Appledashery

by Just Essay

All Oranges and Mosquitoes

"Well, assuming the two of you trot into a nest of alligators, then yes." Lancie smirked from where he perched atop the bedside table. "You will most certainly die."

"Mmmmmmmmmm..." Rainbow Dash laid back on her bed, hugging a pillow to her fuzzy blue chest. A dumb smile was plastered across her muzzle. "Don't be a buzz kill."

"Me?! Pfft! You're the pony who barged in here, repeating over and over again how your life is about to come to an end!"

Rainbow Dash sat up with a dazed expression. "A week-long road trip to Fillyda..." Rainbow twitched. "Buck, we'd have to go through Alantrot, most likely. Which means that would take..." She spread her feathers and counted them one by one before coming to: "Nine days!" She stared at Lancie, gawking. "Nine days alone with Applejack!"

"You're acting as if you've never spent quality time with the mare before," the statue said. "If I'm not mistaken, beyond the whole platonic charade, you two are still insufferably platonic, are you not?"

"Yeah... sure... but..." Rainbow brushed her bangs back, shrugging. "We've always had Twilight or Fluttershy or the other girls around. The longest I've ever spent with just Applejack..." She lingered, blinking. Her gaze drifted out the window to her cloud home. "...was when I was trying to outrace her at the running of the leaves." She bit her lip. "And most of the time, we were butting heads."

"Among other things."

"Lancie..."

"Hey!" Lancie shrugged with a smirk. "I hear it gets warm and moist down in Fillyda! So, when in Roam..."

"Do you really... honestly think that I would pull any funny stuff with Applejack while on the road with her?"

"Jee, I dunno. You've only screwed over the last three chances you've had at metaphysically transforming the life of your special somepony." Lancie squinted. "It's like you're romantically bulimic."

"Heeheehee..."

Lancie blinked. "Well, I didn't think it was that funny."

"What I can't get over is just how easily Applejack was willing to let me tag along." Rainbow fell back again. Fwump! "I always figured that she was a mare who liked to do things on her lonesome." She grinned towards the ceiling. "Y'know... the hard way."

"Whelp, guess she's not like you envisioned her!" Lancie tossed his stone arms. "Game over, Sparky! Time to crush on somepony else!"

"Lancie..."

"How about that Pinkie Pie gal?" Lancie smirked. "'Pinkiedashery.' I bet if we tossed the next shard at her, it'd get stuck in her mane. Then you'd have to dive in and fish for it while she giggles at you, smelling of caramel and mirth." He craned his neck to glance at the pegasus' wings. "Huh? Not even a tiny ruffle?"

"I'm not some pathetic, tail-wagging horndog who gets smitten with every mare she sees." Rainbow stuck her tongue out. "The only other mare of my friends I've ever crushed on was Fluttershy."

"Oh really?"

"But that was—like—ages ago, back when I just a filly." Her nostrils flared. "I didn't really know what love was back then, or how to tell the difference from plain friendship. In my head, Fluttershy and I were like... uhhhh... a princess and her chivalrous knight." She rolled her eyes. "But that was all in my stupid head. I was only ever going to be just a friend to her, nothing more."

"Funny how history repeats, huh."

"Hey... hey." Rainbow Dash sat up again, this time frowning. "Applejack is totally different."

"In the words of the mighty buffalo..." Lancie glared. "HOW?!"

"For one thing, I'm not crushing as hard on her as I did on Fluttershy as a kid!"

"Pffft—Hah hah hah hah hah hahhh!" Lancie fell back on the table, legs kicking.

"Dude—SHUT UP!" Rainbow folded her forelimbs, frowning. "I'm not!"

"Hahahahahaha!"

"For real!" Rainbow Dash squirmed. "If she rejects me, I'm... I-I..." She took a deep breath. "I'm totally ready for it..."

"Oh really, Miss Suicide Drool?" Lancie looked up, wiping an invisible tear from his granite face. "Because you seem really keen to dive into the nearest canyon just for the sake of possibly-maybe blessing the life of Princess Frecklestasia."

"Look, she's told me herself that her biggest secret fantasy is to be swept off her hooves by some dashing gentlecolt." Rainbow's nostrils flared. "And... like... somehow that isn't such a big deal, because nothing's going to change just how awesome... how sexy... how strong and kind and.... and Applejack she is." The mare hugged herself. "If I can—in any way—make it so that this universe revolves more and more around her, then it's... it's all okay... y'know?" Rainbow smiled awkwardly, sniffling. "I just wanna make sure that AJ's happy. If that's all I get out of... out of who we are." She shrugged. "Then it's not such a cray cray world to live alone in."

"Wanna put your muscle where your muzzle is?"

"Huh?"

"Just saying..." Lancie shrugged. "It's a long trip to Orlandoats and back to see this Shindig pony." He smirked. "Maybe now's a good time to pop the question."

Rainbow Dash blinked.

"Or the blood vessel in your head." Lanchie yawned. "Whichever comes first around Applejack."

"I... I-I can't tell her how I feel," Rainbow stammered. "Not now." She sighed. "Perhaps not ever."

"That's going to make for quite a stressful trip," Lancie said. "I'm made of stone, and yet I'm not the one in this room who stands to be shattered to a gazillion tiny pebbly bits."

"Guh... I just came back from Dredgemane, Lancie," Rainbow grumbled. "Don't say 'pebbly.'"

"That reminds me. How are you going to handle the Fillydian grind through the swamp if your legs are reduced to peanut butter?"

"I'm glad you asked." Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and carried herself over towards the doorknob where her saddlebag hung. "It's high time I saw someone black, white, and shamanistic all over."

"... ... ...a Mexicolt newspaper?"

"Zecora, ya melon fudge!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lancie smirked. "I was close, though."

"Go put your finger in a socket."

"I get mighty bored when you're away."

"Whatever."

Comments

[RoboRed]

"I hear it gets warm and moist down in Fillyda! So, when in Roam..."

Oh...my...

"I'm not some pathetic, tail-wagging horndog who gets smitten with every mare she sees." Rainbow stuck her tongue out.

In this universe, at least.

In my head, Fluttershy and I were like... uhhhh... a princess and her chivalrous knight."

I can't get the image of an extra small Rainbow Dash with 20x the frizzy filly hair and a scrunchface fiercely protecting a frightened Fluttershy.
Someone help me, I'm getting a combination of the giggles and a heart attack.

"I... I-I can't tell her how I feel," Rainbow stammered. "Not now." She sighed. "Perhaps not ever."

i3.endoftheinter.net/i/n/a875d57b174451d41a45274cc8a2c724/SiskoAnimated.gif
Aaaaand it's back to this song and dance again...

[Sheendough]

Our newspapers are not shamanistic... They're more like a huge comic strip of dark humour and shame.

[Sharp Quill]

"Jee, I dunno. You've only screwed over the last three chances you've had at metaphysically transforming the life of your special somepony." Lancie squinted. "It's like you're romantically bulimic."

Wow. Two words I never thought I'd see together. I doff my hat to you, good sir.

"Zecora, ya melon fudge!"

Hey! I thought us lemurs were the melon fudges!

[Lightning Bearer]

More like serotonergically bulimic. Which is a shame, because she's gonna need all the happy thoughts she can muster if she's to make it through the awkward moments and Fillydian wastelands that follow with any semblance of her sanity intact.

"I hear it gets warm and moist down in Fillyda! So, when in Roam..."

For god's sake, Discord. Sweetie Belle judges you.

[BabySkittleMonster]

That. Was adorable. And heartbreaking. Gaah! Dash, just freaking tell her! It's pretty obvious she lurves you too..!

[Autumn Rush]

"Hey... hey." Rainbow Dash sat up again, this time frowning. "Applejack is totally different."
"In the words of the mighty buffalo..." Lancie glared. "HOW?!"
"For one thing, I'm not crushing as hard on her as I did on Fluttershy as a kid!"
"Pffft—Hah hah hah hah hah hahhh!" Lancie fell back on the table, legs kicking.

I'm not gonna lie. I probably would've laughed just as hard as Lancie at that.

[Leftover of Saikano]

And one more time this makes me compare my own secret crush with Rainbow's. I have worked my mind a lot and fortunately I am not in the same page as her anymore. Now I am sure I want to speak my feelings, once I get a good chance to speak with this person.

[TwilightUCrazy]

oi60.tinypic.com/bfjs5z.jpg

[Twinshot42]

This one fits better...

"It's high time I saw someone black, white, and shamanistic all over."

"... ... ...a Mexicolt newspaper?"

"Zecora, ya melon fudge!"

But imo this one is better \/ (different story)

I observed a bunch of foals standing around a clown. “What’s black, white, and red all over?” he asked the kids.

“A zebra housewive suffering from domestic abuse?” I offered, and the clown just blinked at me.

[YoshiFawful64]

5260808
Good luck!

[Aatxe360]

"Look, she's told me herself that her biggest secret fantasy is to be swept off her hooves by some dashing gentlecolt."

I can see RD just contemplating on having Lancie making her wish to be that stallion for Applejack. Am I the only one?

Of course, it wouldn't then be Rainbow Dash, would it?

[zaponator]

I'm getting more and more excited for this road trip.
Also, it'll be nice to see Zecora again. I've never seen her portrayed as adorably as this story manages to make her.

[RoboRed]

5260894
I love that story. And that joke never gets old.

[Future Regret]

Romantically bulimic.

That's some Bill Shakespeare quality stuff right there.

[DrEggnog]

Rainbow's feelings for Fluttershy were BIGGER than this!?

I have nothing. All of my everything has passed out of this world like a fart in the wind.

[LucyHorseThing]

"Nine days alone with Applejack!"

The world is going to end sometime in those nine days, isn't it, Essay?

[arancaytar]

fuzzy blue chest

I almost gave up on this game.

"What I can't get over is just how easily Applejack was willing to let me tag along."

My secret hope is that AJ is at this very moment squeeing over getting to spend an entire week with Dashie.