It's a cool evening in Equestria. The Apple Family have gone back to their respective homes, shops are closing for the day and the brightly lit moon ascends into the sky.
Ponies casually greet you as you make your way to Doc's place.
"Anon? You there, bro?" Spike asks.
"Well well, if it isn't Egghead Jr."
"Aww come on. You're still not upset about earlier are ya?"
You sit down on a nearby bench to chastise your "bro"
"No. Just disappointed. You broke the code: bros before....pones!"
"I'm sorry! At least I called. I haven't forgotten about ya, just wondering what you were up to."
"Well, if you MUST know, I'm heading to Doc's. He made more RC.....somehow."
"Can you PLEASE save me some?"
"Fine. I can't stay mad at a bro. Be there soon."
As you finish your call, something catches the corner of your right eye.
Somehow you knew this day would come...
She is sitting RIGHT next to you, staring at you and swinging her hind hooves on the bench like you.
[This is the part where I disappear and am never heard from again. I had a good run....no I didn't.]
Awaiting your terrible fate, you're instead greeted with a hoof.
"Hi there! I'm Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings."
[Not what I expected...]
"A-Anon." you stutter, hesitantly shaking the mare's hoof.
"What do you call THOSE things?" she asks, enthusiastically eyeing your 10-digit 'hooves'.
"Um. Hands?"
[A.k.a. fetish fuel.]
"Ooooooooh! They just look so mesmerizing."
"Thanks, I guess?"
[This is a small town. No doubt Spike must've run into this pony once in awhile. He has hands or claws or whatever. What's so special about these pleasure sticks?!]
Yes, you called them that.
Thank Molestia, or whatever her name is, that a yellow-cream pony puts an end to the awkward encounter.
"Lyra! It's getting late, come on!" she calls.
"Coming Swe- Bon Bon! It was nice to meet you, Anon!"
She rubs your hand playfully before trotting up to your savior.
You mouth out a 'thank you' to the mare before making your escape.
[Bullet. Dodged.]
Entering the nutty professor's abode, it boggles your mind how this place smells perpetually like tea and biscuits.
"Anonymous, is that- UUURP, you?"
You walk to the tinkering room and find the Doc and Derpy sitting at a table belching their guts out.
"Heyyy, Anoooon- BUUURRP!" she slurs.
[Is she getting drunk off of soda?]
"God! How much did you two drink?!"
Judging by the eight empty bottles strewn all over the floor.
I'm gonna say......a lot.
[Where'd they even get the bottles?]
"Not too much. There's a whole dozen for yo- BRAAP, over there, lad."
While you grab the tray full of soda, you spot the damaged portal maker in the corner, oozing muffin batter.
"So, uh Doc? Is there any hope for the portal whatchamacallit?"
"I'm afraid not, old chap. Without a [insert nerd word here] cog, the Portal Ray 3000 will stay inactive. And this was my last one."
"Well, is there, like a [nerd word] cog store anywhere?"
"Unfortunately, the product has been discontinued and the key material, raritanium is, for a lack of a better word, RARE."
Derpy frowns and staggers up to you. "I-I'm reaaally sorry, Anon." she whines.
[Dude, you can't yell at that face. Those eyes are to adowable!]
You pull the sad mare into a tight hug.
"It's alright, Derpy. Everything's fi-"
"BUUUUUURRRP" she belches in your face. "Excuse me."
[Please don't throw up, please don't throw up, please don't throw up, PLEASE don't throw up!]
You quickly set her down and ruffle her mane up. "Don't worry, we'll find a way.......somehow."
Moments later...
You're swearing every word under the sun on your way back to the castle. Storming into the castle, you bump into Twilight.
"Hey, Anon. How was your-" You walk right by her without giving so much as a sideways glance. "Day?"
The whole world can just suck your Johnson right now, you were that peeved.
You stomp into the library and bury your face in your hands, lost in thought.
"Sheesh, who spoiled your milk?" Starlight walks in.
"I'm just a little stuck at the moment, Star."
"Well, first you must move your.....'hands', was it?"
You lazily raise your head and look up eye-level with Glim Glam.
"Now, what's the issue? You can tell me."
The warm smile she gives you lightens your mood a bit.
"Do you know what raritanium is?"
Starlight tilts your head. "A whaaa?"
SMACK
Back in your hands you go.
[Should've known.]
"I heard of it, it's a rare metal located in the Dragon Lands." Twilight states. "Why you ask?"
[I think I might be forming some beginnings of what could be the flower that blossoms into an idea.]
"Eh, Whooves needs the materials for......a-an invention."
"Ooookay?"
"I'm wondering why you're so fixated on the problem."
"Because.......it's a really cool........invent- I'm tired. I need to rest."
Surprisingly, that half-assed excuse works as you slink out of the room. When your out of earshot, you make a quick call.
"Yo, Doc. I think there's a chance for the PR."
It's seems there is hope for you to get back, for Whooves has scheduled a trip to the aforementioned Dragon Lands. Convincing Spike to come along wasn't difficult, labeling himself as the 'guide of the Dragon Lands'.
Whatever, bro.
As you head to your room, a thought occurs to you. "Crap! I left the sodas!"
You sprint back to the library, and your fears have been realized.
Twi and Star are guzzling down YOUR drinks.
[If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.]
The next day, everything seemed normal...
Well, normal for Equestria's standards. Just a day away from your first job here, you'll finally be able to put your lazy ass to good use.
But right now, you're just extremely bored. It's like the deities of boredom spotted you in this world and decided to screw you. Your 'friends' didn't make the problem easier either. The kids have school, so you can't show off your awesomeness, the girls have their own lives to deal with and do I NEED to say what Twilight's up to?
Damn ponies.
That just leaves you and your bro, who must've talked his way out of reshelving.
You enter the foyer where Spike and Big Mac with a board game. "Hey guys, what's up?"
"We're preparing for Guy's Night! We have it every Wednesday, right Big Mac?"
"Eeeyup!"
"Y-You wouldn't mind if.......I joined?"
"Are you kidding?! We were gonna ask if you wanted to play! Right, Big Mac?"
"Eeeyup!"
[He just REALLY likes saying that word, doesn't he?]
"Cool. So what are we playing?"
Spike eyes widen as he looks both ways then showing you the cover.
"Ogres and Oubliettes?"
"SHHHH! He'll hear you!"
"What, who?"
"I be1ieve he,s refeRring t0 mE." a voice echoes in the room.
Suddenly, an amaranth-colored tail coils around your waist. The sound of a snake's hiss grows louder as a tall dark shadow looms over you.
Being the curious fuq boi that you are, you look up, finding yourself face to face with an abomination. An unsavory abomination known as...
"Di5c0Rd! The sPir1t of cHA05!"