Appledashery

by Just Essay

Bisonouement

"Nnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash pushed and strained. "Haaa-gnnngh!" Sweat ran down her blue brow as she shoved and shoved against the petrified statue of Churning Bag.

After a few minutes of gruntwork, she finally succeeded in moving the stone white figure of the mountain ram from the base of the chessboard table to the edge of the cave. Once near the entrance, she took a deep breath, took survey of her surroundings, and shoved the statue the last couple of inches until it rested in the moonlight.

"If this doesn't work, I'll be a donkey's uncle..."

Flapping her wings, she hovered back and watched with a gaping expression.

At first, the statue remained perfectly inert. Then, as the moonlight cascaded completely around the thing, Rainbow Dash could see puffs of steam forming. Inch by inch, the petrified surface of the figure dissolved. Rainbow watched as Churning Bag turned from stone to flesh, like a swath of glowing energy unpeeling him from his skull to his cloven hooves. The ram's eyes blinked, and he took a deep, deep breath.

"Hey there, sparky!" Rainbow Dash grinned wide. "How's it hoofin'?"

"Bananas!" Thud! Churning collapsed in a shivering heap, his wide eyes peering across the Cloudstone lengths of the lair. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy..."

Rainbow flew down and hovered just above his horns. "You okay? I mean... you're not dying or anything...?"

The ram gulped, staring a million miles away. "I had the most horrifying dream... about a chess game in which nobody had the decency to castle the king..."

"Good enough!" Rainbow twirled higher in the air and throttled her way towards the chessboard yet again. "Wait right here! I'm gonna get you a shiver buddy!"

---

"Nnnnnngh!" Rainbow Dash shoved one of several buffalo statues into the moonlight at the mouth of the cave. Waiting there were Churning Bag and three other buffalo, still recuperating from their hours, days, even weeks of frozen confinement.

"T-tiny flying buffalo brings light back to buffalo, buffalo!"

"It's almost as if flying buffalo with buffalo wings has buffalo'd the Slithering, buffalo!"

"That's... because... I-I totally did!" Rainbow Dash finished shoving the next bison into the moonlight. She stepped back and brushed her hooves off as the statue started coming back to life. "The freaky basilisk is gone! Same story with his dumb-as-nails cycloptic life partner!"

"Wait, there was a cyclops involved?" Churning Bag asked.

"Yup! Smelled bad too."

"And the reason you didn't chop off his toe for medicinal purposes is..."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash grinned as her voice cracked, "We're not talking about that anymore. Yup. Thank you."

"Nnnnnngh!" One buffalo charged violently at Rainbow Dash, but because of muscle atrophy he collapsed weakly several feet away, panting.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and floated over towards him. "Here. I'll make it easier for you." She extended her cutie-mark'd flank.

The bison grunted, strained, and lifted his head in order to give the pegasus a meager bump with his horns. He collapsed again, wheezing. "What... d-does buffalo owe... winged non-buffalo... for buffaloing the buffalo... out of the Slithering, buffalo?"

"Well, for one, that's all up to your boss," Rainbow Dash said. "For another..." She turned and pointed at the huge chess board and Polyph's bag behind it. "We've got more fish to fry. Or, in this case, pegasi, griffons, and wyverns."

A few of the buffalo squinted warily at her. "What is in it for us, buffalo, buffalo?"

Rainbow grinned wickedly. "A little something called... 'apple pie.'"

---

"One. Two. Three. Buffalo! One. Two. Three. Buffalo!"

In steady, militaristic movements, the unfrozen buffalo pushed their petrified kin towards the moonlight in droves.

Meanwhile, a large bonfire had been formed in the center of the cavern. There, the buffalo had gathered the frozen victims of Polyph the Cyclops. One after another, creatures thawed, reduced to shivering messes. A train of cooperating bison had formed a line, shredding apart long strips of canvas from Durandal's storage and using them to warm the griffons, pegasi, and wyverns who sat in a trembling circle around the blaze.

Enough time had passed for messengers to run out the shattered doorfame and up the mountainside to where the entrance to the Granite Mountain Buffalo domain lay. It didn't take long for members of the populace to come marching back with medicine, herbal remedies, and warm soup for the unfrozen creatures to enjoy. Griffons and wyverns chatted with one another while pegasi flexed their feathers and smiled at their new lease of life.

"I was delivering a bag of long-distance mail to Manehattan when a storm hit!" said one pegasus. "I thought I could take shelter in this one cave I spotted. That's when the creep snuck up on me and shot me with a bright blue light. Next thing I know, I'm here."

"I'm almost afraid to ask how much time has gone by," another pegasus stammered over a cup of warm soup. She bundled the canvas cloak tighter around herself and squeaked, "Is Princess Celestia still ruler of Equestria?"

"Yes. Yes she is."

"Oh, good." She smiled. Then, a few seconds later, she squinted. "Wait. That doesn't help me at all."

"Hrmmmfff..." A griffon sneered as he shrugged the cloak off his shoulders and took flight. "Wait until the Empire hears about this. All cyclopses will face the wrath of the Talon!"

Rainbow and Churning Bag watched from an outcropping of Cloudstone as the griffon flew out the mouth of the cave, joined by a few wyverns and random pegasi.

"Well..." Churning glanced aside. "I think we might have seen the beginning of world-wide cyclops genocide."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash exhaled through a smile. "Isn't it cool?"

"I guess this means my mirror-selling business has hit the proverbial crapper."

"Pfft! Is that all that you can think of?" Rainbow Dash gestured towards the scene. "Some really killer awesome stuff happened just now! All of these guys and gals can return to their families! And besides..." She nudged the mountain ram. "You're not gonna go broke. We made a deal earlier, remember?"

"That's still depending on one thing, though, isn't it?"

"Hmm? Like what?"

"Well, the buffalo's taste buds, for one."

Rainbow gulped and glanced out the mouth of the cave, her twinkling eyes matching the starry sky.

"Yeah.... about that..."

Comments

[Lilith Evanson]

Whoo! Go Rainbow Dash! You just started a cyclops genocide!

[Lightning Bearer]

Hopefully, buffalo like their apple pies cold and stale.

[MellowMabari]

Aaand I'm all caught up.

The buffalo better not turn out to be allergic to apples or something. Here's to hoping everything works out!

"Is Princess Celestia still ruler of Equestria?"
"Yes. Yes she is."
"Oh, good." She smiled. Then, a few seconds later, she squinted. "Wait. That doesn't help me at all."

This exchange was brilliant.

Until the next chapter - or, knowing me, until the next batch of chapters!

[zaponator]

This was a good end. It's not the end, but it was a good one.

Also, Cyclops genocide.

[YoshiFawful64]

"I had the most horrifying dream... about a chess game in which nobody had the decency to castle the king..."

pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133929507542.jpg

[arancaytar]

"And the reason you didn't chop off his toe for medicinal purposes is..."

Wait what?

[arancaytar]

"Well, the buffalo's taste buds, for one."

Shaggy dog ending: it turns out these Buffalo hate apple pie.

[Boop-Happy Lass]

"Hrmmmfff..." A griffon sneered as he shrugged the cloak off his shoulders and took flight. "Wait until the Empire hears about this. All cyclopses will face the wrath of the Talon!"

... TRYING SO HARD NOT TO...

[Boop-Happy Lass]

8452852
8452864
HOW DID YOU NOT SEE THAT 'TALON' THING?

[AppleTank]

All cyclopses will face the wrath of the Talon!"

Good to know Verlaxion hasn't messed with this one. And the Wyverns aren't near extinct.

Next stop, fill the lair with mirrors so there's no way Durandal can get close again.