Appledashery

by Just Essay

Igneousramus

“Rocks?” A stallion wearing a blacksmith apron shoveled coal into a burning furnace. His bearded muzzle wriggled as he glanced out the soot-stained shop. “Well, we got lots of those here, sir! What type might you be looking for?”

“It's ma'am,” Rainbow grunted, fidgeting in the turquoise suit. “And... uh...” She glanced into her saddlebag. Coiled up like a stone serpent, Lancie looked back up at her, gesturing with his talons and paws. “Uhhh...” Rainbow looked up. “Dark, charcoal-gray granite that's... erm... probably chiseled into a jagged shape.”

“How do you mean chiseled?”

Rainbow heard passing giggles. She looked behind her into the streets of Dredgemane. A gaggle of mares snickered in her direction, passing by with flouncing skirts and saddlebags. “Uhm... y'know... like pieces of a statue.”

“Dark, charcoal-gray granite, you said.” The stallion paused to wipe his hooves on a dirty rag. “We're talking feldspar? Quartz? Or something with a predominating porphyritic texture?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked, bug-eyed. “C-can I take the physical challenge?”

“What's the melting temperature? Twelve hundred degrees celsius? Or something closer to thirteen hundred?”

“You can melt rocks?!”

---

“Sounds like you're describing limestone!” said a mare.

“Ooooooh! Yeah!” Another mare looked across the store counter, nodding. “Limestone! Such a fantastic rock, don't ya knowwww?”

“Er... right...” Rainbow stifled a yawn and leaned against the counter. “Limestone. That's... uh... igneous... r-right?”

“Oooh! Good Consus, no! That there's sedimentary rock!”

“Otherwise Fillyda would have sunk into the ocean by now!”

“Heeheehee! Good one, Gladys!”

“Okay... what's the deal with sedimentary rocks?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, it's full of many ancient organic fragments.”

“How do you mean organic?” Rainbow asked. “We talking—like—bugs and squirrels and crud?”

“No, more like coral and amoebas, don'tcha knowww!”

“How about really realy tiny chaos spiders?”

“Huh?!”

“Nnnngh...” Rainbow spun around, grumbling. “Never mind.”

---

“'Marble?!'” A stallion chuckled while loading his wagon with buckets of rock. “You gotta be more specific than that, dude!”

“Dudette!” Rainbow hissed, pointing at her muzzle. “Notice how it slopes!”

“I couldn't see past the kangaroo suit you're wearing! Ha!”

“Look, are you going to help me or not?!”

“Well, are we talking calcite or dolomite competition?”

“I'm talking rock!” Rainbow sputtered. “Rock composition! Like the kind of thing you'd throw through a window when you're bored in Coltlumbia!”

“Dude—”

“LADY!”

“Dude-Lady, unless you—like—have a sample of this sort of stone that you're looking for, I'm afraid you're out of luck!” He hitched himself up to the cart and gestured down the road. “Looking for one rock in Dredgemane is like searching for a needle in a haystack!”

“Yeah!” Rainbow frowned. “If every stalk of hay was dressed like they just hopped off the Mareflower!”

“Now I know for sure you're from out of town!” the stallion cackled. “Because that joke went way over my head!”

“Yeah. A real stone's throw.”

“Hahahahaha!” He slapped his knee and pointed at her, grinning. “That's better! Whew!” He trotted off briskly. “I gotta tell that one to the guys at the quarry!”

“Nnnnnngh...” Rainbow slumped against a wall of the ravine, facehoofing.

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “Beautiful day in the neighborhood?”

“Don't even start. I've wasted half the day away and still I'm no closer to getting to the shard.” She sighed and glared Lancie's way. “Are you sure you can't sense where the stupid thing is?”

“Now, don't insult my missing pieces like that!” He folded his arms. “How would you like it if you lost your wings and I called them 'sissy pants' behind your back?”

“You know, I've a good mind to take you back to that blacksmithy and have him take a sample from you.”

Lancie gasped, then frowned. “You wouldn't dare!”

“Well?!” Rainbow swung her forelimbs wildly. “How the buck else am I going to find this chunk of stone if you won't help me?!”

“Sounds like you need a sorter,” droned a mechanically stale voice.

“Huh?!” Lancie hid in the saddlebag while Rainbow Dash spun around. “A sorter?”

“Yes. A sorter.”

Rainbow's muzzle scrunched. She looked left and right, but didn't see anypony. “Uhhhhh...”

“A sorter sorts rocks,” the voice continued to drone. “It's a very important job... for rocks.”

“Who... where...?” At last, Rainbow's eyes came into focus, and she realized that she was staring smack dab into the face of a mare whose dull gray coat and even duller mane blended almost perfectly with the abysmally muted colors of the town. “Gaaah!” She hopped back, breathless.

“... ... ...” The mare took several seconds to blink turquoise eyes. Her face was emotionless, like the walls that made up that desolate town. “I apologize if the loudness of my voice frightened you,” she murmured robotically. “Sometimes I cannot help myself.”

“Erm... uhhh...”

“Do you wish to find a sorter?” the mare asked. “I could not help but overhear that you are searching for a rock.”

“Well... uhm... y-yeah.” Rainbow gulped. “That would be really awesome. Would... er... you happen to be one?”

“No,” the mare said. “I'm incapable of being a sorter.”

“Why's that?”

“Because a sorter should be unbiased and impartial,” she murmured. Three seconds of blinking. “Unlike me.” Three more seconds. “My passion for rocks is like an unbridled flame of pulsating emotion.”

Rainbow squinted at her. “I'm... g-going to have to take your word for it.”

“But I can take you to the sorter,” the mare said. “She's knew around here. Just like you.”

“Hey, I'd totally appreciate it, Miss...”

“Maud.”

“Maud.” Rainbow gulped. “How much will I owe you for this?”

“Absolutely nothing.” The mare turned around with a ruffle of her plain gray blouse. “Rocks are freedom. Rocks are life.” She trotted towards the far end of town. “Come with me if you want stones.”

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

Whoever predicted Maud... you win!

Daring Do is still possible... Obviously, Maud isn't the one after the shard. Also, there's no mention of her having the Lunar Code mark. But this sorter... new, too, hmmm?

[Aatxe360]

“Well... uhm... y-yeah.” Rainbow gulped. “That would be really awesome. Would... er... you happen to be one?”

I was imagining that Rainbow was asking her if she was a rock. And I laughed.

[Loeden]

Yessssssss, Maud! *squee*

[Lightning Bearer]

Well, I wasn't completely wrong. Though, whether she's Rainbow's rendezvous or simply another character along the way remains to be seen.

Also, it never occurred to me how well Maud's attire fits in with the Dredgemane concept. Very nice.

“How do you mean organic?” Rainbow asked. “We talking—like—bugs and squirrels and crud?”

For some reason, that made me lose my shit a little.

[unknownbore]

“Rocks are freedom. Rocks are life.”

Shrek is love, Shrek is life.

[YoshiFawful64]

“Because a sorter should be unbiased and impartial,” she murmured. Three seconds of blinking. “Unlike me.” Three more seconds. “My passion for rocks is like an unbridled flame of pulsating emotion.”

I've been laughing for about two minutes straight by now.

[Tchernobog]

...i haven't read the next chapter yet. But if the sorter, who is new (not knew :D) here ends up being Trixie, I'll be laughing forever.

[Leftover of Saikano]

“Come with me if you want stones.”

I can imagine that scene from Terminator.

[silverspawn]

well these are the exact same jokes as in BPATSOCATLTC, but they're still funny.

it's weird to have Dredgemane in a comedic setting, when the arc in EoP was really dark.

[Fishberry]

Applejack is sometimes full of them.

Sometimes they have Tesla coils grafted to their skulls.

Why?

What is so compelling about squirrels?

...

"Come with me if you want stones"

Heeheehee.

Dun-dun-dun, dun dun dun.

Dun-dun-dun, dun dun dun.

DUN-DUN-DUN, DUN DUN DUN!

Doo, doo doooo...

Daa daa daaaaaa.

The rockinator!

[aleistergreynight]

Russian god of Evil!?!?

[LucyHorseThing]

Lancie stuck his head out of her saddlebag. “Beautiful day in the neighborhood?”

[arancaytar]

“Er... right...” Rainbow stifled a yawn and leaned against the counter. “Limestone. That's... uh... igneous... r-right?”

“Oooh! Good Consus, no! That there's sedimentary rock!”

:maudfacehoof:

Sedimentary, my dear Dashie.

Also, wasn't Discord turned into granite?

“Because a sorter should be unbiased and impartial,” she murmured. Three seconds of blinking. “Unlike me.” Three more seconds. “My passion for rocks is like an unbridled flame of pulsating emotion.”

Maud intensifies.

[arancaytar]

5081858

Applejack is sometimes full of them.

I totally forgot about that story.