Prologue
Celestia's journal, entry... Oh why do I even bother to keep track of this? No pony's even going to read it but me... And if they are reading it, just know that I will be very cross at this invasion of privacy.
I shouldn't be. I've got at least a hundred of these things dumped in a vault in the basement. And if in twelve years what I think will happen happens like I think it will happen, it will be nice to know that something of mine will remain, until she finds the vault and likely destroys them.
Any way, usual routine, lowered moon, raised sun, breakfast, listened to nobles brag about how important they are, lunch, giant dragon and explosions in the student hall, late court, lower the sun, raise the moon, reminisce for an hour or two, dinner, some me time and diary entry, then bed.
Normal day.
I have no idea why I am trying to be smarmy here, I am the only one that’s going to read this.
Yes, the dragon. One of several things today that are both wondrous and absolutely terrifying.
The new students were taking their placement tests for my school today. The big test is to try and hatch a Dragon egg. At the time there was a bit of conflict between Equestria and the Dragons, mostly me and a few Dragons. I was working on a couple of things, don't judge, when i aquired it. At the time, I thought having a Dragon egg would make a nice conversation piece, so I brought it back to Canterlot with me.
I don't recall exactly when the school started using it as a test. Probably about the time I realized it was a lousy paperweight as it kept rolling off my desk and crushing my wastebasket, or my hooves... sucker’s heavy. I do recall giving it to the school maybe as a history thing or curiosity. I wasn't worried about it. It's a dragon egg after all. The mothers gorge on diamonds for months before laying their eggs. I could have probably dropped the moon on it and the moon would have cracked.
Turns out the dean and his little council decided to set it as a test to see if the new students could 'hatch it'. It was less to see if they could and more to see how clever the students’ attempts were. Rather ingenious of them really, I do recall raising the funding after that was explained.
Of course by this point they'd seen everything from a pegasus filly sitting on it and trying to hatch it like a chicken egg.[ She wasn't accepted, as that was too silly] to an Earth Pony building a steam powered incubator from scraps he brought with him, and an old water fountain.[ He was accepted and most of Equestria's modern advancements are owed to Nickeroli Tesla. ]
The short of it is that no one ever considered the egg as anything more than a pretty rock for the hundred or so years they had it. So when a small Unicorn filly had a magical surge as a result of some sort of rainbow phenomenon near Cloudsdale,[I have ponies investigating that as I write this.], and hatched the egg, lets say everyone was surprised. Particularly when this five year old foal not only hatched the dragon egg, but she turned it to an adult, and then turned her parents into cactuses, cactusi? Cacti, that's it. Seriously, no one was ready for it.
Of course with that sort of disturbance I went to investigate. I wasn't worried about the randomly surging magic, since my shield spell could handle that. Nor was I worried about the Dragon. He was sitting there confused with a dopey look on his face, having no idea what was going on, and even if he was aggressive, I’ve kicked the tail of dragons twice his size without breaking a sweat.
No, what worried me was the other thing in the room.
The thing in question at first looked like a Diamond Dog pup. Granted, only somepony who had never seen one of what it really was would confuse the two. And since I was the only pony left alive who had seen one of them, I knew what I was dealing with.
The creature’s fur was a darkish blue. It was on all fours like a normal dog, though its front limbs were built differently with longer, retractable claws on the ends of fingers for manipulation and attacking. Digging was not the strong suit of this species. It's head was more cat-like than canine, with a longer muzzle, and much longer ears that were currently plastered to it's head. It had amber eyes that were slitted like a cat’s, both wide with panic. Its tail whipped wildly behind it, The tail being whip like, rather than the club tails Diamond Dogs had. It had a rougher mane of hair that ran down its head from between its ears, along the back of its neck, and between its shoulders like a short mane.
The most prominent thing about it, aside from the growling mass of sharp teeth in its maw, was at the end of its whip like tail, as well as the points of each long ear, there sat a small free floating globe of light. The light it shed was dim and barely perceivable in the well-lit chamber. Particularly with the strobing blasts of the little unicorn’s magical surge. The little light orbs tended to wax and wane along with the moon, though since I had never bothered to learn how to do that, the moon was always full, thus so were the little lights.
It was called a Witch Wolf.
Judging by its size, the sheer fluff of its fur, and oversized paws, it was a puppy, but still.
Witch Wolves, or as they were called by the Lunar Republic, Moon Dogs, were a offshoot of the Diamond Dog race. One cultivated and guided by her for thousands of years, much like she had done with the Nox-cal. And I had done with the Zebra's and, to a lesser extent, horses. [ Look I’m older than most dirt. Way back when, it was sorta’ trendy to selectively breed your own race by picking genetic quirks you liked and pairing them with creatures who revered you as a god... peer pressure... shut up.] Like the Thestrals, when she turned to darkness they followed. However unlike the Nox-cal, Witch Wolves, were not just Ponies with odd eating habits and dragon-like traits...
They couldn't dig well, which was an odd trait for a canine of any kind. They did have a sense of smell that was unrivaled by any other creature. It was said that they could track a single pony feather in a blizzard at the bottom of the ocean. Which makes little sense really, because wouldn't they drown trying to sniff underwater?
They were also naturally super tough. Not as tough as Dragons mind you, or my last cook’s key lime pie, but tough. Which made them perfect shock troops for Her. Of course there were a few of them made into dark generals as well. While the race reveled in violence, they were not mindless brutes.
Witch Wolves were also meat-eaters. Diamond Dogs nowadays still have the occasional hunting packs, but they live off a number of different things, not just meat. A Witch Wolve’s primary diet was meat. The only other thing they ate was what made them dangerous.
Witch Wolves ate magic.
They couldn't cast any spells, though eating enough magic seemed to bolster their own natural abilities with some sort of enhancement effect. Just the basic strength, speed, endurance, variety, but if they ate enough of it they became true terrors. And really as dangerous as they were before powering up, this bit sucked when you fought them.
Which was why when She was defeated, I had them all hunted down and destroyed.
The Nox-cal surrendered when their leader was defeated. The Witch Wolves just fought harder.
The aftermath of the Lunar Rebellion was bloodier and more violent than the lead up to it. It seemed that she had been keeping them in check with her very presence, and now that she was gone, they didn't hold back.
Entire cities were wiped out by packs no bigger than ten or twenty. It took nearly fifty years, and the loss of thousands, but the last one was cornered on the border between the Griffon Empire and Equestria and finally put down after inflicting greater casualties than either the Griffons or the Ponies could afford to their militaries.
That conflict brokered a long lasting peace between the two nations and a massive Equss-wide hunt for any more Witch Wolves. That hunt lasted another twenty years without finding another.
And yet here in front of me, positioned between the surging filly and me, was a Witch Wolf pup.
It was almost cute given it was slightly smaller than the filly and was still fluffier than anything else. Still, its teeth were sharp and it was glaring at me quiet angrily as it growled. As i moved to go around it to get to the filly, it shifted position. I blinked as it moved between me and the panicking unicorn. I went the other way and so did it.
Interesting.
It was keeping me from getting to the filly? Was it guarding her? I shifted to where the Dragon was and watched as it practically bounced over to position itself between the Dragon and me as well. I backed up and the growling died down a bit, though its amber eyes continued to glare. It refused to allow me to approach the dragon or the filly.
While curious, I had to stop the purple unicorn. Ripping free a curtain with my magic, I scooped the pup up in the thick cloth getting a panicked yelp and the sound of flailing. I did my best to keep it away from anything magical it could eat as I needed to deal with the filly and the dragon first before I could deal with the Witch Wolf.
I was not fond of having to exterminate the race in the past. Genocide, no matter how violent the species, is not acceptable. I had been left no choice if I wanted to protect my little ponies however.
The filly seemed to notice my approach and the surges slowly petered out as I touched her shoulder. It took little effort to reverse most of the wild magic that had happened in the area. There were a few things I could not figure out how to fix however. Like the pink and yellow polka dots that were put on the wall. Even now, they still bleed though every bit of paint put on that wall. We tore it down at one point and the blasted pattern showed up on another wall in the building until the first was rebuilt.
There was also the Witch Wolf. Once the filly had calmed down, after an adorable bout of bouncing around me like a rabbit upon hearing she had been accepted, things got a bit out of hoof.
Thankfully she had missed my returning her parents back from cacti, or she might have been even more upset.
She had been in awe of the little baby Dragon she had hatched and spent some time focused on him as he sucked on his own tail.
By that point however, the Witch Wolf had torn its way out of the curtain and landed with a thud and a whimper on the ground, drawing the filly’s attention. She looked at the pup, the pup looked at her, and before I could do anything she had pounced on the pup and was hugging the fluffy little thing like a stuffed toy.
I expected a number of things to happen; for it to bite her, to worm away, or struggle and claw at her. Instead, it seemed to give up almost immediately, resigning itself to the cuddles with a light whimper. It was not only unusual, but it was simply weird. Witch Wolves were not known to be calm or deal well with foals.
Looking them both over, I noticed there was a connection between the pup and the unicorn. One usually seen only in certain higher level spells.
Evil spells that were all but forgotten and the few records that remained locked away. Spells that pulled a creature into this world and bound it to another as a summoned slave. Spells that left a dark mark on anyone’s soul using it. Victim and caster.
There was no trace of darkness in this link. I had seen summon spells before, but this only shared the energy link, not the slave command. Given this was a creature that wasn't supposed to exist any more, I about washed my hooves of it and went to take a nap.
Still, with this much happening and this much power shown, I could not let her alone. Particularly not with two dangerous creatures, both of which she was now responsible for.
And thus I accepted my new student................ students?
Twilight Sparkle
Spike the Dragon
and Rahs the Witch Wolf.......or should I call him a Moon Dog?
TDR presents
A story NOT in stone
Twilight Gets a Puppy.
Please! Please! Pleeeeease, tell me you are going to have a few scenes of cuteness with Twilight, Spike, and Rahs as they grow up before they meet the rest of the mane 6.
At least Spike has company. Maybe Moon Dogs age slower?
Yay doggy!
Thestrals
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Huh... okay fixed.
... The mention of a fluffy pupper has caught my attention. I must read...
this. this interests me.
An interesting idea you have there. I feel sorry for Fluttershy that she miss to see puppy Moon Dog.
this is getting good
I don't know how much I should stress this... so I'll just go over the top.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU, THANK. YOU.... For coming up with an actually creative idea of a lunar/dark/random-night wolf for this story. You have no idea how relieved I am to find a story where there's a wolf in it that looks like it might turn out pretty entertaining or awesome that doesn't rely on the overused "Dark evil carnivorous wolf" theme.
Witch Wolf. That's a great name for a magical species. And they eat magic?! PERFECT REASON FOR WHY THEY'RE DANGEROUS BUT NOT AUTOMATICALLY EVIL!!! And I'm really liking this attitude that Celestia has too! I need to read more to see where this goes. Loving it so far though.
Took a chance on this story.
Chapter 1 Results: I am most pleased and have NOT been disappointed. I will most DEFINITELY favorite this if the next couple of chapters are good as well <3
Yeesh, those are some stubborn polkadots!
you got my
i.pinimg.com/originals/38/ca/2d/38ca2d3aa0b59fcf9592fc9642ffc13b.jpg XD
That explains a lot
Not to mention, have you ever seen a blizzard underwater?
Hah! Interesting.
The practical solution
Glorious.
She... summoned a Moon Puppy. Hah.
Remarks and corrections:
> Any way, usual routine
"Anyway"; one word.
> when i aquired it.
Capital letter "I", and a 'c' in "acquired".
> Rather ingenious of them really, I do recall raising the funding
Interjections like "really" need to be separated from the stuff around it at both sides, so you need a comma before it.
Also, this is a comma splice: as a rule, don't connect two full sentences with a comma. As exception, if the second elaborates on the first, they can be connected with a semicolon. That is the case here, so replace that comma with a semicolon.
> like a chicken egg.[ She wasn't accepted, as that was too silly]
That should be a comma, since the sentence continues after the [ ] part.
the space should be before the '[' bracket.
> and an old water fountain.[ He was accepted
Again, the space should be before the '[' bracket.
> some sort of rainbow phenomenon near Cloudsdale,[I have ponies investigating that as I write this.],
There are two commas there. Personally I'd leave off the first (and put the missing space there) and leave off the end period inside the brackets. I'm also honestly not sure why you use square brackets instead of plain normal round ones.
> It's head was more cat-like than canine
"[Its] head"
> Its tail whipped wildly behind it, The tail being
No capital letter behind the comma.
> tail being whip like
> the end of its whip like tail
That should be "whip-like", both times.
> However unlike the Thestrals, Witch Wolves, were not just Ponies with odd eating habits
Needs a comma after "However", and no comma after "Witch Wolves".
> Witch Wolves, or as they were called by the Lunar Republic, Moon Dogs
You say "Lunar [Rebellion]" everywhere else. I assume this mention of a "Lunar Republic" is an error?
> A Witch Wolve’s primary diet
"A Witch [Wolf]’s primary diet"
> bloodier and more violent than the lead up to it.
"the lead-up"
> and a massive Equss-wide hunt
Think that should be "Equus".
I haven't read much of this story due to the spelling and grammar mistakes, which tend to stick out like a sore thumb to me.
Anyway.
Who's, not that's. Celestia is not a thing; she's a living being.
No idea why 'dragon' is capitalised here, when it isn't elsewhere.
Remove the full stop, remove the space between the bracket and 'she', and remove the capital 's' from 'she'.
I'd prefer it if 'pony' wasn't capitalised, since neither 'pegasus' or 'unicorn' are supposed to be capitalised; the only time capitalisation should occur is when talking about the tribes as a whole.
Again, remove the full stop and space between the bracket and 'he', and don't capitalise 'he'.
This should serve as a nice start; I'll probably update this tomorrow with more corrections. Also, I don't do this to spite the author; that's cruel and unnecessary. Instead, I want to make interesting stories easier to read, and hopefully improve the author's writing skills so they can hopefully create more higher-quality pieces.
I'll admit I stepped into this first chapter with a bit of apprehension. I'm not too keen on stories that introduce and OC right at the start of the series because firstly, we have to go through all of the events that we already know are going to happen, again. Secondly, most stories with an OC near the start often portray that OC as a huge game changer, granted this isn't a bad thing! Not at all, buuuut, often times even though these characters are here to change some situations, they often end up pulled AWAY from the main action and we have to go through 2 different perspectives. One perspective being the canon version of how things played out, and the other being what the OC is up to during these events.
I'm glad to say that the first chapter already interests me with how you've built the world and background of the character's species. It's not some random creature pulled from Tartarus or Luna knows where. It's something that has been seen before and been dealt with in the past.
I really look forward to how this is going to progress, Please don't let me down!
Ok not gonna lie, The ending of the this chapter i read that in Nostalgia Critics voice.
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Thanks for sticking with it. I am doing my best to not try and make this seem like a SiFF or a OC is the hero we deserve sort of thing. My last fic was a war story more than much else. While this one is going to follow the show, it's centered on the three siblings with the occasional side story. It was less a here's what happens when one creature shows up and more what would happen if there was a whole new race. Don't recall why i picked a canine aside from being able to get my snazzy title about puppies. And the dog puns. But mostly if an episode doesn't feature Twilight or Spike primarily and i can't figure a way to shoehorn in Rahs , it becomes a smaller side story. I also do this if the episode is dull, like Dragon shy. There is an overarching plot, but looking at my plans that's going to conclude a bit quicker than i really like. Particularly with seven seasons and a movie of 4 to go through.
So, wait, Nightmare Moon left Equestria and made the Lunar Republic in this story and the Lunar Republic isn't a thing that happens far AFTER Nightmare Moon's return?
...
Huh.
My personal headcannon has always been that a while after Luna's return, both Celestia and Luna sit down and try to talk out their concerns this time around. Luna wants to help the thestrals and Celestia rejects the proposals every time they come up. It gets to the point where Luna rebels and makes the Lunar Republic (most likely through some sort of a civil war).
This... this is PURE GENIUS!!
Its
Woah. saw it a while ago,and didnt think it was worth it so put it in the read-it-later, gave it a chance and i gotta say... Wow.
Nice work man, just some slight spelling errors to fix but it's a whopper of a story.
It was almost cute given it was slightly smaller than the filly and was still fluffier than anything else. Still, its teeth were sharp and it was glaring at me quiet angrily as it growled. As i moved to go around it to get to the filly, it shifted position. I blinked as it moved between me and the panicking unicorn. I went the other way and so did it.
Switch the word 'quiet' to 'quite' and capitalize the 'I'
An interesting spin on things, I'd say.
Welp....never thought I’d go this way just by reading twilight hugging a puppy wolf....
Why would we expect anything less?
Hello Editor!
Also, fantastic idea and I'm glad you're able to keep up with it!
Ah sometimes i like to just come back to the very beginning and just re read everything
You should call ‘im da Moon Wolf!!
don’t judge me
Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm...........
Ok.
...Great plot so far, not sure what I think of the prose. At times it felt (to me) like you'd forgotten Celestia was writing in her diary
It was almost cute given it was slightly smaller than the filly and was still fluffier than anything else. Still, its teeth were sharp and it was glaring at me quiet angrily as it growled. As i moved to go around it to get to the filly, it shifted position. I blinked as it moved between me and the panicking unicorn. I went the other way and so did it.
Interesting.
It was keeping me from getting to the filly? Was it guarding her? I shifted to where the Dragon was and watched as it practically bounced over to position itself between the Dragon and me as well. I backed up and the growling died down a bit, though its amber eyes continued to glare. It refused to allow me to approach the dragon or the filly.
I could be wrong, that doesn't feel like what someone who write in a diary. Other than that, and some minor grammatical/sentence structure, it was really enjoyable to read.
Welp. Finally getting around to reading this!
I'm excited!
Snark Celestia is best Celestia.
Wow. That's a Long Story I hope it will continue to be great!
i find it fascinating imagining celestia and genociding a species to extinction, hopefully this story keeps up the fantastic personality and can't-stop-readingness it's practically oozing
What does a moon dog look like?
Well this looks interesting, certainly Celestia is got a fine spark to her.
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Ah its good to come back
A Moon Wolf ?
... Was their pack leader called Horus ?
This has 4 separate stories...
I guess it's reading time.
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and i'm almost about to start on season 5
what is a nox-cal. i looked it up, but its some sort of engine. so pray tell, what is a nox-cal in my little pony?
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This will be explained in the series. It's basically a mash up of two words.
The Latin Nox means Night.
'Cal' is hungarian for horse.
Well damn. Not gonna lie, this one has sat on my read later list almost since the day you first published it. I largely believed it would be nothing but a bit of fluff, fun to read when the world got to be full of too much bullshit to deal with anymore. Whelp, the world is now full of too much bullshit to deal with any more, and I remembered this little bit of a fluff story that might not actually be fluff, and then I discovered you had four more of the bloody things.
Time to go on a reading binge. Again.
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World-building by saying something without any explanation then explaining later by example is the best way to do it.
(Unfortunately, when fanfiction is involved, it is often hard to get readers to understand that original elements will be mixed in with canon aspects, even when they might not have something directly to do with the main premise.)
I saw your season 5 of this series on the updated stories tab and decided to take a look at part one, then decided to read it to see how it was going.
I then proceeded to binge read the entire series upto your latest in Season 5.
I really enjoyed this series especially because of how it develops relationships between ponies and the attention it gives to side characters.
At first I was unsure about your decision to have Celestia and Luna as actual goddesses and having the gods of various species and concepts making an appearance but it genuinely helped to make this story your own and give ample opportunities for laughs.
I definitely put part 1 in my favourites and am placing part 5 in my Read Later to watch for updates.
When Celestia says about what would happen if somebody checked her diary, yet we're supposed to read this story:
i.ytimg.com/vi/_XhKXO0VCcw/hqdefault.jpg
The end make me burst out in laughter! Magnificent story start
I read trough this... Its simply magnificent Time to re-reading / autoreading it ♡
This story is a masterpiece!
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Indeed This masterpiece of a story must be made public to all universes in the multiverse
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This story is very different from others. Spike is a main character and no longer a slave or comedic 2d character. Realism and humor are greatly enjoyed in this story ♡
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MLP FIM is a frame work, authors do fill it and this one do it on the highest class
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Best way to spend time when alone
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Clever... Your story is very creative and well crafted
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Its one of the best on fimfiction and i only have the first read trough yet
10/10 -
Humor
Storyline
Worldbuilding
MC & sidecharacter development
Seriouse chapter when things get dark
Mutch more!