Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Putting Your Hoof Down

Dear Princess Celestia,

Once again I have been excluded from an episode. You have no idea how pissed I am getting over this. The only thing I understand happened was Fluttershy turned into a total bitch for a while and told Rarity and Pinkie that they waste their lives on pointless shit that nopony else gives a flying fuck about.

Your Excluded Student,

Twilight Sparkle

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To Princess Celestia,

You are just as bad as Pinkie and Rarity. You sit up there on your fancy ass throne stuffing your face with cake when there are ponies out there who actually work for a living, the same ponies who allow you to afford all that cake. New Fluttershy hopes you wind up gaining enough weight you have a fatal heart attack so She can feast on your corpse.

Hoping You Die,

New Fluttershy

P.S. Luna would do a better job than you anyway so the sooner you die, the better.

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Dear Princess Celestia,

We can not believe how horrible Fluttershy was to us and both of us find it terrible that she allowed Iron Will to transform her from a sweet, innocent thing into a complete and absolute bitch. Could you punish Iron Will for corrupting our sweet friend like that. Not only was she a bitch to us, but basically everypony in town!

Sincerely,

Pinkie Pie and Rarity

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To My Once Again Excluded Student,

Oh for the love of Faust, could you quit whining about being excluded from episodes? Look, I am almost never included in episodes and you never hear me bitch about it. Perhaps you should contact the all powerful Brian Goldner and have him threaten the writers with torture if they don't include your sorry flank in every single episode. I doubt he will listen to you since you obviously aren't that popular anymore but it is worth a shot.

Also, if you decide to contact him, see if you can get him to force the writers to put me in every single episode because I am the primary princess and most important character in this series.

Also Pissed Over My Exclusion,

Princess Celestia

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To New Fluttershy,

You listen to me and listen to me good you pathetic little bitch. I get it, you think that you should be the biggest bitch on the face of the planet just because some of Iron Will's assertive techniques work. It is always good to see ponies be more assertive but you, you turned into a hurtful cunt who didn't care you hurt the feelings of two of your closest friends.

If you keep this shit up, I will give Twilight permission to forcibly initiate you into her circle of friends. Despite it being illegal, I will even tell her that she can hold you in her aura while she does it too. Perhaps that will knock you down a peg or two and the submissive little doormat we all love will be returned to us.

And regarding you wanting me to die of a heart attack, watch your back you little bitch. One of these nights I might get hungry for Pegasus wings and pay you a little visit to satisfy my appetite.

Suddenly Wanting to Kill You,

Princess Celestia

P.S. You saying that Luna would do a better job will not get you in her good graces since you hope I die. Perhaps if I tell her this, she will give you nightmares instead of saving you from them.

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To Pinkie Pie and Rarity,

Don't worry, I gave Fluttershy a stern warning that continued bitchy behavior will have serious consequences. However, she is right you know. You two are the most frivolous ponies down there and you do indeed waste your miserable, pathetic lives on things that nopony else gives a flying fuck about.

For you information, I will not be punishing Iron Will for this. It was because of her weak and feeble mind that Fluttershy was so easily corrupted. Plenty of ponies go to his assertiveness seminars and simply learn to stand up for themselves and their lives are better for it.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[pabrony]

I'm really digging the non-Pinkie Pie fourth wall breaks. Keep them going.

[Ri2]

Luna wouldn't be elated someone thinks she's better than her sister?

[StormLuna]

8950764

It is because New Fluttershy WANTED Celestia to die that Luna was not thrilled with her comment.