Appledashery

by Just Essay

Insert Laughtrack Here

Rainbow Dash stumbled out from behind the partition. Straightening the white wig and violet shades atop her head, she scampered towards the far end of the party.

This was not ignored by the likes of Suri Polomare. “There she is again!” the mare hissed from where she stood beside the punch table.

“There who is, Suri?” Coco asked, standing right next to her.

“Who else?! The pony of the hour! Or at least, one half of her!”

“Huh...?”

“Is it just me, or has Fraulein Finish and Madame Firefly not been appearing together at the same time for the past hour?!”

“Perhaps they're trying to keep as many ponies entertained as possible?” Coco shrugged. “It's a large party. It makes sense that the hostess would need some backup.”

“I dunno...” Suri's muzzle scrunched. “I think something very strange is going on around here. It smells rotten.”

“You sure you're not being paranoid, ma'am?”

“Are you sure that you're employed?”

“Eeep! I'm sorry!”

“Grrrr... leave the brooding thoughts to me to say out loud...”

---

“We're patient stallions, Miss Finish,” a thug said, straightening the collar of his suit. “But our boss sure ain't. Are you gonna give Don Canter what you owe him or what?”

“Zat's ze funny sink, you see...” Rainbow Dash said, filling her mouth with phantom marbles upon each pronounced syllable. “Zis object. It's fery dangerous vhen handled vis ze bare hoofes, ja?”

“Sure. Why not...?”

“Vell, it vould be a bad sink to accidentally infect all ze ponies who are enjoyink zemselefes here!” Rainbow Dash smiled nervously from behind her shades. “Imagine if zey got ze chaos meezles by accident?! It vould not bode fery vell for anypony. And I'm sure your soughtful boss vould vish to afoid gainink any unfanted attention...”

The nearby thugs exchanged glances. They squirmed slightly. “Ahem... we didn't think that far ahead.”

“And it's not your job to, is it?” Rainbow grinned. “After all, you'fe got so many long years left to life... h-henching!” She chuckled and patted a stallion's shoulder. Cl-clack! A switchblade and a piece of garrote string fell to the floor from a hidden pocket. “Gah! Holy sh—ermm... I-I mean... wunderbar! You know how to pack for a long night! Zat's ze sign of a good employee! Heheheh!”

The stallion in front of her squinted. “Are you going to deliver the package or aren't you?”

“I vill! But you must vait for vhen ze moment is opportune for all of us!” Rainbow Dash slowly backed up. “Vhen ze party shtarts to die down, zen vill Don Canter get vhat's komink to him!” She winked. “You hafe meine promise!”

She turned around and bumped into Suri Polimare.

“Photooooo!” Suri grinned. “So nice to see you. I wondering if you could spare a moment.”

“Hrmmm...” Rainbow squirmed in place. “It depends...” She pushed the two of them like a two-car train away from the suited thugs. “...can you spare a kidney and a pint of blood?”

“Huh?”

“Ahem. Vhat kan I help you vith, darlink?”

“First off...” Suri raised an eyebrow. “What's up with your voice? You don't sound like your normal self.”

Rainbow grinned. She leaned and leaned and leaned forward, her muzzle bare inches from Suri's face. “...strep throat.”

“Guh!” Suri clasped two hooves over her muzzle.

Rainbow exhaled hotly into the mare's nostrils, making her back up more. “Huhhhhhhhhh-I've been runnink back and forth from ze bathroom to vash ze germs all down vith vater. I hafe to shtay on top of meine game, you see?”

“Mrmmmfff—I see,” Suri said, her voice distorted from plugging her nose. “Still, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were rushing back and forth because you were trying to hide something.” She squinted. “Just where is Fraulein Firefly at the moment?”

“Uhhh... uhmmmm...”

“She never seems to be around when you're around, Miss Finish.” Suri smirked devilishly. “I surely can't be the only pony who notices.”

“Erm...” Rainbow glanced off to the side. Her heart skipped a beat as soon as she saw Fancy Pants speaking with Filthy Rich.

“Unless you have a credible explanation for why she keeps disappearing as well, then I'm tempted to call you out on your bull—”

“I vill tell you! But first!” Rainbow slapped her hooves against the floor and hollered, “It's time for Das Boot!”

Suri did a double-take. “Time for what?!”

“Ze most time-honored tradition of ze party magiks, of course!” Rainbow grabbed a random lampshade. “First, ve slap zis on your head like so...” THAP! She encased Suri's skull in the blinding article.

“Gah! What the—... I-I can't see!”

“Zen we shpin you in ze tiny tiny circles like so!” Rainbow grinned as she twirled Suri around multiple times.

“Whoah... whoah... whoah...!”

“Zen...!” Rainbow galloped to the side. “...ve get a boot!”

Trenderhoof was starting to get up. He waved weakly to a bunch of smiling patrons. “Thank you so much, guys! Ulp! My head's still spinning from that fall I took, but I think I'm good to go now—” Rainbow lunged in, grabbed one of his armored legpieces, and slipped it off his hoof. “Whoahhhhh—” He fell on his armored rear. CLANG! Several partygoers gasped.

“And...!” Rainbow zipped back to Suri, grabbed a champagne bottle from a passing waiter, and started pouring the whole thing down the armored hoofpiece. “...ve drink ze whole sink! And ve do not shtop until ze boot is completely empty! Or else ve forfeit ze game and ve shame our entire families!”

“Shame... our... wh-what?” Suri sputtered, spinning. A blue hoof stopped her and yanked the lampshade off her frazzled head. “Eeuuuguuuuuuhhh...” A boot full of sloshing alcohol was shoved into her grasp. “Huh? But I—”

“You must drink!” Rainbow Dash grinned wide. “If you vant to fit in vith ze art scene!”

“But I'm not even thir—”

“DRINKEN SIE ZE BOOT!” Rainbow hollered. “DRINKEN SIE NOW, YOU VILD LADY GOAT! SCHNELL! SCHNELL!”

“Gaaa! Okay okay!” Suri—wide eyed—took a deep breath and began tipping the bubbly contents of the hulking article down her gullet. “Bllblblbbbllbbbb!”

“Faster! Faster! Wunderbar!” Rainbow raised her hoof and pumped it in the air. “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

Several local patrons giggled and chanted in one accord. “Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

“Bllblbllblbb!” Suri went cross-eyed as she struggled to down all of the champagne.

Rainbow Dash, in the meanwhile, glanced at all of the stupidly grinning ponies and backed out. As soon as she was out of sight, she galloped towards the far wall and the shady partition beyond.

“Huh...” A stallion stared curiously at the feat Suri was undergoing. “That's strange?”

“What is?” asked a mare by his side.

“I thought you were supposed to do that with beer,” he said. “And share it around the entire party.”

“Hey...” The mare shrugged. “When you're thirsty, you're thirsty! Heehee! And besides, it wouldn't be a real party if Miss Finish wasn't making ponies do something eccentric.”

Upon hearing that, Romulus glanced up, his feathers ruffled. He turned in time to see Rainbow galloping towards the furthest part of the room.

“Oh no you don't...” The griffon sneered. His sharp beak glinted as he marched forward. “I have you now...”

Right as he broke into a sprint, Trenderhoof finally stood back up. “Whew! Boy did they made this suit out of some heavy stuff—!”

WHAM! “Aaaaugh!” Romulus collided with the stallion and both went crashing through a set of tables. Their collapse was muted by the cheers of everypony as Suri finally finished her chugging.

“Yaaaaaaaaaay!”

Suri teered, her face plastered with a drunken grin. “I... HIC... passed the game... HIC...I th-think...”

Coco trotted up. “Uhm... Suri, ma'am?”

“Pffft. Heeeeey there, Choochoo Pomegranate Train! HIC! Where've you been?”

“Did you get a chance to figure out what's up with Miss Finish?”

“HIC!” Suri grinned and grinned, swaying. “...Miss who? HIC!”

Comments

[Clawder]

She deserved that...

[HyperMonica]

Hehe.... This is why Dashie is my favorite. And also-

CAN SOMEPONY PLEASE TELL EZ TO HURRY UP WITH HER CHAPTERS?!? SHES KILLING ME AND I DONT WANT IT SAY IT TO HER.... screen....

[MoonMirror]

Brilliant :D

[Lightning Bearer]

At least Suri's a happy drunk, I suppose.

But yeah, this house of cards is starting to sway a little.

[PropMaster]

“DRINKEN SIE ZE BOOT!” Rainbow hollered.  “DRINKEN SIE NOW, YOU VILD LADY GOAT!  SCHNELL!  SCHNELL!”

I laughed so hard I woke up my girlfriend.

[silverspawn]

not bad, rainbow, not bad at all

[Full-time_Introvert]

“Pffft. Heeeeey there, Choochoo Pomegranate Train!

[Leftover of Saikano]

This party and this scheme are entering critical condition.
At least Surinam Pantomime was dealt with.

[YoshiFawful64]

VILD LADY GOAT

Choochoo Pomegranate Train

I can't even right now

[Jay_Baker]

This made me laugh so much lol XD

[Weehawk]

5 paragraphs into this chapter, disbelief exceeded. Siri has proven to dim witted to be this savvy....

[arancaytar]

zen vill Don Canter get vhat's komink to him!

Can you feel the suplexes in the air?

Also, this entire chapter made me giggle insanely.

I guess Dashie really is Discord's apprentice at this point.

[SnowOriole]

“DRINKEN SIE ZE BOOT! ” Rainbow hollered. “DRINKEN SIE NOW, YOU VILD LADY GOAT! SCHNELL! SCHNELL!”

I am THIS close to bursting out laughing in the middle of class.