Appledashery

by Just Essay

Filly Destination

“He's flying ridiculously quickly,” Maud droned below the percussion of everypony else's adrenalized heartbeats. “I don't think any of us have time for another monologue.”

“Right, I-I heard you!” Rainbow said, twirling around.

“Although I certainly would not mind quoting Flankespeare's Taming of the Sedimentary—”

“I said I heard you!” Rainbow spun towards Trixie. “Trixie! Quick! Give them the zap or something!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie deals exclusively in transfiguration magic!”

“You've gotta be kidding me!”

“Hmmmph!” She folded her forelimbs under her starry cloak. “What does Trixie look like?! A black mage?!”

“You're going to be a dead mage if you don't do something to save our skins?!”

“Why me?! I'm the dainty rock sorter, remember?!”

“She's got a point there, Dashie!” uttered Pinkie, munching a muffin while sporting a yellow/purple striped shirt with a red baseball cap. “Didn't you read her letters from the end of the world?!”

“Pinkie... NOT helping!”

“Alright, enough spastic dialogue.” Daring cracked the joints in her neck while dragging a threatening hoof across the stone floor. She faced the glinting light that signified the approach of Romulus and his daggers. “You want this goose cooked?! I'm the pony for it!”

“Finally!” Trixie squawked. “A ruffian who knows how to ruff around!”

“Who wants to die first?!” Romulus' voice carried ahead of him.

“Daring, it's too dangerous,” Maud said. Three seconds of blinking. “He's a griffon.”

“Griffons don't surf!” Daring galloped straight into the fray.

“Daring, Don't!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

Rat-A-Tat-Tat-Tat-Tat-Tat! A dozen rifle muzzles flashed from further down the tunnel. Bullets from the henchstallions ping'd and clonk'd across the rocks, sending the mares diving for cover.

“Crud crud crud!” Daring came zipping back, ducking behind a cleft of rocks beside Rainbow. “Okay! So they brought guns to a Fuzzy Convention!”

“I was trying to tell you!” Rainbow spat.

“Well, you should have tried to tell me harder!” Daring spat back.

“Well, somepony do something!” Trixie hollered. “Trixie doesn't want a Great and Powerful cremation!”

“What's everypony freaking out about?!” Pinkie scarfed down the last muffin, gulped, and turned towards Maud. “Mad Maud?!” Her eyelashes fluttered. “Pretty pleeeeease?”

Maud trot-trot-trotted towards the middle of the tunnel, deadpan as a slab of granite. She faced Romulus as he was meters away. Then, raising her hoof, she brought it down like a limp gavel.

SMASSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!! Maud's limb was still somehow capable of leveling a ginormous crater in the center of the earthen corridor. The ceiling right in front of her collapsed with an avalanche of gravel and stone.

Romulus gasped, dragging his wings in the air. He nevertheless slammed into the crumbled wall and drifted backwards, shaking his beak dizzily. After several moments of gawking at the inexplicable wall, he heard the loud hoofsteps and panting breaths of his evil allies catching up with him.

“What in Tartarus?!”

“They... th-they sealed themselves in!”

“Grrrr!” One thug slapped the butt of his rifle across Romulus' tail. “Way to go, ya freakazoid—”

SMACK! Romulus back-kicked him in the muzzle. The thug fell to his knees, letting loose a blood-curdling shriek into his folded forelimbs.

The other thugs shuddered as Romulus spun towards them. “Did you or did you not bring explosives?!”

“We... we d-did, Romulus!”

“Then blow!” he hollered, hawkeyes twitching.

The mobsters sped back and forth, collecting dynamite along the edges of the collapsed wall.

---

Rainbow Dash and Trixie stared—jaws agape—at the mess Maud had made. Random pebbles continued to fall, ricocheting off their skulls, but their numb shock kept them from budging.

Maud turned around, blinking into the dim light from Trixie's horn—their only source of illumination at this point. “I hope you all know that I would never hurt rocks unless I had a very good reason to.”

“Why... d-didn't... you... do... that... before?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Maud took three and a half seconds to blink. “Because nopony asked me to.”

Pinkie Pie giggled, cartwheeling past her sister.

“Nnnnngh...” Rainbow dragged a hoof across her muzzle.

“Hmmm...” Daring smirked, tapping her chin. “A heavy hitter like that would be useful on more adventures.” She leaned forward. “Hey! Bright-eyes! How do you think you'd look in olive-drab?”

“I haven't worn anything green since that one time I got lost in a sea of green algea and my sisters all got amoebic dysentery while trying to fish me out.” She blinked. “We all had apple cider doughnuts in the hospital. They were tasty.”

“Takes a licking and keeps on ticking! I like that!”

“What do we do now?!” Trixie stammered, shivering. “Trixie can hear those dumb oxes trying to claw through from the other side!”

“They blew up your house with mortars, Trixie,” Rainbow grunted. “I'm sure they'll find faster ways to 'carve' through the rock.”

“It was you who blew up Trixie's Great and Powerful House!”

“Really?! You're still on that?!”

“The Sorceror's Apprentice chick has a good point,” Daring said, gazing around at the rocky obstructions. “We're kind of up a creek... or down one, if you think about it.”

“Then where do we go?!” Trixie exclaimed.

“Pffft! Forgetty-forgetter-ponies! Don't you remember?”

Everypony spun to see Pinkie standing on the very edge of the dark shaft.

“Trixie's horniness pointed us down the world's gullet!” Pinkie said, pointing into the abyss. “Can't be too hard to follow along the dotted line! Just let gravity be your guide!” That said, she jumped and performed a perfect cannonball. “Weeeeeeeee!” She disappeared.

“Pinkie!” Rainbow gasped, lunging forward on wide wings.

“What?” Pinkie's head popped up suddenly. With a smile, she gestured towards a rusty metal platform suspended on tight cables. The grated slab creaked and groaned from her weight. “A lift! See? Isn't it uplifting?! Huh?! Heehee!”

Rainbow sighed with relief.

“Uhhh...” Daring trotted up, speaking above the sound of scraping hooves on the far side. “I think we could do with some downlifting right about now.” She wagged her eyebrows.

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “One of these days, I want to almost die in a less stupid way...”

Comments

[Lord Dragon]

Heh...

[RoboRed]

“She's got a point there, Dashie!” uttered Pinkie, munching a muffin while sporting a yellow/purple striped shirt with a red baseball cap. “Didn't you read her letters from the end of the world?!"

I think I saw what you did there.

Maud trot-trot-trotted towards the middle of the tunnel, deadpan as a slab of granite. She faced Romulus as he was meters away. Then, raising her hoof, she brought it down like a limp gavel.

SMASSSSSSSSSSSSSH!!! Maud's limb was still somehow capable of leveling a ginormous crater in the center of the earthen corridor. The ceiling right in front of her collapsed with an avalanche of gravel and stone.

Oh, Maud. I love you so much.

“Trixie's horniness

goddamnitpinkie

[Sharp Quill]

“Griffons don't surf!” Daring galloped straight into the fray.

Apocalypse Now reference.

5132932

I think I saw what you did there.

I don't, actually.

[RoboRed]

5133095
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/65656/letters-from-a-friend-at-the-end-of-the-world
Is good fic.

[RainbowJack2000]

5132932

“Trixie's horniness

I thought I was the only one.

[Lightning Bearer]

I like Maud. Can we keep her?

[YoshiFawful64]

“Daring, Don't!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

*rimshot*

[kihutaja]

Caught up finally.

This seems a lot like Windthrow, now that they've trapped themselves underground. Will the shaft lead to machine world?

[CommanderCuddle]

THIS IS THE GREATEST MAUD EVER

[TwilightUCrazy]

So many references per chapter... hurts.

[Future Regret]

I just had a crazy ass nightmare (don't drink my sweet water...)
You are my savior, because no way I'm going back to sleep.

[Weehawk]

5133406 so amusing from the present time, yesterday was a Maud episode.
I look forward to Rainbow saving Daring and/or Trixie. Kinda figured those two would meander off together but DD is looking at maud too

[Snowdrifter]

After all, the Tooth Shall Set You Free!

Ouch, that bites.

[arancaytar]

“She's got a point there, Dashie!” uttered Pinkie, munching a muffin while sporting a yellow/purple striped shirt with a red baseball cap. “Didn't you read her letters from the end of the world?!”

Eeeeeeeee I loved that one.

[arancaytar]

Maud trot-trot-trotted towards the middle of the tunnel, deadpan as a slab of granite. She faced Romulus as he was meters away. Then, raising her hoof, she brought it down like a limp gavel.

The impressive part is that this chapter happened years before this episode:

“Daring, Don't!” Rainbow's voice cracked.

Eh, points for effort.

[God Praiser]

Pinkie Pie giggled, cartwheeling past her sister.

Why did this feel like something out of an old Piemations mov?