Appledashery

by Just Essay

Cat(bird) Fight

The two struck the cliffface.

"Ooof!"

Pinballed off a granite outcropping.

"D'oh!"

And plummeted—together—towards a level promontory sticking out halfway down the western wall's stone face.

"Gaaaugh!"

Rainbow and Gilda slid, tumbled, rolled, and tumbled some more. At last, after no less than twenty feet of barreling, they came to an aching stop, splitting apart with the Chalice rattling to a melodic stand-still between them.

All was silent, save for the persistent howl of the enchanted winds above.

And then...

"Hahhh!" Gilda sat up, pumping her talons in the air. "YEAH! How about that for a wake-up call?! Hahahaha!"

"Gilda..."

"Come on, Dash!" The griffon grinned manically, holding out a high palm. "Hoof it right there, will ya?! That was awesome!"

"That... was... insane!" Rainbow turned and snarled at her. "Are you crazy?!"

"Pffft... when in season..."

"You nearly got us killed... like... a gazillion times!" Rainbow snarled, eyes burning red. "If I kick the bucket here and now, the means two dead ponies! Me and the foal back home!"

"Tch... yeah, well..." Gilda shrugged. "Not my fault you didn't collect insurance before coming here."

"I shouldn't have friggin' come here at all!" Rainbow hollered. "This whole stupid excursion has been one lame headache after another! First, it was ditzy old birds. Then, it was an oversized turkey on steroids! And then there's your friggin' bucket-of-sass-per-minute!" Rainbow's voice cracked hard. "I can't take it! Celestia on a bike, I would have much rather gone to the Appleloosan buffalo for help! And that's pushing it!"

"... ... ..." Gilda blinked, then pointed a talon. "...I'm sorry, but you lost me at 'excursion.'"

"Buck you, Gilda!" Rainbow stood up, frowning. "Buck you and your bully attitude and your smartflank remarks and your grumpy 'tude!"

"You say I have a grumpy 'tude?!" Gilda stood up as well, clenching her beak. "You are the one who hasn't even smiled or laughed or come up with a good prank since you came to this place!" She glared. "Who buried the old Dashie and pooped all over her grave?!"

"Things have changed, Gilda!" Rainbow growled. "I'm a serious adult pony with serious adult problems to deal with!"

"Pfftchyeah..." Gilda folded her feline arms and rolled her hawkeyes. "Seems to me the only problem is that you've thrown every awesome part of you away for some lame-ass crush on a stiff, worthless, she-horse."

"RAAAAAAAAUGH!" Rainbow Dash pounced, wings spread.

Gilda's pupils shrank. "Awwwwwwww sh—" THUDDD! She fell back as Rainbow landed on her, pummeling and biting and thrashing. The griffon let loose a shriek, elbowing Rainbow hard and rolling them over so that she was on top.

Rainbow slammed her hooves twice across Gilda's beak, then rolled them over again. The two wrestled, struggling up into a standing position. Rainbow Dash growled and headbutted Gilda. Gilda responded with a swift headbutt in return. When a slightly dizzy Rainbow Dash prepared to return the favor again, Gilda launched her beak forward and bit onto Rainbow's ear.

"Yowwwch!" Rainbow hissed. "Dirty rotten pigeon—!" She slammed her hoof down over Gilda's lion tail.

"BRAWWWK!" Gilda yodeled in pain. WHUMP! Rainbow uppercutted her with an elbow, grabbed her by the waist, then suplexed her—WHAM!—so that the griffon's avian head landed inside the Wind Chalice. Claaaaang!

Rainbow spun into a low squat, blinking.

"Mrmmmff-mmrmmff-grnnfff-ffuyyyy!" Gilda rasped, her angry voice echoing in muffled metallic tones against the inside of the goblet. She struggled with the object, teetered back and forth, then finally slammed her skull into the clifface to her left. Conggg! That knocked the Chalice loose slightly. The griffon wheezed and wheezed as she wore the crooked golden thing as a hat.

Rainbow Dash blinked. Her muzzle scrunched. "...srnkkk..."

Gilda blinked back. Her beak twisted. "Hrmmmf..."

"Snkkkt—heh heh heh heh..."

"Hah hah hah!" Gilda wheezed, eyes bulging with a brief bout of pain, then resumed cackling as she hugged herself. "Haaaaah-hahahahahah!"

Rainbow fell on her rump, rolling all over with high-pitched, true-to-life giggles. "Heeheeheeheehee!" She pointed, eyes tearing. "Friggin' look at you! Heehee! You look like some cider-drunk bozo after a long night of partying with Pinkie Pie!"

"Heh heh heh..." Gilda wheezed, plopping back on her feline rump. "Knowing that soft-hooves' style of partying, I'm just about as bruised, too!"

"Hah hah hah hah!"

"Heh heh heh heh heh..."

"Hee-hee-hee..." Rainbow squeaked and squealed. She wiped a tear dry from her eyes. "Oh Gilda, I'm sorry for beating you up, girl..."

"Hey... don't mention it, dude," Gilda exhaled, smirking. "It was the only friggin' way to get you to loosen up!"

"Hahaha... for real?"

"Pfft! You were riding a picket fence since the first hour you got here! I knew something was up!"

"Ah jeez... omigosh...!" Rainbow sat up straight, grinning wide. "Remember when Fibb was chasing us, and we flew up past him, and then we used the Wind Chalice to blow him lkike a missle into the ground?! Nyeeeeeeeuurrrr—SPLAT! Ha HA! Was that awesome or what?!"

"And how we sent all his morons plunging to the earth like clay pigeons?!"

"Yeah! Heehee! Oh! Oh oh oh—earlier... wh-when he was chasing me, he was all like 'WHERE DID THAT TENDER MORSEL GO?' and I was all 'Pffft... she took the drive thru, ya melon fudge.' Heeeeee-heeheeheehee!"

"Hah hah hah... yeah..." Gilda leaned back, exhaling with a shudder. "We sure showed him. 'Bout time that big ol' bastard had someone give him the business, pony or not. Pfft... place is starting to fall apart under his beak."

"Heehee... then why... eheh..." Rainbow gulped, stopping her laughs long enough to speak calmly through a grinning muzzle. "Then why didn't you kick his butt—like—months earlier?"

"Eh, I dunno." Gilda plucked the golden goblet off her head and rotated it around in her talons. "Guess I... just knew that it wouldn't be that much fun kicking butt on my own."

Rainbow waved vaguely towards the eastern wasteland. "But you've got tons of other badass griffons your age to wrangle up! I mean, you're a tough bird, Gilda! You could get tons of dudes and dudettes on your side!"

"It just wouldn't be the same..." Gilda gulped, then looked up with round eyes. "...nothing is ever as fun as it used to be. Not without you, Rainbow."

Comments

[Chewierulz]

Ah, the old 'really-piss-off-your-old-friend-so-you-can-fight-until-the-ice-is-broken' trick, works every time.

Hmm, we've already seen Trixie integrated into Ponyville society. I'm stretching it here, but maybe RD can do something similar with Gilda, and they can hang from time to time. If not, I can see RD's departure back to Ponyville being very sad for all involved. :C

[Hestia]

I went from laughing so hard at the retelling of the last couple of chapters to feeling my heart shatter in about ten seconds flat.

[Lightning Bearer]

There we go. That's more like it.

[zaponator]

D'awwwww.

[Skunkiss]

D'awwwwwww-dammit!

"...nothing is ever as fun as it used to be. Not without you, Rainbow."

Yeah... well, thanks for the heart-attack, man

[DeathFox4]

Wow....I was hating Gilda, now idk what to think.

Good job author.

[Phoenix Kitten]

Social link repaired.

For Gilda: Temperance Repaired. Rainbow Dash rank 7.

For Dash: Moon Repaired. Gilda rank 7

[LucyHorseThing]

wake-up call

Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed!
(Sorry, I'm a huge Maroon 5 fan.)

[DrEggnog]

These two are the absolute worst friends ever.

I like it.

[arancaytar]

"Pfftchyeah..." Gilda folded her feline arms and rolled her hawkeyes. "Seems to me the only problem is that you've thrown every awesome part of you away for some lame-ass crush on a stiff, worthless, she-horse."

Do I detect some catbird jealousy in the air?

[arancaytar]

"It just wouldn't be the same..." Gilda gulped, then looked up with round eyes. "...nothing is ever as fun as it used to be. Not without you, Rainbow."

Stop making me feel things

[SnowOriole]

Nice. Now let's kick some flanks together!

[bronyheat]

Can... can Gilda come back with her? It'd be nice to have a cat-bird around that doesn't want Rainbow dead.

[Finelita]

I like Gilda being dash’s ex.