Appledashery

by Just Essay

Discord

"I am old... far older than you think. Far older than even I know. I was there when the stars first formed... when the planets collided and all of the dust gradually, inexplicably morphed into the building blocks of the so-called 'life' that populates this world today.

"I've seen prehistoric ages of dominant organisms come and go. I've watched civilizations crumble and fall... entire empires blossoming overnight, only to be snuffed out in a cataclysmic blink. It's all been pretty nifty, really. Especially the screamy parts.

"When continents shifted, I was there, counting the fault lines. When darkness settled, I stood idly by, ticking away the seconds until the greenhouse effect wore off. I was there for when seas dried up, so I could revel in the molecules spreading... dancing through the air... only to fall back down and coalesce at random.

"This world is most delightful when it's left to its own devices. I revel in unpredictability and relish the unexpected. It's the reality behind... reality, really... The universe is an impromptu stage play where all the acts have dissolved into one another. The only ones foolish are those pretentious enough to have brought a program to the show.

"So imagine how much I scoffed and snorted at the alicorns who—in their 'infinite wisdom' and 'gracious intellect' decided to descend on this plane, bequeathing the 'gift of harmony' to all creatures still lucky enough to be alive. They figured that they at last had found the ticket... the silver bullet to slay the monster called entropy. Well, little did they know that such a grizzled beast had a keeper, and that handler was me...

"Historians have undoubtedly written that I'm an avatar of destruction. That couldn't be any further from the truth! If anything, I am the most avid defender of preserving the status quo! After all, there's nothing natural about the alicorns and their silly 'harmony.' Pffft... All things considered, they're the cancer to this plane, not me! They introduced something that wasn't needed... that was never asked for... that never had a hope of ever succeeding whatsoever, and there I was in a smexy little crossing guard outfit, telling all the almighty hooves that be to 'STOP!'

"So imagine my surprise when what they brought to the table actually succeeded! Hah! Ell-ohh-Ell—boy was that a real whizzbanger! And, you know what? I was actually kinda impressed! The fact that harmony worked was something I could never have predicted! And believe me, sister, it doesn't get any more chaotic than that!

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I resisted it. I fought those alicorn sisters tooth and nail! Turns out they were pretty darn good dentists. But it mattered little. I got a lot of good hits in... even stepped on a few measly kingdoms in the heat of our battle. Whoops. Well, they got a bit cheesed off at random, unpredictable genocide... for some reason. I mean... what's a mortal life in the grand scheme of things? Much less an entire continental sneeze of them? Yeesh... those alicorns took things waaaaaaaay too seriously. After all, death and chaos is just how this world is supposed to work. But did they own up to that? Nosireee... they took their frustrations out on me, and instead of being gracious enough to dissolve me into the ether... they turned me to stone.

"I suppose, to a harmony-humping microbe, such a sentence equates to being 'merciful.' But that's not putting me and my senses into perspective. You see—unlike the alicorns—I am not a joe shmoe who's subject to the impermeable nature of boundaries. Far from it; I can actually see beyond the opaqueness of all walls... including that which separates the multiverse itself.

"And oh yes... there is a multiverse. That's something the alicorns will never be able to grasp on their lonesome, but it's something I've always seen with my natural born sight. And all those years I was trapped in stone? I spent them by twiddling my mental thumbs, gazing into the abyss of alternate dimensions, seeing the sights, wishing I had some popcorn... or maybe just butter...

"I've forgotten much of what I've seen. It's easy to get bored when you can't move... only think. And if nothing else, I only dwelled on the most immediate universes... the places shifting closest to me right before my imprisonment ended.

"I remember seeing a universe where a delightfully horrible event had stripped Equestria of all life, leaving a barren wasteland... sunless and moonless... covered in snow as far as the eye could see. Great place to have a vacation, really.

"And I also remember a universe where I had fallen in love with a mystical princess, a pony lost to time and history, but not to my heart. It was so very cold there; it even gave my stone skin goosebumps.

"But then... just as I was starting to peer into the next kaleidoscopic vision, something hit me... literally. Something that I had never even expected. And that unpredictable moment... that epiphanous twitch in time and space... carried with it a spark... and an adorable one at that. Could you even fathom to guess what I am talking about...?"

Comments

[RoboRed]

This is the kind of stuff I really love reading in John DeLancie's voice.

"I remember seeing a universe where a delightfully horrible event had stripped Equestria of all life, leaving a barren wasteland... sunless and moonless... covered in snow as far as the eye could see. Great place to have a vacation, really.

*hue*

"And I also remember a universe where I had fallen in love with a mystical princess, a pony lost to time and history, but not to my heart. It was so very cold there; it even gave my stone skin goosebumps.

*HUE*

"But then... just as I was starting to peer into the next kaleidoscopic vision, something hit me... literally. Something that I had never even expected. And that unpredictable moment... that epiphanous twitch in time and space... carried with it a spark... and an adorable one at that. Could you even fathom to guess what I am talking about...?"

...Are we talking about east-horse here? If so, *HUE*

[Shipmun]

Wait wait wait

This is Appledashery. The heck do you think you're doing!? This isn't how Appledashery works! It's all supposed to be chaotic nonsense!

... Oh. It totally still is.
This is EXACTLY what Appledashery is, isn't it?

but Lancie's getting pretty deep here

[Phoenix Kitten]

Dissy gettin' all deep and stuff.
Is he gonna tell Dash he had a fling with Celly next?

[Tim the Planes-pony]

"But then... just as I was starting to peer into the next kaleidoscopic vision, something hit me... literally. Something that I had never even expected. And that unpredictable moment... that epiphanous twitch in time and space... carried with it a spark... and an adorable one at that. Could you even fathom to guess what I am talking about...?"

Considering it is RAINBOW he is talking about, I imagine she could guess it. It is HE who is having trouble with the imagining, with grasping what is going on, with getting this something that his immense personal power and vision merely makes all the more intractable.

[Lightning Bearer]

Who would've thought that Appledashery would be the glue holding the Skirtsverse together?

[MidnightReflection]

So... What Skirts is trying to say, is that Appledashery is the universe that is totally connected to all of his own other universes, and that Discord has seen all of his stories...

When the BUCK do we get to the cuddles?! It doesn't even have to be Appledash at this point; SOMEPONY JUST NEEDS TO CUDDLE NOW! And then we go another 800 chapters.

[MidnightReflection]

6578471 Actually, he might not be talking about east-horse. Sparky was an ongoing gag the whole way; He said that she hit him literally, so he probably means when Rainbow smashed into his statue just the night before Appledashery began.

[Mares-a-Mares]

I'd settle for some Lanciedashery if the Appledash takes forever.

[RoboRed]

6578736
That's why I'm sort of doubtful if it's an east-horse reference. Still, she did "smack into him" in both universes. And carried a spark.

[zaponator]

Shit's getting super cereal right now.

[viofriedsevey]

I mean holy fuck that is the backstory of legend, absolutely the best explanation for Discord I have ever heard.

[Leftover of Saikano]

Too bad Discord didn't get to see the dimensions of the shorter, more kaizo fics. He would have enjoyed those.

[Nasty Mister Monket]

What did he make of 6s and 7s?

[Appledash_Gurl]

Isn't a whizzbanger from BFG? I can't remember? Huh, oh well.

~ADG

[Autumn Rush]

"But then... just as I was starting to peer into the next kaleidoscopic vision, something hit me... literally. Something that I had never even expected. And that unpredictable moment... that epiphanous twitch in time and space... carried with it a spark... and an adorable one at that. Could you even fathom to guess what I am talking about...?"

...East Horse?

[arancaytar]

"I've seen prehistoric ages of dominant organisms come and go. I've watched civilizations crumble and fall... entire empires blossoming overnight, only to be snuffed out in a cataclysmic blink.

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.

"I remember seeing a universe where a delightfully horrible event had stripped Equestria of all life, leaving a barren wasteland... sunless and moonless... covered in snow as far as the eye could see. Great place to have a vacation, really.

"And I also remember a universe where I had fallen in love with a mystical princess, a pony lost to time and history, but not to my heart. It was so very cold there; it even gave my stone skin goosebumps.

What are these references?