Appledashery

by Just Essay

Powder Keggily

“Well, I only mentioned it because I have connections, Ms. Dash,” Fancy Pants said with a soft smile. “And considering your rather... erm...” He glanced at Filthy, then back at her. “...strenuous line of work, you could probably do with a more-than-decent health care plan. I'd be more than happy to get you in contact with an agent or two who operate in my circles.”

“Is weather flying as dangerous as it sounds?” Filthy Rich spoke up. “I don't suppose Global Whinnying has any impact on—”

“Let's just say that since I started helping Fancy Pants out with his business propositions, I've gotten to stretch my legs a bit more than usual,” Rainbow Dash said. “Sometimes in directions they shouldn't bend.”

Fancy Pants gave a jolly laugh and raised his champagne glass. “And yet, your courage and tenacity has all been well-placed! Granite Mountain would not have gone as swimmingly as it has if it weren't for your heroics.”

“I... I feel like I'm out of the loop here,” Filthy said, glancing aside.

“It's perfectly fine,” Rainbow Dash droned. She glared slightly in Fancy's direction. “There isn't much to discuss. Am I right?”

“Ahem...” Fancy cleared his throat and squirmed. “Quite.”

“But, all that being said, if you wanna hook me up, Fancy, I wouldn't mind seeing what opportunities there are for—”

“Oh dear...” Filthy grimaced.

The other two looked at him. “What is it, chap?” Fancy asked.

“Just... a little crowded in here,” Filthy said, staring at the restless figures at the apartment entrance. “It's just something else that doesn't bear discussing,” he uttered this while glaring knowingly in Rainbow's direction.

Rainbow glanced at the distant thugs, rolled her eyes, and dipped out of view.

“Well, perhaps we can talk about Photo's most exceptional art!” Fancy said. “I'm rather fond of her collection of wire-frame tortoises filled with Manehattan street litter! What about you, milady?” He glanced aside, blinking at nothing. “...Rainbow?”

---

“I, Photo Finish, mean it, meine friend!” Rainbow breathlessly stammered while trotting slowly with one forelimb hung over Sapphire Shores' neck. Her white wig hung a little crooked. “It's been a krazy efenink, ja? No need to hang around here forefer!”

“Pffft! What are you even saying, girl?”

“I'm sayink zat zere is no shame in kallink it in early! Ze same vith your friends! I'm sure zey are uber tired as well!”

“Hah! You almost got me, girl!” Sapphire Shores winked.

“Vat...?”

“You're not getting rid of me that easily! I've just been dying to know what your latest masterpiece is!”

“Uhhhhh...”

“The one you've promised to unveil by night's end!” Sapphire beamed. “And I know that I'm not the only one who's been waiting with baited breath for this moment! Hah! Don't be shy, my main mare. It doesn't suit you! Besides, you're young yet! Maybe this is the evening you finally win yourself a new beau!”

“A new beau,” Rainbow droned.

“Shazam!” Sapphire slapped Photo's wink and trotted away with a proud grin. “You're on top of the world! So let the night last forever! OW!”

Rainbow glared at her her, body drooping in the multi-colored dress.

“Uhm... Photo?” A party-goer trotted up, tapping the mare on the shoulder. “Sorry to bother you, but is your dear friend Madame Firefly around? There's this tipsy stallion in armor who keeps whimpering her name.”

“Guhhhhhhhh-rgghhh!” Rainbow galloped off.

---

“HIC!” Suri Polomare sat, slumped back in a chair with a half-empty champagne bottle gripped in her hoof. “Wellllllllll howdy partner! HIC!”

CLANG! Trenderhoof was dropped in the chair beside her. A pauldron and a leg guard peeled off as he leaned back, grinning with rosy-cheeks. “HIC! Howdy to you t-too... HIC!... ladyyyyyyyyyyy! Heeheehee!”

“There...” Rainbow Dash straightened the folds in her green dress and then rested her hooves on the stallion's shoulders. “Is the world spinning?”

“No... HIC! But your m-mane is...” Trenderhoof grinned. “Funny how the drink dulls the pain of falling over all the time in this silly armor.”

Rainbow smirked and pointed. “Just keep dreaming till you see winged buffalo, and you'll be A-okay!”

“She's right, y'know! HIC!” Suri gurgled.

Trenderhoof giggled like a little colt. “Heh... heheheh... is it just me, or are you turning gray, beautiful?”

“Uhhhhhhh...” Rainbow blinked. Her ruby eyes darted up to see that she was still sporting the white wig. “Awwww shoot!”

“She is!” Suri pointed, guffawing. “She's grayer than the Manea Lisa!”

“Haaaaaaa-hahahah!” Trenderhoof swatted Rainbow's shoulder. “Old age doesn't betray you, madamadamadamadame! HIC! We could totally grow old together and peel oranges along the Marediterranean!”

“Yeah. Uh. No.” Rainbow yanked the wig off her head and shoved it inside her blouse. “But I tell you what you can do!” She pointed. “You can sit here like good little ponies and introduce yourselves to one another. Make it a game! The first one to throw up has to buy the other one a drink!”

“No thanks.” Trenderhoof held back a burp. “I'm carriage-pulling.”

“Snkkkkt-Heeheeheeeheee!”

“Heh...” Trenderhoof smiled blearily at her. “It's not everyday that mares laugh at my jokes.”

“It's just that they're so—HIC—funny!”

“Hrmmmm—the name is Trenderhoof. Feel free to wear it out.” He tried shaking her hoof.

She tried shaking his. Both missed. “Mrmmmm—HIC! My name is Polio Suromare... or something like that.”

“You sure?”

“I dunno. HIC! I think my assistant wrote it down.” Suri turned and shouted towards the far end of the bustling party. “Hey! Fuzzhead! Fuzzhead fuzzhead fuzzhead!”

“Is it working?”

“I don't—HIC!—think so.”

“Here. Lemme try.” Trenderhoof lunged out his chair. “Hey FUZZHE—WHOAH!” He fell out of the chair. “Ooomf...”

“Oh noes!” Suri giggled and got up. “I n-need to reset your spine!” THUD! She collapsed over him, spilling champagne on the floor. “HIC!... any better?”

“Lots! Thanks for the steamroller!”

“Hehehe-HIC!—hehehehe!”

“Friggin' lightweights...” All the while, Rainbow Dash was backtrotting away from the pair. “Right. You two have fun... by yourselves... far away from me.” She spun around and faced a sharp beak between her eyes.

“Going somewhere, Madame?” Romulus asked.

“Oh for buck's sake!” Rainbow tossed her mane, growling.

“I'm starting to figure it all out,” the bounty hunter said. “I'm onto you, whoever you are. And when everything you're trying to do here collapses in on itself, I'll be there to scoop up what's mine.”

“Yeah, well, you'll have to fight—like—a million other ponies who think it belongs to someone else.”

Romulus' eyes narrowed. “Like...?”

Rainbow motioned with her neck. “Check the doors, eagle eye.”

Romulus squinted. “Hrmmmm...”

In the distance, several of Don Canter's stallions stood, squirming impatiently.

“Mobsters?” Romulus blinked. “Really? And I thought I had enough crap dealing with the other mare.”

“Wait...” Rainbow squinted. “Other mare?”

Romulus gave her a double-take. “You mean you don't know?”

Rainbow slowly shook her head. “Uhhhh... should I?”

“What kind of a friggin' bounty hunter are you?”

“The awesome kind.”

“Pigeon feathers.” Romulus pointed a talon. “You're a nobody, a common thug who's about to lose her head. Even if you do know where the artifact is, I'll be waiting to swipe it from you before you so much as even poke a coat hair outside this damn flat.”

“You couldn't even keep your eyes on me that long if you wanted to, bucko.”

“Oh yeah?” Romulus grinned beneath his beak. “And how do you know that, pony girl?”

“Because I once went steady with a griffon for over a year,” Rainbow said, smirking. “I learned all her blind spots... including how to make more.” That said, she grunted and flung her wings forward.

“Guhh!” Romulus flinched, but was too late to prevent the inevitable. A gust of artificial wind ripped several of his chest's down feathers loose, kicking up a gray flurry before his face and obscuring his sight. He hissed, waving his talon around to bat away the feathery pieces of himself. At last, he flapped his own wings, clearing the apartment right in front of him.

A few feather-coasted ponies blinked at him, but the pegasus was gone.

“It... how...” Romulus snarled, his claws raking against the floor. “Rrrrrrgh!”

---

Swisssh! Rainbow spun through the door and slumped down, panting... panting... panting...

She looked down at her green dress. Not only was “Madame Firefly's” gown wrinkled all over, but it was starting to tear along the outer seams.

Rainbow ran a hoof along her bangs. “Celestia on a unicycle... I can't keep this crap up for much longer,” she muttered.

“Well,” Lancie said from the sideline. “From the looks of things, you won't have to.”

“Huh...?” Rainbow glanced up, tiredly.

“F-Fraulein...?” a drunken voice slurred.

Rainbow's ruby eyes lit up. “Photo!” Her smiling teeth glinted in the panic room's light.

Comments

[Aatxe360]

I don't think the pressure cooker is ready yet. Just a little more...

[Leftover of Saikano]

This is the point when Photo Finish dies after telling Dash the password, or at least half of it.
Well, I don't think that will happen.

[Tchernobog]

4910100
LIGHT A FIRE UNDER IT!

[Aatxe360]

4910177

That...is a great idea.

[YoshiFawful64]

Hold on... is this actually going to result in Trend/Suri shipping? 'Cause that would be awesome.

[HyperMonica]

We need a "nervouscited Pinkie Pie" emote.

[Lightning Bearer]

I never thought that Trenderhoof and Suri would work so well together. In fact, I don't think I've thought of them interacting period.

[Full-time_Introvert]

DARN YOU AND YOUR CLIFF HANGERS!

[RoboRed]

4910387
I second this.

[Full-time_Introvert]

I just realized something! Lancie! Get it, as in John de Lancie!

[RainbowJack2000]

4912478
...
You realize this now...?

[bronyheat]

The title of this chapter got a solid chuckle out of me. Pretty sure it could be the name of a Banjo-Kazooie monster.

[SnowOriole]

4912478
Don't worry, I took just as long to realise.