Appledashery

by Just Essay

Eyes on the Prize

Rainbow Dash returned home, and the first thing she did was carelessly fling the blue captain vest over the end of her dresser. As the thing draped there, she paced and paced around the room, breathing and snorting indignantly. At last, with an angry shudder, she spun and kicked the foot of her bed. "Rnnngh!"

Th-Thap!

Rainbow Dash leaned back, exhaling. She wasn't sure what bothered her the most: the fact that the gesture did little to deflate her temper, or the fact that she could scarcely feel the impact against her fetlock.

Sighing, the mare leaned back on her haunches. She stared ahead with a dull gaze, her eyes once again re-filling with the gray malaise of her abode.

Seconds passed...

Minutes...

Rainbow's wings flexed and unflexed. Slowly, she tilted her head to the side. Her eyes caught a familiar goblet—golden and sparkly and alone on the shelf.

She bit her lip. She looked into the hallway of cloud stone leading towards the kitchen. She began to fidget...

---

"So the little filly recovered?!" With a giggle, Epcot turned away from the conical tower she was sculpting out of dream thought. "Heehee! That's so wonderful! I simply love it when mortals get a second chance at life! Especially young mortals! That's like... like...double mortals! Heeheehee!"

"Yeah, well, it wasn't easy getting the antidote to her," Rainbow Dash muttered. She paced around a floating platform made out of crystal. Glittering seas hung above and beneath them. The sky—or a sapphire semblance of it—swirled in between the parallel oceans, filled with clouds and floating palaces. "I did a lot of stuff that the old me would never have contemplated." She gulped. "...even though it was done to a bunch of heartless melon fudges who deserved it."

"Well, your loved ones were at risk," Epcot said, humming to herself as she finished the epic structure a mile away. "And it's not like you chased them. They chased you."

"And they were keen to chase down the rest of my friends and murder them even if we all got through the whole situation alive." Rainbow shuddered. She hugged herself, silently alarmed by how much "feeling" she had in her forelimbs. "I think the worst part of it is—even with all of those factors thrown together—I'm most proud of just... getting the antidote to Apple Bloom."

"Well, that's about as ironic as it gets!" Epcot said, stifling another giggle.

Rainbow squinted at her. "What's so funny about that?"

"Just 'cuz for a pony who's so "proud" that she saved Applejack's sister, you're not taking any credit for it!"

"Yeah... well..." Rainbow Dash shuffled. "That's a tall order."

"In what way?"

"You know how I feel about Applejack."

"How can an immortal chaperone of a collective subconscious dream world not?" Epcot said with a wink.

Rainbow Dash smiled briefly. Then she went on: "I... want to be with Applejack." She gulped. "Someday. I... I-I really do. But..." Her muzzle scrunched. "How can I expect her to like me if... if she becomes aware of this huge laundry list of nifty things I've done for her?"

Epcot froze in place. All of the sudden, her body distorted—as if sliced apart by a thousand vertical lines. Then—with the sound of distant bells—she recoalesced, good-as-new.

"Whoah! Epcot!" Rainbow gaped. "You okay there, girl?"

"Erm... a thousand pardons." Epcot coughed, turning around. "Sometimes I do that when my programmed logic centers experience spontaneous collapse. Heehee..." She cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly at the pegasus. "Would you terribly mind explaining that last part to me again?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow Dash scooted away from Epcot, her ears folded. "...I'm not sure if I want to now."

"Rainbow Dash..." Epcot trotted towards her, smiling softly. "Why wouldn't you desire Applejack to know about these good things that you've done for her? Isn't that the process by which one mortal would attempt to fall into good favor with another?"

"Well... yeah. I guess." Rainbow gulped. "If I wanted to be lame about it."

"I'm afraid I am still confused."

"Y-You're not going to disappear into fartspace or nothing, are you?!"

"Heehee. No, Rainbow Dash." Epcot shook her glittery mane. "But I am touched by your concern, nevertheless."

"Okay." Rainbow gulped. "I... I guess I want... like... what I really really want is for Applejack to like me... because of me." She bit her lip. "And... sure, I do a bunch of stuff for her. But only because I want to. I want Applejack's life to be better. 'Cuz she's awesome. You feel me?"

"Certainly."

"But... if I let her in on all the stuff I've done..." Rainbow fumbled a bit, but rambled on: "Then I'd be... like... imposing on her this... this forced appreciation, or something. Like... I don't want to obligate her. It just... wouldn't be right."

"I feel as if I've sensed enough about Applejack from her time here in Cider Space to tell that she's a mare of conviction, sincerity, and honesty—"

"Well, totally—"

"And if there was ever a conflict between her feelings for you and her obligations to feel..." Epcot nodded with a smile. "I am quite certain she would tell you whole-heartedly. If not instantly."

To that, Rainbow Dash only winced.

Epcot blinked. "That is... troublesome... to you?"

"There's one thing I didn't tell you about my adventure to grab the antidote, Epcot," Rainbow murmured. "It's that... that I..." She grimaced. After sniffling, her next words came out in a shaky tone. "I-I lost a friend." She looked off into dream-thought, her eyes watering. "And it's not like it's the first time. I've lost friends before. Some good, some bad. But this dude. He... he was in the right place and at the right time. And he never judged me... or forced me to do something that I didn't want to. Sure, he was annoying at times. He talked a bit too much. And yet... now that he's gone, I just... I-I just feel like a loser."

Epcot watched on.

Rainbow fell back on her haunches, shuddering. "And... and it's not like it was something that I did directly to make him leave. In fact..." She wiped her muzzle with a sigh. "...he told me a lot of crazy stuff... a lot of crazy stuff that would give me good reason to distrust him... even hate him. But... but I don't. Because underneath all of the lies and all of the chaos, I... I get the distinct feeling that he actually liked me. That he enjoyed my company. That he felt like a winner when he was around me. And... like... he's seriously, genuinely the author of a bunch of nasty crud... but I don't care. I miss him. I feel like I've lost something and... and..."

After a sigh, the pegasus looked up.

"Even after all the things I've done for Applejack," Rainbow spoke firmly. "All the miles I've flown and all the bruises I've suffered." She gulped. "If after all of that, I expose myself to her, and she just... rejects me... then... th-then I dunno how I could ever deal." She shook her head. "Better to have never won anything than to take the leap and... and become the biggest loser ever imaginable." She rubbed her muzzle again with a sigh. "...does that make any sense?"

Epcot's response came far quicker than the pegasus anticipated. "In some ways, I think I can grasp that. But try and grasp this, Rainbow Dash." She leaned in, resting a hoof on her shoulder. "Applejack—like you—is a mortal. But more than that, she's a soul... and a very respectable and valiant one." She slowly shook her head. "No amount of impressive stunts or heroics on your part can change a pony. If she stands to adore you or to ignore you, that is her prerogative. If that wasn't the case, then would she even be the same pony whose affections you'd wish to win from the get-go?"

Rainbow hung her head with a sigh.

Epcot continued: "Life for creatures such as you and Applejack is short... and so very precious. I hate to see it stilted because—for whatever rightful reason—you're afraid of losing something that you treasure. But loss is the most mortal of conditions, Rainbow Dash. But so is triumph." She smiled. "I know that you have it within you to approach both the stormfront of your fears as well as the advent of a new dawn. But sooner than later, you may need to tell yourself that Applejack could very well not exist within that golden frontier. And—all the same, she could. It'll be up to you to stop skirting the issue and finally approach her with your feelings, so she can reply with her own... or her lack thereof. But the most important thing is this..."

Rainbow looked up.

Epcot stared straight at her. "You need to stop thinking of Applejack as a prize," Epcot said. "After all, she means more to you than something so simple... or so two-dimensional." A smile. "If not for your sake, Rainbow Dash, then for hers. It's okay to admire somepony from afar... but they're still somepony beneath the beauty and shine. Do you understand?"

With a sigh, Rainbow Dash slowly nodded. "Even worse..." A shudder. "...I'm starting to think that Stu already understands."

Epcot blinked. "You mean Stu Leaves?"

"Nnnngh..." Rainbow Dash face-hoofed with a sigh. "...yeah..."

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

Even Epcot agrees that Rainbow isn't making any sense at all.

[Tim the Planes-pony]

And... like... he's seriously, genuinely the author of a bunch of nasty crud.

Is this a bit of self deprecation?

That aside, Rainbow is afraid of asking for more, because she is afraid of losing something important. Ironic in a way, she risks all sorts of things that mean little to her, but something that is important she will not throw away, not even for the chance of getting infinitely more.

[TwilightUCrazy]

Rainbow...

...swear to God...

...I will use my brain to pluck you like a Thanksgiving turkey if you don't pull your shit together. I've not followed you for the past seven-hundred forty-five chapters through a story called AppleDashery just to watch you sulk in self-imposed misery. You always boast about how awesome you are, and yet you constantly defeat yourself with this indefatigable doubt and sense of loathing for yourself. Who the hell did the Jedi mindtrick on you to make you think you were this loser to begin with? Was it this Listing Breeze character that we've not seen hide nor hair of the entirety of this tale? Some abusive bitch who is so insignificant that she hasn't even played a part in the story yet is the pony you're letting beat you? You claim to be a winner? Then prove it already, goddammit! Get your ass up off the mat, go to Applejack -- your best friend in the entire universe -- tell her the truth of your feelings if nothing else, and brace for the impact. Stop making yourself into a loser already. Listing Breeze was the past. You're ten times the pony of anypony yet shown in this story, so nut the hell up and stop getting on my nerves! You are not about to lose Applejack to a cardboard schmuck like Stu Leaves, she deserves you and nopony less and you are literally the only thing standing in your own way.

Feel like a moron yet, girl? Take that competitive confidence that you have and apply it already! I'm getting sick of waiting for the friggin' promise of AppleDash to be fulfilled!

[/rant]

[Sabin]

6633604 glad someone else feels the same way as I do.

Listing Breeze needs to show up at one point at the very least so Applejack can kick her in the face. Repeatedly.

I feel like the Appledash needs to happen soon because who knows when Rainbow's illness will hit the point of no return, and at this point I feel like Applejack is the only one who can convince Rainbow to go and have the surgery (unless Discord gives her that miracle cure even after she's refused it.)

[RoboRed]

"I... want to be with Applejack." She gulped. "Someday. I... I-I really do. But..." Her muzzle scrunched. "How can I expect her to like me if... if she becomes aware of this huge laundry list of nifty things I've done for her?"

Epcot froze in place. All of the sudden, her body distorted—as if sliced apart by a thousand vertical lines. Then—with the sound of distant bells—she recoalesced, good-as-new.

"Whoah! Epcot!" Rainbow gaped. "You okay there, girl?"

"Erm... a thousand pardons." Epcot coughed, turning around. "Sometimes I do that when my programmed logic centers experience spontaneous collapse. Heehee..."

Rainbow, you temporarily broke Epcot.

[Phoenix Kitten]

Okay." Rainbow gulped. "I... I guess I want... like... what I really really want is for Applejack to like me... because of me." She bit her lip. "And... sure, I do a bunch of stuff for her. But only because I want to. I want Applejack's life to be better. 'Cuz she's awesome. You feel me?"
"Certainly."
"But... if I let her in on all the stuff I've done..." Rainbow fumbled a bit, but rambled on: "Then I'd be... like... imposing on her this... this forced appreciation, or something. Like... I don't want to obligate her. It just... wouldn't be right."

This makes.. a startling degree of sense.
She doesn't want Applejack to feel like she has to return her affection because of everything she's done for her. She wants to earn that affection on her own merit, not the merits of her deeds.
I can respect that sentiment.

But something's been nagging at me, really it might seem inconsequential but... when she dropped her letter, didn't she also leave her personalized saddle bags behind?
What happened to them?
If they're still there, then maybe the letter is too.

[Phoenix Kitten]

6633751 Rainbow wants to earn her happy ending.
The only way she'd accept something like that is if she feels she's done something that makes her worthy of it.

Also...
"I'm gonna make you cry bunny leech!"

[Lightning Bearer]

So... Rainbow wants to be with Applejack (someday). But she doesn't want to tell her. Or show her. Or risk anything at all. She's just going to uphold the status quo, bailing from time to time with no explanation, and expect Applejack to fall in love with her as suddenly as a pixie fart? How's that workin' out for you, Rainbow?

Seriously. Listen to Epcot. Be honest with the Element of Honesty. Pretty please, with sprinkles on top?

[Appledash_Gurl]

Yes EPCOT, preach it, convince Rainbow to tell Aj something at least!

~ADG

[JodiePonyPuddinAndPie]

6633876

Yep, saddlebags and letter are still on the farm. Or at least, we haven't seen anyone move 'em. The farm has been pretty packed while AB was sick though, I guess anyone could've picked them up.

The angst is killing me though. I swear, the day Appledashery fulfills its namesake I'm gonna do shots of Apple Jack Daniels till the world regains its balance from the enormous amount of awesome that just got dropped on it.

[1Bit]

Rainbow...sweetie....your about to lose AJ to the shmuckiest of shmucks so can you please get your flank in gear and GET THE DAMN CUDDLES ALREADY?!

[Sabin]

6633883 "Oh yes, please do."

Who says she has to "accept" it? Even though Rainbow agreed when Discord cured Photo Finish, they didn't exactly ask her about it and Discord didn't abide by Rainbow's last wishes when she was bleeding out after Romulus stabbed her. As different as he is now (or will become after his soul searching) it's still Discord, and I wouldn't put it past him to just cure Rainbow anyway. Will I think it will come to that? No, I do not think that's how this story will go but it's a still a possibility

[viofriedsevey]

Something very beautiful about this story is that I don't think Rainbow actually did deserve Applejack in the beggining of the story. Rainbow is getting closer but truthfully I still fon't thi k she's there yet. Whoever commented last chapter that Applejack is starting to feel like an object crushed it, but I think that was purposeful based off the response in this chapter. I predict Rainbow will be more stable and more over her inner demons before she gets Applejack.

[Sheendough]

"You need to stop thinking of Applejack as a prize,"

Thank you! It was exactly what I was thinking a couple of chapters ago.

[Hestia]

I lament the one time she tried confessing. That darn letter that never made it. So close. We were so close.

C'mon, Dashie. Tell her.

[zaponator]

It's always unfortunate to see characters like Epcot explain things to Rainbow is such easy to understand, impossible to refute detail... and know that it's going right in one ear and out the other.

[BabySkittleMonster]

what I really really want is for Applejack to like me.

Tell me what you want, what you really, really, want... I am so sorry.

"Better to have never won anything than to take the leap and... and become the biggest loser ever imaginable." She rubbed her muzzle again with a sigh. "...does that make any sense?"

Ah, the story of my childhood. This brings back memories.

[DrEggnog]

Ah, here's the chapter I was waiting for. I really needed a shpeal on Dash's mindset. So, she feels that the timing is off, with her already in a funk over losing who has in many ways been her best friend for some time. It's a good excuse, though still only an excuse. The thing is, I'm sure she's going to replace it with lamer excuses soon.

[arancaytar]

"Erm... a thousand pardons." Epcot coughed, turning around. "Sometimes I do that when my programmed logic centers experience spontaneous collapse. Heehee ..." She cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly at the pegasus. "Would you terribly mind explaining that last part to me again?"

"Even after all the things I've done for Applejack," Rainbow spoke firmly. "All the miles I've flown and all the bruises I've suffered." She gulped. "If after all of that, I expose myself to her, and she just... rejects me ... then... th-then I dunno how I could ever deal ." She shook her head. "Better to have never won anything than to take the leap and... and become the biggest loser ever imaginable." She rubbed her muzzle again with a sigh. "...does that make any sense?"

Dashie, you do realize that you already wrote the letter once? You already got past this block.

Just... you know... write it again. Exactly as before. There isn't going to be a random hell-snake every time you try to deliver a loveletter.

[berrytone]

It's finally great to hear Rainbow's reason for her silence and humility about her deeds. Obligatory, Epcot is best pony.