Neigh Hard With a Vengeance
“The Hanzes!” Rainbow yelped.
“What the heck do those guys plan to do with them?” Lancie scratched his chin. “Turn them into ketchup?” Right then, the large shard was snatched out of his grasp. “Hey!”
Rainbow Dash planted the heavy stone piece on her backside and galloped straight out of the apartment. “I've gotta catch up with them before they leave the building!”
“Sparkyyyyy?!” Lancie scampered after her on all fours. Despite his best efforts, the granite statue fell hopelessly behind. “You don't actually plan on giving them the shard in exchange for—?”
“I am not about to let Photo's kids become mafia fodder!”
“Who says they'll be killed?! Maybe they'll be trained to become badass assassin killers!”
“Lancie...”
“I mean it! They'll combine Gustav and Jaeger and make a Gruber!”
At this point, Rainbow had slid out into the open hallways of the apartment complex. She spun around, looking down every corridor. “Horseapples!” She continued spinning. “Do you see th-them?!” her voice cracked.
“I see one panicked pegasus in a clown suit. Rainbow, let's just go—”
“Dammit, Lancie, I'm not leaving them!”
“Oh come on!” Lancie grunted. “We got what we came for! Our target couldn't be more gotten than how we've just done got it!”
“It doesn't matter! I gotta find—”
“For the love of oatmeal, girl!” Lancie tugged on her fake white tail. “When are you going to stop yourself dead in your tracks and ask the question of the century: Who are you loyal to? Yourself? Your love? Or everypony else?!”
Rainbow jerked away from the statue. “I'm loyal to whatever's the right thing to do!”
“Pffft! Boy is that going to blow up in your face someday...”
“Lancie...”
“Seriously! Like... a big mushroom cloud of bitter irony and karma. I don't intend to stick around for the fallout.”
“Fine!” Rainbow grunted, then darted for the elevators. “Then don't bother following me!” She pressed all of the buttons, but none of the elevator cars were responding. “Darn it! All of the patrons are riding them to the first floor!”
“Sparky, aren't you jumping the gun a bit—?”
“Keep your guns and your amoral manurebaggery!” Rainbow frowned as she ran towards the nearest stairwell, opening the door. “If you can't appreciate being a hero once in a while, then we're better off being separated—”
Thud! The door to the stairwell slammed shut behind Rainbow Dash, surprising her as much as Lancie. She could hear the little statue calling out her name from beyond. She spun around... only to see a thug situated against the door, his face freshly bruised from the chaotic fight that had transpired just minutes ago.
“Going somewhere, Toots?” he grunted.
Before Rainbow could respond, she heard several hoofsteps above and below her. “End of the line, ya bimbo...”
“You've double-crossed us for the last time.”
“Either Don Canter collects his property, or he collects a pair of tiny colt heads.”
Rainbow's ears twitched to hear two muffled voices. Looking over her shoulder, she spotted Hans and the other Hans in the grip of the largest stallion of all. It was difficult to make the kidnapees out, for by this point she was virtually surrounded by thick and heavy bodies. It was the mother of all ambushes, and each individual stallion vastly dwarfed her petite figure. She couldn't get an exact headcount, but—between her cold sweat and her heavy heartbeat—she didn't bother to try.
“That was some fancy trick you pulled off in there,” a thug said, brandishing a glinting switchblade in the crook of his hoof. His voice echoed off the concrete walls of the claustrophobic stairwell. “I don't know how you got us all distracted... or what unicorn you paid off to cast a spell on us... but you're going to pay for it, ya hussy. You're gonna pay for it big time.”
“But first thing's first...” Another stallion shuffled closer, pulling a length of metal chain out from the inside of his suit. By now, the chamber had grown tight, hot, and stuffy. Every breath Rainbow breathed was full of musk and body sweat. She was completely surrounded by the stallions and their weapons. Any false move— “Any false move, and we skin them freaky kids of yours alive. So cough it up, Ms. Finish.”
“Cough it up?” Rainbow muttered.
“Yesiree..” One thug pointed at the heavy granite torso on her back, its stone talon sticking straight out. “Give us the shard, and we give you your colts back in two pieces instead of twenty.”
Rainbow clenched her jaw tight, holding her ground.
“What, are you deaf?!” A thug sneered, brandishing a metal club. “Give us the shard now, ya dumb broad!”
Rainbow glared back at them. Slowly, she produced a devilish smirk beneath her violet shades.
A few thugs exchanged confused glances.
One henchstallion spat, “The Hell are you smirkin' about, lady?”
“What if I were to tell you that, after today, you're never going to bother threatening the Finish family ever again?” She grinded a hoof against the stairwell floor. “Because you'll have realized how utterly lame and painful it is for you?”
The bound and gagged Hanzes looked nervously at one another.
“Hah!” One thug grinned. “You've got some stones, lady! Don't you realize how screwed you are?”
“I only realize one thing,” Rainbow said. “That you've stupidly locked yourselves up in a tight chamber with yours truly.” She hissed, “And I'll be darned if this doesn't give at least half of you the concussion of your friggin' lives...”
A few thugs exchanged awkward glances.
“Say... wait a second...” A thug leaned forward. “Where'd your stupid accent go?”
“I didn't have any to begin with,” Rainbow said. “Because, you see...” She raised a hoof to the side of her muzzle and whispered, “I'm not Photo Finish.” A split-second later, she yanked off her wig and flung it straight into a stallion's face.
“Gaaaah—!” He stumbled back.
WHUD! Rainbow bucked him hard in the chest. He literally flew down the stairwell and crashed somewhere behind the thug holding the Hanzes.
A thug rushed Rainbow from behind. She spun, detached her tail, and wrapped it three times around his neck. He dropped his weapon and sputtered for breath. Meanwhile, Rainbow squatted underneath him and hoisted his body over hers, so that he tumbled down the steps like a ragdoll.
Two more thugs lunged forward, one swinging a switchblade.
Rainbow side-stepped—but only barely. The one thug's knife ripped at her gown, tearing Photo's multicolored dress down the middle. Rainbow used the opportunity to shimmy out of it, twirl, and kick the fabric off her body.
One of the two thugs slipped on it, tumbling straight forward with a gasp.
Rainbow nimbly vaulted off his figure, sending him crashing skull-first into the wall behind her. She forward flipped across the narrow space, dodged the other thug's second knife swing, and landed hard on his tail. As he yelped in pain, she viciously flung an elbow into the back of his skull, twirled around, grabbed his waist, and suplexed him into the concrete. Thud!
The remaining thugs stood at a nervous distance above and below her, gawking.
“Grnnngh!” Rainbow kipped up, her violet shades cracked down the center. “You want the shard, ya smelly inside-out melon fudges?!” She spat, tossed the shades off, and hoisted the arm of the granite statue in her teeth. “Grfff—Come and get it!”
The thugs exchanged glances. Schiiing! They unsheathed their weapons and charged, converging on Rainbow's figure. “Raaaaaaaaaaaaugh!”
“Rghhhhh!” Rainbow spun, swinging the shard by its granite arm. In so doing, she pummeled each incoming henchstallion as if she was wielding a mace. Skulls clattered, teeth went flying, and body after body toppeled down the steep, steep stairwell. The vertical chamber echoed with the meaty sounds of panicked thugs receiving a merciless melee of divine punishment.
The stallion holding Gustav and Jaeger winced with every nasty impact he saw. Bodies piled up in front of him, groaning and stirring through barely conscious pain.
“Mfrrnnghh!” Meanwhile, Rainbow was uppercutting thugs with the shard, cracking their ribs, and knocking their knees out from under them. One spun a heavy length of chain at her. She slid across the floor in a crouch, kicked up, dodged another swing, planted her hooves against the wall, bounced off, and slammed him upside the head with a twirl of the shard. “Rrghhh!”
In less than a minute, there was only one thug left, the one gripping the Hanzes. Rainbow took one look at him, twirled about, and launched the shard like a thunder god's hammer.
“Yaaaaugh!”
The stallion whimpered. He dropped Jaeger and Gustav in an instant. WHUMP! He caught the shard in his chest—awkwardly. His heavy body teetered back over the edge of the nearest flight of steps. “Woah... wh-whoah—”
Rainbow dove straight at him while the Hanzes watched. She slammed into his body, shoving him down the steps. As he slid down, the petite pegasus straddled his torso and repeatedly punched his face in with merciless hooves. Whud! Thud! Wham! Thack! Crack! By the time she rid him down to the next stairwell platform, he was an unconscious, bleeding mess.
Rainbow panted, panted, panted, and hopped up on flapping wings. “Boo-ya-ka-shaaa!” She tossed her mane with a whistling sound. “Celestia on a moped! Best I've felt all friggin' week!” As her breaths calmed, she glared up the stairwell.
The largest and most vocal of the thugs was struggling to get up, coughing up blood.
Rainbow snatched the shard in her teeth and trotted towards him, dragging the heavy granite “club” up the steps.
The Hanzes watched, gawking, turning as she trotted past them.
The thug finally got to his hooves, teetering dizzily. WHAP! He felt himself shoved back onto his haunches by a blue hoof. He looked up and gasped.
Rainbow Dash was wielding the club murderously high over her head. “Rrgggghhh—Yaaaaaaaugh!” She slammed the shard straight down.
THUDDD!
The thug winced—but his skull was still intact. He glanced aside in a cold sweat, seeing the heavy end of the shard having landed against the floor just an inch away from his right ear. The impact was intense enough to send fresh cracks rivering through the concrete.
Less-than-a-second later, Rainbow lifted him up by his collar and spat into his face. “Now you listen to me. This shard is mine!” Her eyes narrowed like blood saucers. “It's not yours. It's not Photo Finish's. It's mine and mine alone! It belonged to me before your sniveling Don Canter ever bothered auctioning for it on the black market, and it'll be mine long after he's a smelly box of glue rotting six feet under. It only fell into Photo Finish's hooves because I planned for it to go that way! Do you understand?! She's got nothing to do with this—she never has! It was all a front... a front for me to get what I owned from the start!”
“Who... wh-who are you...?!” the thug stammered with a slight trickling sound.
Rainbow chose to ignore the sudden pungent odor of urine. “Who am I?” She grinned devilishly. “The name's Firefly. Madame Firefly. And my kingdom's been holding a place in its museum for this for years. If you want it back... then set course for Awesometopia and don't look back. But I'm warning you. Swinging a club or a switchblade at me is fine. But if you so much as breathe on the Finish family again? I will make you eat your skin and crap out your body hair, do you understand me?!”
The thug shivered and shivered.
“I said...” Rainbow hoisted the shard up once more. “Do you understand me?!”
“Yes... yes...” The thug whimpered. “We won't c-come anywhere near this apartment again! I swear!”
“Send a message to Don Canter,” Rainbow grunted. “If he wants to settle a score, I'll be waiting for him...” She grinned. “Far... far away in Awesometopia. Don't know where it is? Pfft... grab a map. But you'd better bring a damn army, because then it might even the odds against me.” She trotted up the stairwell, tugging the two nervous colts along with her. “Come on, kids. Let's bouncen sie...”
The thug watched them shuffled out of sight and enter a hallway above. Then, as his eyes rolled up in his head, he collapsed and fell unconscious.
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Like a boss.
THAT IS HOW MY DASHIE HANDLES BUSINESS.
BOOM goes the dynamite, baby! WHOOOO!!
Give this comment a thumbs up if you get my reference here....
And this, kids, is just exactly why Rainbow Dash is not only the Element of Loyalty, but the Element of Awesome, as well.
So... awesome!
That is what happens to a Gruber. Lancie had no idea.
Inb4 there's some distant, remote, peace-loving village called Awesometopia that someday gets some unfriendly visitors with a grudge.
Ja... that's better.
Kaizo, yet satisfying.
Damn... Poor guys O.O
Those thugs got to taste the Rainbow.
It's official rainbow dash is the most badass pony ever
That...was thoroughly awesome.
THAT. WAS. FRIGGIN'. AWESOME. THAT. IT. WAS.
Edit: it was meant to be rainbow coloured. Blue didn't like me.
I was hoping you would use that.
I actually made a picture for this. Stupid FiMFiction only allowing URL images!
Sorry, I love you! Don't crash my internet please...