Appledashery

by Just Essay

She Won't Look Like a Tank

“Oh, don't give it that look, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity daintily hopped onto the platform and stood beside the shimmering gown in question. “I think white would look so incredibly flattering on you! Haven't you thought so yourself?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash droned, her ears as flat as razors. As were her eyebrows. “I haven't.”

“I urge you to reconsider!” Rarity traced the dress' hem and the pronounced, satin bustle with a graceful hoof. “It's a color that your mane lacks! As does your tail and coat! Which means white—as a neutral tone—will let you show off your natural hues all the more through sheer contrast!” She grinned rosily as she stepped towards the front of the gown and gestured to the accentuated neckline. “But—notice the translucent fabric here? I just know it'll allow for a hint of your sky-blue beauty to show through! It's like you'll be wearing a cloud! And when you sashay into the room, every stallion and mare will gasp in awe—as if a veritable rainbow has beamed down from the sky to bless their presence!”

“Rarity... I... nghh...” Rainbow sighed and stared off towards the far ends of the Boutique. “Does it really have to look so much like a friggin' wedding gown?”

“Hmmm? What was that, Rainbow?” Rarity grinned. “Do speak up, darling.”

“Rarity, thank you... but...” Rainbow Dash ran a hoof through her mane. “Unnngh... h-how can I put this...?”

“Uh uh uh uh!” Rarity waved a hoof. “Don't say another word! Quite frankly, I wouldn't be offended if you were less than enthused about my hoofwork. After all, I'm well-acquainted with your attitude concerning graceful things, Rainbow Dash. However...” The unicorn's eyes sparkled. “...we're not altogether worried about your perspective, now are we?”

“...huh?”

“Fear not, Rainbow, and trust in the experts!” Rarity sing-songed as she hopped down from the platform and girl-stepped towards her. “I designed this gown perfectly to knock a stallion dumbstruck on his handsome flank.” She wrapped a hoof around Rainbow's neck and nuzzled her cheek. “Heeee—And I just know that he will be properly flabbergasted!”

“'H-He?!'” Rainbow's voice cracked. She gulped and gently pulled herself out of Rarity's embrace. “Rarity, y-you've got the wrong idea...”

“Please, Rainbow, no need to be shy. We can all see that you're in love! Heeheehee—”

“Yeah—I mean... NO. I mean... guhhh...” Rainbow face-hoofed and gestured. “You've got it all wrong! It's not at all like that!”

“Ah... but of course!” Rarity nodded. “I've always known you to be impulsive in the ways of athleticism and adventure. But romance?” She winked. “There's no shame in being cautious, Rainbow, even to the point of dragging your hooves. But someday—heeheehee—I assure you, when it comes time to knock his horseshoes off with your beauty, then this will be the perfect vessel for doing so.”

“Unnnnnnnnnnnngh...” Rainbow Dash slumped to her haunches and rolled her eyes liberally across the ceiling. “Rarityyyyyyyyyyyy...”

“Now, don't you go on like that!” Rarity playfully pouted. “As you can see, I did all the work for you.” She tilted her head back with a jubilant squee. “And it won't cost you a single bit!”

“Rarity...”

“This is from the bottom of my heart.” The unicorn sniffled slightly as she held a hoof over her heart. “I knew that the day would come that one of us would fall head over tails for a stallion in our life. I just had no idea that it would be you of all mares, Rainbow Dash. In my head, I naturally thought that I would be first. But the fact that it's you who would be carrying the torch of love first is positively inspiring. I would be blessed if I were to provide the attire for your first romantic venture, whenever such a date might come.”

“Rarity... ...”

“And I can teach you proper etiquette and give you tips on how to beautify your mane and—”

“Rarity!” Rainbow hissed. “I... I'm afraid that you've got the wrong idea about me.”

Rarity blinked innocently at her. “Oh?”

“You see, you're so insistent that there's a stallion in my life.” Rainbow gulped. “And, well, you see... the thing is... uhm... I'm... I'm into...”

“Yes, Rainbow?” Rarity's eyelashes fluttered.

Rainbow stared at her. Her muzzle hung open. She fidgeted... fidgeted again... and slumped with a sigh. “I'm miles into deep crap.”

“Hmmmph! That's not the attitude!” Rarity placed a gentle hoof on the pegasus' shoulder and urged her back onto her hooves. “I'm your friend, Rainbow Dash, and I am going to prepare you for a blissful date even if it kills me!”

“Mmmmmff...” Rainbow stared out the corner of her eyes. “It just might...”

“But, first of many... many things...” Rarity smiled. “I insist that you help me in fitting the gown so that it accentuates your figure precisely!”

“Buh?”

“Well, I needn't be the first pony to tell you that you rarely venture in here, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity laughed airily. “Aside from that one occasion before the terrible... nnnngh... p-parasprite debacle, I've never had the chance to properly acquire your measurements.”

“Jee. What a tragedy.” Rainbow blinked. “Wait.” She turned to look at the light package that she had brought to Rarity's doorstep. “It's no coincidence that your place was the last on my schedule, was it—?”

“And I do terribly fear that I've been inaccurate in my measurements. After all, your Gala gown was far too... eh... poofy. Something tells me that I failed to take your truly petite sizing into account—”

“Oh, come on!” Rainbow barked.

“Please, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity pleaded. “Allow me this opportunity! I musn't fail in giving you the absolute best dress imaginable!”

“Rarity, I don't... I-I don't...”

Rarity's eyes were wide as saucers. They positively glittered with burdgeoning tears along the edges.

“Eeeeennnnghhhuuuuuugh...” Rainbow groaned as her wings drooped. “F.I.N.E.”

“!!!” Rarity jumped, her legs wiggling beneath her as she gasped happily. “Oh, Rainbow Dash, you will not regret it!” She landed and pulled Rainbow up onto the stage. “First thing's first—let us get you out of that positively garish apron!”

“For once, I'm totally with you...”

Comments

[Tchernobog]

Oh come on, Dash! At least admit you don't want stallions!

[RoboRed]

*sigh*...Dangit, Dash...

[zaponator]

You know, one of these days one of the mane 6 (Fluttershy notwithstanding~) probably has to find out about Rainbow's little 'chronic illness' thing. They clearly all know about it by the time this story is being told, because, well... this story is being told.
While it's possible (and sorta likely...) that the secret will remain under wraps until the final chapter and the grand reveal, I'm still holding on to the hope of a more gradual reveal. Maybe one or two ponies in advance before the whole gang (and Applejack) find out at/near the very end of the story.

The point is, Rarity is about to take Rainbow's measurements, which involves standing still and steady for a long time, and also involves close examination of her wobbly toothpick legs. I know that Rarity won't find out, but it's what set off my rambly train of thought anyway.
Still, it'll be fun to see what sort of conversational gymnastics Rainbow pulls to get out of this one.

[Sheendough]

So what? She's not going to tell her that (at least) there's no stallion? She doesn't really have to tell her she likes girls, she just needs to tell Rarity that she's not in love with any stallion, and, more importantly... TO MIND HER OWN FRIGGIN' BUSINESS!!

[HyperMonica]

Dashie, Dashie, Dashie... *clicks tounge* You're just a hot mess aren't you?

[silverspawn]

well that was kinda hilarious . very nice.

[Jay_Baker]

Wait so rainbowdash is going to let them think she has a coltfriend?

[Lightning Bearer]

Rip the bandaid off, Dash.

[BabySkittleMonster]

Well, she is in deep crap. Especially if she won't freaking admit her orientation to one of her best friends! Just tell the truth, RD. What's the worst that can happen (oops...jinxed it)?

[Novi]

This chapter was golden!

[BabySkittleMonster]

4668215
Yeah. It's Scootaloo - as shown by the POV change in one of the chapters. And I completely forgot about that! It looks like I'll have to re-read it then I was waiting for an excuse to re-read it anyway. Thanks!

[BabySkittleMonster]

4659177
A clotfriend? Sounds painful.

[BabySkittleMonster]

4668608
Awesome! I knew there was a reason I liked it so much. So... ShortSkirtsAndExplosions has, like, 3 accounts? So he/she is SSAE, IC and JE... (S)he must be very dedicated to continue writing so many stories updating daily on so many different accounts. Well, (s)he has my respect. I can't even write one!

[Future Regret]

Leave it to Rarity to prepare the wedding dress before the first date.

[Gammahoof]

“!!!” Rarity jumped, her legs wiggling beneath her as she gasped happily.

I died

[Boop-Happy Lass]

“!!!” Rarity jumped, her legs wiggling beneath her as she gasped happily. “Oh, Rainbow Dash, you will not regret it!” She landed and pulled Rainbow up onto the stage. “First thing's first—let us get you out of that positively garish apron!”

How do you even read that aloud? Do we need that alert sound from Metal Gear Solid?

[arancaytar]

8541872

Like this, I suspect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADuGJl5W5HA

[Boop-Happy Lass]

8542092
PERFECT.

[SnowOriole]

Rainbow stared at her. Her muzzle hung open. She fidgeted... fidgeted again... and slumped with a sigh. “I'm miles into deep crap. ”

just TELL SOMEPONY ALREADY RAINBOW