Appledashery

by Just Essay

And Throw the Mic

If the heavens hadn't been pierced before, they were parting now by the nasally missiles being thrown skyward from the throat of Svengallop.

"Haah haah haah haah haah!" He brayed, mane flouncing.

Ponyvilleans citizens fidgeted awkwardly.

Rainbow Dash merely raised an eyebrow.

"Duaaaaaaah!" Svengallop inhaled, then gaped down at the pegasus. "Are you serious?! Are you actually so deranged... so insipidly stupid to believe that you can somehow defeat my client—the undefeated marathon champion Brick Lesneigh?!"

"She's not stupid!" I stammered, cheeks puffing angrily. "She's Rainbow Dash! The fastest pegasus in Equestria!"

"Well, her muzzle may like to run fast!" Svengallop fumbled through a yawn. "But that won't get her anywhere in the big leagues. Ya hear that, lady?" His nostrils flared as he pointed from the stage. "You're going to need the legs of a hydra attached to that petite little blue tube body of yours if you even think that you can even remotely keep up with the pace of my client out in the field!"

"What, is your precious client too cowardly to accept my challenge on his own?" Rainbow said.

Brick Lesneigh opened his muzzle—

"Heeeeeeeey now..." Svengallop trotted in front of him. "You can't just waltz up and insult my client like that! He has more talent and dignity in his left ear then you have in your whole body! Hmmmf! Even with ten of you all strapped together and pumping your legs, you still wouldn't be able to make a dent in my client's track record! Hell, look at you! If you ran full-force into Brick Lesneigh's bicep, he wouldn't even feel the slightest pinprick!"

"Well." Rainbow Dash smirked. "As the king of little pricks, I can understand how you wouldn't know a thing or two about charisma."

The crowd chanted, smiling at one another.

Slowly... like glaciers melting... Svengallop's grin faded. He inhaled fumingly. "Alright then. If that's the way you wanna do it... go ahead and sign up!"

"Dude, I already d—"

"But you'll be signing the death warrant of your athletic career!" Svengallop pointed. "Mark my words! The moment you stupidly decided to open your muzzle and put your integrity on the line in the face of my client's indomitable greatness, you gave up any chance of anypony respecting you ever! Not that you'll even have a chance to care, because my client is going to leave you so far behind in the dust that you'll be coughing up dirt for months!" Svengallop bellowed: "You're gonna get your flank beat by Brick Lesneigh. You're gonna get beat by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna get beat up by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna get hurt by Brick Lesneigh!" Saliva flew. "You're gonna get embarrassed by Brick Lesneigh! You're gonna be emasculated by Brick Lesneigh!" Veins showed in his forehead as he hollered. "You're going to be conquered! Conquered! Conquered... by Brrrrick... Lesneigh!" A final snort, and he waved his hoof with a squinting glare. "Believe that!"

Ponies blinked as the stallion marched off the stage. Brick Lesneigh cracked the joints in his meaty neck, said nothing, and trotted after his agent.

Villagers glanced at one another in dead silence.

Rainbow Dash had her jaw clenched.

I looked all around. "Well... that went better than I expected!" I smiled.

Comments

[MidnightReflection]

I was hoping she'd just rainboom a sonic rainboom right in front of Svengallop.

[Shotgunmerc]

I have to say I love the Paul Heyman/Brock Lesnar in Equestria here. Not only is it a crossover I haven't seen yet (nor one that I'd ever think of trying), but it's one that's done well.

[Dash32]

I love this! 986 chapters and counting!

[Hestia]

I honestly didn't think Svengallop was so bad until this chapter. Guess I'm a little slow.

[DrEggnog]

If the heavens hadn't been pierced before

Remember that time Best Friends got that 500 dollar Gurren Lagann bluray set in the Mailbag and it totally blew their minds and then soon after they got ANOTHER ONE? Good times.

[Phoenix Kitten]

Yup, no wings allowed. How is she going to manage this?
Also, seriously? How is Dash's name not already part of athletic history? She not only won best young flier, but she did so by performing a Sonic Rainboom, something that until then, was thought just a legend.

And I'd really like to see Brick say something without Svengallop interrupting him. Although I have this mental idea of him saying stuff like "I punch the marathon."
Brick was pretty awesome in Borderlands 2.

[Lightning Bearer]

I'm calling it now: Brick Lesneigh's actually a pretty chill dude, and he and Rainbow will end up on good terms.

[Jern]

"As the king of little pricks, I can understand how you wouldn't know a thing or two about charisma."

THE ABSOLUTE MADMARE

[PropMaster]

"As the king of little pricks, I can understand how you wouldn't know a thing or two about charisma."

BAH GAWD! HE MAY BE BROKEN IN HALF!

[RoboRed]

"Well." Rainbow Dash smirked. "As the king of little pricks, I can understand how you wouldn't know a thing or two about charisma."

media.giphy.com/media/26AHLBZUC1n53ozi8/giphy.gif

7358707
He really needs a sonic-slaptotheface.

7359062
Seconded.

[Crochettail]

Brick, just fire him, please?

[Cotton Fluff]

Interesting turn of events here. I am very curious as to just how Rainbow even thinks she'll be able to compete in a race where she can't use her wings. I'm going to generally assume she's going to glug down every last drop of Zecora's potion in the hopes it will last long enough for her legs to not be noodles. Sadly, I can't see this working out very well at all for many reasons most of which are the side effects of the potion.

It also is interesting just how convenient this race is. Just when Dash is planning on leaving, a competition she can't say no to just happens to show up in Ponyville? I'm half torn between calling this author faffery to delay plot progression or having hope that this is an ingenious/roundabout way for her friends to become useful again (them having set this up somehow to reconnect with Rainbow).

[zaponator]

I feel like Brick is going to end up so fed up with Sven owning him that he just allows Rainbow to win out of spite.
Just a theory. This can go wrong in so many different ways, but I that's one possibility.

[Folomo]

7358982
For the same reason RD has never heard about Brick before even if he has an incredible record. Their skills simply run on different tracks.

[Folomo]

7360747
But the race was presented one and a half months prior to the current events in the story, in a totally not foreshadowy chapter