• Published 4th Dec 2013
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Appledashery - Just Essay



Rainbow Dash lives an exciting life and is swiftly becoming the most daring, awesome pegasus in all of Equestria. She would gladly give it all up, though, just to confess her love to Applejack.

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Easy Breezy

Listing Breeze and Rainbow Dash stood outside of her stagecoach at night. A lantern dangled creakily off a rusted hook above them, illuminating the map that had been spread over the top of a decrepit oil drum.

"After entering the Vault, you go down a flight of stairs, hang a left, and proceed down the narrow corridor lined with doorways." Listing pointed at the ink sketch while glancing at Rainbow. "This is the main hall of the vault."

"Looks like plenty of room to play hoofball."

"Will you friggin' pay attention?!" Listing frowned.

Rainbow sighed. "And where's the armory, exactly?"

"Two doors down, on your right."

"Is it open? Or do they know the combination of that?"

"The lock's broken, from what I can tell."

"Go figure."

"The mules should have everything organized by color. Look for the bits on the yellow-stickered shelves. The money's bound to be stored in rectangular aluminum bins."

"Is that where I'll find your bag of the Desert Hounds' money?"

"I... doubt that they'll have the bag in one piece, so..." Listing's words trailed off.

Rainbow squinted. "How am I getting the money back, exactly?"

"Just grab what you can carry and gallop out of there."

"Listing, I'm serious!" Rainbow gestured wildly. "Am I robbing these punks blind or am I just getting your bits back!"

"You know the amount that was stolen." Listing shrugged. "Just... round up a bit."

"Round up?"

"Yeah." Listing smirked in the lanternlight. "Consider it interest!"

"Dang it..." Rainbow huffed, folding her numb forelimbs. "I don't want to be the bad guy here!"

"What, you think these Hump Gangers wouldn't rob a baby foal blind?"

"That's not the point!" Rainbow's nostrils flared. "You're in it deep as it is with these punks. I don't want to share at all in that same cesspool."

"And you won't, Rainbow," Listing insisted. "You just rush in... hang a right at the second door of the corridor... grab the bits... rush back into the main hall... then gallop the rest of the way down the west corridor and out through the back door and into freedom!"

Rainbow sighed, face-hoofing. "... ... ...and what about the dudes guarding the back door exit?"

"I'll drag them out!" Listing said. "I'll be making a distraction!"

"What kind of a distraction"

"A super big one... I promise."

Rainbow glared.

Listing raised an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Pffft..." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "You know why."

"Alright. How come you're normally a tomcolt, but whenever you're around me you turn full mare."

"Huh...?!"

"Don't play dumb!" Listing smirked. "You ramp the sarcasm factor up by tenfold, Miss Passive Dashive Aggressive you!"

"First off... I've no clue what you're talking about," Rainbow muttered. "Second..." She pointed an angry hoof. "Don't talk in the present tense as if you and I are still a thing."

"But we were once a thing... long enough for you to know that I never break promises!"

"I never said you broke promises..." Rainbow stared off across the desert night. "Your promises just suck."

"I'll work my end of the heist! You can count on me!" Listing said. She smiled. "Come on! It's... it's like an adventure!"

"Mrmmfff... a waste of my good time, that's what it is," Rainbow muttered.

"Do I look like I'm forcing you to stay?"

"If I was smart, I'd fly right back to Las Pegasus," Rainbow muttered. "Vinyl and the girls must think I'm dead by now. Or worse." She looked around the junkyard, then at Listing. "I'm starting to think this is worse."

"What? Getting a chance to enact justice?"

"There's no justice about it, Listing." Rainbow seethed through her teeth. "You squandered your drug money by trying to make a stupid deal with these losers and they pulled the rug out from under you for your sins!"

"The money doesn't belong to them." Listing frowned. "It was for the buffalo—courtesy of a legitimate business transaction—"

"Which you messed up—"

"—for having the noble ambition of improving the working condition of the Desert Hounds!" Listing pointed at herself. "I'm the victim here, Rainbow! I don't know why you're coming at me with all guns blazing—"

"Because you wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't jump out of the collective butthole of the morons spreading filth around Cloudsdale to begin with!" Rainbow snarled. "This is your problem, Listing! You never use your head!"

"And you started using your head too much." Listing folded her forelimbs. "How's that working out for you, by the way?"

Rainbow blinked, panting.

"Paying the mortgage of your cloud home on a timely manner? Working a respectable full-time job? Hmmm?" Listing arched an eyebrow. "Having an awesome time wrapping up winter with a bunch of watered-down earth ponies? Bet your dad's super proud..."

"You leave dad... my dad out of this," Rainbow grumbled.

"You were a lot more rambunctious before he kicked the bucket, y'know. It's a real shame." Listing stifled a yawn. "You're welcome, by the way."

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "For what?"

"I'm just trying to imagine what this so-called 'vacation' was like for you... being dragged around by a bunch of cider-huffing blowhards... being forced to shop and dance and giggle... ending up marinating in your own vomit as a reward for all of your loyalty... that's your schtick these days, ain't it? Tell me, of all the ponies who are loyal to you, who ever bothers to give you what you really need... or want?"

Rainbow clenched her jaw shut. Her tail flicked every now and then, but otherwise she scarcely moved.

"Face it, booger. You live for the thrill of the moment. Are you gonna get that in Las Pegasus? With these so-called 'friends' of yours who will drop you in a second as soon as your tab runs dry? Pffft... please. You came here for a diversion, didn't you? Everypony comes here to get lost. So... here's your chance. Hop on board and get lost with me. Oh... and about that interest I talked about earlier..." Listing winked. "You can keep it all to yourself. Add that to the dirty bits in your bag and maybe it'll help you go home and pay off your normal and boring life."

Rainbow sighed. She closed her eyes.

"... ... ...you don't have to thank me, y'know—" Listing began.

"I'm on board," Rainbow grumbled. She reopened her eyes, although her ears drooped. "If only to get you to shut up."

"I don't have to push your buttons," Listing said. "Just don't push mine." She sighed out her nostrils. "Goddess knows... for whatever reason... you were always friggin' good at it."

"Yeah, well, every giant has its weak spot."

"Heh..." Listing coiled and uncoiled her wings. "There you go again."

"So when do you wanna pull this craziness off?" Rainbow asked.

"Tomorrow. In the evening. Right at sundown."

"Seven thirty, right?"

"Yup." Listing nodded. "The sun will be my greatest ally... well... besides you, of course. Heh."

"Yeah, the sun and I know each other pretty well," Rainbow muttered.

"So, for the time being, that leaves us with just one issue."

"Yeah, what?"

"Sleeping arrangements."

Rainbow Dash blinked. She looked at Listing's cramped, confined stagecoach, then at the rest of the junkyard looming beyond cold, desert shadow. In the distance, wolves howled.

Listing cleared her throat. "I've got some extra pillows." She pointed at the run-down vehicle behind her. "We could just place them between us and—"

"I think I'll sleep in the dirt, thanks..."

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