Howls Well That Ends Well
Twilight Gets a Puppy.
By TDR
Howls Well That Ends Well
[Golden Oaks Libary, Spring]
“Whoo.” Owloysius hooted.
“Woof?” Rahs questioned.
“Whoo”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Who.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“Whoo.”
“Woof.”
“BY CELESTIA'S POINTY HORN, WILL YOU TWO PLEASE SHUT UP WITH THE WHOOING!!!!” Spike screamed out.
“Calm down Spike. Rahs isn't trying to eat him so this is probably a good thing. If he wants to stay I wouldn't mind having such a cute pet, he could also be useful.” Twilight offered looking over the quill she had gotten from Owloysius.” Though I'll have to get Fluttershy over here to find out what he wants to do before I try any training.”
“A pet?” Spike scoffed. “Remember what happened last time you had a pet?”
[Flashback to 8 year old Twilight Sparkle.]
Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow looking at everyone in the dining room.
Twilight Velvet and Night Light were huddled in a corner with Spike who was trying to wiggle free.
Shining Armor was standing between them with a shield raised as he stared at the object on the other side of the room.
Twilight was sitting in the middle of the room with a small fish net and a tube of fish flakes reading a book on aquatic animal care.
Rahs was sitting between her and a fishbowl the size of a ponies head, staring at it's contents and growling loudly.
The fish bowl in question had a … well for lack of a better word, 'fish' in it. What sort Celestia couldn't tell. She also couldn't really tell what color it was or even discern the vague outline of its shape without going cross eyed. The water of the tank appeared to be boiling and freezing at the same time, and things resembling hands with oddly boneless fingers wavered like a heat ripple over the tank and seemed connected to the 'fish' somehow.
“I still can't figure out what type of fish Glub Glub is.” Twilight sighed closing the book looking up and finally noticing the Princess. “ Princess Celestia what are you doing here?”
“I received a scroll from you parents saying you ….. got a fish?” Celestia questioned.
“Oh, yes I was studying the teleport spell you gave me, moving little rocks from one place to another like the training suggested trying first and I think I forgot to carry the two because when I tried to send a slightly bigger rock Glub Glub here came out the other side.”
"G͆ͣ͌̎ͪ̑͝l̔ͮ̐͂ͭu͒̓͆͐̈́̈́b̵́̏͊̈́͊̏̉ ̨͂͂̅ͩ̇̽Ġͬ̓̎̾̚l̓̀ͩ̌ͣ̔uͧͯb̛ͩ̅ ̅̀̎̂̎ͮ͡ḋ̋ͩ̓͊͗̏͢eͧͯͬm̴ͥͩ͐a҉n̷͂̓͊̋̄ḋͦͭs̎ͣ͌̽͋̊͐͢ ͪ͂͆͌f̒̏͠ìͤ͘ŝ̍ͭ̀͌ͥ͌҉ḣ̿ ̌̆̔̄f̑l̎a͒͋k̆e̒͋̽̊͌ͮ͏s͆̈͋ͨ!͛͂ͥ͆"ͫͣͥͬ҉
Celestia blinked , not certain if the fish had spoken or she had just heard noise echoing down her horn that shaped into words in her brain.
“ No Glub Glub, I just fed you.” Twilight scolds.
"ͤ̉W̷aͬ̄̋̑ǹt̀ mͨ̎̾o̧͆͋ͦ̈́ͣr͒ͤͨͣ͋̓eͨ̈́͋!"̐͜
“ No, if you eat any more you'll get fat.” Twilight stated unperturbed by the 'fish' speaking. Not much a surprise really considering her brother.
"̍̊͆̍͌Ẅ̷́̐͑̍̆h̑ͭ̒̃͐̋́a̵̓̑̆̿͐t̵͊̐͗͋ ͥ̑͐̌̎ͬf̏͒ͬͪ͏ą̾͌̂t̄?̢̽!͗ͭ̆̓"̊͊ͮ̅͋
“ It's what happens when you eat too much food.” Twilight explained.
"̛͊ͨ̿ͫͪ̆G͆ͣ͌̎ͪ̑͝l̔ͮ̐͂ͭu͒̓͆͐̈́̈́b̵́̏͊̈́͊̏̉ ̨͂͂̅ͩ̇̽Ġͬ̓̎̾̚l̓̀ͩ̌ͣ̔uͧͯb̛ͩ̅ ̒͑͊̊̂͢ľikͣͨ͋̇̈͡e iͮ҉ď͑́̇̿͊eͣͫ͋̑̆͌â͌̈̂͢.̐̔̍ͨ́́̊ ͤͭ͋̚L͌ͪ́̎e̓ͬ͂̓ͦ͢t̵͑̓͛̍'͛ͭͮͣ̃̉̅͜ş ͫ̑̿̀ĝ͘ế̆̎̅̑̚҉t͗͝ ͛̑ͫͪ͐f̛ͥ͐a͗͛̂̓t̊̽͢ ̨̐l͌͢iͯͮ͒ke̸ͯͧ̆̆̂̒̊ ̉̇͂ͪͯͬ͐w̢͒̏̎̈́̚h̓iͥ͊̈̀t̑ͤ̇̐ͮ̐̚ĕͣ̔ ́̈̊̇ͦ̆̊o̢ͭ̅́̒̅͊̚n̷e̊͠?͡!͗̄̆̈̂ͭ͌"̢͊͂̔̆͊ͣ̃
“I really don't know why Celestia suddenly lost control of the sun like that.” Twilight sighed. “But she did pay to replace the left side of the house and the neighbors yard afterward though. My parents seemed fine with it.”
Spike, Rahs, and Owloysius all looked at each other, the owl looking particularly nervous.
“If you stay here, you'll get used to it.” Spike sighed as Rahs nodded.
Rarity blinked, shifting nervously in her chair wondering if she should offer more tea. The boutique was closed and a quartet of Guards were posted at the door with three more from each division situated somewhere around or inside her home.
She had to admit she never would have thought coral and copper for armor colors but somehow it worked for the Heart Guard. She already knew the Night Guard and found their color combination worked as well. Though she wondered if it would look good on something that wasn't armor.... perhaps a new line of dresses.
Still fashion was at the back of her mind as before her at the table sat not one, but two Princesses. One she had only met briefly and the other was here at least once a week as of late.
Princess Cadence and Princess Luna had yet to say the reason for this visit, and Princess Cadence kept looking at the door as if there was somepony else she really wanted to be talking to.
“More tea Princess.?” Rarity asked.
“Nay, we have never been partial to tea, though if thee has any coffee we would enjoy that.” Luna offered.
Rarity blinked taking note of three of the Night Guards staring straight at her from behind Luna's back and shaking their heads and mouthing,'no' quite vigorously.
“I'm afraid I’m fresh out Princess.” Rarity smiled.
“Pity, though we suppose we should get to our point.” Luna sighed. “ We would like you to accompany us to speak with the Wolf Fangs and their Alpha Jynx in particular.”
“Oh? Nothing is wrong is it?” Rarity winced.
“Nay, though there is a question we must ask regarding your reports on how things have been going.” Luna stated. “ We have noticed her questions pertaining to our grandson and wish to address it.”
“Ahh I see. Well so long as everything can remain civil......” Rarity muttered taking a sip of her tea.
“I am rather curious as to how you feel about Rahs myself.” Cadence added suddenly her horn glowing to form a shield.
“PPPPPFFFFFT, cough, cough, cough.....” Rarity spit-took, coughing heavily.
The two alicorns regarded the white mare as she recovered, Luna impassively and Cadence with a small devious looking smile.
“”What .. cough , no I’m unsure what you are getting at.” Rarity managed, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
“We have on fairly good authority that that thou were quite attracted to him at one point, even going so far as to tease and flirt with him.” Luna stated as Rarity turned red.
“That... that..... that was little more than a bit of payback for a bit of a sarcastic prank he pulled on me , nothing more than that I assure you.” Rarity protested.
“We also have it on good authority that you bought several of the pictures of him Spike was selling.” Cadence grinned.
Rarity frowned glaring at the two of them her ears flattening to her head. “ I will not deny that he was attractive as a PONY. I am also well aware he found me attractive when I was cursed as a Diamond Dog. That said.....” Rarity began.
“I've seen it work with less.” Cadence grinned.
“THAT SAID....”Rarity interrupted. “Sorry, that said, I have no interest in him beyond the fact he looked attractive once when he was under the curse of a poison joke. I also have no desire to undergo that curse again in order to be attractive soly to him. At worst I would hazard we are friends, nothing more or less than that.”
Rarity looked at them both with a sigh as they watched her picking up her cup to try and drink some of her tea before it got cold.
“You realize that with his being under Luna's care he's technically a prince right?” Cadence grinned raising her shield again.
“PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!”
“Whoo.” Owloysius hooted.
“Who.” Fluttershy asked back.
“Whoo.”
“Who.”
“Whoo.”
“Who.”
“Whoo.”
“Who.”
“Whoo.”
“Who.”
“NOT THIS AGAIN!” Spike screamed.
Jynx kept her ears flat to her head as her ice blue eyes shifted between the two Princesses at the table. The Diamond Dog alpha had gotten used to dealing with the occasional contact with Princess Celestia. Though it was usually through Lady Rarity or some other source rather than a personal visit.
Of which she was quite wishing Lady Rarity had been allowed to stay, but the pair of princesses had pushed her out almost the moment after they were introduced. The Guards of the pair stayed around and her own Guards and the Princesses had been staring each other down for some time now. Her adviser had slipped out as well citing something about her new pup needing to be changed. Jynx was more certain it was because of the high level of tension in the air, and wanting to be as far away as possible if anything happened. Jynx did not blame her.
“We can tell thou are nervous. Do not be. “ Princess Luna stated suddenly.” If we were going to wipe out thy pack, we would not bother to sit down before hoof.”
“That does not reassure me of anything Princess.” Jynx responded.
“It was not supposed to.” Luna grinned
“Perhaps we can simply skip to why we are here.” Cadence sighed.
“Yes that might be best.” Jynx swallowed looking at Luna the way a predator looks at an even bigger more unpredictable predator.
“It has come to our attention you have interest in a one Rahs Sparkle.” Cadence continued.
Jynx's ears perked up at that, her eyes widening as she looked at Luna in a slightly different light. This was not a unpredictable predator, this was a mama bear noticing someone looking at one of her cubs. A far worse scenario.
“Yes........” Jynx admitted slowly.
“ And what sort of interest do thou have in him?” Luna nearly purred.
Jynx frowned, she could try to play subtle and devious, but that really was not her style. Besides which she doubted she could come up with anything that these two hadn't seen before.
“I wish to take him as a mate.” Jynx stated flatly.
“Oh?” Cadence questioned. “ Why is that?”
“In case you have not noticed the entirety of Diamond Dog culture tends to be based on strength over everything else. It is rare that a truly intelligent pup is born that can rise to the status of Alpha. One such as that can change how a generation of Dogs does something, but only until the next Alpha comes along and that new one may undo everything the old one has put together. However if there is a strong family line many will follow simply due to what the previous Alpha has done. Bitches do not traditionally hold the position of Alpha. I gained a few dogs who were loyal to my father and a number of others who liked the idea of a change, but there were other groups I have had to fight to remain in control of. ”Jynx explained, unconsciously whipping the stub of her tail. “Many of whom have changed their way of trying to fight me to attempting to court me and I have issues with idiots.”
“I'm not sure I follow.” Cadence frowned.
“I have been keeping an eye on Rahs since he first came to Ponyville. He strikes me as both strong and intelligent. Two things I seek in a mate. Add in that he has no experience in how Diamond Dog politics work makes him even more desirable as I doubt he would seek to usurp my status as alpha.” Jynx smiled.” Politics aside, that he is quite attractive does add somewhat to my interest.”
“Interesting.” Luna tilted her head. “ So thou wish for pups from him?”
“That is the general intent when one chooses a mate is it not?” Jynx shrugged.
Cadence looked as if she was going to say something though Luna cut her off.
“Indeed. “ Luna stated considering for a second. “ We accept thy intent as we do not see any falsehoods in it. We shall however warn thee of three things before we agree to allow thou to pursue our grand pup.”
“Alright.”the midnight black Alpha sighed.
“First and foremost if this is some sort of trick or end goal to bring harm to any one, we will be most displeased.” Luna stated flatly. “ Thou does not want us to be displeased.”
“Noted.” Jynx winced.
“Secondly due to his ...past encounters with Diamond Dogs I expect thee will have a hard time getting him to accept thee. “ Luna continued.
“Not to mention Twilight's reaction.” Cadence added.
“I expected as much, but I have prepared for that.” Jynx nodded.
“Finally thou are not the only one we have allowed to attempt to win his paw. So there will be competition.... and it would be best if it remained friendly for all involved.” Luna finished.
“I'm not against him having other mates so long as I am able to have a litter or two with him.” Jynx added.
“Oh?” Cadence asked.
“Diamond Dogs are rarely monogamous Princess. Most flock to the strongest, to have the strongest pups. And if the current strongest falls, the next strongest will do. Things are much more complicated than that of course, particularly when love and jealousy enter into it. “ Jynx smirked. “ While I am not in the slightest bit against being exclusive, as there are no others that interest me, I am not against him having his own pack of females following him. So long as he can preform the duties I need him to.”
“We see.” Luna nodded. “ Not unlike the herds that they had in the olden days.”
“There are still a few groups out there that practice that sort of thing auntie.” Cadence considered. “ But I think I have all I need here and we have one more to visit before returning to Canterlot. Thank you for your time Lady Jynx. We will be in touch.”
“Oh good, so he's willing to stay?” Twilight asked looking at the little owl hopping around on the desk.
“Oh yes, Owloysius actually came into town to find somewhere to stay. The forest is getting more dangerous and he's still just a little owl.” Fluttershy stated. “He was actually on his way to find me when he came across your light last night.”
“Whoo.” Owloysius agreed.
“What do you feed owls any way?” Spike asked.
“He can do his own hunting, though I can mix up some treats for him. Unless Rahs wants to share some of his hunts.” Fluttershy suggested.
Rahs gasped dramatically as if he was shocked by the very notion, his long ears flatting to his head as he clutched at his chest. The display was mostly ignored.
“Well after the hydra and everything else we've seen out in the forest I can certainly understand why he wanted to come into town.” Twilight nodded. “That he thought about that just shows how smart he is too. I'm sure he can help with a number of things as an assistant.”
“Wait, wait, wait? “ Spike spoke up. “You're making him an assistant? I'm already your assistant.”
“I can have more than one assistant Spike.” Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Do I still get paid?” Spike demanded.
“Sure, when you actually do some work.” Twilight grumbled.
Rainbow Dash tilted her head a little, looking at the two Princesses sitting on the cloud with her. She didn't even know that alicorns could sit on clouds.
“Not that I mind you interrupting my nap Princessy Princessi? Is there a word for two Princesses?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Princesses.” Cadence nodded.
“Oh. Okay, Cool. Any way whats up? Also in case any pony asks I was totally on break and not napping on the job again.” Rainbow Dash added.
“Noted.” Luna smiled.
“So what do you think of Rahs?” Cadence asked.
“Ehh I’d bang him.” Dash shrugged.
“What?” Luna blinked.
“Yah know, Shag,Tube-snake boogie, Get laid, Banana in a fruit salad, Intromission, Hook up, Jerking off with someone to talk to, Get lucky, Oscillating the unmentionables, Hump, Bow-chick-a-wow-wow, Get da booty, Doing the horizontal greased-weasel tango, Root, Cleaning the cobwebs with the womb broom, Score, Laying pipe, Bone, Nail, A bit of the old in-out, in-out ,Adult naptime ,Aggressive cuddling ,A bit of crumpet, Attacking the pink fortress, Bam-bam in the ham, Batter-dipping the corn dog, Blitzkrieg mit dem fleischgewehr, Boinking, Buttering the biscuit, Cattle-prodding the oyster ditch with the lap rocket, Christening the yak, Dipping the wick, Extreme flirting, Forbidden polka,Greasing the loaf pan, Hot beef injection, Knocking horseshoes, Making the beast with two backs, Negotiating the forested chasm, Pants-off dance-off, Pressure-washing the quiver bone in the bitch wrinkle, Sheathing the meat dagger, Waka-waka........”Rainbow Dash rambled.
Princess Luna blinked staring as the tirade continued, a few of the Guards had decided to poke their heads up to see what was going on and all of them were staring in shock or confusion at Rainbow Dash.
Princess Cadence however, was taking notes.
“What?” Luna demanded.
“She means having sex auntie.” Cadence finally stated.
“Then why not just say that!?” Luna questioned.
“I did.” Dash offered.
“Any way so you want a relationship with Rahs?” Cadence asked.
“Nah, just bang him, and even that's only iffy.”Dash shrugged. ”He'd be perfect if he had wings.”
“Oh, if he is in the cursed form he took?” Luna questioned.
“Oh yeah, I’d definitely bang him when he's a pony, he's damn hot, if he wanted anyway. Though I’d probably do the same even if he wasn't cursed, yah know... just to see what a Moon Dog is like in bed.” Dash shrugged. “But he's not interested in ponies so that's not likely to happen.”
“Well that would result in offspring....” Luna muttered.
“Auntie , there are such things as contraceptives nowadays. Not every session of intercourse produces a foal....” Cadence commented.
“What? Then why bother?” Luna questioned.
“Cause it's fun.....” Cadence rolled her eyes.
“Hmm we see, and here we thought thou and Shining Armor were desperately trying for a foal with how often we have overheard thine encounters of ... 'parking the beef cart in tuna town.'” Luna suggested.
Cadence narrowed her eyes as Rainbow Dash fell over laughing.
“I sometimes wonder exactly how much of your naivety is an act auntie.” Cadence grumbled.
“Whatever pray tell do you mean, our pinkest niece?” Luna asked innocently.
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#GlubGlubforPresident2018
0-o Wow...I didn't know that Rainbow had such an impressive vocabulary.
Well then, those are some ones I haven't heard before
All hail the glorious Glub Glub! He is the final sign that signals the coming of the Old Ones!
Seriously great chapter, cheers!
How many of them did you remember without looking them up?
Woof.
8987256
Far too many
Who and what the duck is glub glub? Also is it weird that I know half of that list that dash is saying?
wow rainbow you have no class it seem, so freak funny
blinks as she reads RD list
.... takes notes with Cadence 
Who
Oh man, I loved this chapter.
It was so funny, especially at the end.
8987281
Glub Glub is an elder fish god.
WTF, im german and i know a lot of fancy ways for saying sex, but ive never heard that one
I wonder what happen to twilight fish, maybe it still alive swimming in the seas take over the seapony.
I wonder what happen to twilight fish, maybe it still alive swimming in the seas take over the seapony.
While all these interviews with potential suitors are amusing, I'm over her chuckling because it was Twilight who set off Cadence's shipping senses, not Rahs.
8987399
It got to behold the power of the sun first fin.
8987404
Rahs is also 100% clueless that he is being shipped.
8987251
i.imgur.com/eO4uo8U.png
Wait a second.... Isn't
a way of saying "taking a shit"?
8987449
Never heard laying pipe as anything other than a sex thing.
Dropping the kids off at the pool , brownies are done , and bombing porcelain harbor on the other hand.....
Buckin' roasted. i mean holy shite that was absolute savage. also great chapter.
I'm sad to say i only got half way through this without laughing my ass off.
8987318
Whoo
8987485
Don't worry, I didn't even get that far!
8987240
Did the author Google all the internet just for this paragraph?
I can tell!
8987760
Copy and paste, son.
E'nope.
8987469
Had to do a Google search to see were I got it from, suspected it was a misstranslation from Swedish (my native language) and it kind of was. In Sweden we can say that one shall "lägga en kabel" (lay down a cable) when one is heading to take a shit. I remembered cable wrongly as pipe or pipeline.
As expected Twilight is again unaffected by an Eldritch being. I guess being the element of magic comes with a hell of a sanity boost.
Okay I found your Discord ID but I can't figure out how to get to the channel you dedicated to this story
8988321
https://discord.gg/y3vKGk try that
8987485
Also I never heard of even half of those until this story.
Thank you for the apparently rather long list of how to indirectly ask to have sex. No seriously I didn't even know most of those existed. This must have been how Abridged Klein in SAO Abridged felt hearing a sarcastically made up story about a pebble.
Lol, Twilight's extra-dimensional goldfish.
did you make some of thoes up with dash
8988647
I had a bunch of them i knew. the rest i found online.
How is it, that every time I read a fic, where in the author does this, there’s hardly any overlap in the diffrent euphemisms used between the fics?
There might be one or two sure, but the rest are usually unique between the authors.
This confuses me to no end.
You win an Internet. A whole Internet.
Twlight, what have we said about summoning eldritch abominations from beyond the stars
Because of course she is
Dosen't Cadance want to talk to Twilight about a certain red stallion ?
Twilight wanting a pet fish, asking to a tea party/want a cookie and I THINK there are at least 3 other Twilight dealing with The Greater Old Ones for innocent reasons.
Just think if this kid at any point grew fed up with someone and acted maliciously even for a few seconds.
Even Glub Glub gets in on the dog jokes.
pics.me.me/still-hungry-youve-had-want-more-breakfastbreakfast-youll-get-fat-30820100.png
Glub Glub and fired shots make Celly a cranky pone
Damn Rainbow, that's a long list
I wonder if Caddie and Lulu know about Trixie...
8988970
They already visited Trixie.
With all this talk about the bratwurst in the taco shack, I have to wonder if we're going to be getting a mature version.
8989220
Sorry i don't write clop.
8989425
That's alright. I'm sure someone will write it for you if you want
Never ever tell a female of any species that she is fat.