Appledashery

by Just Essay

Well, Sven

As soon as this "Svengallop" ponysona began talking, Rainbow Dash found herself reeling... glancing all around for something to bash her skull in. But to no avail.

"Yes yes yes... we all know that the Equestrian Marathon is a delightfully cheritable occasion... one that I've been proud to be a part of for several years running." The pink-mane'd stallion on stage gestured at himself. "Well... being an agent of running... eheheheh... no, that's quite alright. You don't need to laugh. Ahem. Let's get really honest with one another, shall we?" His eyes stabbed like daggers. "Deep down inside, we're all horses. And horses love to race... competing on the most evolutionary level. And no competition is worth anything without somepony to beat. Well... I've brought such a pony to the table here today... the pony... the one and only pony who remains undefeated for the last five years in a row!"

The crowd murmured in awe as Svengallop gestured towards the towering, muscular behemoth standing silent and robotic beside the petite stallion.

"I'm talking about Brick Lesneigh! My agent... and the best equine athlete in the world! Unquestionably! There are facts about life that you cannot deny, my... mmmfff... humble 'Ponyvillean' friends. Such as the fact that rain is wet. Or that gravity causes things to fall. Or that someday—all of us are going to die... some not as fast as they should, granted, but that's another topic altogether. Ahem. One fact that remains undeniably true is that none of you can even come CLOSE to defeating Brick Lesneigh! I know that the Mayor and Mr. French Panties here want to encourage tons of ponies to sign up and donate so that they can get a better grab at an enlarged monetary prize, but with Brick Lesneigh competing—well—that's gonna be a bit tough, isn't it? If you count all of the minor marathon events of the past decade, you'll find that his streak is actually at fifteen races won. Heck, he even won the Detrot Equestrian Marathon with over twenty minutes to spare! Twenty minutes, folks! That's... like... five of your hoe-downs in a row! Or something."

Brick Lesneigh said nothing. His beady eyes continued staring into negative space while his agent spoke and spoke.

"But... naturally... Brick Lesneigh does not exist to rob much-needy ponies of their charity funds. He lives to win... to be that which he is: legendary. After all... he doesn't need the money! He gets enough from sponsorships—thanks to yours truly. Heheheh... so... to that extent, and to give the event reason to pool in all of the necessary resources, Brick Lesneigh made a very humble decision ages ago. He's agreed to take his prize money from the Equestrian Marathon and award it to the ponies who finish in second... third... fourth... and so on—all the way to tenth! So... rest assured, a good percentage of you participants will be winners! Even if you're all losers... but that's a matter of perspective, isn't it?"

Svengallop spun about, pointing at the muscular entity.

"But what isn't a matter of perspective is the objective fact that Brick Lesneigh is going to win the first place prize! And his triumph will be your triumph—for he is the greatest athlete to ever bestow this cutesy little farm town or any of the provinces beyond! So... please... by all means... join him in the spotlight! Sign up today for the benefit of sick, fumbling unicorns everywhere! For any tiny piece of triumph you can afford will make you feel a tiny bit of greatness... for you will be sharing in the wealth that is Brick Lesneigh!"

Rainbow had just about pushed the bile down her throat when she took notice of a yellow-brown figure in her peripheral. Glancing aside, she spotted a silken mane... and that was how she knew she was looking at Caramel.

The stallion stood on the sidelines, quite and deadpan. He hadn't noticed the pegasus yet.

Blinking, the mare glanced at the stage, then back at her friend. Without saying a word, she turned from the platform and slowly pressed her way through the crowd.

"Now... to make things perfectly clear to you... fruit-bucking types..." Svengallop unrolled a sheet of paper and squinted at the lines. "...I've detailed the extent to which Brick Lesneigh's funds will be disseminated down the line of not-winners. Between the first and tenth slot, you can expect a total depreciation of about seventy-two point five percent of the initial ten equal shares with slight variations in—"

Comments

[fourths]

Oh, thank goodness, she's going to do it for her. Or something, at least. Good on you, Rainbow.

[RoboRed]

Rainbow had just about pushed the bile down her throat when she took notice of a yellow-brown figure in her peripheral. Glancing aside, she spotted a silken mane... and that was how she knew she was looking at Caramel.

7344441
Eeeeeeeyep. I definitely think you're right about this one.

[Jern]

"Well... being an agent of running... eheheheh... no, that's quite alright. You don't need to laugh.

I got a chuckle out of that one.

Calling it now, the finish line will be in sight with Brick in the lead until Dash pulls off a takedown and Brick Lesneigh loses by submission.

[Phoenix Kitten]

7347425
But she won't be forthcoming.
Melody will receive a letter in the mail telling her that an anonymous benefactor has paid for her operation in full.
By which point, Dash will have long left Ponyville.

[BronyInHiding]

7347653 And winning via fetlock bar, Rainbow will become....... Frank Mare.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Will French Panties say something if he sees Rainbow in the audience? He understands Rainbow wanted to remain anonymous in the apple-related thing, but maybe he will think she would love to compete and brag if it's about sport.

[Codaulux]

7347441
Orrrr, Caramel* wins and gives the full amount of Dash's donation back with enough left over to cover the SRS costs.

*Champion marathon runner in a past life. But that's a story for another day.

[I Thought I Was Toast]

Oh Celestia, it's worse than I thought. Now she thinks she has to win. It was bad enough thinking she might be humble enough now to simply race. She'd need to put on a show to hide her disease sure, but it had a chance of being manageable...

Now she's doing it for Caramel, and even if she is discovered as she pushes herself too far that just means she's still going to insist the others help Caramel.

[zaponator]

It's amazing how Svengallop manages to be a massive dickwad even when performing charity. Artful, really.

[Seraphimus]

7350040 Based on the individual I believe his personality is mimicking for the story? It's a perfect rendition of what I expected.

[ShadowsorLights]

Aaaaaaaannnd death warrent is signed and dated.

[arancaytar]

Oh man, there's a pony with more teeth than he deserves.