Appledashery

by Just Essay

Q & A

A minute passed. Two minutes. Five. Ten.

Finally... finally, Rainbow's fuzzy blue muzzle peered out. She bit her lip as she stared at the nearby ditch. Her left ear twitched, then her right.

Gulping hard, she slowly—liquidly—stalked her way out of the bush, her body squatting low and her petite hooves oozing forward one at a time. Her tail swished back and forth like prismatic molasses. She clenched her teeth, wincing inwardly as she reached the ditch at last, tilting her head up... up... up... and over to peer inside.

The granite horn was still a mutated lizard-goat-horse thing, and it was presently lying on its back like it was a lazy Sunday. "Seriously... do you realize how much you act like a domesticated cat half the time?"

"Giyaaaaaugh!" Rainbow's voice warbled. She jumped into a low hover, twirling around with a panicked, sweating expression. At last, she spotted the edge of a forest beyond the fence of Sweet Apple Acres. In one fell swoop, she picked the tiny living statue up and raised it over her head.

"Oh please!" The shard groaned through granite jaws. "I suppose you'll be cursing the squirrels by doing this now."

"Hnnnnngh!" Rainbow tossed the shard with all her might. She watched—panting breathlessly—as the thing flew in a long arc, landing with a distant thud somewhere past the treeline. Hyperventilating, the pegasus flew backwards, her eyes glued on the forest.

She bumped into a tree, and a tiny statue stood on one of the waving branches with his stone arms folded. "Nice throw, but hardly Major League induction material."

"Aaaaack!" Rainbow spun around, eyes wide.

"What?" The statue shrugged, smirking. "So you don't get to quit your day job. That's a good thing, right?"

Snarling, Rainbow Dash lashed forward, clamped her teeth over the statue's midsection, and rocketed for the skies.

"Whoah, there, Maverick!" The stone thing flailed like a serpent in her mouth. "Relax your feather dusters! All I want to do is talk!"

"Gnnnnghhh-mmmff!" Rainbow Dash sweated bullets as she coasted the Ponyvillean countryside, her eyes darting left and right.

"Seriously, go buzz the Canterlot Towers on your own time. You and I have some things that need discussing."

Rainbow's eyes caught something bright and glittery. With a jerk, she banked left, diving straight towards a deep, deep lake.

"Now now, aren't you a little bit ahead of yourself?" the statue chided. "At least show me a fabulous yaucht before deciding to lay anchor!"

"Ptooie!" Rainbow spat the statue out of her mouth, held it in her hooves, tossed it up, and bicycle-kicked the thing straight down like a bomb. "Nnnngh!" Clank!

"Hey-Heyyyyyyyy!" The statue grinned as he plummeted into the lake's surface. "That was actually pretty snazzy—" SPLOOOOOSH! The thing-that-was-once-a-horn disappeared entirely.

Shivering uncontrollably, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and bolted her way east.

---

The pegasus plowed through the front door to her cloud home, spun around, and slammed the thing shut. She locked it in three places, hurled herself backwards, and soared into her bedroom. Thud! She leaned against the closed door, panting and heaving. With numb wings, she flew backwards, then slumped down onto the middle of the floor.

Her shoulders heaved and heaved. At last, with wings coiled tightly at her side, she fell backwards—fwoomp!—and lay on her spine, staring up at her gray ceiling. For the first time in minutes, she caught her breath... and actually smiled.

That's when a tiny horned serpent head peered out from the top of her bed, grinning down at her with jutting fangs. "Has anyone told you just how thick and fluffy your duvet is?" He ran a tiny talon across the plush contours. "Quite luxurious... Not to mention tears absorbant."

"Gaaaaaie!" Rainbow Dash wailed, eyes bugging. She kicked off the ground, fiercely uppercutting the tiny monstrosity.

"Ooof!" The statue flew upwards, its horns embedding into the cloudstone ceiling of the room. From where he dangled, he squinted down at where the pegasus was frantically rummaging through her desk drawers. "Seriously, Speedy. Why so forward, down, and down-forward punch?"

"This isn't happening..." Rainbow squeaked and squeaked, tossing her drawers open and spilling things everywhere in a mad search. "This isn't happening this isn't happening this isn't happening!"

"Either you've got issues with denial or you're practicing for the most boring Flankspearean play in the history of theatre."

"Ah-HA!" Rainbow Dash finally found a hammer. With a vicious smirk, she then flew towards the ceiling.

"Oh, great. What are you now, the cerebral assassin?" The statue's granite eyes bugged as it was yanked out from the ceiling. "Yoink'd!"

Rainbow slapped him onto a desktop. Pressing him down with one hoof, she raised the hammer in the other. "Stop talking!"

"What, would you rather I sing?" He shrugged under the weight of her limb. "This isn't even a season finale—" WHUD! His stone eyes crossed from the savage impact of the hammer head. "Ay-che-wawa!"

Rainbow grunted, slamming the hammer down repeatedly.

THUD! "Stop..." WHACK! "...with..." WHAM! "...the..." CRACK! "...Bitalian..." SMACK! "...carpentry..." SLAM! "...treatment..." BAM! "...already!"

"Why. Won't. You. Shatter. To. Pieces?!" Rainbow hissed between strikes. At last, there was a crackling sound. She gasped in relief—until she realized it was the hammer falling to bits, not the statue. She blinked at it in numb shock.

The shard pointed at it with a paw. "That's your fault, gorgeous. Not mine."

"Nnnngh!" Rainbow tossed him up, swung around, and bucked him with two hooves.

The statue flew across the bedroom and landed expertly in a wastebasket. The statue's echoing voice projected outward as the can rattled to a stop. "Will you at least let me explain how I knew when and where to be to save that charmingly wrinkled mare...?!"

"No!" Rainbow Dash flew over, slapping a pillow over the open end of the wastebasket. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear anything!" She reached over with a rear hoof and kicked the window open beside her bed. "What happened at Sweet Apple Acres was a fluke!" She hiked the basket and pillow over her head and prepared to toss it straight out the window. "Now get out of my friggin' life!" her voice cracked.

From within, the statue spoke in a muffled tone, "I think it's absolutely romantic... the six words you say every night..."

Rainbow Dash slumped in place, her pale face slick with a curtain of sweat. She panted and panted, then dropped the pillow and wastebasket to the floor.

After clattering to a stop, the statue crawled out with a dizzy expression, then raised a talon. "How does it go again? Hmmm... Let's see..." His stone expression brightened. "Oh, right! Ahem." He took a deep, deep breath, then: "'I wish—'"

"Shut up" Rainbow Dash slapped her hooves on either side of him, leaning down to glare daggers into his tiny, tiny face. "Don't say it. You aren't even remotely allowed to say it!"

He reclined on his side, leaning a smirking chin against his paw. "And yet, why is it that you never allow yourself to?"

Rainbow Dash twitched slightly, her jaw clenched tight.

"Mmmm... how charmingly tragic. I knew I had a reason to watch and listen to you these past few nights."

"What..." Rainbow Dash gnashed at her teeth even as she produced the words. "...is it that you want from me?"

"The same thing I've been asking for all this time, Speedy." He spun around like a serpentine break-dancer, ending in a sitting position. "Just a little chat. You and moi." He smiled. "Think of it as a pretty pony powow!"

Rainbow Dash glared. She plopped down on her haunches.

"Thaaaaaaaaat's more like it..."

Rainbow grunted, "Neither of us are very pretty, pal."

"Heh... yeah, right..." He rolled his eyes from where he squatted in her shadow. "But don't you worry—there's hope for you yet, pal. Ahem. First thing's first..." He crackled his granite knuckles together while sporting a manure-eating-grin. "A little matter of—how should we say—recompense..."

"Recompense...?" Rainbow's eyes narrowed even further. "For what?"

"Why, for saving the relative of a pony who's very close to you... or rather you would wish to have close to you... or at least just hold close to you, sharing your smiles and your tears, instead of sharing it with that lovely, fluffy duvet of yours."

"... ... ..."

"Come on. Not even a titter? An ear twitch? Not a single one of us can deny the instinctual love for fuzzy ears."

"What are you?" Rainbow grumbled. "High?"

"Eh heh heh..." He leaned forward against one of her forelimbs. "You have nooooo idea."

She raised the hoof.

"Gaaah!" Thud! He fell over, curling up like a dead reptile. "Feh. Cute."

Comments

[Aatxe360]

The world is ending!

[Sheendough]

"I wish to hold you forever"? Also, it's: "¡Ay Chihuahua!".

[Lightning Bearer]

"I wish we could be together"? Eh, I suck at this sorta thing.

Also, I really love the way you write Discord.

"What are you?" Rainbow grumbled. "High?"

"Eh heh heh..." He leaned forward against one of her forelimbs. "You have nooooo idea."

derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/2/27/562669__safe_solo_monochrome_discord_black+and+white_salvador+dali_artist-colon-ranviet.jpg

[Novi]

Hah, amazing what Dash's been gone through, can't wait for more!

Also, very kind of you to watch me, but I'm not a writer myself. More of a lurker

[Tchernobog]

Oh lord, this is gonna be fun.

[Lilith Evanson]

This is definitely going to be sad and funny at the same time.

[Ormus Von Orbulon]

4250745
Because we love this tale, and in this case moar is undeniably better, yes?
You can't just go ahead and 'goddamn' about a good thing as though it were a bad thing and not ruffle feathers, and rightly so.
If you didn't intend that, then watch your context, eh?
~OvO

[zaponator]

I'll throw in my guess, I suppose. "I wish Applejack would love me."
Anyway, this is gonna be Fun. Whether that's actually all of Discord, or just a part of him, or whatever. Funtimes are in store.

[RainbowJack2000]

I wish Applejack would love me?
I wish Applejack would date me?
I wish Applejack would MARRY me?!

Meh, I tried.

[VortexRyker]

YEAH!!! DISCORD!!!! the fun times will now comence

[BabySkittleMonster]

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and bolted her way east.

Not the first time, eh? Eh?

"What, would you rather I sing?" He shrugged under the weight of her limb. "This isn't even a season finale—" WHUD! His stone eyes crossed from the savage impact of the hammer head. "Ay-che-wawa!"

Discord's breakin' the fourth wall. someone get Pinkie, Discord's after her job!

[YoshiFawful64]

From within, the statue spoke in a muffled tone, "I think it's absolutely romantic... the six words you say every night..."

Confirmed: Discord ships Appledash.

[Misspegasister_]

WHAT ARE THE SIX WORDS?!?!?!?!?!

[Metal Aura]

5167238 Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

[Seraphimus]

7046420 That seems unlikely but amusing.

[Snowdrifter]

5167238

"Would you like fries with that?"
"Applejack, can I wear your hat?"
"Same bat time, same bat channel!"
"No, Luke. I am your father."
"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

[arancaytar]

Rainbow's fuzzy blue muzzle

You could make a drinking game out of it

[arancaytar]

Shivering uncontrollably, Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and bolted her way east.

The morning sun greeted her like a furious torch. Golden beams of light glittered across innumerable cloudtops as Rainbow Dash glided towards the fiery horizon.

[arancaytar]

"'I wish—'"

Hmmm.. that just leaves four words. Three, if one is Applejack.