Appledashery

by Just Essay

Inb4 QTE

"Mmmfff..." Rainbow Dash grimaced, coming to. She smelled the dank confines of a claustrophobic alcove surrounding her. Water trickled somewhere nearby, echoing across the walls with errant drops of moisture. Her muzzle flexed, wriggled, and went slack with a sigh. "Darn squirrels," she muttered to herself. "Of all the time to do Benjamin Flanklin target practice..."

"You brought this upon yerself, sugarcube."

Rainbow's eyes flew open. Dazedly, she looked to her left... then to her right. All she saw was barren rock. The slightest hint of torchlight squeezed in from somewhere, casting an even dimmer shadow of a stalactite hanging above the mare.

"Mrmmf..." Rainbow clenched her teeth. She heard a haunting whisper, and at last she stared down.

A drop of water fell from the stalactite, splashing into a shallow puddle. Once the waves have spread and settled, an orange face stared up at her, frowning, full of freckles.

"You shoulda saved my sister by now," the mare said, green eyes hard like daggers. "Instead, ya flew away from them dragons like a coward, and now you've fallen into the company of crazed tree rats."

Rainbow fumed. She looked away, huffing and puffing in anger. The ache of her skull gave way to a burning fury.

The mare in the puddle merely smirked. After another drop of water, her muzzle reformed just in time to say: "You know, there are times when I reckon yer too much of a scaredy-cat to even lurve me proper." Her nostrils flared. "What kind of potion do ya have to fix that, Rainbow Crash?"

Rainbow snarled: "Shuddup! You're not real!" She kicked at the puddle, splashing the rock wall opposite her with cold water droplets. "And even if you were... marefriend or not... I think you'd be a tad bit more friggin' supportive, fake-AJ!"

"Grffff..." A raspy voice growled from behind Rainbow's back. "The Hell are you rambling about now, soft-hooves?"

"None of your business, Romulus," Rainbow muttered. "Nothing that a little bit of time and fresh air can't—" Her eyes flew wide open. She looked over her shoulder.

The beaked profile of a startled griffon looked back at her.

"You!"

"You!"

Rainbow jumped up to her hooves—only she didn't. Thud! "Ooomf!" She fell flat on her rump, wincing. Something thick and heavy was tied to her back—and that something was Romulus.

"Grnnngh... hrnkkkt!" The griffon struggled and fought to break himself free of the bindings that had fastened him tail-to-flank with the pegasus. "Oh... great! Wonderful!" He spat over his shoulder. "Lean your head over this way so I can bite your ear off, manure bag!"

"Not if I bite your lobes off first, ya melon fudge!"

"Griffons don't have ear lobes!"

"Super!" Rainbow grunted and twisted in her binds. "I love a ch-challenge! Rrrrgh!"

"Raaugh!"

From the collective struggle of both prisoners, they ultimately fell flat onto the ground, rolling from side to side in their bindings. After a full minute of floundering, they collapsed against a stalagmite... panting... resting back to back just as firmly as before.

"I should have gutted you back in Ponyville when I had the chance!" Romulus snarled.

"And I should have shattered your beak instead of letting you go free as a bird back in Dredgemane!"

"Hey! I lost tons of gold thanks to your curse of selective amnesia, glue stick!"

"Murderer!"

"Princess huffer!"

"D'uhm... guhhh..." Rainbow huffed, puffed, red-in-the-face. "Bird-person who... st-stares at goats!"

Romulus one good eye narrowed. "...huh?"

"Well... uh... you northern griffons live in the mountains, r-right?"

"So?"

"Just know that you're a jerky jerk-face, ya jerk!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "Why in Celestia's name did they tie us together like this anyways?!"

"I've been studying their social strata quite carefully. The way that they stash highly advanced technology in the deepest pockets of this cave. Their high intelligence and shocking aptitude for militant adaptability..." Romulus cracked the joints in his neck and hissed, "I have every reason to believe that they are the direct result of genetic manipulation, courtesy of an ancient progenitor race that once ruled these lands, unrestrained by classical paradigms of scientific morality."

Silence.

"Dude..." Rainbow grunted. "They're just... stupid marble-mouthed squirrels with boomsticks."

"Well, I'd very much like to see what you have contributed to this entire mess!" Romulus's beak clattered. "Aside from hoarding all of the shards for yourself and dragging my associate and I to this horrid mess!"

"Just what were you and that bacon-haired hussy doing here in the first place?"

"Never you mind."

"You had to take shelter from Aatxe's brood and their burninating, didn't you?"

"Never you mind!"

"Hrmmmm..." Rainbow grumbled, staring at the dank wall in front of her. "...and just when I started to get a fix on things too... including this 'Mother Rushnut' crud..."

An orange face smiled in the coalescing puddle beneath her. "The only thang ya need to fix is yer head, dear." A guffawing laugh. "It's just so plum vacant in here, too!"

"Rrrrgh!" Rainbow kicked at the puddle again. "Don't you start!"

"What in Tartarus' name are you rambling on about now?!"

Rainbow was about to respond when—all of the sudden—a rickety wooden door opened, filling the chamber with blinding torchlight.

"Wassuppppp?" cooed an amused voice.

Rainbow blinked blearily, staring into the bright yellow doorframe. "Lancie...?"

Comments

[MidnightReflection]

"Wassuppppp?" cooed an amused voice.

Stalactites, 'parrently.

[zaponator]

Lancie somehow ended up king of the rodents, I'd wager.

[Fishberry]

6442219

Ya beat me to it, you melon fudge.

[Cotton Fluff]

"I've been studying their social strata quite carefully. The way that they stash highly advanced technology in the deepest pockets of this cave. Their high intelligence and shocking aptitude for militant adaptability..." Romulus cracked the joints in his neck and hissed, "I have every reason to believe that they are the direct result of genetic manipulation, courtesy of an ancient progenitor race that once ruled these lands, unrestrained by classical paradigms of scientific morality."

Well, Romulus is a lot more intelligent than he initially appears. He's also got an interesting theory, one which I bet connects to the floating castle's designers.

Also, nothing like the 'tie two enemies up so they have to work together to escape' trick to have them resolve their differences. But where's Sunset Shimmer?

[YoshiFawful64]

"You had to take shelter from Aatxe's brood and their burninating, didn't you?"

I've been playing Xenoblade Chronicles recently, so I just couldn't help mentally hearing Riki's voice going "Bu-bu-bu-burninate!"

[DeathFox4]

....

Freaking author.

Oh, and by the way Phoenix Kitten, let me know when you get here.

Cause now You can join the I'm waiting club....
lol...
I'm just thankful the whole world didn't burn with chapter number 666....Yay

[Hestia]

Lancie to the rescue!

[Nasty Mister Monket]

Can someone explain the glue stick insult to me?
I mean, when it was used in End of Ponies, I just assumed it was because she was still sticking around, which was generally the defining trait of most of their insults aside from the obvious species-related ones. But its appearance here leads me to believe that it's something completely different and I'm a monumental pillock.
Then again, I've never understood melon fudge either, and that's the staple barbed expletive of the Austraeoh series. And on top of that there's the widely-spread soft hooves, which kind of explains itself, but at the same time, doesn't really make any real sense.
Do any of these make sense? Are they supposed to?

[Jern]

"You had to take shelter from Aatxe's brood and their burninating, didn't you?"

TROGDOR!!!

[Sharp Quill]

6443397 Glue stick is easy. Once upon a time, horses well past their prime were sent to factories where they got turned into glue; for you see, also once upon a time, glue was made from collagen, of which horses being large animals have plenty, but other animals have also been used as sources.

Re melon fudge or soft hooves: I've got nothing.

[Phoenix Kitten]

Hah...ha hah hah....
I did it... I'm caught up... I took me 6 bloody days of staying up to 3 am and reading but I caught up!
...I'm too tired for maniacal laughter right now...
Guess I just...sit down..and wait for the daily updates like everyone else.
Not a bad fate really. not a bad fate at all..I can deal.
Now does this update before or after the Rune Saga?

[Phoenix Kitten]

6443383 it is...3:30 am...monday..the 21st of september, 2015...I started this...crazy ass journey 6 days ago...and I made it...
I friggin' made it...
I'm gonna sleep for 6 hours, wake up, then never stay up til 3 am 6 days in a row again.

[DeathFox4]

6443840 Congrats. I would have done the same but I had school work...

I'm tempted to look at Imploding Colons work, but the idea of reading that...terrifies me.

[Nightmare Loopy]

6443567

Holy

I'm srry

[Phoenix Kitten]

6444238 The Austraeoh series is...a lot easier to read without stressing about catching up, since the chapters are usually around 1-2k words and the end of each book is a good spot to stop if you need time to relax.
It feels less like you'll be rushing to catch up.
But it's still an amazing story, and the first book is fairly short...iirc the first...75 or so chapters are usually under 1k words.

[DeathFox4]

6445347 Cool, my only concern is this...

My read later list is already over 1400 chapters...and adding all of that series...

3000 + chapters is likely...

[Phoenix Kitten]

6445441 Well what I've done is this
i823.photobucket.com/albums/zz159/Thatlittleskitty/Untitled_zpsjmryflyt.png
and turned off notifications to most of my folders. The only ones I get notifications from are Phase 3, sweetie chronicles and now Dashery.

[DeathFox4]

6445494 Genius!

Now, i just need to sort through my 150 stories that are on that list....and keep working on my already 15K word book....

Ya, let me get back to you in a week.

[HopelessRomanetic]

"Just what were you and that bacon-haired hussy doing here in the first place?"

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

[LucyHorseThing]

Rainbow jumped up to her hooves—only she didn't. Thud! "Ooomf!" She fell flat on her rump, wincing. Something thick and heavy was tied to her back—and that something was Romulus.

Oh. This intrigues me.

[arancaytar]

Rainbow jumped up to her hooves—only she didn't. Thud! "Ooomf!" She fell flat on her rump, wincing. Something thick and heavy was tied to her back—and that something was Romulus.

Oh great, this won't be awkward at all.