Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Mad Dashie Project

An hour later...

"They're hiding out in Los Alamules?!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"Shhhhhhhh!" Listing Breeze crouched behind a rock, overlooking a deep arid valley with tiny tents and dilapidated buildings forming gray dots in the desert distance. "Keep it down, will ya?!"

"Listing, the Hump Gang can't hear me. Nopony but you can hear me. So hear me!" Rainbow fumed, hovering with her forelimbs planted against her hips. "Are you out of your friggin' pony mind?! How could you possibly be dealing with these numb-nuts here?!"

"Shhh! Booger!" Listing snarled.

"And I do mean numb-nuts! Have you any idea what went down in this place?!" Rainbow flung her forelimbs towards the horizon. "Twilight told me all about it! Ages ago, Princess Celestia came to Los Alamules and tested her solar powers on a bunch of Tartarusian artifacts! She was trying to invent a new banish spell since the Elements of Harmony had vanished along with Nightmare Moon! For... like... years she came here and blasted and blasted this stinkin' valley with her super powerful solar death horn! If there's anypony living here, I can bet you they have more than two eyes at this point!"

"Rnnngh!" Listing yanked Rainbow down by her tail.

"Hey!" Rainbow frowned, collapsing limply by her side. "What's the big idea—" A red hoof pressed over her muzzle.

Listing frowned. "That was ages ago, Rainbow. The side effects of Celestia's magical tests are long gone. Besides..." She peered over the rocks, staring at the valley below. "The members of the Hump Gang have been operating out of this place for years. They seem okay."

"Oh yeah? Got any personal examples?"

"Sure. Their old boss." Listing cleared her throat. "He lived up to the ripe old age of thirty-three."

Rainbow face-hoofed. "That's not a healthy pony lifespan, Listing."

"Well, maybe it's a healthy mule lifespan."

"How would you know?"

"A fat load more than you."

"By what? Spying from them on these rocks?"

"No. I've snuck into their camp multiple times."

"You—snkkkt..." Rainbow winced. "Listing!" she hissed. "How many times are you gonna poke the bear before you realize it's the hairy mole of a sleeping dragon!"

"Wow. With analogies like that, your new friends must really suck." Listing chuckled. "Who's this egghead you keep mentioning? 'Twiggy Spunkle?'"

"Twilight Sparkle—"

"Is she he hot?"

"What?! No! I mean... maybe... I-I mean..." Rainbow shook her head. "Stop changing the subject! Now tell me... how many times have you bumped heads with these morons?"

"Enough to know that they protect their land very carefully," Listing growled. "So finding a way to snatch the money back will be tough. They've got all vantage points of Los Alamules covered."

"Yeah. Can't be too hard with the mutant antennae they've grown."

"Are you still on about that?"

"I can't believe I'm still talking to you..."

"Las Pegasus is a short flight away for a spry pegasus like you," Listing said. "But then you'd be missing out on all the fun."

"You forgot the part where they string you up by your ovaries and set you on fire."

"See? I don't even have to try anymore."

Rainbow sighed. "Okay... just... for the sake of a future anecdote... fill me in." She glared lethargically at Listing. "What... precisely... is your game plan here with the Hump Gang..."

Comments

[DrEggnog]

Warning, weird sentence incoming: I miss the gambling and vomit.

Well, this adventure arc hasn't really taken shape yet. We'll see how it goes.

[Phoenix Kitten]

well.. that was an interesting conversation.

[Salad king]

"I can't believe I'm still talking to you..." Yeah, me neither

[Leftover of Saikano]

Don't worry about magic radiation, Rainbow. Since you talked to Breeze you already flew right into the danger zone.

[zaponator]

Two mare sneaking mission is go!

[Tim the Planes-pony]

Los Alamules? I doubt most people here know what this means in today's context, so kudos for looking that up and then butchering it to be ponyish.

[Aatxe360]

I wonder if RD would dare mention AJ's name in LB's presence?

[Lightning Bearer]

derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/4/3/1123619__safe_solo_princess+celestia_sitting_spread+wings_sun_missing+cutie+mark_mushroom+cloud_artist-colon-livinlovindude.png

[BabySkittleMonster]

Huh. From bad to worse. See, I was worried when the whole getting involved in a freaking turf war between gangs to help your thief of an abusive ex. Now? With radiation becoming part of the equation? Now I'm having palpitations. And not the good kind. If you can have good palpitations. Get back to me on that, yeah?

[Nasty Mister Monket]

Oh right, abusive scallywag ex and flying rainbow noodle taking on the gangs of Las Pegasus wasn't enough, lets throw in radioactive wasteland. Are you trying to make this even more deranged than the cider space arc?

Please make them bring something that goes tick tick tick. This is my sole request as a Fallout zealot. If this is not accepted I may be forced to start posting music from America's bizarre atomic age in some sort of whiny protest.

[Bulbajer]

7183231
I like this one: img09.deviantart.net/f548/i/2015/183/b/4/diplomacy_by_doublewbrothers-d8zm7a1.jpg

[Lightning Bearer]

7183820

[Macky]

What if while Rainbow was in the radiation it mutated her cells and healed her disease!

[Staxon Braxon]

7184150
That would be one heck of a miracle if it healed just one of her cells, let alone all of them, let alone healing her without causing additional harm. But hey, it's magical radiation, so who knows?

[Phoenix Kitten]

7186419 And nod just any magical radiation, Celestial magical radiation.
The healing powers of the sun!

[Dash32]

I REEEEEAAALLY WANNA KNOW IF RAINBOW ENDS UP WITH AJ!!!

[Thursday]

7182643 LANAAAAAAAAAAA

[kluck]

Dash stock up on rad away