//------------------------------// // 18. - The Ball // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “You know, I never thought I would actually want to study up on the history of the Wonderbolts, but you sure are motivational,” Bean offered in a dreamy tone. “The trick to being a good teacher is to know how each individual student learns best,” Celestia replied, while her magic took a glob of lotion that was about the size of a strawberry and applied it to his back. “And it would seem you are a hooves-on type of learner. Now, how many pegasi flew in the original Wonderbolt Squadron?” Bean felt Celestia’s front hooves gently touch his back, and he took a moment to think of the answer. If he got it right, Celestia would continue to provide a blissful massage, but if he got it wrong, she would stop. They’d been going like this for half an hour, and to Bean’s credit, Celestia had been working the knots out of his muscles for twenty three of those thirty minutes. “There were seven in the original squad,” he smugly offered. “That is correct,” Celestia replied with a seductive undertone. Bean’s groan of pleasure betrayed how much he enjoyed his wife’s movements across his back, and he hummed while she continued to knead and rub away all of his cares. “I should probably be asking when and how you learned how to do this, but I really don’t care right now.” “I was serious when I said I’d tried everything for a hobby. I’m a bit rusty on this, though; I haven’t given a massage since before Luna’s banishment.” “Over a thousand years and you’re only a little rusty?” Bean laughed lightly. “That’s pretty impressive. I’ll have to see about getting rid of that rust with a little oil.” “Does that mean you will allow me to relearn with you as my test subject?” Celestia asked, and Bean let out a delighted moan in reply. “I’ll take that as a yes. Now, who was Commander Easyglider?” “Oh, c’mon, give me a hard one,” Bean chuckled. “Easyglider was the premiere choreographer. Her moves are still used in the routines.” “That is correct,” she replied with a warm hum. “But if you really want a hard one …” “Bring it.” “All right, you asked for it. What is my favorite flight pattern?” Bean’s muscles tensed up despite his wife’s tender ministrations. “Um … wait. Don’t stop, but don’t tell me. I know you told me. It’s the … uh, the … Icaranian Sun Salutation?” “That was a trick question,” Celestia replied, and Bean relaxed. “They don’t actually ask that on the official test. Well, I don't think they ask that. They’d better not be asking.” “So did I get the right answer?” “Yes and no. I actually don’t have a favorite. It is assumed that I like the Salutation maneuver the best because of an incident that happened six hundred years ago, roughly.” “Yeah? What happened?” “Oh, there’s not much to tell. Commander Barnstormer was setting up the show for that year’s Summer Sun Celebration, and she asked if there was any special move I’d like to have them perform. The Icaranian Sun Salutation matched my own choreography for the rising of the sun, so I requested that. Somehow, that request has evolved over time into what it is now.” “I’d make the same assumption, though. I can see how it happened.” Celestia’s hooves briefly paused as a knock came at the door, but she resumed and both royals smiled warmly when Wysteria walked in with her ever-faithful clipboard in tow. “Good morning, Wysteria,” Bean offered. “How are you doing?” “I’m feeling pretty good at the moment, sir, but the day is young. My new assistant and I have just … a few …” Wysteria glanced behind her, and when she found no new assistant, she let out a small snort and stomped her hoof. “Miss Lulamoon, would you care to join us?” “Trixie is coming!” she replied from just outside the doorway. “Would you care to rephrase that statement?” “I am coming, Miss Inkwell.” Trixie corrected. “But I am still not convinced that this is a good idea!” “So, are you just going to stand out there and shout in the itinerary? That’s very unprofessional.” Trixie’s head then slowly poked around the corner. “Trixie would really rather just go file some paperwork, or perhaps there are some pencils Trixie could push for you.” “What did I say about pronouns?”  Wysteria said calmly, even though it made Trixie snarl in frustration. Trixie then reiterated her statement, sans the inclusion of her name. “The first day on the job is always the worst,” Wysteria offered to her employers as an aside. “Miss Lulamoon, if you’re going to assist me, then you’re going to have to talk to the Prince and Princess eventually, whether you want to or not.” Trixie took a moment to look at Wysteria, Celestia, and Bean, but after a moment, she hesitantly stepped into the room. “Tr-” Trixie began before her eyes darted left to right. “Truly, it does not feel proper to walk into the personal chambers of the Princess, especially when she has her husband pinned to the ground.” “You’ll get used to it,” Wysteria offered with a wicked grin. “Just for the love of the sun and moon, make sure you always knock before you enter.” Trixie nodded and gulped while she watched Princess Celestia’s wings unfurl again, and she began to tug at the stiff and unyielding flowered collar she was now wearing around her neck. “Trix-” She halted as, once again, her mind went into a panic for a suitable word. “Tricky, but I will strive to remember for sure.” She let out a half hidden sigh for her successful verbal maneuver before she continued. “But do I really have to wear this frilly collar? I feel like I’m going to choke.” “Unless you want the guards hauling you off to the dungeon for trespassing, you need to wear it. The collar identifies your position and your affiliation to me.” “Fine. But Trixie still doesn’t like this.” Trixie huffed, and she ceased to pull at the collar. “Arf.” “Ahem.” “I. Don’t. Like. This!” she re-huffed through her clenched jaw. “You can hate it all you like, but if I have to wear one then so do you. Now, what’s on the itinerary for today?” Wysteria prodded. Trixie’s magic seemed to be reaching for something, but nothing appeared. After a moment, Trixie glanced to her side, gulped loudly, then turned back to face Wysteria. “Um, it would seem that the itinerary has been misplaced.” “You lost it?” “I think it might be back in my room,” Trixie offered with a sheepish smile. “Well … we are going to need it,” Wysteria stated plainly. It took a few beats for the other unicorn to pick up on the pause that was meant for her.  “N-now?” “Preferably a few moments ago, but ...” Wysteria trailed off before motioning back down the hall. “I … but … oh, crackers,” Trixie sputtered before taking off in a gallop with several grumbles trailing along in the air as she left. “You seem to be in a rather stern and unforgiving mood today, Miss Inkwell,” Bean remarked. “I don’t know what you mean, sir,”  Wysteria said with an innocent smirk, before pulling out a paper from her own clipboard.  “Now, while she is indisposed, let’s go over this copy of the itinerary.” “See, that right there is just pure torture, Wys.” “Perhaps, but this is how she will learn, sir. I won’t let her burn out, but she does need discipline, and maybe a kick of humility to the rump. She has a flair for the theatrical, so I am merely speaking in a way she will understand.” “If you say so, I guess,” Bean remarked. “But I’ve found that cooking the meal behind the chef’s back just reinforces how much of a failure they are, and how deep your distrust of them runs.” Wysteria pondered the words for a moment, sighed, and then put her copy back on her clipboard. “I’ll keep that in mind, sir.” “Oh, but please do whatever you think you need to do, honest,” Bean added with a slight note of alarm. “I wouldn't dare to presume to know how to do your job. I'm letting my own past get in the way of your progress.” “Well, I can see your point. I’ll try to do as you ask.” Trixie then galloped back into the room, a clipboard in her magic, but it clattered to the ground once she had stopped, and she spread her front legs apart to help her lungs expand to their maximum capacity. “Got … the ... itinerary …” “You were faster than I expected,” Wysteria offered with a satisfied smile. “Catch your breath first, Miss Lulamoon, then we’ll go over the items.” It didn’t take long for Trixie’s breathing to return to normal, and once it had her magic again secured the clipboard for perusal. “Okay. There is nothing scheduled for this morning until Princess Celestia's class at the School for Gifted Unicorns at ten. During that time, Prince Bean is scheduled to have a study session in the Archives. Lunch with Ambassador Greyfeather will be at noon, and then Day Court will begin at …” Trixie squinted and pulled the clipboard in closer. “Thirteen o’clock? Trixie thought that clocks only went up to twelve.” “And you would be right,” Celestia replied. “We use military time in the palace to avoid confusion.” “Military time?” “I'll explain later,” Wysteria replied. “Please continue.” “Oh. Um, Day Court is from thirteen o’clock to seventeen … thirty, I guess? It looks like an Officer’s Ball will then start at nineteen o’clock, and will end at twenty three o’clock. Bedtime is set for twenty three thirty.” Trixie looked over the paper again, and then up to the Princess. “You really need to have a scheduled bedtime?” “I do. There are times when I have gotten so wrapped up in my work that I neglect to get the proper amount of rest.” “Oh, I see.” Trixie flipped the paper over, then back again. “But I think that is all there is.” “Good. Did Wysteria explain what you will be doing today?” “Yes. Trixie has some new hire paperwork to fill out this morning, and then I will be following you and Prince Bean. Though Miss Inkwell will be assisting me, I am ultimately responsible for all aspects of your schedule.” “Good. Please remember that keeping me on schedule is very important. There are days when all of our available time is taken, and if we don't keep to the time allotted we will create unnecessary issues.” “Tr- uh, I understand. But, does this mean I will be attending the Ball this evening?” “You are invited, yes,” Celestia replied with a small smile. “Though you need not worry about your attire. You are welcome to come as you are.” “That reminds me.” Wysteria pulled out her own clipboard and began writing on a paper. “I’ll need to step out during Day Court to make sure my own dress still fits.” “I’m sure it does, but it would be prudent to make sure,” Celestia replied with a small chuckle. “I feel like a hot air balloon that has way too much air in it right now. They'll probably have to sew a few extra panels onto my dress, but we’ll both be there.” “Good. Would you like to join us for breakfast, Miss Trixie? I can make some pancakes for you, if you’d like.” There was a flash of eagerness in Trixie’s eyes, but her composure remained calm and even. “Thank you, yes. I would very much like to join you for breakfast.” “We’ll meet you in the dining room, then.” Trixie bowed while Wysteria dipped her head, and both left the room with no further comment. Celestia took a deep breath in through her nose, cleared her throat, and glanced back at her outstretched wings. “Uh, Celly? Sweetie?” Bean whined softly. “You’re squishing your husband.” Celestia let out a yelp of alarm and quickly pulled her front hooves off of her Bean. He let out a relieved gasp once he was free, but he then rolled over onto his back and gave his love a devious grin. “We’re being a little overprotective, aren’t we?” he asked with a bob of his eyebrows. “I am not being overprotective,” she replied quickly. “Oh? Your wings suggest otherwise.” “My wings suggest nothing. They will often extend on their own in response to my emotions, just like any other pegasus. I could be extremely pleased that Miss Lulamoon will be joining us for breakfast, you know.” “Uh-huh, right,” Bean replied with a scoff, but then he had a devious grin appear. “Why don't we have Trixie accompany me to the Archives while you teach your class?” Celestia’s nostrils flared, and her whole body visibly stiffened. “It would be better to have Wysteria assist you. She is far more familiar with the organization of the Archives, after all.” “But Trixie needs to learn the layout, doesn't she? This would be a good way to learn where things are.” “No.” Celestia snorted, and the only thing that kept her from stomping a hoof on the floor was the fact that she did not wish to trample her husband. “Wysteria will go with you.” Bean chortled a bit, but he also realized there was no point in pursuing the matter further. “Alright, I’ll take Wys. Trixie should enjoy going to the School with you.” Celestia nodded, and then she smiled softly while she bent down and kissed her love. “Very well. Come, we have pancakes to make, and I’m eager to see how you like the Ball this evening.” “How often do they hold the Officer’s Ball?” Bean asked while Celestia helped him up. “Is it a once a year thing, or what?” “It is once a year,” she replied, but then she had a sly grin of her own. “Hmm. I think I will give you a homework assignment.” “Oh, really?” “Yes. I want you to find out why it is held on this day. If you can, well …” She trailed off with a playful nip at his neck. “Your implied reward is all the motivation I need,” Bean replied as they quickly nuzzled each other. “I shall give you a full report this evening.” “I’m sure you’ll find it in short order. You are a very clever pony, after all.” “I much prefer Celestia’s method of teaching,” Bean grumbled with a flip of a page in the massive tome before him. “I can’t imagine a more boring way to learn than this.” “Didn’t you have to read cookbooks when you were a colt, sir?” Wysteria replied while scrawling some notes on her clipboard. “Yeah, but I hated that, too. I always did better if I could just start throwing ingredients together. Cooking isn’t just some crude, mechanical process. It’s a delicate art; poetry in motion if you will. You can’t get the proper feel for the balance of flavor by rote, you have to find it for yourself.” “I’ll remember that the next time I’m using a warm-up spell on a frozen kale pizza, sir,” Wysteria replied. “Your Highness?” Trixie’s voice interrupted them, but Bean smiled while he turned to face her. “Yes, Miss Lulamoon?” “Trix - er, I found a few more books that I think might be helpful for you to look over.” Trixie gently placed a small stack near him, and Bean glanced at the top one quickly. “Most of them are military books, so they should have the information you need.” “Thank you, Miss Lulamoon.” “Is there anything else you needed me to do?” “Not at the moment.” “You should go get something to eat, Miss Lulamoon,” Wysteria interjected. “We’ll be busy helping with the Ambassador later, so now would be a good time. We’ll meet you in the dining hall at noon.” “Thank you, Miss Inkwell,” Trixie replied with a dip of her head. “But Trixie does not have enough bits to buy a lunch.” “Just tell Chef Beet to send the bill to me,” said Bean with a wink. “No good cook can bear the thought of a hungry soul who goes without due to the lack of a few bits. We’ll call it a sign-on bonus.” “Um, thank you, Your Highness?” Trixie replied with no shortage of confusion. She then took a few steps towards the exit, but she paused and turned around again. “May I bother you for directions?” Bean chuckled and pointed with one hoof. “Left once you leave, then right, then left again, up the stairs, another right, and then it’ll be on your left.” “How long did it take you to figure out the layout of the palace?” “Oh, I’m still learning.” Bean snickered slightly. “But I do have a nose for food, and it’s never led me astray.” “Ah. Right.” Bean went back to his book while Trixie left, but a few moments after she had gone he glanced up at the exit, then over to Wysteria. “I thought she was going to go with Celly today.” “Hm?” Wysteria finished writing something, then focused her attention on him. “Oh, that. Miss Lulamoon was adamant about not going to the school, sir. She said she’d rather go get into a wrestling match with an ursa minor.” “Do you know why she’s so opposed to going?” “Yeah, it didn’t take very long to figure out. Trixie was a student there for a semester before dropping out, and she left a rather poor impression with the faculty. Her permanent record states that she was surly, argumentative, and hostile towards her fellow students and teachers. Once all that came to light, it was agreed that it would be best to have her remain with me. Besides, she would have just been sitting on her rump in a hallway while the Princess taught her class.” “Huh. That’s a bit strange that she would drop out. Celly’s school is the premiere magic school, and as far as I understood, there’s a rather lengthy list of unicorns that want to get in.” “It’s not so strange, sir. There are just some unicorns who can’t handle the demand that come with advanced lessons. I knew a couple of unicorns in high school who had dropped out, in fact. It’s not so different from a pegasus washing out in flight camp.” “I still say it’s a bit strange, but I suppose it doesn’t much matter, does it?” “Probably not, sir.” Wysteria stood and groaned, and she rubbed her head. “Ugh. I think I’ll go lie down for a few minutes, if you don't mind. It seems like if I’m not nauseous, I’m exhausted. A good nap should help out quite a bit.” “Go ahead. I’m not going anywhere.” Bean watched as the faithful secretary made her way to a nearby sofa, and then he turned his attention back to the mind-numbing, soul-sucking words before him. The record contained within would probably be more interesting if it had a bit more narrative in it, but this seemed to be a book of pure facts. So far, the format had been nothing more than ‘this happened, then this happened, and then this happened because of that,’ and it made it really hard to keep focused. But Bean was motivated by a Celestia-powered reward, so he gritted his teeth, shook his head and legs to get his blood flowing, and then he pulled over a new book to study. “Change of pace would be good. What is this book about, hmm?” he muttered softly to himself while randomly flipping the pages. He then jabbed his hoof in, laid the book flat, and began reading softly aloud. “The Third Sasquachary War. How many Sasquachary wars were there, anyway? Huh. ‘With its origins rooted in the assassination of Qaghan Y’Rbitta, it was the war that led to total destruction and annihilation of the Sasquatch tribe.’ Woah, Celly. You wiped out a whole tribe?” ~*~ Bean slowly closed the book before him, and he drew in a slow breath. Celestia hadn’t wiped out just a mere tribe. She had erased an entire species. The information presented had shown Bean a side of Celestia that he knew could exist in theory, but never in practice. If the book was to be believed, she had been ruthless and merciless, offering no leniency nor quarter while she had led her heavy cavalry in battle after battle in an unrelenting march across the barbarian lands. “I earned the title of GhaH Qaw’ ‘ej Natlh in that war.” Celestia spoke softly, but Bean still jumped slightly and gasped. “It loosely translates to ‘She who destroys and consumes.’ It’s not one of my favorites.” “I wouldn’t like that one much either.” He stood and moved quickly to hug his love. “Why?” “At the time, I believed I had to. They were … possessed? Desperate? There isn’t one tidy term that can define it.” Celestia closed her eyes, and Bean could feel her tense up to a near stone-like state as the memories flooded into her. “Their Qaghan was killed by his own generals, and the blame was placed on my scouts. I tried diplomacy at first, but my messengers were sent back to me with enough arrows in them to make a porcupine jealous. Time after time I tried to reason with them, and time after time they flung themselves at us in a berserk rage that only yielded to death. “We lost so many ponies.” Her tone went as soft as a tombstone. “So many lives cut short, so many relationships forever altered. I had no choice but to pursue them across those abominable, desolate eastern desert wastes that they called home, or they would double their troops and smash into my lines again. For centuries after, I would wake in a cold sweat, with the metallic taste of steel and blood in my mouth - and unable to identify which was which -  while the echoes of Daybreaker rung in my ears, taunting me because of the loss of life and the carnage that I had allowed to happen. The Sasquatch were relentless, like some sort of horrible wave of swords and shields and bodies that endlessly crashed upon the fortifications that my ponies were duty-bound to protect, clawing and biting and slashing until their hearts had stilled and their bodies had gone cold and rigid. The pattern remained the same throughout the entire conflict. We’d defeat them in battle, and they’d burn their own settlements and murder their own wounded as they fell back and regrouped. General Picket coined the term ‘scorched earth’ to describe what they were doing to themselves. “The war was over far before we ever reached their capital. We found that some kind of collective insanity had seized them, turning former friends into enemies and brothers against brothers. As we walked through what felt like the very gateway to death itself, we started to search for answers. I had my troops scour everything, fearful that we’d find some sort of artefact, or curse, or maybe even some sort of disease, but the longer we searched the more the question remained. It finally came to the point that we were so worried about the lack of a reason that we would have welcomed a deadly artefact. Anything would have been better than the oppressive nothingness, any reason at all. Even their ghosts did nothing but howl and scream for vengeance, ripping and tearing at their own spectral forms as if they wished to strike a fatal blow to death itself.” Ghosts? Bean swallowed hard while trying to ask the question, but Celestia beat him to it. “Ghosts, yes. You know from personal experience that they can roam among us at times, but there must be a strong connection, in one way or another, to the land of the living for such spirits to exist. Their once proud city had become a necropolis, and their pure hatred of all ponies, however it had come to be, bound them in misery to that place. They existed in function but not form, still consumed with their rabid desire for destruction but unable to act upon it. As one last act of mercy, I was able to dissipate the dark magics that bound them, but it took all that I had, and then some. The sheer amount of power that was needed nearly consumed me as well. It was one of the many times I wished Luna could have been there to assist me.” Bean hugged his wife even tighter, and he felt a wet spot beginning to trickle down his neck. “You did what you had to, love. I know that. Nothing changes because of this.” “Are you sure? Don’t you hate me?” “Why would I?” he replied with a tender kiss. “One loves the light all the more once one has beheld the depths of the darkness.” “There. Right there.” Celestia pulled back slightly, but her tear-rimmed eyes remained on him. “There’s the Bean I cherish the most. You love me. All of me. You don't love just the perfect princess part of me, or the passionate lover part, or the tortured mare forced into solitude by her own designs. You take all those parts, and more, and then you combine them and love the total that I am. I bear my heart and soul to you, and you return my affections back to me a hundred times over, if not more. I constantly worry you will run from my truths, but you stay. You move to me, and you stand with me.” “That’s what I want to do, always. Beans grow toward the light, after all.” “And then you say something like that.” She laughed. “I will never tire of your humor, no matter how riddled with puns it might be.” “I hope not. I don't have any other material to use. My knock-knock jokes are atrocious.” Celestia shook her head. “And thus is my gloom turned into sunlight. I thought that I was the one to bring light into the dark places, my husband.” “And you forever will. But I would like to think that my little light can bring some illumination to your dark places too.” “Your light is anything but little. It is with your light that I see my path forward.” “Have I mentioned lately how wonderful it is to be married to you?” “I believe you said something to that effect this morning,” said Celestia, with another quick kiss for him. “And may it be so for a thousand years. But, emotional memories do not cancel lunch appointments with the Griffon ambassador. We should be going. Where are Wysteria and Miss Lulamoon?” “Wys is lying down over there, and Trixie should be waiting for us in the dining room.” “Come, let us allow Wysteria some rest. She’ll need the energy for tonight.” Celestia's wing draped over Bean, and a deep smile was shared between them while they made their way out of the Archives. “I’m sure we can manage for one meal without her.” “I would certainly hope so.” “Did you find the answer to my homework question?” she asked with a playful, eager look. “I did not. I got wrapped up in reading about the wars.” “I see. Well, I suppose you don't get the reward, then.” “Oh, would you really deny me?” Bean gave his best cute pouty face, but Celestia shook her head with a smile. “I would. What kind of a teacher am I if I reward you for failure?” “Oh, but you wouldn't … oh.” Bean became slightly frantic while his wife began to walk away. “You would. Wait! No! I'll find the answer! No! I can find it!” “You know, you should really think about renaming these things,” Bean remarked through a yawn. “Why is that?” Celestia asked with a glance to him. “Calling it a Ball suggests that there will be dancing, and yet there has been a very distinct lack of such so far.” “Well, ‘Officer's Social Time’ doesn't quite roll off the tongue,” she pointed out. “And there are enlisted ponies here too, so I would have to change the name to ‘The All-Guard Party Hour’ to be accurate.” “I would pay good money to see you actually do that,” he challenged. “I’ll run it by Shining Armor the next time I have a free moment.” “I’m a bit surprised he isn’t here, now that you mention him,” Bean remarked, while his eyes swept over the cheerful guardsponies and their dates. “He had every intention of coming, but then Cadence came down with some sort of cold and they had to cancel at the last minute.” “Well, it’s a good thing she has a doting husband, then,” Bean observed with a wink. “Just so long as he doesn’t try to make any Citron Pressé.” “Ah yes, that.” Celestia winced a bit. “I still feel horrible about the way I acted.” “Water under a bridge, my love,” he replied before she could get the guilt train rolling down the tracks of regret. “It happened, we’ve dealt with it, so now we can joke about it.” “I agree.” Bean’s eyes lingered on his wife, and his smile grew while he drank her all in. Her dress for this evening was a nice pink number, with a simple skirt and no embroidery, and yet she still managed to be the most beautiful thing in the world. For his own part, he felt like he was a bit underdressed despite wearing his formal coat, but it was hard to feel equal to a room full of ponies in full dress uniforms. “Enjoying the view?” Celestia asked with a smirk. “As always. You look fantastic.” “Thank you, but I hope I am not too fantastic. This night is a time to focus on our loyal guards and to give them the thanks they have earned. I want them to be the focus, not me.” “We should probably not ask me to be the judge of that, then.” “Perhaps not.” “It’s so strange seeing everypony in their natural colors.” Bean’s eyes swept over the crowd again. “That is Sergeant Pokey over there, right?” “If you are referring to the pony by the buffet table who is accompanied by a blue unicorn, then yes. That is Pokey.” “I never would have guessed he was purple. It just doesn’t seem like his color. At least Sergeant Clover is green, like she should be.” “It would be a bit strange if she was another color, wouldn’t it? I do have to admit that she has a handsome date as well.” “Oh really?” he verbally jabbed. “Doth mine fair wife’s eyes begin to wander?” “Hardly,” she retorted with a heavy eye roll, a laugh, and a gentle smack for the back of his head with her wing. “Mine eyes want for my Bean and none other. But as stallions go, he is a fair specimen, though I would say his wings to seem to be somewhat undersized, given his overall … heft.” “Perhaps a bit, but who am I to judge?” Bean pointed to another partygoer. “I have to admit I like that dress that Sergeant Pepper’s date is wearing. I’m not quite sure how she did it, but she managed to make beige look good.” “Some ponies are able to make any color look good. Fleur de Lis, for example, once wore a lime green ensemble to a Grand Galloping Gala, and she stole the show that night. I think the pattern and the accessories help, if it is done tastefully and properly.” “Probably. That’s the only thing that makes me passible.” “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure,” Celestia teased. “I’ve seen how Trixie’s eyes wander.” “What?” “I may be a bit biased in this, my Prince, but you do turn heads these days. Many are better at hiding it, but Miss Lulamoon has a tendency to stare.” “Really? No way. I mean … she does? Really?” Bean stammered while shuffling his hooves awkwardly. “I am being serious. You are a fine stallion, but your attire and your title helps you to exude an enhanced sense of attention.” “Well … I am pretty cute.” “The cutest, but don’t let it go to your head. I can’t tell you how many ponies I have caught leering. They don’t mean to, or most of them don’t anyway.  But after a century of being in the middle of things you begin to see who is trying hard not to look.” “I suppose you would notice that kind of thing, wouldn’t you?” “It’s not too hard. In fact, Blueblood’s date is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Watch her, and see how many times her eyes drift away from the ponies she’s speaking to and towards us. She can maybe stay focused for five to seven seconds before she begins to stare at us again.” “Why would she be looking up here so often?” “Oh, there are many reasons. She could be ‘checking you out’, as they say, but I find that it usually is because this is the first time a pony has been to an event here, in the palace, and with myself in attendance. She could also be watching us to see what her own actions should be. If she is unsure about what is proper and what is not in these circumstances, then she would want to follow our lead to stay out of trouble.” “That makes sense.” He nodded, but then he laughed. “Or perhaps she’s stalking us, eh? She could be trying to figure out how to foalnap one of us.” “She’d better not be. I would be rather perturbed if anypony tried to foalnap you. It was hard enough on me when Flint tried.” “I don’t think we have to worry. We’re in a large room that is stuffed to the brim with guards. I don’t think anypony in their right mind would think attacking an event such as this was a good idea.” “No, I suppose not. But I think I’ll ask Blueblood about it later, just to be sure.” “Ah, the subtle art of asking about somepony’s date. I suppose you invented that some eleven hundred years ago, yes?” Celestia scoffed. “Whatever I learned about subtlety I picked up from Luna. You wouldn’t believe how she can slink about with her words.” “Oh, I’m pretty sure you could convince me. Speaking of which, why did she not come tonight? Was she too busy with her duties?” “That’s the official reason. Between you and me, Luna has a hard time with balls, galas, or any other sort of social gathering. She tries to come as much as possible, but I’m afraid most of them remind her too much of Star.” “Oh. I didn’t even think about that.” “We discussed it at length when she returned from exile. I told her then, and I still tell her now, that she is under no obligation to attend any event that I plan. She is welcome to come if she wishes to, but if she does not then she simply does not.” “I get that. I would hate it if I was forced to go to events without you.” “It also doesn’t help that the Grand Galloping Gala has become rather dull over the years. I wouldn’t dare force such tedium on my sister if I can help it.” “They’re really that boring?” “Yes. Nearly all formal events unfold in a set and predictable manner, I’m afraid. Most ponies only expect me to appear, smile, wave, and to offer a few words in greeting. If I participate more than that, I set off a furious round of worrying. And if I should ever try to dance—” Celestia shuddered. “So, I guess that applies to me as well, huh?” “Yes, but this is actually a good thing. You and I can keep each other company.” “That we can,” he replied with a quick nuzzle for her. “But is there anything else we can do to make these types of things less dull?” “The Element Bearers have been inadvertently helpful in that regard in recent years.” Celestia paused for a moment, then laughed. “You should have been here a few years ago, when all of Twilight’s friends attended for the first time. That was a good Gala.” The conversation was interrupted by a pony clearing their throat from behind them, and both smiled as Wysteria and Trixie stepped out and in front of them. Wysteria, however, had the audacity to hold up a hoof to the royals while Celestia's wings extended out, but both of them recognized that playful gleam that was in the secretary’s eyes and said nothing about it. “Now, remember that you are the keeper of Equestria,” Wysteria admonished Trixie in a low voice. “You hold the kingdom in your hooves as Celestia’s secretary. She will look to you and your council in times of trouble, and your advice could shape the course of future events.” “Right,” Trixie replied with a nod. “Plus, you hold The Schedule. You can make or break everything with that, and with how you manage it. Always be a wise steward of Celestia’s time.” “But you can waste mine all you like,” Bean piped up with a bob of his eyebrows. “Us Princes are pretty disposable.” “I was getting to you, sir,” Wysteria shot back through clenched smile, but then she took a calming breath. “Now, since Prince Bean has so eloquently pointed out his own importance, let us move on. Let us say you have just approached the princess and the prince. How do you begin a proper conversation with them?” Trixie paused for a moment in thought, but then cleared her throat and held her head high. “Excuse me, Princess? May I have a moment of your time?” “Of course,” Celestia replied with a small grin. “What is it, Miss Lulamoon?” “According to the schedule, you have ten minutes before your speech.” “Thank you. You look nice, by the way.” “Trix - er, I thank you, Your Highness.” Trixie said while looking back at the grey dress she was wearing. “Miss Inkwell was kind enough to loan this to me for the evening.” “You look good too, Wys,” Bean offered, and the secretary smiled deeply and gave a twirl. “Thank you, sir. I do rather like how this turned out, and it only needed very small modifications.” “Black is a good color for you,” Bean noted. “And the sequins are a nice touch.” “That’s what Quill said, too,” Wysteria replied with a hint of a blush on her cheeks. “But doesn’t he look rather dashing as well?” “He looks better than I do, that’s for sure,” Bean replied. “You should go be with him,” Celestia admonished, and she gave her faithful secretary a nudge with a hoof. “Go on. He’s waiting for you.” “Are you sure?” “I think Miss Lulamoon will be able to keep us on schedule.” Celestia nudged again, then nodded in Quill’s direction. “I'm sure. He’s been staring at you ever since you walked in.” Wysteria giggled like a schoolfilly while she looked over to her date, and a full crimson spread across her face when he smiled and beckoned for her to come join him. “If you’ll excuse me, Your Highnesses,” Wysteria called out over her shoulder, before she pranced down the stairs and over to her Quill. “Yeah, I think they’re going to be able to work things out.” Bean chuckled with his wife. “Trixie will need to beg her leave of Your Highnesses as well,” said Trixie with a bow. “What? Where are you going?” Bean got out first. “Anywhere but here. Trixie is not sure if the restraining order has expired yet or not.” “What? Who has a restraining order out against you?” “Missus Lulamoon,” a voice from behind Trixie interrupted the conversation, and she began to growl. “That’s Miss Trixie to you, ‘Prince.’” “Charming, as always.” Blueblood replied with a snort of amusement. “I must say, that collar is rather fetching on you. I trust that my aunt is not keeping you on a tight leash?” “Trixie will cram that leash right down your throat here in five seconds, you miserable …” “All right, that’s quite enough of that.” Celestia placed a wing between the two of them before things got out of control. “How do you know Prince Blueblood, Miss Trixie?” “That is a short story. Prince Butthead did not like Trixie’s magic show in San Palomino, Trixie told him which ear he could stuff his criticism into, and then Trixie proceeded to shove said criticism in there for him.” “It hurt, too.” Blueblood quietly added with a absentminded rub of his left ear. “Isn't that restraining order still in effect, by the way?” “You’d better hope it is.” “There’s no need for such foalish behavior, you two.” Celestia gave them both a stern glare. “My aunt speaks the truth, Miss Lulamoon.” Blueblood offered a hoof to her. “I came here tonight for two reasons, and one of them was to make amends and to start anew with you. I humbly ask for your forgiveness for my inappropriate behavior, both in the past and here in the present. Perhaps we can be friends?” “Trixie doubts that,” she sighed, but she shook his offered hoof. “But Trixie can be friendly. If you leave her alone, Trixie will leave you alone.” “That will be acceptable. You know, I was rather pleased when I heard that Miss Inkwell had hired you on after the ‘incident’ yesterday. Her magnanimous gesture was an inspiring way to resolve the issue.” “Inspiring. Sure, that’s what it was.” “Miss Lulamoon,” Celestia interrupted. “It would seem I have left the notes for my speech back in my office. Would you go collect them for me?” “Of course.” Trixie bowed her head, gave Blueblood one last glare, and then left with a snort of annoyance that sounded suspiciously like a small ‘woof.’ “Dear nephew, I sincerely hope that you remain committed to your peace agreement with Miss Lulamoon,” Celestia warned. “She will be under my employ for the foreseeable future, and I cannot tolerate any fighting with my secretaries.” “Of course, dear aunt,” Blueblood replied. “You have my solemn word that I will treat Miss Trixie with all the respect she deserves.” “Good. Now, what is the second reason for your visit this evening?” “Your Highnesses, I wish to introduce you to my ravishing parter for this evening. May I present the fair Lady Chrysanthemum.” A svelte blue unicorn then stepped forward, her eyes hungrily taking in every inch of the Prince while her head dropped in reverence, then raised again. Bean couldn’t help but feel a tickle of uneasiness run through his skin, but he smiled and nodded back. “Good evening, Lady Chrysanthemum,” Celestia offered with a curious look. “Have we met before?” “Oh, no,” Chrysanthemum tittered. “I don’t think we ever have, Your Highness.” “Hmm. You seem so familiar. Perhaps it was a few years ago, during the fundraiser for the new windmill in Bosalville?” “No, no. I’ve never been to Bosalville.” Celestia gave her a dubious look for a moment, but then she smiled. “Well, perhaps I have just seen you around, then. How are you enjoying the festivities?” “Oh, this is all very nice. I don’t get much of a chance to come to these sorts of things, so I always relish when I can.” Bean took a step back while Chrysanthemum’s eyes again moved to him. It wasn’t so bad at a distance, but when she was up close it was rather creepy. “You seem to be highly interested in my husband, ma’am.” Celestia remarked with a hint of warning, and her wings slightly extended again. “Oh, I’m sorry. I stare a lot, I know,” the potential paramour giggled. “I’m being very rude. I’m not staring at you, my Prince, I’m actually staring at your crystal.” “You are?” Bean asked, and a hoof reached up to cover it. “Yeah. I'm really into geology, and when the Crystal Empire reappeared, well …” she devolved into a furious round of high-pitched giggling. “Sorry, sorry. I just really like crystals. They’re like … like an uber rock. I’ve wanted to go to the Crystal Empire to study them more, but things have prevented me from doing so. Does it absorb magic at all?” “No, not that I’ve noticed,” Bean replied. “Wow. I kinda thought it would, y’know, given how the Crystal Heart operates and everything. Does it focus your own magic then, or maybe it lets you tap in to the ley thaumological lines that are present in the quintessence above us, or ooh!” she gasped loudly. “Don’t tell me it allows you access to magics outside your realm! I mean, being an earth pony is fine, I guess, but if you could gain access to unicorn magic, or pegasus magic, or even Princess Celestia’s! Wait! Can you tap into alicorn magic with that?! That would change everything we know about—” “Hold it, hold it.” Bean held a hoof over the sun-shaped crystal. “It’s just pretty. There’s nothing magical about it, other than the symbolism.” “Oh? What symbolism does it hold?” “That my heart will always be close to the Princess,” he replied with conviction. “It is she who guides me, and she who inspires me. Much like myself, there’s no value in this crystal by itself. It only becomes great by association.” “Oh.” Chrysanthemum replied with a flat look. “Well, that’s fine too, I guess. Maybe a bit disappointing, but very informative too.” “Come, my dear,” Blueblood gave his date a gentle nudge. “I think we’ve pestered my aunt and …” he swallowed hard, “and uncle long enough. Thank you, Prince Bean, for the information and for your time.” “Not a problem at all,” he replied while the two before him bowed again. “Please feel free to ask more questions anytime.” Bean smiled while they left, but not because they were leaving. There was a very low and subtle rumble coming from his left, and it was being generated by a beloved white mare with exceptionally large wings and a sharp horn that had lowered slightly to prepare for a perceived challenge. “You know, I think it’s kinda cute how you keep running off any mares that get too close to me.” “I am not doing anything of the sort.” Celestia replied while her wings ruffled and folded back down seemingly on their own. “Uh-huh, right. Why do you think she was so interested in my Celestial Crystal?” “I am not sure, so we must take her at her word, I suppose.” “Do you think this thing has any of those properties she was talking about?” “No, I believe it is a common crystal,” Celestia remarked while she looked it over with him quickly. “If you would like, we can do some testing with it another time to make sure.” “I think we should. I’d hate to think I have some kind of superweapon around my neck and I don’t even realize it.” “I think Cadence would have mentioned that, if that was true,” Celestia replied with a giggle. “However, you did mention one incorrect fact about it.” “I did?” “You said the crystal gains value by association, much like yourself. This would be incorrect on both parts. The crystal you wear is worth tens of thousands of bits, if we assign a monetary value to it, simply because it is a crystal. And you, my dear Bean, have great intrinsic worth as well. You are great with me, not because of me.” “Thanks,” he replied with a nuzzle for her. “I’m glad I have value here, and to you. There were times I didn’t feel like I had any worth at all in the past.” “Sometimes the value of something is not apparent until it has undergone some refinement and adjustments. I would say your marriage to me has refined you.” “That it did, and I will forever be grateful for that.” ~*~ “Bob! You little termite, get over here!” “M-my Queen?” “Who else would it be, you idiot? Have you had any success yet?” “No, My Queen. I'm still searching.” “That is not what I wanted to hear. Ugh. I can't stand that overbearing oaf. If I have to listen to one more of his insufferable stories, I'm going to throw up.” “My deepest apologies, My Queen, but my access is limited. There are still some guards on duty, because not all of them went to the Ball.” “Fine. You get one more hour, but not a minute more. I’m going to throttle my parasite of a date after that.” “I will do what I can, My Queen.” “Just don't get caught. The last thing I need is for everything to be exposed. Now, give me that love you’ve been storing. I need a pick-me-up something fierce.” “I mean no disrespect, My Queen, but can't you just take some from him?” “Haven't I warned you about thinking?” “Um … yes?” “Obviously I need to use something larger to drive the point in. I can't steal their love here, stupid. Everypony would notice. Besides, he’s so full of himself that all I’d get is a bad case of gas.” “Oh.” “Where is Thorax?” “With Mandible. They are trying to get that map of palace that you requested finished.” “Good. At least something is getting done. Once they finish, I want you and Thorax to head out to Appleoosa. Sunbutt and her little Bean are heading there this weekend to meet with the Buffalo, and you both need to keep an eye on that. They should be making a visit to Vanhoofer immediately after that, but I don't care about that one. They’re just attending a ribbon cutting for some art school.” “We will head out as soon as possible.” “Have you received any news from the Hive?” “Yes, My Queen. The containment pod is complete and ready for the Prince, but the last shipment of dark stone has been delayed in customs. It seems they thought it was a load of avocados, and they claimed it hasn't been properly decontaminated. Phil is working on it, but it’s gonna take at least two weeks to get it straightened out.” “Fine. He’d better not let them eat any of it.” “You can eat dark stone?” “As far as you know. I have to get back. Remember, you have fifty seven minutes, and then I'm going to start taking it out of your paycheck.” “I understand, My Queen.” “Good. How does my smile look? Is it nice?” “Um … of course? How could it be otherwise?” “Right. I hate trying to be sincere.” “As do we all, My Queen.”