Appledashery

by Just Essay

Like a Wonder Bar

“Hey!” Lancie smirked, pointing. “What's red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, and wet all over?”

“Not now!” Rainbow hissed, flying up above the soiled painting. Instinctively, she shook her entire coat like a wet dog. Blinking, she glanced aside and winced upon seeing the bits of paint splattered all over the walls. “Dang it!”

“You know, when you're screwed, you're really screwed.” The statue's eyes blinked as he was lifted off the floor and shoved into her saddlebag.

“When we get home... if we get home... remind me to teach you a lesson about how to be a proper motivational coach!” Rainbow zipped out of the ruined panic room. “Step One: shut your bucking mouth!”

“Whoah, there, Sparky!” Lancie wheezed, pointing back at the opened, swiveled door. “Aren't you going to close that—?”

“No friggin' time!” Rainbow soared up into the open air conditioning vent, shimmed inside, and slammed the grate shut behind her.

Literal milliseconds later, bodies shuffled across the apartment floor below. Rainbow was too busy trying to catch her breath amidst her sweat and the liberal smell of paint fumes to get a firm look through the grate. All she knew was that one petite and brightly-colored body was being followed by several large and dark-suited bodies.

“Now might be a good time for the shimmy-shimmy,” Lancie whispered.

“Shhhh!” Rainbow covered his tiny stone muzzle with a hoof. Holding her breath, she craned her head and a twitching ear towards the grate.

“Vat has happened hier?” a thickly accented voice stammered. “Liebe Güte! Eine krimminelle has turned mein shtudio into a mountain of garbage!”

“It does look like a break-in, ma'am. We're checking it out as we speak. Hey! Joe! Go downstairs and check with reception! How could anypony have gotten in here...?”

“Zis no longer a kwestion of how! But who!” A hoof stamped against the apartment floor. “Looken sie at ze laughing stock zey have made of mein shtatues!”

“Uhm... Your statues look virtually untouched, ma'am. Aside from a few hoof prints in the dust.”

“But es war beautivul und artistik dust! It gafe karacter to ze overall framework! But you? Ach! You know nosink! Away with ze krimminelle findink!”

“Er... yes ma'am...”

A stallion's voice shouted from the other side of the apartment. “The Panic Room! It's been broken into!”

“Vas?!” A petite set of hooves galloped briskly across the apartment. “Showen sie me!” Her voice echoed from inside the chamber. “Ohhhhh... Ich fühle mich nicht wohl...”

“It's not a pretty sight, ma'am. Still, whoever did this to your artwork didn't get access to your safe, from the way it looks.”

Rainbow Dash clenched her eyes shut. She took several deep breaths.

“...ma'am? Is... is everything alright?”

“Das... ist... wunderbar!”

Rainbow's eyes popped wide.

From below, the stallion's voice stammered, “Uhhhhhh... ma'am?”

“I shose to hide sis garis travesty inside sis hollow because I vas ashaaaamed of et! Schau! Now et has been improved! Safed srough scheer post-modern aessetics alone!”

“Uhm... ma'am? It's covered all over in globs of paint. This is clearly a case of vandalism, not to mention breaking and entering.”

“Ja... ja... but a necessary efil, I say! Just so zat sis beautiful expresschion could come to pass. Ach! I feel faint! Somepony fetchen sie und chair!”

“What...” Rainbow muttered aloud. “...in the buck?”

“Well, if that isn't a gift from the heavens?” Lancie stuck his head in and murmured into her ear. “Seems like you turned from a criminal into a saint within a blink?”

“Uhm...”

“You should hop back down there!” He shoved at her head. “Take a bow for all the paint you've spilled!”

“Nope. Uh uh.”

“Why not—ulmmmf!” His eyes crossed as she placed a wet hoof over his stone face.

“Because...” She grimaced as she began shuffling backwards. “...I think I know who she is.” She gulped. “And she might know me...”

Comments

[RoboRed]

Welp, saw that bit with the paint-spattered artwork coming.

Photo Finish, not so much.

[Lightning Bearer]

Well, I guess Photo Finish makes sense, especially considering the Fluttershy poster mentioned a couple chapters back. Maybe there isn't something sinister going on. Who'd a-thunk it?

[SilentBird93]

Photo Finish is German?

[zaponator]

Oh, that actually went surprisingly well. Carry on, then.

[Sheendough]

Called it.

[Jay_Baker]

Photo finish has arrived!!! Lol XD

[BabySkittleMonster]

of course. It has to be her. No way will I believe anypony else has a German accent that strong. Woohoo Photo Finish!

[Tchernobog]

The half german half english parts were painful to read... the one line in full german? Was just fine.

[HyperMonica]

Ima take a wild guess here and say,

PHOTO FINISH!!

I go

[silverspawn]

it's so incredibly weird to read german in a pony story...

[Full-time_Introvert]

4717631

[Fishberry]

4717631
Photo Finnish is from pony Finland.

Or at least, wants to pretend so.

You know... Photo Finnish?

Eeeheehee!

[Misspegasister_]

Ahem.. So it's Photo Finish...

I KNEW IT!!!

[Snowdrifter]

Time to make...

... ze magic!

Vhile da Schootalo givez da narration, i, Photo Phinish, show the one masterpiece of Rainbow Dash! She makez the art with fierce passion! I vill make her famous! But of course! The thing, at the place, with the stuff!

Und now,

Ve GO!

[Boersencrash]

Knowing both languages does not make it easier to read these passages.

[arancaytar]

“I shose to hide sis garis travesty inside sis hollow because I vas ashaaaamed of et! Schau! Now et has been improved! Safed srough scheer post-modern aessetics alone!”

I knew it!

[arancaytar]

“Now might be a good time for the shimmy-shimmy,” Lancie whispered.

Shimmy?!

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