Appledashery

by Just Essay

The Moment of Buffalo Truth, Buffalo

“...a chessboard, buffalo?” He Who Bags Well leaned forward with a scrupulous squint.

A frazzled bison nodded. “Yes, Buffalo Who Bags Well, buffalo.” He cracked the joints in his neck and glanced aside at Rainbow Dash and Churning Bag who were standing beside him inside the tribal leader’s cave. “We and several other creatures were used as game pieces for the monsters’ amusement, buffalo.”

“What other creatures?”

”Griffons, wyverns, and wing ponies, buffalo.”

“What’s a wyvern?”

”I do not know! Not a buffalo, buffalo!”

A pegasus stepped up, still shivering as condensation ran down his shiny armor. “My name is Feathersteel of the Eastern Canterlot Brigade. Myself and several ponies in my unit were caught by a cyclops a long time ago. We were--in effect--frozen for what appears to have been the duration of four months. We suspect the wyverns and the griffons met a similar fate--only we are all free now.” He glanced aside and nodded towards Rainbow Dash. “All thanks to this mare.”

Rainbow smirked and tilted her chin up.

“She must have infiltrated the lair of the two Tartarus escapees and driven them out with moonlight. We all owe her our lives.”

“Eh…” Rainbow Dash shrugged, waving a hoof limply. “Maybe a backscratch will do. I dunno about lives.”

“No, I mean it!” The pegasus turned aside, gazing at her with quivering eyes. “My stallions and I are in your debt! So is the office of Canterlot Defense! When our families find out that we’re still alive--”

“You’re talking as if I don’t know I’m already awesome.” Rainbow winked. “Thanks, pal. Really cute stuff.”

“Can… can we at least know the name of the pony who saved us?”

“I’ll give away autographs later.” Rainbow stepped forward, clearing her throat. “Hey! You Who Drags a Scene Out Well! About our deal--”

”What should we do if the buffalo return, buffalo?!”” The bison behind her snarled.

“If this basilisk returns, we’re done for!” He Who Bags Well shuddered.

“Not very likely,” Churning Bag said with a smirk. “You know those big honkin’ doors you have on the south side of the mountain?”

“Yes, buffalo…?”

“Well, it’s the perfect receptacle for both sunlight and moonlight! I really doubt those freakjobs are gonna try messing with your bulky, fuzzy heads anytime soon!”

Feathersteel nodded. “Also, as a precautionary measure, my team will be working with the griffon survivors to erect a series of enchanted moonstones around the main entrance. They should absorb the sunlight during the day and reflect it back out gradually over the course of night.” He smirked. “There’ll no longer be any conceivable way of entering the hollow of the Granite Mountains.”

Buffalo Who Bags Well fidgeted on his well-toned legs. “The buffalo do not think that the buffalo are prepared to compensate for such a buffalo security measure, buffalo.”

“Think nothing of it,” Feathersteel said with a bow. “What we do here, we do for the security of Equestria. I’m certain you’ll find the griffons in agreement.” He glanced aside at Rainbow Dash. “Now, if I could humbly ask for your name--”

“Hey! Shades!” Rainbow Dash whistled at the bison leader. “The agreement! Savvy?!”

“Huh?” He Who Bags Well blinked.

His graying mother stuck her moldy head from beyond a curtain of beads in the back. ”Taste her damn hubcaps, buffalo!”

“I’ve got it under control, mother!” The buffalo rolled his shaded eyes, and turned towards Rainbow Dash with a sigh. “Alright… where is it…?”

“Your future deliverer has a sample right here!” Rainbow Dash gestured aside as Churning Bag trotted up, holding a golden brown pie in an aluminum pan.

“Uhhh… you may not find it as shiny as a mirror…” The mountain ram smiled nervously. “But it’s certainly going to be a lot tastier.”

“What’s it called again?”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “Apple pie! Courtesy of Fancy Pants! And he’s got it courtesy of Sweet Apple Acres, the birthplace of all sweet, golden delicious apples!”

“And you think the buffalo are going to develop a buffalo taste for this edible commodity, buffalo?”

“So long as you’re willing to part with the Cloudstone inside that chamber that I just cleared out for you!” Rainbow Dash leaned in, wagging her eyebrows. “Free of charrrrrrge…”

“Hrmmm…” He Who Bags Well motioned for the pie pan. “Let me give it a buffalo taste.”

As Churning trotted forward, Rainbow Dash waved a knife in the crook of her hoof. “Here, you can cut it with this and serve yourself a slice--”

SPLUT! He Who Bags Well shoved his face deep into the dessert, causing Churning to wince.

Rainbow blinked. “Orrrrrrrrr get freaky with it.” She tossed the knife behind her shoulder with a shrug. “Whatever works.”

He Who Bags Well stood with his head skull-deep into pie. After a few seconds of motionlessness, his mother stuck her head out from the curtain again.

”Has my worthless buffalo son suffocated yet, buffalo?!”

”Mrmmmmff--No, motherrrrrmmmfff”

”Awwwwwwwww buffalo poop, buffalo!” She leaned back in.

“Ahem…” Rainbow Dash gulped, trying to hide the fact that she was sweating. “Well?” She fidgeted from one side of her hooves to the other.

“Grmmmmff--!” The tribal leader leaned back, his face covered from horn to chin in dripping apple curds and fruity gunk.

Churning Bag glanced at Rainbow Dash and Feathersteel, then back at the buffalo boss.

“Hrmmmmm…” He Who Bags Well licked his mouth clean so that his lips could pronounce, “Buffalo… No, Buffalo. It is not possible to enjoy this, buffalo.”

Rainbow Dash’s legs almost gave way.

His eyes twitched as his pupils shrank away from her. “It is only possible to buffalo worship, this, buffalo!!!!!”

Rainbow’s wings and eartips sharply jerked up. She grinned wide. “Hah! Ain’t it the truth?!”

“Buffalo had no idea that buffalo ambrosia could buffalo exist, buffalo!” He Who Bags Well was practically vibrating with ecstasy. He licked up all he could from the pie pan and fought the urge to hyperventilate. “Please, non buffalo with non buffalo wings, tell me where buffalo can find more, buffalo!”

“Yes, well, good thing I brought a whole cart--” Rainbow Dash spun around. She blinked. ”Hey!”

A miniature herd had gathered around the front of the cave, butting heads as they fought and clambered over a mushy pile of pie pieces. The air filled with the sound of smacking lips and gnawing teeth: ”Buffalo! Buffalo! Buffalo! Buffalo!”

“Hey!” Buffalo Who Bags Well snarled. “Leave some for your buffalo leader, buffalo! I’m the one trading with non-buffalo, buffalo!”

Rainbow instantly flew into his face with happy, fluttering wings. “The onlyyyyyyyy way to get more is to trade for more!” She grinned devilishly. “And more, I can get you. Not just pies, but fritters, cobblers, caramel treats on a stick! Even juice!”

The native mountaineer nearly shed a tear at that. “You… you m-mean…” His apple-stained lips stammered as he gazed in disbelief at the pan in his hooves. “A buffalo can actually drink this nectar?”

“For a price.” Rainbow Dash squinted. “Cloudstone. And lots of it.”

“Whaddya say, champ?” Churning Bag waggled an eyebrow. “Win win win for everyone today! But you get to win the most!”

He Who Bags Well looked at his hungrily scarfing buffalo, at the pan in his grasp, then at Rainbow Dash. His nostrils flared… then flared harder.

Comments

[Keradon]

In the words of the flying circus... Get on with it!
Yes, Get on with it!

Seriously, I like your update schedule and all... but you are such a tease.

[Tchernobog]

And it all works out in the end! Squeeee

[MellowMabari]

Yay! Success for all! Churning Bag could probably even make extra by selling napkins on the side.

On another note, Rainbow's being rather hesitant in giving out her name. I would say it's weird for her to not jump at a chance for extra fame, but I kinda like the take that she's so concerned about settling the deal for Applejack that she doesn't even really think about anything else.

Hopefully things continue to work out - I always tend to get wary when everything seems all peachy, even if I like peachy.

Until tomorrow-ish!

[greenpick]

Man, this story . I think someone already mentioned this, but I can seriously hardly believe the like/dislike ratio. This is one of the most original and creative shipfics I've read on this site! I have more praise, but I'm on a tablet, so...just keep doing what you're doing.

[MellowMabari]

Ok, kinda random, but I was just listening to my music on shuffle, and this song came on, (haven't actually listened to it in ages) and I immediately thought of this fic. It totally fits how Dash moons over AJ, if you replace "fast food drive-through" with "Apple Orchard"

[Lightning Bearer]

Well, I'll be damned. Part of me was expecting a twist where the buffalo here didn't care for it. But anything that facilitates Appledash cuteness is A-OK with me. Can't wait for Rainbow to get back to Ponyville and her would-be ladylove.

[Lilith Evanson]

Good job, Rainbow! I'm so glad sosme things worked out. I wonder what will happen if Applejack finds out?

[zaponator]

[HyperMonica]

I AM PULLING OUT MY HAIR BECAUSE OF THIS AWESOMENESS.

[Future Regret]

Last chapter I forgot this wasn't Austraeoh. Now that there seems to be a perfectly happy conclusion to an arc it's all coming back to me.

[BabySkittleMonster]

5113042
Ha! Too true, too true. I don't know about you, but I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so it's all good.

[DrEggnog]

I was a bit wary of the buffalo arc at first, but goddamn it turned out to be a lot of fun.

“Hrmmmmm…” He Who Bags Well licked his mouth clean so that his lips could pronounce, “Buffalo… No, Buffalo. It is not possible to enjoy this, buffalo.”
Rainbow Dash’s legs almost gave way.
His eyes twitched as his pupils shrank away from her. “It is only possible to buffalo worship, this, buffalo!!!!!”

[Weehawk]

Terrible businessmare. And avoiding any name drop ehhh?

[AppleTank]

"My name ... is Austraeoh-- wait wrong story"