2. - Family Reunion
“Are you sure you want me to attend this reunion?” Luna asked for the third time in as many minutes. She was feeling like a fifth horseshoe within the tight and happy group already, and a visit to her sister’s in-laws didn’t seem to be the way to cure the ailment.
“Of course we do!” Lima replied while everypony was climbing into the passenger car of the train. “You are family, and all family members are invited. I think everypony would be rather disappointed if you didn’t come.”
“They would?”
Bean let out a rather large and solid scoff. “Mung, upon seeing your picture in the paper after your return, proclaimed to the entire Bean Clan that he was going to marry you one day.”
“I see,” Luna said with a chuckle. “But does he still feel this way?”
“No, he hasn’t mentioned it lately,” Lima replied over the clanking lurch of the train’s start. “He actually has a marefriend, last I heard. What was her name, Baked, do you remember?”
“I think it was Chowder,” he replied in thought. “Or something to do with sugar. Something like that.”
“At any rate, I’m sure he still thinks highly of you,” Lima continued. “I’m pretty sure Fava wanted to meet you too. I do know for sure that Lentil will be super excited to meet you, Celestia. She’s a huge fan of yours.”
“Oh, really?” Celestia asked with amusement.
“Very much. She has just about any merchandise that relates to you, and that’s all she ever wants for Hearth’s Warming and Birthday gifts. She has posters of you up in her room, and plush dolls, and the books you’ve authored. She’s even been saving up for the last few months so she could make the trip to Canterlot and meet you face-to-face. There was a bit of concern that she would spontaneously combust with happiness when she heard about the marriage. She’ll be beyond the moon happy to actually have a chance to talk to you.”
“Well, I will be pleased to speak with her,” Celestia replied. “She sounds like a charming mare.”
“Oh, she is. Baked has some of the best cousins that you could ask for.”
“Can’t say I don’t,” Bean added with a laugh.
“Princess?” Wysteria piped up from behind them. “Here’s the budget, like you asked.”
“Ah, yes. Thank you,” Celestia replied as she took the hefty stack of paper in her magic. “Lima, I’m afraid Bean and I need to review this, otherwise Minister Penny Wise is going to give me quite the stern lecture about passing her budgets in a timely manner, and there is nothing worse than being lectured in monotone. You’re welcome to sit in with us, if you’d like.”
“No, that’s all right.” Lima replied with a soft grin. “I think I’ll just relax, if I may.”
“Please do. Just let Wysteria know if you need anything. Luna, would—”
“Don’t you dare drag me into that numerical nightmare,” Luna threatened. “Those budgetary analyses are like little gremlins, I swear.”
“Fair enough.” Celestia laughed. “Bean and I will handle this.”
“Save yourselves!” Bean whispered before earning a nip on his ear from his wife.
“Wysteria?” Luna called out.
“Yes?”
“What do we have for refreshments?”
“All of the usual things, Princess. What would you like?”
Luna glanced over at Lima before replying. “Perhaps some rye crackers and cheese, and a nice tea to go with it if you please.”
“I know just the thing. I’ll be right back in a moment.”
“Thank you,” Luna offered, and then she turned her full attention to Lima. Bean’s mother had settled in on the cushions in the back of the rail car and was looking through her photo album with a wistful and slightly depressed expression.
Luna was fairly confident she knew what Lima was thinking, but she decided to have a motherly chat with her about it just to be sure, and to also pass the time. There was a warm smile for the new Duchess as Luna eased down next to her, and a small smile was returned before Lima again looked over the photos of her Baked as a foal.
“Not a fan of budgets I take it?” Lima asked with a short laugh.
“I have dealt with snooty ministers, stuck-up magistrates, prideful dukes, and wasteful barons, squared off against the deepest and darkest monsters spawned of Tartarus, ancient sasquatch foes, legions of armies that have stretched off beyond the horizon and thunderous dragons that have nearly ended my life, and yet none of that has been more frightening than the budget proposals of our modern day. I really don’t know how Celly does it.”
“I’ve told Garbanzo that the only power that might be able to truly defeat you and Princess Celestia is the power of compound interest.”
“It just might.” Luna laughed lightly, then paused. “I wonder what became of my back pay while I was away from the position.”
Lima looked as if she were taking the jest seriously and calculating a number with a great number of zeros before Luna shook her head and turned her attention to the photo album as well. There was a pause as they both looked over the snapshots of Baked Bean’s early years, but then Lima pointed to one and chuckled softly.
“This was the first cake Baked ever baked by himself, and from scratch no less. It was a delicious three-tier, and I still don’t know how he got that frosting to be so light. It was like he had made chocolate rain clouds somehow. I thought for sure he was going to get his cutie mark that day. I was so proud of him, and what he’d done.”
“They grow up too fast, don’t they?”
“Far too fast,” Lima agreed in a soft voice. “And then they fly away from the nest. I’m glad he’s with Celestia, and that he’s found his place in the world, I really am. I just…”
“It is a bittersweet thing,” said Luna after a moment. “You are overwhelmed with a great sense of pride and accomplishment when you see how your child has grown and what they can now do, but yet there is that loss of their presence in your daily life. You’ve grown so accustomed to their laugh, their smile, that it’s a shock when they are no longer there. A small part of your heart wants them to stay, but yet you scream for them to be great, to show the world the majesty that you have always seen within them.”
“I suppose you get used to the emptiness eventually.”
“You do, but only because it is filled with your joy over their success. I know I could nearly burst with pride when I would receive the letters back from my little Twilight while she was out on her quest.”
“Quest?”
“Twilight was a curious thing, but mostly in the field of alchemy. She spent three years traversing across Equestria and beyond, searching for anything and everything that could be used to make a pony’s life better. Many of the modern medicines we now enjoy come from her early research. When she did return, she turned to what we would now call laboratory work and the magic began to flow. She did much for the advancement of Equestria.”
“Did she have a family?”
“She did, in time.” Luna was lost in thought, and her smile grew. “You know, for all of her advancements in science, it was her family that always brought me the greatest amount of joy. Watching her struggle through newlywed life, then maturing as a mother to her own little brood was just as impressive to me as anything else she accomplished. She was the type of daughter that I could be proud of, no matter what she did. Your Baked Bean will be the same.”
“I hope so,” Lima replied. “He is a wonderful son, and he has many talents to share. I don’t worry about his future, but I will miss the past.”
“Thankfully, the good parts of the past are never truly gone. They simply move around a bit.”
“I suppose so. But I really need you to answer a burning question I have.”
“Oh? What is that?”
Lima paused, glanced over at Bean and Celestia for a moment, and then back to Luna.
“Is being a grandmother all that it’s cracked up to be?”
Luna’s smile nearly consumed her face. “Are you kidding? You have full permission to spoil your grandfoals rotten, give them all kinds of presents their parents would normally object to, and then send them home when they’re all hyped up on sugar. You’ll love it.”
* * ✹ * *
Bean had thought at one point in his life that he would never want to put a hoof inside the Zuerst again in his life.
Now, he couldn’t wait to do so.
Upon his arrival in Salt Lick, the Royals had been met by Mayor Rubber Stamp and a large and excited crowd of cheering ponies who filled the depot area proper. He had expected this because Celestia had told him that it would happen, and yet he still was still surprised to find more than thirty ponies in one place, and that all of them were there to see him, the unexpected prince from their hometown. A marching band—from Bean’s alma mater, of course—was playing Hail to The Crown, and large banners and posters shouting Bean’s praises were scattered amongst the happy throng.
This was all definitely something that he was going to have to adjust to.
Thankfully, the Mayor’s remarks to the throng were brief, and so were Celestia’s, and the meeting at City Hall with the city council had been pleasant but a bit dry. Sadly, most of the conversation was simply everypony trying to brown-nose their way into good graces and potential royal appointments.
Celestia had also been very clear that they were due at the family reunion promptly at two, so when the time came for their departure Celestia and Luna both gracefully excused themselves and marched neatly out to the waiting chariots with Bean in tow, despite several efforts to waylay them for just a few minutes more.
“There’s so much more about this job that you need to show me,” Bean remarked as they began moving down the street at a brisk clip.
“Extracting yourself from meetings will be a bit tricky,” Luna replied, “but you mostly need to stand your ground and exert some authority. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice, don’t worry.”
“Yeah, I don’t doubt that for a moment.”
“Just make sure that you are clear on your ending time. It’s very difficult for a pony to detain you when they know that.”
“Got it.”
“So, my Love,” Celestia now asked with a nip in his mane, “you know I hate walking into a battle blind. What should we know about your family, beyond what we already know?”
“I think you’ve gotten all the pertinent details, really. Most of my relationals will probably be a bit shy at first given that there will be two princesses in their immediate vicinity, but I don’t think it’ll take long for them to warm up. I’m the oldest out of my cousins, Mung is about twenty, I think, and the rest of them are teenagers. Don’t know if it matters, but there you go. Oh! There may be one awkward thing.”
“Oh?” Celestia asked with a peaked eyebrow. “And what is that?”
“Grandpa Soy and Grandma Pole may offer the somewhat crazy theory that ponies shouldn’t be able to fly.”
“They don’t like pegasi?” Luna asked as her own wings ruffled.
“No, they like pegasi. They just have this weird thought that ponies shouldn’t be able to fly. I know it’s strange, but it’s the way they are. We just smile and nod when it comes up.”
“If the subject comes up then we will let Celly handle it diplomatically.” Luna replied with a casual inspection of one of her shoes. “She is the best at that sort of thing.”
“I will certainly do the best I can,” Celestia added, “but I am a princess to all ponies, and I will defend the pegasi if I must.”
“Oh, I would be really surprised if it came to that,” Bean replied with a shrug. “There’s a good chance they won’t even broach the matter.”
“What are your thoughts on their beliefs?” Luna queried with a inquisitive expression.
“Me? Oh, I never understood it. It’s no stranger to me that a pony can fly than a pony can use magic. It’s our differences that make us all better ponies.”
Bean blushed a bit but smiled happily when Celestia gave him a loving nuzzle for his remarks.
“Good answer, my Love.”
~*~
“Princess Luna! Welcome!” Garbanzo Bean proclaimed grandly while he and Lima bowed deeply in respect. “And welcome back, Princess Celestia! We are honored to have both of you here as our guests.”
“All right, Garbanzo, you may dispense with the pleasantries,” Celestia replied, and her magic yanked both of them up and over to her for a rather large and familial hug. “We’re family here, and there’s no need for all that. It’s good to see you again too. How has business been? Are you able to keep up with the demand?”
“Business couldn’t be better, Your Highness.” he replied while she set them down.
“Oh, pfft.” Celestia blew a raspberry and waved a hoof at him. “Celly, please. You can keep the ‘Your Highness’ for something formal.”
“Where is everypony, Dad?” Bean asked with a glance around the suspiciously empty restaurant.
“We gave everypony the day off since we were shutting down anyway, and I believe your cousins and grandparents should be here shortly.”
“Probably got held up in security,” Luna dryly remarked.
“I’m afraid that could be the case,” Celestia replied with a nod of understanding.
“Your new cutie mark looks nice, Bean Buddy,” Garbanzo remarked. “Just as good as the one in the photo you sent your mom.”
Luna firmly placed her tongue in the side of her cheek. “You sent your mother a photograph of your changed cutie mark?”
“Yes.” Bean considered the expression, or more correctly the lack of expression on Luna’s face. “Is there something wrong?”
“You took a photo of your rear end,” said Luna in a slow and deliberate tone, “and sent it to your mother.” The tiniest bit of a smile began to show at the corners of Luna’s lips. “I’m never going to let you two live this one down.”
“Ok, har-har.” Bean laughed sardonically. “For the record it was a side profile picture, not just my rear.”
“Honestly, Luna.” Celestia tisked before her resolve crumbled into an expression that could only described as lecherous. “There is no way I would send Duchess Lima such a picture unless I first made and kept a copy for myself.”
“Yeah. So, when I… wait. Did you really?” Bean asked with a furious blush on his cheeks.
Thankfully for Bean, this rather embarrassing turn in the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of his extended family, and a gleeful feeling overtook him as he watched everypony file into the restaurant. He had been fairly close with his cousins growing up, and he wanted everypony to meet the most marvelous mare that could ever be, so it wasn’t hard for his excitement to build pressure quickly. There was playful chatter and laughing between them all, and Bean was amazed to see how much everypony had changed, matured, and grown. The once a year reunions were far too infrequent, they needed to have these more often.
All noise stopped once everypony was in and the door secured behind them, and all offered a courteous bow to the Princesses.
“Rise, my little ponies. This sign of respect is appreciated but unnecessary within these walls.” Celestia replied with a smile.
“Truly, it has been some time since my sister and I had the ability to take part in a reunion of family. It is we who are honored to be here with you.” Luna added from her grateful heart.
There was an awkward pause at this point, and it was clear the new Beans didn’t know what to say that would be appropriate.
But then Baked Bean made his move, and he practically dove head-first into the crowd. “Grams! Granpa! It’s good to see you guys!”
“Bean!” The ice was quite thoroughly broken as a hug was shared with them in elation. “What in the world have you been up to?”
“Oh, nothing much. Just decided to marry a Princess, y’know. How have you been?”
“What in Equestria did you do to your cutie mark?” Grams asked with a laugh.
Both Princesses smiled as an explosion of conversation occurred among the cousins. It was heartwarming to see the hugs, the ‘how’s it been?’ and the hearty back slaps being passed around like a Hearth’s Warming feast. It also wasn’t very long until a light blue stallion and a purple pegasus mare gathered up enough nerve to approach and make eye contact with Luna.
“Wait.” Luna held up a hoof. “Let me guess. You are Mung, are you not?”
“Uh…” Mung was quite obviously taken aback. “Yes, Your Highness.”
“Luna, please. After all, we both know what you were dreaming about when you found I had returned from exile.”
Oh how Luna loved watching stallions go red in the face when she did that! It never had gotten old. Perhaps she would paint her room with that particular shade of embarrassed red.
“Look, uh… that was… I mean, well…”
“Never fear, my good Mung. Your secret is safe with me,” Luna replied with a wink before turning her attention to the mare. “Now, who might you be?”
“Sugar Sweet, Your… I mean, Luna,” she replied, “but everypony calls me Chowder. It is such an honor to meet you.”
“Likewise. Are you Mung’s special somepony then?”
She offered up a light and playful giggle while throwing a wing over him. “You could say that, yes. In fact, if it’s not too presumptuous of us, we were wondering if we could ask you to be the officiator at our wedding.”
The room suddenly went silent. All eyes immediately focused on Chowder, and Luna could feel the squeal of excitement building in the air.
“Mung, sweetie?” One of the older mint green mares asked in delight. “Did I just hear that right?”
Mung had the dopiest smile of all time on his face, and his eyes darted about for a moment before he raised his head high and put an arm over Chowder’s withers.
“Mom. Dad. I asked Chow—”
Mung stopped to swallow and trade a gooey glance with the mare at his side. “Sugar Sweet to marry me,” he blurted out in nearly one word.
Every last male in the room was rendered momentarily deaf and winced in unison as the piercing shout of overjoyed delight finally hit critical mass and escaped its containment field.
A tidal wave of estrogen then hit the room, sweeping all mares hapless enough to be in its path towards the newest addition to the Bean pool. Celestia and Luna were no exception, nor did they want to be, and a group hug like none other was shared by all.
“Such wonderful news!” Grandma Flageolet remarked when the hug was over. “Now we can have a two-way challenge!”
“Challenge?” Bean asked with a confused look that matched Celestia’s. “What challenge?”
“Oh, nothing too bad. It’s just that if Celestia and Chowder want to be Beans, they have to cook us a meal.”
“Ma, I thought we said we weren’t going to do that,” the green mare who had to be Cannellini replied in a worried whisper.
“You said that. I said we needed to. It’s tradition.”
“What?” Bean asked with confusion dripping off the word and puddling on the floor. “Why have I never heard of this?”
“Well, the last wedding was your Aunt Adzuki, so we haven’t needed to discuss it.” Flageolet replied with a grandmotherly smile.
“This is a real thing? You didn’t make this up?”
“It’s a real thing, Bean Buddy,” Garbanzo replied this time. “For as long as there has been Beans, there has been the Code of the Beans.”
The heads of all senior Beans dipped in reverence.
“Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this ‘code?’”
“‘Cause it’s a married thing. Ma?”
“All mares must undertake the Challenge in order to be considered a true Bean.” Flageolet replied solemnly. “It has been so, it is so, and it must remain so.”
“What sort of a meal must I cook?” Celestia asked with an intrigued look.
“That is up to you. The kitchen, and all food within it, is available to use. You may select one female Bean to give you suggestions, but it must be you who cooks.”
Luna had a thoughtful smile on her face, and she took a turn now. “And any mare may take this challenge?”
“Any mare who wishes to be a Bean.”
“I’m in,” Luna then announced. “I always did enjoy a good challenge.”
“Very well,” Flageolet said with a smile.
“I guess that settles it,” Celestia added with a laugh. “It would be highly embarrassing to be excluded and you included. Count me in too.”
“Chowder, are you in?” Flageolet asked.
“I don’t know if…” she stalled, and the self-doubt was clearly drawn on her face. Luna placed a wing over the unsettled pegasi, and she dropped her head down to her level.
“Chowder, do you love that stallion?” Luna asked in a fiercely determined voice while pointing a hoof at Mung.
“Of course I do!”
“Then let me tell you what love does to a mare. When she is deeply and truly in love she will cross the ends of the earth and come back again for her special somepony. No barbarian army would be too large, no sea would be too vast to cross, no magic would be strong enough keep her from the tender embrace of her intended. A mare who loves as much as you do would cut down the mightiest tree in the Everfree Forest with a herring to have the one she desires, would she not?”
“I suppose…” Chowder couldn’t help but chuckle at that, but the message was taking root.
“A mare who loves as much as you do would push the city of Cloudsdale aside by herself if it stood between her and her intended, would she not?”
“Yeah!” Chowder replied with a determined look that was growing in intensity.
“And a mare who loves as much as you do would battle broccoli and reduce radishes to rinds to have what is hers! Am I not right?!”
“Yeah!” Chowder shouted. “I’ll do it! I’m in!”
Flageolet’s smile had a hint of deviousness and she nodded once.
“Then let us begin.”
~*~
“I swear, I had no idea that this was a thing that happened.” Bean remarked as the three potential inductees straightened their toques.
“Don’t worry about it, my love.” Celestia replied. “This will be fun, I can tell. Besides, all I have to do is make my pancakes. We both know I’m a shoo-in with those.”
“Baked! Get out of here!” Flageolet shouted. “Mares only!”
“I’m going, Nana! I’m going!” he replied. “Good luck, Love.”
“Thanks,” she replied with a quick nip to his ear.
Bean then reluctantly left the kitchen, leaving Celestia to inhale deeply and give a grunt of determination while looking everything over.
She was going to own this, and claim her Bean anew.
“So, what are the rules for this contest of ours?” Luna asked.
“You have them all already,” Cannellini replied before nudging Lentil. “Pay attention. You’ll need to help us do this when Haricot finds his special somepony.”
“Shall we begin?” Luna asked.
“Start whenever you are ready,” Cannellini replied with a nod.
“Sister! Chowder! Quickly, to me!”
“Huh?” Chowder offered.
“She means she wants us to come over to where she is.” Celestia sighed.
“There is no time to waste! Come, come!” Luna offered with an urgent waving of her hoof.
“C’mon.” Celestia sighed with a gentle bump of Chowder’s shoulder. “We better see what she wants or she’ll start pouting.”
“I will not!” Luna replied with a fierce pout. “I simply wish to establish battle plans.”
“Battle plans?” Chowder asked.
Luna shushed her with a fierce shushing, as if the mares who were standing five feet away couldn’t hear them and she didn’t want them to.
“All right, Lulu. What’s going on?” Celestia asked.
“The rules for this contest are very open and loose,” Luna replied in a soft whisper, and the other two moved in a bit closer to ensure they heard her. “Thus, we can use this to our advantage.”
“Oh?” Celestia asked.
“Indeed. This is not much of a challenge, considering that they have laid out no standards to judge by, no time limit within which to work, and no effort is being made to separate us. I thus propose we pool our efforts together. We can ensure the success of all in this manner.”
Celestia gave a pleased laugh, and she leaned in closer to Chowder. “Lulu has always been one of the finest strategic minds we have in Equestria. I think she’s on to something, and I say we follow her lead. What do you think? Care to join us?”
“Are you kidding?!” Chowder replied with a huge grin. “Who’s dumb enough to say no to cooking with the Princesses? I’m with you!”
“Excellent! Now, Luna, I propose that we should ask Lentil to assist us in this undertaking.”
There was a high-pitched noise from somewhere behind the gathered mares that would translate out to “Me?” if lowered by a few octaves. A hesitant, light-brown young mare then slowly pushed her way through the crowd, and she bowed deeply before the Princesses.
“What do you say, Lentil?” Celestia asked with an abundance of kindness. “Would you care to help me?”
“Do you really want me to?” she whispered.
“Indeed I do. Come, what would you recommend for us to prepare?”
Lentil straightened, and she took in a long, deep breath.
“Here it comes!” Cannellini warned.
“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Lentil exploded. “I have been dying to meet you for the longest time, Princess, and now! Now I can actually cook with you?!”
“Lima!” Cannellini called out. “We need some paper bags, pronto!”
~*~
“It’s too quiet in there,” Bean remarked softly in worry. Despite being in the familiar setting of his childhood and among his family, he couldn’t help but be worried. He had faith in Celestia’s abilities, of course; he firmly believed she could do anything. But yet there remained that nugget of doubt: could she cook? Her pancakes were good, but perhaps he was biased. Would a palate more open to scrutiny still see things the same way he did? Should she not hold up to Nana’s standards, would she really deny her? How could she? They were already married. And since when was he a prize to be won?
A small smile broke through the worry. His Celly must really love him if she would rise up and take on this challenge to ‘win’ him.
“Hey! Bean Buddy!” Garbanzo gave his son a friendly nudge. “Stop worrying! Chowder is no stranger to a kitchen, and the Princesses have got to have picked up some cooking skills in the last thousand years. They’ll do fine.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Bean sighed. “I just didn’t realize my Nana was running a cult.”
“Bean, Buddy. Do you really think that your Grandmother is involved in something nefarious?”
Baked Bean gave his father a long, long look, then slowly shook his head. “I guess it’s better not to know. Uncle Budge, did you have to do this too?”
“Nah, Pinto and your Dad had their own initiation ceremony. I remember that Ghost peppers were involved, but then it gets a little hazy.” A distant look overcame the balding, mustachioed stallion. “Woke up spooning a dairy cow with the worst case of dry mouth ever. Nothing happened, but she still gave me a weird look. I haven’t been back to Green Hill’s farm since.”
“Oh! So that’s why we get a Hearth’s Warming card from Moonica every year!” Haricot proclaimed while his father tried to hide behind his flagon of cider.
Pinto chuckled and smacked Garbanzo’s shoulder. “That was a pretty good one, wasn’t it?”
“I hope Chowder isn’t feeling overwhelmed,” Mung said out of nowhere. His doubts and concerns were beyond obvious while he passed Bean a warm mug of cider and continued. “I mean, she was worried enough about how everypony would take the news before we found out that Celestia and Luna were coming.”
Bean took a quick sip from the tankard, and then he sniffed the liquid. “Where did you get this from?”
“This? Oh, it’s fresh batch Dad and I just made to celebrate,” Mung replied. “Had to use some Greenland apples, though. It’s not as good, but it works.”
Bean nodded once and took a deep and long swig. It wasn’t Sweet Apple Acres good, but it was good enough. A little more tart, and the cinnamon was a bit more rich, but decent enough.
Uncle Pinto offered a few words of encouragement to Mung, but Bean didn’t hear what he said. He couldn’t help but look over to the still closed door to the kitchen with a million worried thoughts in his own head. He could faintly hear the clattering utensils and pots, but that did nothing to calm him.
“So?” It was Jumping Bean who poked the distracted Prince. “How did you do it?”
“Do what?” Bean asked with a confused glance towards his cousin who was on the cusp of stallionhood.
“Bag the Princess, of course! OW!” A swift hoof to the back of the impetuous teen’s head from Pinto seemed to silence him.
“That’s the diarch of our good nation, and a lady, colt. Don’t be so crude,” Pinto glowered at his son before looking to his nephew turned Prince. “But he does have a good point though. How did you do it?”
“You guys did see the story in the papers, right?” Bean couldn’t help but dislike how the stallions of his family now looked at him. Was it awe? Envy?
“Yes, yes, it was all there, but it still doesn’t explain how this all happened,” Pinto replied in bewilderment. “You gotta admit this whole thing is beyond surreal.”
“Tell me about it,” Balanced Budget exclaimed. “I read it in the paper, saw the pictures, heard it from Lima and Garbo and yet I still expected it to be a practical joke when I came here today. Oh, no offense Bean.”
“No, it’s alright. It sure felt like that when she told me about the Law, believe me.” Bean gave a distant look down into his half empty mug. “I still wake up sometimes and can’t believe it. I just… it was surreal, sure. The Law, Luna’s antagonism, the forced wedding, all of that was like some kind of waking nightmare at times. But then we’d talk, and she’d look at me with those eyes, and the expression on her face…”
Bean smiled warmly while the memories of his unorthodox courtship passed rapidly before him in review. “I guess we were both looking for something a bit more in life. I wanted to find my place in the world, and Celly was… well, I don’t know if I’ll ever know fully what brought Celestia to me, or what she sees in me. All I know is that when she is with me, and when I’m with her, we feel complete. It’s almost like we’re the last piece of the puzzle that was needed in each of our lives.”
The silence between the stallions was held in thoughtful and respectful silence for a moment before being broken by Haricot.
“So, with you being married and all, does that mean you and the Princess share a bed?”
Bean’s cheeks flushed red yet again, and he glanced around in an effort for somepony to step in and help him out of this awkward question. When nopony did he had no choice to answer truthfully.
“Um, well… yeah.”
All at once he could sense things go a bit more quiet and he could almost feel a rise in testosterone. He was afraid of what was going to be asked next.
“Huh. So… ”
Bean felt like he was staring down a fully loaded freight train bound for Dead Horse Pass at full speed, and he grabbed frantically at the only metaphorical brake lever he could see.
“Have you and Chowder decided on an exact date, Mung?”
And just like that everything gently eased back into normality. Bean knew the question was on their minds, but the Beans always were a proper sort, regardless of who their partner was, and they all knew there were some things a gentlestallion simply did not discuss. He smiled in unison with Mung’s dopey grin, and he eagerly listened as the plans for the next wedding were laid out before them.
~*~
“That is quite the… uh, unique method you have there, Princess Luna,” Cannellini remarked with wide eyes. The Mare of Eventide was, at that precise moment, disemboweling a squash by running the largest chef’s knife she could find through what would be equate to an abdomen on the cucurbita, flicking the knife down the length of it in a smooth and lethal stroke, and then quickly trimming the seeds out with the tip of her blade.
“Just Luna, please. We are family here, are we not, Aunt Cani?”
“The Princess of the Moon is calling me Aunt.” Cannellini muttered with a shake of her head. “This’ll be a good one for my therapist.”
“No, no, no.” Lentil stopped Celestia before she poured the chopped carrots into the pot before her. “Vegetable oil and some heat first, then the carrots. Trust me.”
“Here, you’ll want just a dash of paprika in there, too,” Lima added. “Gives it a little kick.”
“I thought only one Bean Clan member was allowed to help,” Celestia remarked with a grin.
“Ah, yes, but the problem is the Code of the Beans isn’t very well enforced,” Lima replied with a devious grin. “We should really work on that.”
The other mares in the kitchen—who had all begun to prep some component of the upcoming meal on their own—agreed heartily with Lima’s statement while laughing.
“Chowder?” Pole called out. “How did you meet Mung, anyway?”
“We met in college, actually,” Chowder replied with a tittering laugh. “We had an Equish class together, and I asked him to join me at lunch one day. We really started to bond after we found out when we both were really into Unification-era history, and that we both admired Princess Luna. I mean, did you girls know she once took a force of 500 ponies and managed to decimate an opposing force of sasquatch three times their size?”
Luna chuckled a bit, and her blade met the cutting board before her with a solid thunk. “That was quite the battle, but I fear the details of the First Sasquatchary Wars have become distorted over the years. While I had complete faith in my regiments, there is simply no way I would bring them to oppose such a numerically superior army. Our forces were equal in strength on that occasion, but superior training won the day.”
“That doesn’t ruin the magic, does it?” Celestia asked Chowder.
“No, that actually makes complete sense. Back then you could win and lose battles based simply on the number of fighters you had. Besides, weren’t those 500 all pegasi?”
“Indeed they were. The Sasquatch never were able to develop an effective defense against flying ponies.”
“Flying ponies,” Pole muttered under her breath with a scoff.
“Ma, not now,” Lima warned with a groan. “Don’t ruin the mood, please?”
“What? I’m sure you told her about my feelings on the matter. It’s just not right.”
“Why don’t you like pegasi?” Chowder asked, with perhaps a bit more of an edge in her voice than she intended.
“Oh, I love pegasi. Finest workers I ever employed, they were always the best and most consistent tippers, and I’ve yet to meet one I haven’t instantly liked. You are a very intelligent mare, and you and Mung will be outstanding together. I simply think that it’s strange that you can fly.”
“Why is that?” Celestia asked.
“Look at the physical makeup of any pony in Equestria. We all are built to traverse the earth. Our hooves, our legs, our muscle groupings and skeletal features, all of it. Don’t you think pegasi should be more adapted to the sky and the clouds? Shouldn’t their form and design be different?”
“But what if the pony form is the best for flying?” Luna pressed.
“Please, can we not get into this?” Lima begged.
“Yes, let’s not discuss this now,” Pole agreed with a nod. “I know my viewpoint is very strange and slightly offensive, and this is meant to be a happy time. Chowder, you will be a fantastic Bean. Don’t let this old and senile mare make you think otherwise.”
“Thanks,” Chowder replied. “And I can actually understand where you’re coming from, a little.”
“I’ll talk it over with you later. For now, do you and Mung have a date set?”
“It depends on if Pri—” She stopped, then tried again. “If Luna is willing to perform our marriage.”
“I would be most honored to wed the cousin of my brother-in-law,” Luna proclaimed with a broad smile. “What do you have in mind?”
“Well, we were thinking of a midnight wedding, under the moonlight on an open veranda or plaza, perhaps somewhere in Canterlot.” Chowder sighed, but Luna’s eyes lit up and she leaned forward with a badly suppressed smile.
“I am an instant fan of this idea. Please go on.”
~*~
“So why does everyone call her Chowder?” Garbanzo asked.
“Ah, yeah.” Mung laughed. “It’s actually an old family nickname. She loved chowder as a filly, couldn’t get enough of it. I think her father gave it to her, but I’m not quite sure.”
“Not bad. Better that how we came up with Uncle Budge, eh?” Garbanzo laughed and ribbed Balanced Budget with a wink. “How are things over at the Waffle Emporium, by the way?”
“Steady, but perhaps a bit slow,” Budget replied. “I don’t think I’ll have to go back to selling shower curtain rings anytime soon, but I have had to make a cut here and there. Think I can get in on that popularity wave you’ve been riding?”
“That’s easy enough,” Bean piped up. “Celestia and I will stop by sometime and have a meal there. You’ll be swamped for months after that.”
“That would probably do it,” he chuckled. “Thanks, Bean.”
“What good is royal position if I can’t abuse it for a little nepotism, right?”
“Right,” Budget laughed with the others.
“What’s it like living in the Palace?” Pinto asked now. “It’s gotta be a pretty sweet gig.”
“Actually, if I’m being totally honest it does have some annoyances. Yeah, everything is gilded or plush, but it’s really hard to do anything for yourself. Really, that’s been the biggest adjustment. I don’t have to make my bed anymore, I don’t have to sweep and mop, or wash dishes, or go buy more supplies, or do laundry, or even write if I wanted. There’s a pony for all of that and more, so Celestia and I can focus on meetings and legislation. Oh, and the meetings!” He laughed in annoyance. “Those meetings! It’s amazing how much Celestia needs to be involved with things. Most of it I get and it makes sense, but I really have wondered why more local decisions can’t be made.”
“Maybe they are being made,” Pinto observed, “and you’re only getting what you have to get.”
“I’ve had that thought too, and if so then there are a ton of meetings going on. I think the meetings will improve once I figure out what they’re even talking about. One of the first meetings I sat in on was a two hour discussion on the proper road base to be used for a roadway between Baltimare and Fillydelphia. I thought for sure I was going to die of boredom.”
“That’s still not bad, you just sit around all day.”
“Yeah, but that’s almost the worst part of it all,” Bean replied in thought. “I’m so used to moving and standing all day long that sitting starts to drive me nuts. I get this burning urge to just move sometimes, like I have to go do something since I’ve been sitting for so long. I’ll get used to it too, same as everything else, but it’s going to take awhile.”
“Well, that’s not a bad thing,” Pinto observed. “There’s that management style that… oh, what was it, Budge?”
“Managing by walking around?”
“Yeah! That. I know I’d like to hear that my new prince is walking around, getting involved in things, talking to ponies. If you’re doing that, then we commoners can see that you’re trying, that you want to make things better, if that makes sense. If we only ever hear about you sitting in an office somewhere, then it seems like you’re just enjoying the perks without doing anything for them.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Bean remarked as he contemplated the notion.
“I mean, you do what you gotta do in the end, but at the very least you’re not stuck in a chair all day long, getting all fat and lazy.”
“The Princess gets around anyway, right?” Jumping asked. “Like, she doesn’t just sit on the throne and make everypony come to her, right?”
“No, she gets around in the palace quite a bit,” Bean said with a bit of a laugh. “She has to sit for Day Court, but as soon as that over she’s up and moving, especially if it was boring.”
“So, really, you should be able to keep moving, and get things done,” Garbanzo replied.
“Yeah. I actually have been in the kitchens enough that Chef Sugar Beet just says ‘hi’ now and lets me do whatever I want. If I need to, I can always find a little of home there.”
“Good,” Garbanzo said with a smile. “You may not have been destined to be a cook, but I would hate for your skill to go to waste. You still have a fair amount of talent in that, son.”
“Don’t worry. I still owe Celestia a romantic dinner,” Bean chuckled. “But speaking of which, what do guys think I should make?”
~*~
“I did not!” Lima protested with a laugh as she whisked furiously.
“You did too!” Sieva replied with her own laugh. “There was sour cream everywhere!”
The other mares in the room laughed as Lima sputtered a bit but bobbed her head in begrudging acknowledgement of the truthfulness of her sister’s accusation. Lima had been quite the troublemaker in her earlier years, if all of the stories were true, and Sieva seemed to be beyond happy to share them.
“Are you done with that yet?” Flageolet asked.
“Just about… there.” Lima replied, and she quickly drizzled her sauce over a large pile of fried carrots and zucchini.
Celestia smiled broadly as she looked over the feast that had been prepared. The Bean mares had made enough food to feed themselves and the waiting stallions, but more importantly the stories they had shared while they had made the meal had given her wonderful insights into her in-law’s lives, their pasts, and their hopes and dreams for the future.
And the Bean Clan wasn’t half bad, in the end. She had, once again, done accidently well for herself.
“All right, let’s see here,” Flageolet remarked, and she walked by the dishes on the warming table, glancing them over with a critical eye. Chowder gulped in nervousness, but then smiled when she glanced over to Luna and caught her reassuring smile and wink.
“It looks good to me, personally,” Adzuki remarked. “I think they did quite well.”
“So it would seem,” Flageolet said with a nod. “And it does look respectable. So, allow us a minute to confer with the others.”
Celestia and Luna held their heads high, and Luna’s wing pushed Chowder’s chin up as the others huddled and conversed.
“Be proud of your work, young Chowder,” Luna remarked. “You have offered your finest, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I believe you will find a fair reward from the Bean family awaits you.”
“You’re right.” Chowder said with a firm grin. “I have, and I will be a Bean.”
“That’s the spirit.”
“Though, since Baked is going to be my cousin-in-law does that mean I get some sort of royal title?”
“You do, but it is symbolic,” Celestia replied. “We have determined that you and the other Beans shall be titular Barons and Baronesses. I believe Wysteria is working out all of the pesky details to make it official, but you should be able to introduce yourself as Baroness at your wedding.”
“Baroness Chowder,” she tried out the title. “Huh, doesn’t sound quite right. I guess I should use my real name if I’m going to do that.”
“Baroness Sugar Sweet does have a pleasing ring to it,” Luna agreed before the huddle broke and the official Bean mares faced the inductees.
“You have cooked an acceptable meal.” Flageolet said solemnly. “The Code of the Beans is very clear on this point: you’re in.”
“What?” Chowder asked. “That’s it?”
“It’s not very hard to become a Bean.” Aunt Adzuki replied while the others smiled from ear to ear. “You could have burned water and gotten in. It’s more important to us that you tried, and that we got to know you all better. Welcome to the family, Chowder.”
A small cheer erupted, laughter and a few hugs were shared, and then Luna and Celestia gathered up the prepared meal in their magic.
“I do believe we should share the good news with the stallions,” Celestia said with a great deal of happiness in her voice. “I’m sure Mung will be happy to know Chowder has been accepted, and my dear Bean will not have to worry anymore about the Princesses of Equestria being denied.”
“Yes, but remember you three,” Nana replied with a sneaky smile, “you need to act like this was difficult and draining on you.”
“Why?”
“So the stallions feel guilty and take care of the clean up.”
“I bet my Mungie and Baked will be more than happy to take care of that.” Chowder replied with a laugh.
“I’m surprised they aren’t back here already,” Luna remarked.
And on cue, Baked Bean burst through the door with a delightfully worried look on his face. Mung tumbled in right after him, his eyes wide with worry, and they both glanced around for a moment.
“Is everything alright?” Mung asked first. “It got quiet.”
“Couldn’t be better,” Chowder replied with a gigantic smile. “Let’s go eat, Mungie, and I’ll tell you what happened.”
* * ✹ * *
“I’m glad we did this,” Bean remarked from under Celestia’s wing. “It was good to see everypony again, and now you are officially an official Bean.”
“Did you doubt that I would be?” she asked with a light laugh.
“No, but I was worried about what Nana was up to,” he replied with a yawn. Between the sway of the rail car, his full stomach, and the excitement of the day, he was beginning to feel drowsy. “I’m glad it was just a way to get to know you better.”
“I think it’s a fine tradition, and we should carry it on when our foals get married,” Celestia remarked.
“Yeah, that would be fun. I can only imagine how intimidated the poor mare will be when they find out that the Princess wants them to cook a meal as a final test of worthiness.”
“I’ll let Luna handle that. You wouldn’t believe how intimidating she can be.”
Luna scoffed. “True as that may be, there is very little that is more intimidating than the Parents. I will assist as needed, of course, but in the end I think Celly will be keen to take the role herself.”
“I’ll get to work on my stern face then.” Celestia laughed.
“So how’s it feel to be a Bean, Luna?” Bean asked.
Luna smiled deeply at the question. “It actually is quite nice. I enjoy having in-laws and cousins again, even if it is by my sister’s marriage. Perhaps, someday, I shall find another, but for now, I believe I shall be quite content to be an honorary Bean.”
“Good.” Bean replied through a shared yawn with Celestia. “That means I don’t have to worry about finding a Tortilla for you.”
“Didn’t I warn you about horribly painful and yet delightfully vague?” Luna replied with an amused and most pleasant chuckle.
And for your reading enjoyment, a handy guide to Baked Bean's extended family:
Soy and Pole (mid 70s)
-Sieva[f] (48)
-Lima (44)
Flageolet [f] (late 60’s)
-Cannellini [f](45) & Balanced Budget [m] (44)
~Mung [m](20) & Sugar Sweet ‘Chowder’ [f](20)
~Lentil [f] (17)
~Haricot [m] (14)
-Pinto [m] (43) & Adzuki [f] (43)
~Jumping [m] (18)
~Fava [f] (14)
-Garbanzo (41)
~Baked (23)
Yes, this means that Garbanzo had a foal at 18. He started young. Don’t judge. 
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Thanks for the update!!
If Garbanzo can start a family at a young age, then so can his son.
8632892
I do what I can.
8632950
Exactly!
41-24 is 17...
8632965
Hey! No exposing my bad math skills!
Edit: Fixed it. Bean is 23, so now Garbanzo was 18. Me and math don't get along very well.
awesome. I do so like your take on Luna.
I got the Chowder reference.
Seriously, this chapter is adorable! I'd love to see fanart of this series one day, especially the part where all the female Beans, the princesses, and Chowder are in the kitchen while the stallions and Baked are outside.
Though I did wonder if Cannellini was Jasper Pie's Aunt Cannellini for a minute there.
Fun chapter I look forward to the next one.
8632999
She is fun to write, I have to admit.
8633011
Heh heh.
I did debate about calling her truffles, but it made it a bit more obvious with chowder.
8633017
My queue is popping.
Evergreen, Hiver’s Responsibilities, and now, This Nose.
Just need Finding Artemis, Dark Arts Kind Hearts, and a sequel to Just some Flowers and I’d would be set!
8633042
So much goodness, so little time.
Coming from a large southern family, and I remember when the ladies got together for a family meal.
I hate her doing that, I also dislike her staying and watching dreams that are supposed to be private. However so far I just want to accept this as a part of her personality as long as she isn't overdoing it.
I take a break at the cooking part, it is a nice chapter and even that one moment was no big thing so far.
Actually if we go by the standards of the old times, Garbanzo actually started a family at a very old age, and Soy, Pole and Flageolet got it the worse, in those times families start at 14 or even 15, they have minimum 15 kids witch half die very soon after, and the life span was 30, 35 and you were consider a miracle. Look it up its true things back then in the times of our grandparents and grand grandparents was actually pretty grim and dark.
…Witch could explain the whole pegasus thing, back then the world was cover with horrible diseases that now days we consider for granted but back then was a death sentence since there was no medicine and hospitals could be a roller coaster where be cured was a 50/50 chance gamble, so flying where it is even more cold and there was a bigger chance to get it could be seeing as just plain right suicide.
8633089
There was always good eats at the end of those meetings I bet.
Well... in Italian, especially in Tuscany, this is QUITE humorous... It is slang for the male genitals and is also used to address people as stupid as in "Tu sei una fava!" -> "You are a dunce!"
relations?
8633090
I maybe could have presented Luna's joke to Mung better. In my mind she doesn't really know what he was dreaming about, she just used his previous crush on her to tease him a little.
But hopefully you like the rest of the chapter!
8633112
I'm not sure they're that far back. I see the series taking place around 1900 ish, so lifespans were a bit longer. Either way, Bean needs to give Lima (and us) Beanie Babies A.S.A.P.!
8633175
How long have you waiting to used that?
8633137
Now now, we're after varieties of bean here. Poor Fava.
Relationals is intentional. It's a fun made-up word.
8633179
Oh, just a few weeks.
Just like EA wants you to think.
8633112
Hmm not really... the average age was low... but it got skewed by the TON of child and infant deaths.
Once you got past that you managed to get older. Not REALLY old but fifty was not something strange and seventy was difficult but known.
e.g.
In the Late medieval English peerage the Life Expectancy at birth is 30 years BUT if you managaed to get to 21 years of age, the life expectancy was an additional 43 years (total age 64).
Irrespective... you just earned more of my respect for that Monty Python reference
8633249
8633280
Ni! Ni!
Now we just need Roger the Shrubber to come by with the Shrubbery...
8633170
oh okay in that chase I don't mind, I actually disliked the dream invading more than anything about what might had happened.
Not sure if that was meant to be a reference, but I liked it.
I'm not sure if I understood the thing with Chowder. Is she a cousin that married her cousin or something, as far as I know this is allowed and better than the real incest, but it was still strange to image them practically grow up together as siblings. Not sure why that one sentence in the story made me image it. I guess I suddenly got that kind of family picture in my head.
I kindof hope you make him help her to work on unecessary meetings. I mean that Celestia maybe get's more freetime, that they find a way to sort out those that come with requests like "can you opem my bottle for me?"
Maybe someone could read trough the problems and give them an appointment or something it they aren urgent?
No matter what you say in a way I think I saw some examples as why or how she actually could have more time and I remembered that strange request from a story and a talk I had with someone about it.
Well if he was sure he could handle it back then, at least he wasn't an RTL father. I admit I think that around 14 is to young in my eyes or whatever age those rtl teeny parents are.
I finally finished it, even with that headache.
Luna Tortilla
Nuff said.
May you Rest In Peace Bean
What have u done Luna! If Celestia has a dozen Alicorn foals and they get the super treatment of life then it’s over for Equestria
This was a good chapter though pretty much all happy and stuff... Hope to see something exciting happen soon!
Sasquatchery....huh, not a word i expected to see.
i bet you are
Also side question, it's there an Uncle Espresso twitching in the corner somewhere?
even if it is by by my sister's marriage. Still trying to find a spray for typos.
I keep waiting for Shnitzel to show up.
8633417
Chowder isn't related to Mung, her nickname is a reference to the show Chowder that was on Cartoon Network here in the States about eight years ago or so. The two main characters were named Chowder and Mung Daal.
static.tvgcdn.net/mediabin/galleries/shows/a_f/ca_ch/chowder/crops/chowder2.jpg
And as for needless meetings, our good Bean will most certainly have an influence on that.
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8633444
The excitement will come. Ol' Sipioc practially has a cattle prod in my back to get to the fun parts.
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8633450
"We don't talk about those Beans."
"They're a bunch of caffeinated heathens."
8633597
If you do find Typo Spray I wanna borrow some. Like, fifty bottles or so.
Schnitzel will be the first employee Mung and Chowder hire when they open their own restaurant.
8633614
New side note, I'd like to adopt the headcanon that the Espresso side of the family married into the Donut Joe family and lived happily ever after.
And then we potentially have a Hooffield and McCoy feud between Donut Joes and the new Solar Beanpire
Poor Princess Celestia will have to choose between that which she loves, and her lover
Edit: I'm just sticking with the first statement, the spoilers are just silly what-ifs. I actually hate drama
8633630
"Never fear, dear Celly! I have the answer to your problems."
"Yes! Behold: the Energy Drink. The caffiene of at least ten espressos in one convenient bottle!"
...and then Equestria cycles through a year's worth of sunrises in ten minutes.
8633599
Knew it!
8633644
Ah, but did you catch my reference to Monty Python and The Holy Grail?
8633649
no... I have failed as a reader 
a vary sweet chapter with lots of family and slice of life.
awesome writing Irrespective.
8633640
Then the Elements confront Discord about the Sun and Moon going wacky, and he's all like "It's not me this time, honest!"
Also it'd fit great with Discords existing rapport with Bean
8633653
I'll give you a hint: It's in Luna's motivational speech to Chowder to get her to join the Challenge.
8633749
Thanks!