequences somepony else would have to deal with.
But yes, if you like the overall ideas and characters and are just frustrated by the occasional bouts of conflict ball's being inserted into characters for the sake of drama, keep reading it really does get better at that, and keeps getting better at what it does do really, really well already at this point, ever building absurdity that still makes perfect sense and simply has you eager to see what the hell bit of insanity is coming next, with some rather intricate and intriguing worldbuilding along the way. And you have yet to meet some of the best characters!
10656238
10655948
I don't mind the critical comments. They do help. The second thing is this story was my first real attempt at humor after writing a war/adventure story and these first chapters are 4 years old now.
..... i have been writing pony stuff far too long.
I like this deeper reasoning. A 24/7 comedy can grow stale, but little pricks of other genres? A welcome respite.
Character having normal or a tragic background is something. Having grief with one another also. But the combination? Amazing work.
They have the potencial for Friendship but they have yet to unlock its full power it seems.
Damn that’s a dream right there if I ever heard one
Aj needs a therapist to help her with her issues involving her parents death. Rarity should just tell aj what she did to her and how it made her feel. Maybe it can't change much but they might be better off for it. Words have power.
I think everyone could need therapy for one reason or another.
The village Ponyville could need a better and bigger guard force if it get damaged/destroyed so often.
Especially with a potencialy blood thirsty Diamond Dog pack nearby...
Double so if the Village house all the Elements of Harmony!
I've re read this entire 6 season series and this is the only time I've seen this referenced happening weird not using it more as a relationship between the elements and the ponies that wield them
11277832
I do tend to go with ideas from time to time that then never go any where. Either it was a spur of the moment idea or something that another part killed.
Or i forgot.
Most likely that one.
Will they get over it? Or will it bloom into something truly toxic?