Appledashery

by Just Essay

D'oh!

With a sound resembling cymbals and choking frogs, the portal reopened to the basement of the Fillydelphia warehouse. Rainbow Dash stepped out first… and immediately pratfalled on her fuzzy blue chest.

“Ooof!” She winced, gritting her teeth as she struggled with the pull of gravity. “Darn it…”

“On your hooves,” Noir said, trotting out of the portal after her and pulling her up. “You need to stay vigilant.”

“Yeah?” She shook the cobwebs out and squinted at him. “What for? If this is as bad as you think, then I’m royally screwed, right?”

“There is no telling for sure,” Noir said. He opened the first of several doors leading out of the building. “The fact that your piece of the statue refuses to move anywhere is most troubling. The chaos energy had to have gone somewhere, or… perhaps…”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps what?”

Noir sighed and shook his head. “Nothing. It’s been too long, and the spell cast that created the statue in the first place would have rendered the Chaotician spiritually inert. If nothing else, we should take this as a sign… a good sign.”

“Uhhh…”

“Even still, I need you to do something--for the safety of Equestria as well as for your friends.”

“My… friends?” Rainbow Dash blinked.

Noir squinted at her with amber eyes. “...be it as they may or may not dwell on apple farms.”

”AHEM.” Rainbow stood up straight. “Tell me what I need to do.”

“Nothing.”

“Buh?”

“Keep the horn in your possession. So long as you have a hold of it, nopony or dragon or creature in Equestria--I am certain--knows where it is. You are, in a way, the most perfect keeper of this strange artifact.”

“Uhhh… sure. Okay. I’ll buy that.”

“Do you understand the seriousness of this?” Noir asked, glaring this time. “You have the keep the shard secret, and--most importantly--in no way must you let this thing come into contact with the rest of the pieces that have been spread illicitly throughout the Equestrian Black Market.”

“Dude… I got it! It’s simple as can be!” Rainbow Dash smirked. “And if I hold up this end of the bargain, what are the odds you’ll have more jobs for me?”

“Nnnngh…” Noir rubbed his face, sighed, and eventually said, “As a sign of good faith, I’ll see what I can scrounge up for you by this coming Tuesday.”

“Woohoo!”

“But!” He pointed with a frown. “If word gets out about this, there’s no telling what kind of peril might befall you. I may be a loyal follower of the Lunar Code, but there’s no telling what mercenaries like Romulus might do… or the Red Brood of Aatxe, for that matter.”

“Heeeeeeeeey…” Rainbow Dash spread her forelimbs with a sly grin. “Easy Peasy, One Two Threesy! Trust me! I happen to be an expert on loyalty!”

---

Hours later.

Sunup.

Rainbow Dash took one step into her bedroom. She skidded to a stop, and her eyes bugged.

“...BUCK!!!”

The horn was gone.

Rainbow Dash flew to the empty space atop her dresser, then zipped to her closet, then dashed to her bed and then soared to her to her floor rug and then flew to her dresser again.

“OhJeezOhJeezOhJeezOhJeez!” She yanked the covers off her bed, glanced under the mattress, and flew in midair, clutching at her mane. “Gnnnnnghhhh! Okay… okay…” She gulped and shivered in place where she hovered. “No reason to panic… no reason to freak out. The potion’s just screwing with your head… s-somehow. The horn’s somewhere in here still; you just forget wh-where it went. I mean, it’s not like it sprouted wings and flew--” She looked toward her left.

The windowsill hung open to the morning air with the curtains flailing in the breeze.

“Buck me buck me buck me buck me buck me buck me!” Rainbow Dash flew to the sill, stuck her head out, hyperventilated, then dove into the wild blue yonder completely.

---

Rainbow Dash plummeted, then flew in wide circles, scanning the eastern hills of Ponyville with rampantly twitching ruby eyes.

“Come onnnnnn! The absolute last thing I need is a certifiably unsexy apocalypse on my hooves!”

She flew in place, panting.

“No… no. Nimbus… Nyx… Noir--whatshisname said it’s probably nothing! So that’s good! I’m fretting over n-nothing!”

She gulped, then jittered, biting on the ends of her hooves.

“Mmmmmfnnnghhh! But it’s a nothing with my name on it!”

Panting with pale sweat, Rainbow Dash ascended back to the elevation of her floating cloud home.

“Maybe if… if… I-I got the girls in on this! Yeah! Elements of Harmony a-go-go, baby!” She winced. “Nnnngh… No! ‘Cuz then they’ll ask me how I got the stone! And then I’ll have to tell them about the Sarosian Delivery Service! And then they’ll find out about my crazy sneaky deliveries! And that’ll make them find out about Stamps and Guilded Company. And that’ll make them find out about Fancy Pants. And that’ll make them find out about the buffalo and the Granite Mountains and my disease and how I’m a wuss who cries herself to sleep every night over my untold desire to fall in love with Applejack and cuddle her between now and eternity!!!”

“Cuddle who?” a chirpy voice asked against the sound of flapping wings.

Rainbow Dash spun around. “Quick! A muffin! Don’t ask!”

Derpy Hooves nervously reached into her mailbag and pulled out a pastry treat.

“Thank you!” Rainbow Dash stuffed the thing into her mouth and howled at the top of her lungs. ”Mmmmmmmmfffffffffffnnnghghhghhh!” She soared over the horizon in a blue blur.

Derpy blinked, then waved with a cock-eyed smile. “Happy Wednesday!”

Comments

[Tchernobog]

You done screwed up, Dash.

[Sheendough]

Are those the magical six words?

[zaponator]

Apocalyptically adorable.

[Lightning Bearer]

Naturally it's gone. Goddammit, Discord...

Poor Dash.

[Jay_Baker]

Of course it's gone hahaha!!! Stinks to be you rainbow. Another great chapter keep up the good work can't wait to see wat happens next later :)

[Full-time_Introvert]

Aaaannnndddd the chaospocalypse begins...
Damnit discord!

[Future Regret]

Austraeohverse intro?

[Misspegasister_]

Derpy blinked, and then waved with a cock-eyed smile. "Happy Wednesday!"

Too cute

[Metal Aura]

5143916 This has been becoming increasingly possible in these past few chapters.

[Snowdrifter]

“Happy Wednesday!”

pre08.deviantart.net/d39b/th/pre/i/2014/247/f/d/the_addams_family_by_qemma-d7xwjba.jpg

Yes, she's very happy...

[arancaytar]

“Do you understand the seriousness of this?” Noir asked, glaring this time. “You have the keep the shard secret, and--most importantly--in no way must you let this thing come into contact with the rest of the pieces that have been spread illicitly throughout the Equestrian Black Market.”

Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

[arancaytar]

The horn was gone.

No Dashie. That was the opposite of what you should do.