Appledashery

by Just Essay

Not Actually Pathetic, But an Incredible Simulation

"Wee-hee-hee-heeeeee!" Rainbow Dash teetered as she and four other equines marched out of the pub. "Y'know what? HIC! At first... at f-first I doubted you girls, but this... heeheehee..." Her eyes rolled as she sauntered left... then right... then left again. "This 'thinking about everything else but Applejack' idea is actually kinda working for me! I'm already seeing the light! HIC! Well... I'm seeing multiple lights... colors, really... and all of them with purple trunks."

"But Rainbow!" Caramel pouted. "You just said her name out loud!"

"The joke is, they're not really purple elephants!" Rainbow teetered. "Just Twilight Sparkle going on vacation! Heeheehee! Move over, Pinkie!"

"Yowsers, she's pissed," Lyra droned.

"Ah jeez..." Vinyl winced. "We're not gonna have to catapult her into her house again, are we?"

"Rainbow, darling?" Bon Bon trotted closer under starlight and cricket song. "Are you going to be safe on the way back home?"

"Pffft... HIC! What's to be scared of?" Rainbow teetered and teetered some more. "It's only a barely paid-for fart cloud in the sky that can collapse at any time!" She burped, then flapped her wings. "Excuse me. Awesomeness coming through."

"Oh no..." Caramel winced. "Rainbow! Don't drink and glide!"

"Why else—HIC—do they call it 'being a barfly!'"

"Wish I brought my microphone with me." Lyra snickered. "This crud is classic."

"Oh Lyra..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes then looked Rainbow's way. "Let us walk you home, Rainbow. Maybe you'll consider what we said about Vinyl?"

"What about her?" Rainbow briefly frowned. "I'm not—HIC—interested in her. Besides, she's asymmetrical."

"Close enough," Vinyl droned.

"That means she only dates other symmetries... hehehe..." Rainbow tried to yawn, but bumped into a tree. "Ow! But hey! Whatever floats your butt!"

"How come we never get as sloshed as her?" Caramel remarked.

"For one, not all of us drink sissy pina coladas," Lyra said. "For another..." She gestured. "Rainbow is Queen Hopeless Extraordinaire of the Romance Kingdom."

Rainbow nuzzled a tree branch. "Heeeeeee... bark, Winona! Bark! Hahahaha... whewwww..." She blinked blearily. "I could use a drink. When's the pub open?"

"It just closed, Rainbow," Vinyl said. "Your tab's through the stratosphere."

"Hey. That's a place I'd like to visit. The stratosphere. HIC!" Rainbow squinted over her shoulder. "Wasn't somepony yammering on and on about a vacation or somecrap?"

"They were." Bon Bon smiled. "But that's in the past. What's important is that you go home and get some rest."

"Uh huh..."

"Promise you'll make a bee-line there?"

"Uh huh... ..."

"Good." Bon Bon waved as she and the others went their separate ways. "And remember, Rainbow Dash, it wouldn't hurt to expand your horizons!"

"Hmmmmm... horizons..." Rainbow Dash shuffled east towards her house. She hummed to herself, smiling dizzily. "If we drink it... HIC... we can do it..."

Comments

[Phoenix Kitten]

"What about her?" Rainbow briefly frowned. "I'm not—HIC—interested in her. Besides, she's asymmetrical."
"Close enough," Vinyl droned.

I really, really like this interpretation of Vinyl, she's so dry and sardonic.

"Wish I brought my microphone with me." Lyra snickered. "This crud is classic."

There's an idea, record Dash's drunk ramblings, give them to her to listen to when she's sober.

[Leftover of Saikano]

"If we drink it... HIC... we can do it..."

It's funny, because she has to drink to visit EPCOT.

[RoboRed]

"I could use a drink. When's the pub open?"

"It just closed, Rainbow," Vinyl said. "Your tab's through the stratosphere."

Well...that's not good.

6991805
I think it would be hilarious if she visited Epcot while sloshed.

[zaponator]

We already know things are going to go terribly.
Here's hoping she at least gets laid.

[Salad king]

I will be amazed if anything goes right this arc.

[Cotton Fluff]

"They were." Bon Bon smiled. "But that's in the past. What's important is that you go home and get some rest."
"Uh huh..."
"Promise you'll make a bee-line there?"
"Uh huh... ..."

So, instead of guiding Rainbow to one of their homes to make sure she's alright and not crash while flying... they trust her to fly home and not crash or get distracted. I see the B team is on a roll for winning ideas.

6991969
6991805
I don't know, maybe a little sloshed would be amusing - but blackout drunk combined with depressed? In a world where your thoughts shape reality? As soon as she started thinking about AJ we'd be in for a heck of a depression / guilt trip that Epcot would have her hands full trying to stop.

[Sharp Quill]

Not that I want to be an annoying pest or anything, but do I or do I not need to arrange for Fluttershy to look after my pet platypus?

[BabySkittleMonster]

Well, goodbye Rainbow. We'll just sit here and watch as you go bumbling towards the horizon for whatever reason your fruity little head comes up with. Like responsible readers.

[Jern]

What is this? I came here for soul-crushing depression and I get light-hearted comical banter?? I demand to speak to the management of this establishment!

I'm digging the change of tone the story has taken already. I think some of us readers needed a vacation almost as much as Dash after that last arc.

[LucyHorseThing]

I'm going to the gas station. I'm gonna need plenty of junk food for this.

[Dash32]

I'm a big fan of whiskey but I have NEVER been as plastered as Rainbow is in this story.

Granted I've never been drunk before but still

[Doughnot_followmoi]

Yes Rainbow, yes we can,
Now. Will someone please pass the popcorn?

[Phoenix Kitten]

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[Lucasmembrane]

Rainbow Dash shuffled east

Something's not right here...

[DrEggnog]

"Ah jeez..." Vinyl winced. "We're not gonna have to catapult her into her house again, are we?"

I had entirely forgotten about that.

To say that this story varies a bit in tone is a massive understatement.

[arancaytar]

7020596

She'll get there when she gets there.

[arancaytar]

"What about her?" Rainbow briefly frowned. "I'm not—HIC—interested in her. Besides, she's asymmetrical."

"Close enough," Vinyl droned.

Asexual? I can't remember if this has been brought up in one of the earlier arcs.