Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Great and Powerful Pew Pew

As the dust settled, Romulus stood up from where he fell.

“Nnngh... guh...”

He rubbed his aching headfeathers and squinted across the fresh craters that the wheels had made. Several of his lackeys had collapsed cold across the granite cliff-face. Those of Don Canter's stallions still on their hooves were galloping in random, panicked directions, pausing to take pot shots at the wheel'd montrosities surging overhead.

Finally, across the way, Romulus gasped to see the tunnel through which they entered completely collapsed. Not too far from that, she saw the dazed figure of Rainbow Dash... stirring.

“Rrrrrrrrrgh...!” He produced two daggers—Schiiiing!—and charged the pegasus. “RAAAAUGH!”

Rainbow looked up, jolted, and raised her forelimbs in time to block his talons. The weight of the griffon shoved the both of them back, scraping up gravel and grime.

“You!” Romulus snarled. “This is all your fault!” He pressed the daggers harder, inching them towards her muzzle. “What in Tartarus did you summon down here, you stupid pony?!”

“Look, buddy, it's cr-crap like this I'm trying to prevent!” Rainbow hollered back. “Whoever that mare is up in the air, she's nothing but a punk with a chip on her shoulder! Imagine if someone really high on the evil scale got ahold of a shard?!”

“Well, it looks pretty bad enough to me!” Romulus' beak clicked. “If you had just taken me to the shard in the first place—”

“Dang it, I didn't know where the shard was until we stumbled upon it!” Rainbow grunted, collapsing to her knees. Her numb limbs were starting to lose to the griffon's might. “If you h-had just let me go after the st-stone in peace without trying to k-kill everything I ran into...”

“Oh, I'm still going to kill you, stupid ingrate!” Romulus growled. “If this psychotic unicorn wants a blood sacrifice, she's going to get one and it's not going to be me!”

“Will you j-just...” Rainbow stammered, her legs quivering. “Learn a n-new tune already?!”

“You're speaking to a bird without a melodic skull.” A pith helmet flew in from nowhere and ricocheted off Romulus' head. TH-THUNK!

“Daaah!” Romulus stumbled back.

“Httt!” Daring Do flew in with a dive kick, smashing him against a rock wall. She landed, pivoted towards Rainbow with a smirk, and blindly stuck her hoof out. Th-Thap! She caught her pith helmet once again. “Ya hear that? Like a fruitless watermelon.” She lifted Rainbow up. “You've got guts, kid. Not many ponies wrestle with that bounty hunter and live.”

“Thanks...” Rainbow grimaced. “B-but he has a reason to be mad. Our exit is gone!”

“Then we're going to have to make one of our own.” Daring grinned. “Through Romulus and Sunny-Side-Down.”

“That's Sunset Shimmer!” FWOOOOSH! One large wheel flew by.

Daring ducked it (SMASSH!) and continued her speech. “Look, I'll keep Romulus and the Usual Saddlebags busy. You go and headbutt the dayum Boss of this Battle.”

“But.. but...” Rainbow blinked. “Isn't that robbing the spotlight for you?”

“Eh...” Daring shrugged, turning about while cracking her joints. “If worse comes to worse, I'll just pretend this is a 'spin-off' series.” She dove across the way, descending on Romulus' recuperating figure. “Now go get 'em, tiger!”

Rainbow Dash smiled, spread her wings, and flew up high across the mayhem.

The cavernous air was full of bullets, magic blasts, and wheels'a'plenty. Every now and then, a huge stone disc would collide with the walls, raining down chunks of earth and fragmented stalactites. Rainbow Dash dodged all of this, twirling and spiraling her way through the mess with the greatest of ease.

Meanwhile, down below, Daring Do was punching, kicking, and tail-whipping her way around Romulus. The angry bounty hunter slashed at her with each remaining blade at his disposal, but the archaeologist was constantly one step ahead on every attempt.

“You're getting slow, Rommy Baby!” Daring grinned. “Looks to me that the only time you land a hit is when you do it the lame way—the cowardly way—like a bomb planted underneath Noir's warehouse!”

“I've gutted mouthier punks than you!” Romulus hollered, swinging his blades with defiance. “I'm the bloodiest thing this damned kindgom has to offer!”

“You sure about that?” Daring grinned, flying just out of his reach. “Seems to me that all you did was leave griffon lands to be a god among insects! Guess you just had to run into the likes of me and the rainbow pegasus up there! What's a matter, Rommy? Discovering you're as lame a mercenary in pony lands as you are from where they kicked your sorry ass out?! Wow! To be a loser among ponies!” She giggled. “THAT has gotta ruffle your feathers! Heeheehee!”

“Grrrrrrrrrrr!” Romulus flew up at her, voice cracking. “I'll bleed you!”

Daring grappled with him, nevertheless smirking. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

They flew by several wheels that swooped low, scraping the earth and knocking terrified henchstallions off their feet. The floor was littered with loose weapons and random stallions' teeth. Above it all, Rainbow Dash juked and dodged the various ancient stone projectiles, weaving her way closer towards Sunset Shimmer. At last, she discovered a straightaway, at the end of which was Sunset's glowing horn and the shard floating around her. As she approached, two wheels converged swiftly on the pegasus' location. Rainbow held her breath, twirled upside down, and galloped across the cavern's ceiling. She dodged the discs, kicked off, flipped, and barreled her way towards Sunset.

The unicorn paused from launching wheels at the stallions below and looked over her shoulder. “Buh?”

“BUHHHHHHHHH!” Rainbow flew down, plowing into Sunset Shimmer's chest.

“Ooof!” Sunset lunged backwards. With static bolts of magic, her hooves clung impossibly tight to the wheel. The disc twirled several times like a flipped coin. Rainbow held on tight, throwing a few gut-punches in. Sunset wheezed and spat. Then, with a growl, she slammed her elbow across Rainbow's back. The pegasus' lungs emptied, and she found herself grappling with the unicorn. The two mares fought for dominance of the shard while their lone disc wobbled and twirled high above.

With Sunset distracted, the wheels at her command drifted briefly in a slow, drifting orbit of the cliffside below. While Don Canter's thugs took this as an opportunity to catch their breaths, the three mares besides the collapsed tunnel exit stood up and observed the fight.

“Hey! Dashie's taking on the final boss!” Pinkie cupped two hooves over her muzzle. “Switch the controller port and use chaff grenades, Dashiiiieee!”

“This is taking too long,” Maud droned, blinking calmly at the midair melee. “With the tunnel blocked off, we won't have oxygen to breathe in this cavern forever.”

“Then we can just turn into plants and try carbon dioxide for a change, right?” Pinkie smiled nervously. “Squeeee?”

“If I could have turned into a cactus all this time I would have done so years ago...”

“Nnnnngh...” Trixie sat up, her eyes noticeably un-glowy. “Guhhh... my head...”

“Hey! Trixie!” Pinkie smiled. “Your head is unfuzzied! Cool!”

“What... wh-what's happening?” Trixie blinked blearily. “Where is Trixie?”

“Rainbow Dash is doing battle with the evil unicorn mare who posssesses the shard that everypony has been after,” Maud calmly explained.

Trixie gasped, eyes twitching. “Do... do you mean to say... that the unicorn up there... is the one responsible for bringing all of the miscreants to town... who brought about the destruction of the Great and Powerful Trixie's home?!”

Maud blinked over the course of four seconds. “Eeyup.”

Trixie gritted her teeth until they produced sparks. “Grrrrrrrrrrrr!” The air filled with a high-pitched whining noise as her eyes lit up. Magical static filled the air, accompanied with the brilliant strobing of her horn. Maud and Pinkie got minor nosebleeds as the unicorn stood up and aimed her horn high. “That does it! The Great and Powerful Trixie SMACCCK!”

Bzzzzzzzzzzz—ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! A steady stream of unbridled mana flew straight up at a razor sharp angle.

Henchstallions gasped and dove towards the floor.

Daring and Romulus had to split apart, panting at the death beam. “Holy cr-crap!” they both sputtered.

At last, Rainbow Dash saw the incoming laser. Wincing, she kicked off of Sunset and dove for the furthest end of the cavern.

“Ha HAH!” Sunset shook both hooves in the air. “Stupid fuzzhead! I rule you! Ha ha ha ha...” She twitched, then glanced nervously over her shoulder. “...ha?”

And then Sunset said nothing, for she received a muzzle full of laser.

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

And then Sunset said nothing, for she received a muzzle full of laser.

Should have stayed in the human world and learn your friendship lessons.

[BabySkittleMonster]

Discovering you're as lame a mercenary in pony lands as you are from where they kicked your sorry ass out?!

I am really glad Rainbow didn't hear that. Might have been a bit of a blow - y'know, cause she's lame?
Looks like Trixie saves the day! That... really surprises me. In a good way.

[Lightning Bearer]

Who'd've thunk that Trixie would finish her off? I likes it.

Maud blinked over the course of four seconds. “Eeyup.”

Maybe it's genetic?

[Leftover of Saikano]

5195431 Considering she has known Gilda for years, and how often she uses that word, she may be used to it.

[Novi]

The Great and Powerful Pew Pew

All I could think about after I read the title:

[Scohinyha Sanka]

A "Lazar".

[Lunar Rock]

I REGRET NOTHING!

[YoshiFawful64]

5192285
Thanks a lot!

[zaponator]

Trixie's final smash is op. Pls nerf.

[FloydienSlip]

A Muzzle Full of Zap, even?

[RainbowJack2000]

5197740
I see what you did there.

[TwilightUCrazy]

[Phoenix Kitten]

I had this playing through my head the whole time.

[arancaytar]

And then Sunset said nothing, for she received a muzzle full of laser.

Just a regular horn laser, not a rainbow friendship laser, but it seems to do the trick just fine.