Appledashery

by Just Essay

Situational Absurdity

“...and they've cast me in the lead role!” Sapphire Shores grinned wide. “It'll be my first time acting on screen! But hey! I love a challenge!”

“Wunderbar!” Photo Finish grinned while several grinning patrons stood in a circle, applauding with their hooves. “And, again, you say zat zis film vill be based on a true story?”

“Yes... one of the most muzzle-dropping tales to come out of Equestria in over a century!” Sapphire Shores beamed. “An unknown mare—selfless and courageous—single-hoofedly saving a minotaur and an entire underground cavern full of helpless slaves!” She held a hoof proudly over her glittery chest. “I've been chosen to play the role of the courageous martyr who defied the canine menace! But, worry not, for the film will be decidated in her honor... wherever that brave pegasus' body may be lying...'” She sniffed and rubbed her eyes dry.

More ponies applauded.

“Sehr gut!” Photo exclaimed, beaming. “And I, Photo Finish, happen to know a mare who vill be more zan happy to hear about zat! After all, she is ze most flatterink and gorgeous pegasus I, Photo Finish, hafe been lucky enough to befriend in decades!”

“Now this I must see,” Sapphire said with a grin.

“Ach! You vill! You vill!” Photo tugged Sapphire along. “Right zis vay! You too, meine honorary dignitary!”

“Hmmm...” The robed griffon nodded, his eyes thin and regal. “If you insist, Madame Finish.” On sharp talons, he strolled across the apartment with them.

---

“...so after we lay the breadcrumbs across the floor, we lead him to the window where he'll be mugged by fellow pigeons and then we kick him outside!” Lancie said.

“That's not going to work!” Rainbow snarled. “Dang it, Lancie, nothing involving headbutts or suplexes is going to cut it in this situation! We knew this before we even flew in to this stinking town!”

“And I'm not saying we go all Colt Angle on the dude's feathery heiney!” Lancie remarked with a wild shrug. “I'm only suggesting... you know... the premeditated murder of a bounty hunter scumbag from a highrise apartment!”

“Will you knock it off?!” Rainbow grunted. She hugged herself from where she squatted behind a statue's pedestal. “For the last time—the only solution is for me to lay low, wait for the vault to open, grab the shard, and then go. Nothing else!”

“Yeah, well, nothing else is coming this way.”

“Huh?”

“Don't look now, Sparky,” Lancie pointed across the apartment. “But Somepony's coming to nuzzle the living hell out of you.”

“Huh?” Rainbow looked up. Her ears flounced to the sound of clanging armor as it drew closer and closer. “Buttmuffins!” she hissed, scrambling up to her hoofs with a flounce of her skirts. “Quick! I gotta blend in with the most boring corner of this room before—”

“Madame Firefly!” a mare grinned in Rainbow's face.

“Gaaah!” Rainbow yelped in a pitch that was too high for her own good. Before she could fall back, a gentle pink hoof grasped with hers, then hoisted her violently forward. “Whoah!”

A mare stared her muzzle-to-muzzle with an evil grin. “What a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“Uhm... likewise?” Rainbow stammered, accidentally sniffing the mare's dark mane.

“You've been making quite the dent into the fashion scene as of late!” She said, grinning. Her super-shiny gown was positively blinding to look at. “I've always appreciated Photo Finish's artistic legacy, and whenever she crosses over into the realm of dress-making, it most certainly creates an incredible splash, wouldn't you agree?”

“Oh... uh... totally...” Rainbow winced, raising a forelimb to block the glare from the pony's dress. “Erm... and you are—?”

“Suri Polomare!” the mare howled, her forehead twitching. “Grrr—Honestly?!” She turned to look back at a pony behind her. “Does anyone ever read a magazine these days?!”

A petite pony with glacier blue pigtails squirmed in her simple gown. “You... erm... y-you haven't been published in nearly three years, Suri, unless you count that one thing from Playcolt—”

Thap! Suri's rear hoof slapped Coco Pommel in the knee. “Hah haah haaah...” She wheezed into Rainbow's face with a fake guffaw. A bead of sweat formed along her temple. “Ohhhhhh don't mind my assistant. She's not used to art, party favors, or having friends at all, really. And she certainly isn't one of Manehattan's top ten leading fashionistas.”

“Suri, weren't you listed at number Thirty-Two in Pony Vogue—?”

Thap! “Enjoy the gourmet hay, Kiki!”

“Nnngh...” Coco winced, backtrotting towards the snack bar. “I... b-believe I have a craving for hay...”

“Hay?” Rainbow blinked.

“Heyyyyyyyy...” Suri leaned back, staring up and down at Rainbow's gown. “This blue number is very elegant. Very sleek. But still... heh heeh heeeh...” She waved a dainty hoof, grinning plastically. “Nothing like the poofy royal numbers you're used to back in Awesometopia.”

“Awesometopia?”

“You know.” Suri grinned, and her eyes glinted like poison dagger. “Where you're from.”

Rainbow's eyes twitched. “Oh. Right!” She leaned back, gulping. “So... you've read up on me...”

“Difficult not to,” Suri said, trotting forward. “You're in every gossip column that's been produced this week!”

“Is that so?” Rainbow smiled, trotting backwards. “Who'd a thunk it?”

“A very good question, Your Highness,” Suri hissed, trotting faster. “Because no matter how much I read, I can never seem to find any information on the Kingdom of Awesometopia.”

“Yes, well...” Rainbow backtrotted faster. “Th-that's because... uhm... uh...”

“Do tell, Madame Firefly.” Suri pressed further, harder. “Was it renamed? Annexed? Liberated by a revolutionary army of sheep?”

“The... f-fact of the matter is... uhm... uhhh...”

“Please, girlfriend.” Suri's teeth showed like snake fangs. “I'm all ears.”

Th-Thap! Rainbow bumped into something. “Ooof!”

Cl-Clang! “Oh! Madame Firefly!” Trenderhoof's voice resonated from inside a metal helmet. “What a pleasant surprise seeing you here!”

Suri made a face. “Who in the buck is this bozo—?”

“Trenderhoof!” Rainbow beamed, flapping her wings and wrapping a forelimb around his back and pauldrons. “How absolutely wonderful it is to see you!”

“Uhhhh...” He stared. “It is?” His eyes sparkled. “Truly?”

“Trenderhoof, darling, I want you to meet Suri.” Rainbow gestured at her. “She's... uhm... been in a magazine somewhere. Or something...”

“What a charming name!” Trenderhoof leaned forward, squinting through his rattling helmet. “And your last name—?”

“Polomare!” Suri furiously shook, pounding her hoof against the floor and making the nearby punch bowl rattle. “Seriously! Was everypony born on the moon?”

“Uhm... Suri?” Coco spoke up from the snack bar. “Too soon? After all, Luna just came back and—”

“Choke on hay already, Kakarot!” Suri shouted over her shoulder. She cleared her throat, calmly straightened her bangs, then glared daggers at Trenderhoof. “Look, Mr. Trenderhoof. I've heard about your books. Sounds like you're a good writer.”

“Hah!” Trenderhoof chuckled rosily. “Well, I do try—”

“So how about trotting off to put your hooves to better use elsewhere?” Suri pointed at Rainbow. “I was in a conversation with the Governess here—”

“I'll have you know she's more than that, madame!” Trenderhoof frowned as his suit clattered. “She's nothing less than a princess!”

“Uh... yeah!” Rainbow hugged Trenderhoof tighter. “And this dude is... uhm... my knight in shining armor!”

Trenderhoof's pupils shrank. “Buh... buhhhh...?”

“You're knight in shining what now?” Suri droned.

“So, if you have any more silly questions to ask me, you're gonna have to gallop through him.” Rainbow took a deep breath, fought the urge to wince, and murmured towards the stallion. “Isn't that right... c-c-coltfriend?”

Trenderhoof stared straight ahead, his eyes pulsing like twing hearts. “Buhhhhhh... buhhhhhhhhh...”

Comments

[unknownbore]

This can only end well. For somepony.

[Aatxe360]

Ohhhhhh nice. These types of explosions!

Epic night ahead. EPIC!

I'm sure Sapphire Shores will also play Rainbow in the documentary about Photo Finish.

[Lightning Bearer]

It's like a Preston Sturges film.

Also, you know you're obnoxious when you can get Rainbow Dash to use Trenderhoof as her beard.

[BabySkittleMonster]

Hah, if only RD heard who SS is playing as... Not that her ego needs to be stoked to much, of course.

Also, that was ice cold of Dash to use Trendy like that. I like it.

[Tchernobog]

"Kakarot!”

“Isn't that right... c-c-coltfriend?”

ooooh dear.

4858979

Also, that was ice cold of Dash to use Trendy like that. I like it.

4858542

This can only end well. For somepony.

This, pretty much. I wince to imagine what's coming...

[beqcuerelle]

“Isn't that right... c-c-coltfriend?”

we have lost cabin pressure

[RoboRed]

Ohhhhhh here we go. You've done it now, Rainbow, playing off Trender's fantasies.

“Choke on hay already, Kakarot!”

Oh god I lost it.

[HyperMonica]

Ok now you're justing being mean, sugarcube.

ILY!!!!

[Scohinyha Sanka]

4858979 "Also, that was ice cold of Dash to use Trendy like that. I like it."

That my dear is what is called picking the lesser of two evil's.

Also, get a raincoat.
Cause when this hits the fan, everything and everyone is going to get covered.

Now, where is my popcorn.

[Jay_Baker]

Isn't that right... c-c-coltfriend?

Well at least if Rarity tells the others about rainbow's

coltfriend

she has somepony to show them. I can't wait to see there(but mostly rarity's) reactions when they find out it's Trenderhoof lol

[YoshiFawful64]

This is going so hilariously horrendously.
As a side note, this is the 41st chapter of this arc, making it the longest one yet in terms of chapters (the previous record holder was Part Nine, with forty chapters).

[Fishberry]

I think Trendy is about to fall down a lot and hurt very much.

[Misspegasister_]

"Wunderbar!"

t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR-I7WL--EeA1rxvHJiqAnYj9mOZWwTPtQ3Ibg6shbKg73HS6X8cPNGK0mL

[Phoenix Kitten]

Did... did Iron Will.. or Autmn Rush come up with a screenplay of Dash's endeavour at the quarry?
and they know her name...so Sapphire Shores will be playing Rainbow Dash... in a film, that is highly likely to be seen by Dash herself, and her friends?
...yeah, good luck explaining that one away Dashie.

[LucyHorseThing]

“Yes... one of the most muzzle-dropping tales to come out of Equestria in over a century!” Sapphire Shores beamed. “An unknown mare—selfless and courageous—single-hoofedly saving a minotaur and an entire underground cavern full of helpless slaves!” She held a hoof proudly over her glittery chest. “I've been chosen to play the role of the courageous martyr who defied the canine menace! But, worry not, for the film will be decidated in her honor... wherever that brave pegasus' body may be lying...'” She sniffed and rubbed her eyes dry.

That pegasus' body is standing a mere 10 meters in front of you, Sapphire.