Appledashery

by Just Essay

Apple Hard

"Whew..." Applejack took a sip from a canteen, then wiped her brow in the bright glow of the afternoon. "They weren't kiddin' when they named it the 'Sunshine Province.'" She fanned herself while glancing down at the two ponies drawing the cart. "Just how far back did we cross the official dividin' line?"

"About eleven miles," Stu Leaves said.

"Thirteen," Rainbow said.

"Was it thirteen?"

"Yup."

"Thirteen it is, then!"

"Heh... reckon there are times when I envy pegasi and yer natural coordination."

"Pffft. Please." Rainbow Dash smirked at a pine forest looming humidly on either side of a blissfully flat stretch of highway. "This is nothing. If you want a real trick, blindfold us, spin us around three times, and get us to tell you which way is north while upside down."

"But get us drunk first," Stu added.

"Heeheehee... yeah!" Rainbow grinned. "What he said."

"Nuh uh." Applejack shook her head. "Dun be gettin' any bright ideas. This here cider stock is for Shindig."

"Awwww. But you opened one crate for us already!"

"Yes, but now y'all've ruined yer chance with yer sass."

"Luna poop," Rainbow stuck her tongue out.

"Hmmmm..." Stu Leaves twitched his nose. "'Sassy Leaves...'"

"Quite while yer ahead, fella," Applejack said. "It dun suit ya."

"Awwwww..."

"Besides." Rainbow Dash chuckled. "That's totally a drag queen name."

"Snkkkt!" Applejack held a hoof over her muzzle. "Rainbow! Heavens to Betsy!"

"I don't get it." Stu blinked. "What would I be dragging?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes, sighing with a tired smile. "Never change, Stu..."

"Tarnation..." Applejack took another swig of her canteen. "It's like the swelterin' pits of Tartarus down here!"

"You doing okay, Applejack?" Stu asked, glancing back. "You're sweating a lot, and you were having to use the facilities for a long time earlier."

"I dun told you. Last night's meal disagreed with me, is all. I'm fine now. As for the sweat, you should see yourself!"

"Heh... yeah..." Stu wiped his brow, glancing ahead as he continued trotting alongside Rainbow. "It's kind of a downer when you're visitin' Fillyda for something other than a vacation, isn't it?"

"Well, at the next stop, we'll switch places. How's that?"

Stu and Rainbow exchanged glances, then looked ahead. "Nope," both said at once.

Applejack did a double-take. "No...?"

"You gotta save your strength for tomorrow," Rainbow said.

"Yeah!" Stu smiled. "After all, you wanna make a good impression on Shindig when you meet her!"

"Y'all gotta be kiddin' me." Applejack leaned forward in the wagon's seat, frowning. "This is my cider and my wagon! I'd look like a plum fool if I let two friends of mine pull it onto the grounds instead of me!"

"You'd sound like an even bigger fool if you groaned and whimpered from the simplest hoof-shake!" Rainbow said. "We didn't come all this way just for you to wear yourself out or pull a muscle or something at the last second!"

"Pfft! I ain't no dainty pillow cushion, Rainbow!"

"Nope. You're a businessmare." Rainbow winked back at her. "And Shindig's going to be looking for your skills there! So, as your friends--and servants--we're going to do all the gruntwork while you focus on the hard stuff."

"Yeah!" Stu chuckled. "Like kissing up to Shindig without putting your lips to her horseshoes!"

"Ungh..." Applejack winced. "Now, when y'all put it like that."

"Heheheheh..."

Applejack frowned. "There's no point in fightin' you two, is there?"

"Eenope."

"Hmmph. Fine. I'll focus on presentin' myself all professional-like." She sat back with her forelimbs crossed. "But darned if I won't feel awful about y'all bein' worn to the bone."

"Don't worry. I here there're plenty of lakes in Fillyda," Rainbow Dash said. "We can go dunk our heads in the water if we feel heat stroke coming on."

"Yeah. I here there's plenty of cool water in them there alligator bellies."

"Yup. We get all the lizard fun while you sit in a stuffy office somewhere and talk business."

"Hardy har har..." Applejack wiped her brow again. "Seriously. When did the two of you start conspirin' behind my back?"

Stu glanced at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow smirked. "Next time, don't be on the can so long."

"I shoulda brought Fluttershy along instead."

"Nah. She would have wept over the breadsticks."

"Hmm. Good point."

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

"Nah. She would have wept over the breadsticks."

Yep, Olive Garden grade breadsticks.

[BabySkittleMonster]

"I shoulda brought Fluttershy along instead."
"Nah. She would have wept over the breadsticks."

Best. Line. Ever. Yup! That right there has made my day. Oh, and happy New Year! Even if it's already been 2015 for two hours here... Now I'm going to sleep. Finally.

[Sharp Quill]

5447579 Won't be 2015 here for another six hours. DON'T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS!!

(Time loops are evil.)

[BabySkittleMonster]

5447600
Oh, I know. Once I was stuck in a loop for three days, reliving the same horrific encounter. Oh wait... That was just my sister's 18th birthday party... Never mind!

[Sheendough]

5447600 Lucky you, I'm 2 1/4 hours short of it being 2015. I want my Power Laces already!

[Clawder]

5447997 5447623 5447600

I'd like to take advantage of your comments of new year intead of something about the story to put my own: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[Sharp Quill]

5447997 Power laces?? What about Mr. Fusion and my hover-conversion?

Wow. Back to the Future 2 really was set in 2015. At least Jaws 19 didn't happen.

[Lightning Bearer]

*Looks at thermometer*

6° Fahrenheit

Wanna trade, Applejack? Didn't think so.

[Sheendough]

5448273 When I was in Germany we got one night of -7 °C (I think it's 3 °F). I know that feel, bro.

[Bulbajer]

"I shoulda brought Fluttershy along instead."

"Nah. She would have wept over the breadsticks."

We need fanart of this.

[Sam the Anti-Ninja]

5448170 True, but we just recently had the 20 or 30th Godzilla movie. (Granted, it's more of a reboot than a sequel, but still...)

[YoshiFawful64]

5448273 5448601
Pffft. You call that cold? Here in Finland, you can have -20°C (-13°F) and people hardly even care.

[zaponator]

Happy new year, by the way.
Here's to another year of appledashing.

[TwilightUCrazy]

Seriously... breadsticks.

Someone goes to Olive Garden way too much...

[Aatxe360]

5449154

Needs more Applejack. And breadsticks.

[DrEggnog]

Well, I've officially read through all the 2014 chapters. You know, a lot of authors out there that toss out a chapter or two of something and then never continue it could learn a thing or two from Skirts' dedication. A chapter a day since December 2013. God damn. And lets not even get started on Austraeoh.

[Seraphimus]

6211071 He takes breaks every now and then but most of the time when he does? he posts doubles til he catches up. Prolific is the only word I can use to describe skirts writing skills... and he's still going.

[arancaytar]

"Pffft. Please." Rainbow Dash smirked at a pine forest looming humidly on either side of a blissfully flat stretch of highway. "This is nothing. If you want a real trick, blindfold us, spin us around three times, and get us to tell you which way is north while upside down."

Though in Rainbow's case, she would tell you which way is east instead.

[arancaytar]

So, as your friends-- and servants

So... this isn't going to turn into a harem-fic is it?