Appledashery

by Just Essay

Rat's Ass, Griffonsouri

"Governor Grouse?"

"Hrmmfff..." The molting quadruped shuffled through a briefcase full of papers. "I knew I had the results from the Squirrel Expulsion Commission around here somewhere. Mrmmff... what did I label that thing, anyways? 'A Treatise on the Trail of Nuts?' Bah!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash leaned closer to the podium, clearing her throat. "Governor Grouse... sir?"

"Could have sworn I forwarded it to Senator Quailbeak." Grouse tilted his snout up. "Hey Senator Quailbeak!!!"

"Senator Quailbeak is dead!" rasped a voice from the circle of seats.

"Huzza-what?" Grouse blinked.

"I said Senator Quailbeak is dead!"

"Since when?" Grouse squinted. "Last winter?"

"Ten years ago!"

"Ohhhhh." Grouse nodded. A beat. "Well did he taste good?"

"Governor Grouse!!!" Rainbow hollered in the griffon's face.

"Hold your damn voice down!" The bird-thing raised a talon, wincing. "He's not in his office at the moment! Can I take a message—" He shook his ruffled feathers. "Oh. Wait. Yes! I am Governor Grouse!" He smiled with the briefest sparkle of pride in his hawkeyes. "... Squawwwk! Anyways, he's not in his office. He's speaking to the Avian Council right now—"

"Sir, we're inside the Avian Council!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Eh, what was that?"

"I said we're inside the Avian Council!"

"Psssst!" Lancie stuck his stone snout out her saddlebag. "Ask him who ate second base!"

"You stay out of this!" Rainbow snarled.

"Stay out of what?!" Grouse frowned. "I was the one who signed the Squirrel Expulsion Act!" He tilted his head up and tapped his beak. "Or was that Quailbeak...? Bah! I'll as him next Tuesday at lunch."

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash leaned in close, gripping the elder creature's shoulders. "Is. There. A. Non. Demented. Griffon. In. Charge. Who. I. Can. Talk. To?"

"Shhhhh! Silly soft-hoof!" Governor Grouse waved a dismissing talon. "You can't talk here! We've got a Council Meeting in session!"

Rainbow slowly turned around. She gazed at a scarcely populated ampitheatre full of snores, shed feathers, and glazed eyes. She turned back towards the Governor with a glare. "Some session, buddy. What do you for the State of the Union? Put everyone into a coma?"

"Hmmm? Coma?" Grouse glanced around, beak clattering. "Is it hibernating season yet?" He patted his leathery belly. "I haven't got a single worm in me!"

"Look... dude..." Rainbow sighed, waving her forelimbs. "I'm not here to... expel squirrels or dictate how you guys prepare for winter. All I want..." She pivoted and pointed out the west window for emphasis. "The only thing that I want is for you guys—you griffons to shut off the wind barricade above the cliffs just long enough for me to pass on through."

"Hmmm? Wind barricade?"

"Y'know..." Rainbow's eyes pierced hard like daggers. "The big dumb gray wall thingy to the west?"

"... ... ..."

"That you guys built."

"... ... ..."

"Across half the frickin' continent!"

Grouse leaned back with a gasp. "Ohhhh! The wind barrier! Ah... but of course!"

Rainbow exhaled through a tired grin. "Now we're getting somewhere!"

Grouse shook his feathery head. "I can't do it."

Rainbow's ears drooped.

"Centuries ago, sure, the Council was in charge of minding the Wind Chalice. Braaak! Yes! It was the shiniest, proudest treasure of griffondom! Aside from the Idol of Boreas to the northeast... but... BAH! Who ever visits that decrepit flea circus Griffonstone anyways?!"

"Yeah..." Rainbow grimaced as she heard another fight knock over even more pottery and statues in the distance. "...that'd be an embarrassing trip for sure..."

"No no... we realized that it was the young feathers who were the strongest of us. Fierce. Loyal." Grouse beat his chest, eyes sharp. "Foolhardy and unafraid to spill blood for honor!" He smiled, his gray eyelashes fluttering. "Also, our top avian scientists discovered a bit too late that only griffons aged forty or younger possess brains larger than a pigeon's. Pffft... whatever that's supposed to mean." He glanced casually down, then squinted at a twitching lion's tale. "Good lord... how long's that been there?"

"Yeahhhhhh... so... uhm..." Rainbow squirmed from side to side. "This Wind Chalice. It's... erm... with the younger griffons, then?"

"Squaawwk! Absolutely!" Grouse somehow managed a toothy grin. "Do you wanna see it?"

Rainbow Dash leaned in. "... ... ...maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe."

"Well, why didn't you say so?!" Governor Grouse stuffed his papers into his briefcase and shuffled up the steps of the ampitheatre. "Follow me, soft-hooves! I think I can squeeze in some time before I have to attend the City Council!"

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow Dash glanced awkwardly at the half-sleeping crowd.

"Wait a minute..." Grouse shuffled to a stop, squinting. "Squirrels...?" He shrugged with his molting wings. "Eh... must have dreamed it."

"Don't we all." Rainbow put on her best smile and pointed out the nearest door. "Right this... way?"

"Hah! Guess we'll both find out!"

---

The two descended, approaching a barren branch devoid of trees, grass, or any green nest of any kind. Instead, this crystalline bough was covered all over in hollowed-out structures, broken buildings, and more than a liberal smattering of scarlet stains. The continuous sound of squawking and scraping could be heard like a tormented orchestra. Far below, the stone landscape was piled up with all sorts of questional debris and detritus, situated immediately below the platform.

"...did I ever tell you about the time we built a long wall enchanted with impenetrable winds?!" Governor Grouse wheezed with a proud grin.

"Erm... no." Rainbow Dash bit her lip, floating alongside the griffon. "...but by all means, go ahead."

"This one time, we built a wall." Grouse smiled tiredly, coasting over several delapidated apartment complexes. "It was long and we enchanted it with impenetrable winds."

All was silent, save for distant bedlam, increasing in volume.

"Well, then!" Rainbow Dash chirped. "What a coincidence! I'm... uh... looking for a way to get past that barrier!"

"No can do, soft-hooves!" Grouse landed on a bed of gravel. "If you want to even remotely do that, then you'll have to ask for the Wind Chalice from the Youth Council Headquarters!" He turned and looked at the precariously leaning building standing directly in front of him. "Oh! Look! The Youth Council Headquarters!" He chuckled and rubbed his beak. "I wonder if they hold the Wind Chalice there..."

"Uhhh... I think I can take it from here, sir," Rainbow Dash said.

"Hold it there, soft hooves," the Governor said, stretching his talon out. "Best leave this between avian kind."

"Hey..." Rainbow Dash grinned. "I may not look it, but I know my way around griffons."

Grouse let loose a shrill whistle.

In a third story window, someone with a buzzard beak stuck his long neck out, blinking. He gobbled in a high-pitched voice.

"WHAT?!?!" hollered a single, screaming voice, and all the rest of the violent commotion stopped. "WHAT COULD HE POSSIBLY WANT?!"

"Howdy, Fibb!" Grouse waved at the charcoal-black window spaces. "Looks like you have company! Pony company!"

"SONUVA—" Just then, the air filled with enormous loud thuds.

Rainbow Dash shook where she stood. She looked all around with nervous eyes. Lancie stuck his head out. "What is that insufferable clodding?" he asked. "Thunder?"

"No..." Rainbow gulped. "I think it's... wings flapping..."

Just then, something huge and pale came bursting out from the depths of the granite building. THUD! Its meaty lion shoulders collided with the doorframe, but it didn't stop there. THUD! THUD! THUNKKK! The creature repeatedly slammed at the frame, finally bursting through with an explosion of plaster. Rainbow Dash found herself dwarfed in the shadow of a mountainous griffon with a bald-ego head and a million veiny muscles to support it.

"DAMMIT GRAMPS!" Fibb hollered, his neck popping feathers with each drooling breath. "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME DOWN HERE WHEN I'M SPARRING!"

"Hey-hey!" Governor Grouse smiled, pointing up at the creature. "I have a grandson who looks just like you!" WHAMMM! A cedar-thick talon knocked him back by a dozen yards. "... ... ... hits like you t-too!"

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

"DAMMIT GRAMPS!" Fibb hollered, his neck popping feathers with each drooling breath. "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME DOWN HERE WHEN I'M SPARRING!"

For some reason, this reminds me of the Griff vs Biff scene in Back to the Future II.

[Elsaack]

I would ask how Griffin culture works, but the Griffinstone episode kinda illuminated that. It doesn't, it's actually some kind of decaying social inertia resembling an unattended wagon rolling down a hill, fortunately without hitting anything.
Yet.

[MidnightReflection]

"...did I ever tell you about the time we built a long wall enchanted with impenetrable winds?!" Governor Grouse wheezed with a proud grin.

"Erm... no." Rainbow Dash bit her lip, floating alongside the griffon. "...but by all means, go ahead."

"This one time, we built a wall." Grouse smiled tiredly, coasting over several delapidated apartment complexes. "It was long and we enchanted it with impenetrable winds."

... Rainbow, you definitely have some work to do here.

[Lightning Bearer]

Someone needs to light a match and put this town out of its misery.

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

6179756 Agreed.

What bunch of maroons.

[RoboRed]

...This turkey's a hoot.

"Psssst!" Lancie stuck his stone snout out her saddlebag. "Ask him who ate second base!"

[Hestia]

Rainbow Dash leaned in close, gripping the elder creature's shoulders. "Is. There. A. Non. Demented. Griffon. In. Charge. Who. I. Can. Talk. To?"

With your luck, probably not.

[viofriedsevey]

FINALY I have cellphone service sonI can catch up, gotta say, It's always a pleasure to read huge chunks of this story at a time.

[Rawrienstein]

In a third story window, someone with a buzzard beak stuck his long neck out, blinking. He gobbled in a high-pitched voice.

I'm pretending he has a Mike Tyson voice.

[zaponator]

Well, it's certainly a... different interpretation of griffon culture.
I like it. It's wacky!

[kushi02]

[arancaytar]

Also, our top avian scientists discovered a bit too late that only griffons aged forty or younger possess brains larger than a pigeon's

So that explains the council.

"Hah! Guess we'll both find out!"

On the bright side, he's too senile to actively obstruct her.

"This one time, we built a wall." Grouse smiled tiredly, coasting over several delapidated apartment complexes. "It was long and we enchanted it with impenetrable winds."

This one time, we went to the store and got two cakes.