//------------------------------// // 6. - Wysteria and Quill // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “He did it!” Wysteria grumbled and turned to pace back the way she’d come. “That two-faced son of a jackal really banished us!” “I still don’t understand why I am here,” Quill offered, turning in the sun so that his shadow lined up with the rather odd circle around him and his horn shadow pointed to an oversized IX. “I make a fairly poor sundial.” “He thought you were my coltfriend,” Wysteria quickly replied, and she twisted back again. “Oh… am I?”  Quill made a nervous chuckle that had a distinct squeak at the end of it. It seemed his question was unheard as the bespectacled unicorn continued to pace the sand, fuming to such an extent that one might expect the beach to turn to glass. “You know you’re going to dig a trench doing that,” Quill remarked. He carefully stepped out of the circle, and when Nightmare Moon failed to gobble him up he moved to a nearby palm tree and placed his front hooves on it. “You’re worried about that?!” She snapped. “In case you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t heard, there’s the little matter of a royal wedding coming up! I don’t have time for a vacation right now!” “Well, what did you do to get us banished here?” “What did I do?!”She exclaimed before barking out a sardonic laugh. “My job! That’s what I did!” She further huffed before plunking down in the sand. “Sooooo, he sent us here for no reason? That does sound like him.” He gave the tree a sharp push, and a coconut promptly fell out and bounced off his helmet. “I did not either, Hysteria,” Discord’s voice emanated from within the downed drupe. “Wys-teria!” she enunciated with force. “That! That right there!” Discord’s face appeared on the coconut, along with a paw and talon. “You are far too uptight, and you’re going to blow a gasket! You need to relax!” “Relax?!” Wysteria shouted at Discorconut. “I am relaxed! If I was any more relaxed, I’d be dead!” Quill snickered. He had never been privy to a coconut giving a pony a dubious look before. “I’m not convinced,” Discorconut replied. “Look, I tell you what. Here’s a scroll and pencil,” he snapped his paw, and said items appeared. “Write a letter to your boss and tell her what happened. You’ll see. She believes you need a break too.” “Fine,” Wysteria growled while she grabbed the items in her magic and began writing out the letter. “How long do you plan on leaving us here?” “You and the bucket of bolts—” “Hey!” “—have a three day, two night, some expenses paid vacation here, unless Celly says you have to come back. I’ll even provide some island perks, how’s that?” “What kind of perks?” Quill wondered aloud, before being cut off haphazardly with a hoof. “Don’t even go there. Celestia will say she needs me,” Wysteria retorted as she threw the pencil to one side. Her horn then sent a surge of magic, and the letter disintegrated into smoke and quickly flew away on the breeze. “I can tell you that right now. I need to coordinate the catering, the cake, the photographer, and the gowns, not to mention the security details and crowd control, and—” “Yes, yes,” Discorconut scoffed. “All of that is being handled by two very capable pink ponies. Really, you can’t go wrong when you have that much pink in cahoots together.” “I beg to differ. Pinkie Pie may be good, but she’s never dealt with something this big before.” “Oh? That little shin-dig with Shining, Cady and the Bug Bomb doesn’t count?” “No, it does not. This is easily three of those weddings put together. And why am I arguing with a coconut?” “Say, have you seen my legs?” Discorconut glanced about, and he used what limbs he had to move himself and look around. “I like to pace when I postulate with ponies, but you really can’t do that with arms. It ruins the effect.” “Sorry, fresh out.” “I may have seen a wing over here,” Quill offered from where he was inspecting the beach. “Oh, so that’s where that got to! Hold on to that for me, I’ll be right over. Wis, could you be a dear and help a coconut out?” “No way. Get yourself over there.” “Oh come on, where is that famous Canterlot courtesy?” Wysteria turned back to the animated nut, her discontent as clear as the sky above them, until something dawned on her and her face turned quite sinister. The nearby macaws nesting in the trees received quite a fright as a coconut with eyeballs and arms went barreling through the air, bellowing all the way. The arc was clean, the spiral tight, and Quill whistled low in appreciation. “Nice punt,” he offered as he put a hoof over his eyes to watch the landing. “Good distance.” “Thanks. That felt amazing.” “Well! That’s the appreciation I get.” Discorconut huffed after dropping out of the sky and landing in front of Wysteria again. “I don’t get no respect, I tell ya.” A reply scroll then flashed into existence, and Wysteria cackled in delight as her magic snagged and unfurled it. “Here! Now, we can get this settled and over with.” Wysteria, I believe Discord is acting in your best interests; you have looked more than a little uptight lately. A few days to catch your breath would be beneficial in my estimation, but I leave the choice to you. Should you wish to return, I will send a chariot to bring you and Corporal Quillpoint back (provided Discord doesn’t bring you back first), but I will wish you a good vacation otherwise. -Princess Celestia “She said you need to unwind, didn’t she?” Discorconut smugly stated. Without a word she picked up the coconut and place-kicked him, harder and higher than before, and she enjoyed watching him land in the ocean with a resounding splash before she muttered and reread the letter. “You know, he is our quick ride back,” Quill observed. “Maaaaybe you shouldn’t—” “Shush.” “Yes, ma’am.” “She says it’s up to me if I want to stay,” Wysteria continued with a snort. She may have lost the battle but she wasn’t going down without throwing a few more punches. Discord then sauntered out of the ocean, sans coconut, and back up to them while rubbing a paw against the side of his head. “Did you ever play hoofball professionally? That’s a mean kick you’ve got going there, sister.” “I have lots of practice from kicking idiotic nobles who won’t move their plots and give me what I need.” “Makes sense. Well?” Discord tilted his head, and ten gallons of water, three clams, a starfish, a couple of flounders, and an anchor proceeded to fall out of his ear and onto the beach. “You staying or goin’?” Wysteria glanced around the island. Most of her inner self was screaming to get back to Canterlot since there was far too much work to be done. The wedding was only one part of it: there was Court and the petitioners, and the meeting with Various Special Interest Groups, L.L.C., and the rescheduled appointment with the Benevolent Order of Griffons, and she hadn’t even mentally mentioned the honeymoon she was trying to plan for her bosses. But, there was a small but growing feeling in opposition to that. The island breeze did feel soft, slightly sweet, and held a hint of exotic fragrance that she usually only smelled in her laundry soap, the sand was gently warming her hooves and relaxing her strained leg muscles, and the gentle rush of the ocean waving and retreating did sound peaceful and clearing, in a way. She then glanced over to Quill, who had lost his armor somehow and was now starting with a mild amount of horror at the polka-dotted swim trunks he was inexplicably sporting. She did want to spend more time with the reluctant guard, and maybe, just maybe, she could talk him into a hoof massage… “Three days?” Wysteria finally asked softly, with a wary look. “Three. I’ll even bring you back in the morning so you can get some work done that afternoon.” “Some expenses paid?” “There’s a cash bar. A trifling thing, really.” “You promise?” Discord smiled impishly. “I give you my word. But you need to hurry and make your choice. I left Bean floating through a rift in space/time all on his own. It’d be a shame if he ended up fifty years in the future on some other planet.” Wysteria bit her lip in thought. A small vacation couldn’t hurt that much, could it? “What ‘perks’ are you including?” “Lodging, food and drinks, all the Quill time you can stand, and a personal guarantee that you will relax. I’ll even throw in some friendly locals, so you’re not all alone.” “Locals?” “That’s a surprise. Take it or leave it.” Wysteria blew out a frustrated sigh. “If you leave me out here, I will hunt you down.” “I would expect nothing less from Celestia’s secretary,” he offered with an unwavering grin. “One last thing: what happens on this island stays on this island. I won’t be around to supervise, so on the plus side I can’t tease you about what whatever you do later, but on the flip side whatever you two choose to do is entirely your responsibility. Now, do we have a deal?” Wysteria weighed the option for a moment while staring at his outstretched paw, but then she put a hoof in it and shook. “Deal. A little break would be nice.” Discord giggled gleefully, snapped his talon, and Wysteria’s flowered collar was replaced with a floral lei. A grass skirt appeared around her waist, her glasses were swapped out for a tinted pair that would help to prevent sunburned eyes, and a rather full and beautiful plumeria blossom perched itself behind her right ear. A wave of relaxation washed over her as she felt her mane fall down and over her neck, and she actually smiled a little at Discord in gratitude while saying something she thought was impossible. “Thank you, Discord.” Discord simply chuckled and disappeared in a flash of light. Wysteria took a deep and relaxing breath, and her smile grew as Quill wandered back over. “You know, I’m a little perturbed that I didn’t get to have a say in the negotiations.” “I can figure out a way to get you back, if you like.” “Can’t do that, ma’am.” “What? Why?” “My assignment is to guard you. Celestia’s secretary is a high value target after all.” “Just admit you like the view,” Wysteria shot back with a grin. “As you say, ma’am. So, what exactly did he leave on this rock for us, anyway?” “I guess we should go find out. I don’t know about you, but a margarita sounds really good right now.” “Wait. He said it was a cash bar, yeah?” “Yes, I think he said that.” “Do you happen to have any cash in that grass skirt of yours?” Wysteria didn’t move for a moment, but when she did her face clouded over in anger. “That freaking jerk.” “Your Piña Colada, ma’am.” Quill held out half a coconut with his magic, and he smiled when her magic took it gently from him. He then simply plopped into the beach chair next to her, and both of them took a moment to admire the distant sunset while it danced across the waves. “This is nice, isn’t it? I need to do this more often,” Wysteria remarked. “Raven is always on my case to take a vacation.” “Raven is your sister, right?” “Twin sister, yes.” Wysteria took a sip from the coconut. “This is pretty nice,” Quill agreed. “And that bartender is nice to let us have a tab.” “What did he say his name was? Fish, or Scales, or… oh. What was it?” “I think he said it was Gil Egan. Or maybe Willy? I’ll have to ask him again.” “If he is a real pony.” “He’s real enough for the here and now, I suppose,” Quill shrugged. “He did say we should try out that three hour sightseeing trip that Skipper fellow was offering. Seems he’s the first mate on their charter boat.” “I don’t know that I trust a boat that has Discord attached to it in any way.” Wysteria sighed deeply. “I’m good right here.” Quill nodded but said nothing. The tender lapping of the ocean, coupled with the feather soft breeze that quietly danced among the palm branches were the perfect compliment to the velveteen touch of the approaching sunset, and Wysteria sighed a bit to herself as she admired how the blending of the realms of her employers could result in such vibrant reds, elegant indigos, and… Wysteria smiled. Yellow. Could she properly blame Baked Bean for the apparent increase of such a sunny color within the visible spectrum? Perhaps, perhaps not. But across all the color there was a… not an intensity, per se, but more a stronger tonal value, maybe. No, Wysteria realized. It was a youthfulness. Everything she was beholding, from the elegant union of ocean wave and starlight to the blending of harmony and peace via the sophisticated artfulness that transpired when one sister rested and another awoke, spoke to the injection of pure energy that a certain commoner had given not only to his wife, but to those whom she held in love and deep regard as well, including a certain raven-maned secretary. As for Quillpoint, his eyes were casually beholding something more towards the white end of the color spectrum, and that was all he needed. Sunsets were all fine and dandy, but there was something far better within his line of sight at the moment. “Why did you finally take me up on that offer for a drink?” he offered once Celestia’s sun had disappeared behind the horizon. Wysteria didn’t reply right away, but her smile did slowly grow as her answer fermented. “Why do you ask?” “I know you’re seen other stallions before me, and I’m also pretty sure none of them got past a first date, but you and I apparently have enough of a relationship to fool Discord into thinking we were a couple. So why me?” “I never said you were not my coltfriend,” Wysteria said with a teasing glance over to him. “But the answer to your question is pretty simple, actually. I asked you out because I liked your tenacity.” “Thanks, I’ve been working out.” He offered a flex of his foreleg. “Th-that’s not—” “I know. You’re just adorable when your flustered.” She rolled her eyes at him with a snort of amusement. “Keep that up and I’ll punt you into the ocean too. But, since you asked nicely, here’s the reason. I spend my working hours dealing with a never ending stream of ponies whose sole purpose in life seems to be to stall. ‘Oh, Miss Wysteria, I can’t get you that until,’ or ‘Miss Inkwell, I don’t have that because,’ or even simply ‘I know, but.’ You, however, always had a clear and simple offer. Dinner, in the kitchen, at nine, or perhaps a quick drink at The Violet after work. That was attractive, and I liked it. After I saw how happy the Princess was with the Prince, I thought I could try to have a love life, too, and you seemed like a good choice for a starting point. “Then you were a dummy and ignored me until I exploded in front of my bosses. We’ll not discuss that here,” she held up a hoof to keep him from offering yet another apology for that, “but then you made up for it. That spoke to my heart too. You’re not half bad, really. I’ve dated plenty who just into me for my looks, or because of the power I have, real or perceived. You don’t really seem to care about that, though that request for me to put in a good word for you with Lieutenant Spear Point was a bit concerning.” “Hey, it never hurts to pad your resume, especially when you’re shooting for sergeant.” “Right. At any rate, you’re a pretty solid pony, Mister Quillpoint, and I enjoy spending time with you. Maybe this will all fall apart after we get back, but for now I’m happy to be here with you.” “I do have to admit that if I have to be a castaway, this isn’t a half-bad way to do it, and it’s nice to have you here too. I wouldn’t have expected Discord to be so nice. He usually seems to be more standoffish with ponies in general.” “At first I thought he was just appearing to be nice in order to stir up more chaos. Then I realized other ponies, Prince Bean included, have been having a positive influence on him, whether he wants to admit it or not, and it is nice to have him as a friend to ponies as opposed to an overlord. The Princess was right about him, it seems.” “How so?” “When she sent him off to Ponyville to be reformed by the Elements, she mentioned to me that she could sense some good in him, despite his destructive tendencies. I guess we’re all seeing what she felt now.” “It would seem so,” he replied. “And for that I am glad. This beats trying to fight off those singing cacti he created when he first broke loose.” “By a long shot.” She chuckled. “I don’t remember ‘Deal with Draconequus’ in my job description anywhere, so if I have to I’d rather deal with the one that doesn’t steal wings and horns and Elements of Harmony and whatever else he can get ahold of. I’m still missing a set of red heels from when he first was released.” “Heels, huh? I didn’t take you for that type.” “I’ll surprise you, if you give me a chance.” Wysteria gave him a playful wink. “I actually really like that about you. You seem straight-laced and stuffy, but there’s a rather playful Wysteria in there that gets out occasionally.” “Hey, I’m allowed to cut loose every now and then.” She laughed. “In fact, you know what? Let’s go on that sightseeing trip. If I’m going to take a vacation, I might as well make it an actual vacation.” “I’ll let the Skipper know. He said there were a few other ponies that wanted to head out as well.” “We should ask and see if they got banished too. I hope he didn’t abduct ponies just to populate the island.” “I don’t think he did, but I suppose if he did then we couldn’t do much about it.” “Miss Wysteria?” a voice called out. A pony clad in a red sweater and bucket hat bumbled up to them, pulled his hat out of his face, and then gave the secretary a bashful grin. “The Professor wanted me to tell you that the breadfruit and mango salad is almost done, and we’re having coconut pie and coconut souffle for dessert. Miss Lovey also wants to know if you and Mister Quillpoint will join her and her husband for dinner.” “Gil, tell me something,” Wysteria replied. “Your name is Gil, right?” “Yes, Miss Wysteria.” “Good. Were you conjured up by Discord, or are you a real pony?” “Gosh, that’s a silly question,” he laughed. “I’m real, and so’s everypony else.” “All right. Tell the Professor we’ll be along in a minute.” Gil nodded before walking away, and Wysteria stood with Quill. “Well, perhaps there will be a Luau after dinner,” Quill offered. “And that Ginger pony said she had a magic show she would perform too.” “Maybe.” Wysteria said with half-lidded eyes. “But Discord did say I could have all the Quill time I want, and I think I want s’more.” “Y-you do?” “You do have to keep me safe after all, don’t you?” she asked while walking down the beach, swishing her tail behind her. “If I should happen to wander off and get lost …” “That mare is nuts.” Quill laughed. “But I dig it!” Wysteria couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this particular combination of relaxed and content. Oh, she’d felt one or the other at times, sure. Relaxed typically came after work, with a hot cup of cocoa topped with whipped cream, and contentment always followed after successfully completing whatever task she’d been assigned to by the Princess. Granted, it came a lot quicker when she got to kick a pretentious noble in the backside, in either a literal or figurative sense, but she liked to consider that as a ‘fringe benefit.’ But this? This was truly magic. She was curled up with Quill on a blanket on the beach, with quite a few after-dinner and during-luau coconut samples scattered about them and with flushed cheeks as they took turns between sniping quick pecks and lingering upon those delightfully strong and yet smooth-as-silk lips that the good Corporal had been gifted with. This was an entirely different world than the one she was accustomed to, one that was almost the antithesis of everything her life had been. Here, one could kiss a handsome young unicorn without snide comments from other castle staff later, or run her hooves across his strong shoulders without leering glances and whispers that would hush instantly when she rounded a corner in the castle. That was really the enticing difference she realized, while her inebriated mind thought the matter through. In Canterlot, her whole day was defined in words, written on paper, spoken, shouted, whispered, and yammered around as they invaded her ears and filled her inner soul with technical definition but without sustenance or true meaning. Here, with the strength of Quill surrounding her, she didn’t need to think in words anymore, nor did she want to, and the way Quill’s lips felt against hers kept all of those nasty words at bay. As long as she kept kissing him, he would not use any words either, and as the night went on, they would continue their wordless communication in the way ponies had ever since the first mare and stallion. It would be wonderful. ~*~ It had been wonderful. Wysteria groaned slightly as the most unwelcome light of her employer broke over the horizon and she smelled Quill’s breath from where his oversized head was resting on her chest. Words could not describe the stench, but she quickly calculated that her own breath might even be worse, if the lingering taste on her tongue and across her teeth was any indication. She was sticky, stinky, sore, and had sand stuck in places it had no business being, but as much as she wanted to push Quill away and stagger into the water, she just remained in place, listening to him breathe. He snores. Of course he does.