Rust In The Breeze

by Twisted Brew


Chapter 11

"This is not rage;
this is my sadness on fire."

~FK Brown


Although the sun is beginning to sink over the horizon, there's a crowd outside that is still holding strong. They demand answers as to the alien, that once was dead, suddenly returning from the grave. Theories and rumors are already running rampant in Ponyville, painfully shattering Rusty's initial plan of slowly reintroducing himself into society. That, however, is the very last thing on his mind. As the man sits back on the very bed Rainbow had been resting in only a few hours ago, the crowd outside continues to call out for him by the forsaken name of a man he thought he had killed. Meanwhile, he himself is lost in thought; his mind trapping him in an almost hypnotic state as he struggles to keep himself in line, to not resurrect the monster he spent so long burying deep within.

What are you waiting for!? Find that cyan bitch and teach her a fucking lesson, you pussy!

This has been going on since Dash's outburst. Normally he would take the time to think it over. He would understand her skepticism and possibly even why she had struck him. If he were thinking clearly that is. Even now, he struggles to form coherent thoughts, trying to rationalize his next course of action and find a civil approach to this situation. Alas, it's not so simple. At the very least, he can find some comfort in the fact that his 'inner' self was at least hoping to defend his actions in an attempt to make things right for his daughter.

I don't give two fucks about the kid! We have our pride god dammit! Find that overgrown horsefly and rip her fucking wings off!

Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking...

Rusty sits in silence, alone and trembling. All that pent up anger, that seething rage he has kept buried was resurfacing at break-neck speeds. Part of him wanted to listen, to seek out Rainbow Dash and tear her apart, and that's what scares him the most. So long has he gone without feeling this way that he doesn't even know how to counteract it anymore. He feels so sick for being angry, yet so determined and even a bit powerful. In a way, it's like a drug. He can feel how it fuels him and even though he just wants it to end, he can barely fight off the desire to feed it, if only to quell the beast. The weight of his anger seems alien, yet so familiar. He breathes slowly, his breaths as unsteady as his trembling form. "I won't..I can't..."

The human remains here for several minutes before change finally breaks this hellish cycle he's found himself stuck in. Three familiar ponies enter the room Rusty has kept himself in; The mare he once called family, the one he entrusted his livelihood to and then the poor pegasus he once lusted after for so many years. It doesn't take long for the mares to notice his distress. If the shaking wasn't enough, the dead-eye stare he is giving to the floor would have sufficed. Both Applejack and Fluttershy are at a loss, having not gotten to know this 'new' Ryan, or Rusty as he calls himself, enough to understand his plight or how he is handling it. Rarity, on the other hand, is seeing so many red flags that she almost wants to turn around and lock the door behind her.

The bright, white unicorn steps forward while the other two stand in place beside the entrance. Her movement is slow, each step as cautious as the last, as even she doesn't know how he will react in this moment. While she is concerned for his well-being, this is the first time she's seen him in this sort of state. Even before his personal transformation, this is something she has never witnessed from him. As much as she would like to charge in and comfort him, as any mare would for a stallion they care about, she does not dare to close the distance more than a few feet.

"Rusty, darling..." Rarity begins, keeping her voice low in hopes to avoid agitating or startling him. "I uh...I know better than to ask if you're alright in times like this, but I do truly wish to know what you're feeling." If there's one difference between the human's former self, and the new, it's the communication. Rusty has proven himself more open to sharing things about his personal being. There are still things left unsaid, but it's been a major improvement since before the incident. However, this is something new and almost scary. "Please..."

There's a few seconds pause before Rusty cranes his neck, looking up at the mare in front of him. His thousand-mile stare seems to go right through her, but his attention is entirely on the unicorn. "I'm scared..." The human all but whispers in her direction. His words carry more merit than his tone would suggest. Staring back into the man's eyes, Rarity can see an immense amount of fear in them, but not far behind is something else that makes her skin crawl with fear. "I don't...I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted to try...I wanted to right my wrongs, but I..."

Rusty's eyes water, but not from sadness. The stress from his internal battle is getting to him, the fear that he will do something bad is overwhelming and he is afraid of what will happen should he lose himself to his anger. "I don't want to do anything bad. I don't want to hurt her, but..." His eyes quickly begin to leak, a few stray tears falling down as his hands tighten into fists, his knuckles cracking under the pressure. The human lowers his head to his fists, locking it between them as his rage slowly comes to a boil. The sensation of his heart beating rapidly in his chest is almost nostalgic, in a twisted kind of way. "I don't...I'm gon- I...I WANNA RIP HER FUCKING WINGS OFF!!!"

All three mares take a few steps back at his outburst, a small squeak coming from Fluttershy as she attempts to hide herself behind her hair and hugs her own form with her wings. Meanwhile, Applejack takes a defensive stance in front of the more passive member of the group, ready to hold off Rusty with everything she has, should he start to rampage. Rarity though, steadies herself. Despite her fear, she moves to the bed until she is practically standing over him. Her resolve isn't the strongest at the moment, but at the very least she hopes to brave the storm until only the rain clouds remain.

"I don't want to go back." Rusty sobs angrily, "I don't want to be that person anymore, but it's so hard..."

In this moment of weakness as Rusty forces himself to look up at Rarity, unintentionally disregarding the unicorn's clear discomfort, he reaches out and grabs onto her arm. His grip is tight, but not demanding. His demeanor, though clearly filled with anger, is one that's pleading. "Don't let me hurt her." The human chokes out, quite literally begging the mare in front of him to keep him in check. "Please, for the love of god; Help me."

Those last two words catch the attention of the entire room. Everypony's tense postures suddenly fall slack from shock alone. Rarity, being the closest, is the first to show her reaction first-hand. With her eyes wide she lowers herself to his level, placing a hand on the trembling man's bruised jaw as she looks him in the eye. "You have no idea...how long I have waited to hear those words come from your mouth." Without further exchange, the mare all but pounces on him, wrapping her arms around Rusty, who quickly returns the gesture, albeit with a much stronger grip. She ignores the almost crushing pressure from his embrace and the painful digging of his fingertips into her back as they hold each other, willing to accept it as the price to pay for hearing the once stubborn man finally confess to needing the help of another. "Whatever you need, darling; I am here for you. I will always be here for you."

The two hold each other in relative silence, the only audible sound being Rusty's unsteady breathing and sharp inhales. Fluttershy is the next to step up and offer her aid, moving toward the bed to share in this not-quite-tender moment. Having had little interaction with him overall, the moment is not quite as personal with her, but her kind nature pushes her forward. "I-I know I'm not as strong as everypony else, but I would be glad to help you in any way I can." She says in her trademark hushed tone. "I can tell that you're trying so hard to be better and it only feels right to help you through this."

Applejack is in a fairly similar state to Rarity, having only heard those words uttered by him during moments of stupid shenanigans where he ended up getting stuck somewhere and screaming 'halp' over and over again until he either clawed his way out or someone resolved it for him. Hearing him say the words 'help me' though, so genuinely, and from a place of true dread was unheard of. She doesn't dare to utter a word, lest this lesson goes unlearned. Rather, she closes the door to the room they are in and locks it, this being her own little way of showing that she would be there to assist him as well; To help him as any family would.


The once quiet cloud home booms to life as the front door is, quite literally, kicked open. The sheer force makes the sound on par with the crack of thunder in the distance, warning of an oncoming storm. Cyan hooves march into the home, each step filled with fury and purpose. Locked under an arm of the irate mare, jammed in her pit like a football, Azure struggles to break free of her mother's powerful hold. Kicking and flailing about, the filly struggles for everything she's worth. The events preceding their return stunned the young pegasus, but did not keep her still.

Panic, anger, worry; Azure feels all of this and more as she is carried into the cloud home before being tossed unceremoniously onto the couch her mother would frequently claim as a resting place. The stench of Rainbow's sweat, tears and even a bit of vomit is what marks it as hers. That alone has kept the filly at bay from this particular piece of furniture for as long as she can remember. After regaining herself and sitting upright, she focuses her attention on Rainbow, who seems at a loss. The grown mare is pacing back and forth, her hands gripping her skull. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that her emotions are currently as unstable as they can be. As much as she wants to speak out against her mother's actions, the words don't seem to come out.

Shush! Hush! Hush your pretty little face, before she rips it off of you.

Rainbow feels trapped, in a sense. Nothing seems right anymore, not that it ever did to begin with. Her heart is pounding, each breath she takes feels shallow and every exhale is like the air is being forced out of her lungs. The pegasus continues to pace, unable to keep still; As if once she stops moving the time itself will cease to be. A spike hits, her body feels hot. Her fingers release their death-grip on her head and reach out for the nearest thing. She finds her hands on the dining room table and, in a swift fit of rage, overturns it with a single push. She curses aloud as she does this, causing Azure to pull into herself. Once the explosive episode subsides, Rainbow finally slows and comes to an overdue stop. Leaning, her back meets the fridge. Her legs lose their strength, causing the pony's form to slide down until her flank meets the floor. Time almost does seem to slow from her perspective. As the pegasus stares straight forward, the only thing in her line of sight being the toppled table, her breathing steadies. Despite this, the cyan mare still can't seem to make sense of the world anymore.

Lost in thought, Dash's mind wanders back to the time that has been haunting her for so many years. She could picture Applejack's face clear as day, almost as if it had happened just yesterday. The rough and tough farm pony looked so wrong. Her eyes were dead, the area around them matted and wet. Her posture was nothing like it should have been, all hunched over and disgusting. The way she spoke was even more out of character, the clear sadness and pain her voice was almost disturbing. Then the words that came out; It suddenly made sense. The pegasus blinks herself back to reality, feeling a wetness on her face as she familiarizes herself with her surroundings. Glancing every which way, her gaze soon rests on her daughter, who is now standing less than a foot away from her.

"Mom," Azure says quietly, still trying to figure things out on her own end. "are you alright?"

Rainbow's head falls back, meeting the large appliance behind her with a soft thud. She thinks hard on how to answer this as she stares up at the ceiling, but nothing she can come up with feels right. Nothing in general feels right. It's almost as if the universe itself has turned inside out and spat in her face. "I don't know, kiddo." She replies in an equally hushed tone. For once, it's not that she doesn't want to tell Azure, she honestly just can't seem to find the words. "This...all of this; It doesn't even seem real anymore. I can't make heads or tails of it." Taking in a breath, the mare lets out a drawn out sigh before continuing. "I don't know whether to be angry, or sad, or what. It...I just don't know."

No...Noooo....No!

Azure finds herself conflicted as well. She's upset at her mom and for more than just her outburst back at the castle. All of this isolation and self-pity has done nothing but tear her apart. Furthermore, the filly can hardly even recognize the mare in front of her as her own mother. Rainbow's friends were the ones that practically raised her. As much as she wants to unload all of this, pour everything out on the table in hopes that maybe her mother will finally see the damage she has been causing-Not just to herself, but to everypony- she can't. She's feeling so much right now and fear seems to be the most prominent. The filly does not fear her mother, but rather what will happen next.

How did things spiral so far out of control? This isn't how it was supposed to happen. They were supposed to see each other and everything would be better. Azure had played it out in her head so many times. Her long, lost father would walk up to her broken mother and make it all right again. They were supposed to be happy, happy to see each other, to be together again. They were supposed to be a family. That daydream seems so far out of reach now, when just moments ago it was so close to being a reality. The weight of her sadness is only rivaled by the anger she feels for herself for having failed to fix her family. Maybe this is how things were meant to be, maybe she just wasn't meant to be happy.

Honey, please don't think like that. I know everything seems really screwed up right now, but there's still a chance. I'm sure of it!

Azure let's out a melancholic breath as her ears fall flat against her head. She can't even bring herself to cry about this. She almost feels indifferent to the pain; as if all of the hurt in her life is nothing more than some faceless pony she passed on the street. Everything just feels cold and empty. Her head begins to move on its own, swiveling on her neck before resting in the direction of her bedroom. She knows what this means, it's not the first time her mind has tried to direct her. "I think I need to be alone for a bit." The filly says in a flat tone, feeling her legs carry her to her destination. "I-I'll be in my room."

"That's probably for the best..." Dash replies, feeling as though the words were marching out of her mouth rather than her consciously speaking them. The mare remains in her spot on the floor in silence, hearing only her daughter's hoofsteps across the cloud floor before the sound of her door opening and closing allows her to be in complete noiselessness. Her own breathing is even deafened to her. "How?" She whispers to herself, "How is this...Why? How!?"

Rainbow Dash repeats these incomprehensible questions over and over to herself until they've lost their meaning. While she almost feels content to just sit there and stew in her confusion, the pegasus finds the strength to get back on her hooves and even idly drag herself to her own room. Once inside, she closes the door behind her. Out of habit, the mare makes a B-line toward her dresser and opens the top drawer. Inside is the very same, small book that she often finds herself holding at night. After everything that's happened today, it almost feels strange to look down at it with feelings of regret and grief. Keeping true to her routine, she picks up the book and closes the drawer before walking over to her bed.

Sitting down on the edge, Rainbow scans the blank cover and runs her fingers over the smooth surface. For a long time, this book brought her a sliver of comfort, regaling her with fond memories of a time long since past. In a way, it became her best friend. Now though, it just looks like a hunk of plastic with pages. Her fingers soon find their way to the edge of the album and open it. She's greeted with a small number of photos upon opening it, her eyes instinctively going to the first of the batch in the upper left corner. She sees herself, one arm out to hold the camera, the other next to her face. She has two fingers raised in the photo and her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Next to her is Ryan, who is only holding up one finger and is aiming it at her, not the camera. Despite having seen this photo- as well as the others- more times than she could even try to count, it still brings a smile to her face. That smile quickly fades as her brain flashes, replaying bits and pieces of what happened today right in front of her face.

There she was, alone at the bar. The next thing she knew, Ryan was there and he was sitting next to her. Then he told her that he was real, as he had done many times in the past. The flashes stop for a moment, then pick back up to shortly after she had awoken in the castle. She remembered seeing him again. Ryan was here, along with Rarity and Azure. She briefly wonders how long this has been going on. How has he been here? How long has Azure known about him? How did she even meet him? So many questions and so little answers. Her mind flashes again; She saw Ryan coming toward her, trying to talk to her. Then she saw herself hit him before yelling and storming out of the door. The flashes stop and she feels nothing but contempt and rage.

Rainbows eyes clench shut, her body moving on its own as she throws the book from her hand. She screams as loud as she can, the book hitting her dresser with a loud bang and a wallop as the pages collide against themselves. The pegasus soon finds her body curling against itself, her arms reaching out to wrap against her legs, pulling them into her chest. Angry tears stream down the side of her face as the memories continue to replay over and over. It doesn't seem right to her. Nothing about it does. The fact that he is here, that he's alive and his friends all knew about it. Him seeking her out and her lashing out in response hardly seems real. And yet, for some reason, she is ashamed of herself. Despite everything, from him being a complete ass to everyone his whole life all the way to faking his own death, she still feels guilty.

"Why?" Rainbow chokes out, holding herself close as her body trembles from the mass confusion of mixed emotions tormenting her already frail mind. "Why can't I hate you?"