Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Rarity Investigates!

To God-Emperor Goldner,

Those damn writers did it again, they left me out of yet another episode. I think you need to fire them for this atrocity. After all, I am the primary character in this whole series and I am Lauren Faust's ultimate creation so I should be in every episode and be the star in every episode. Please see to it that this shit doesn't happen again.

Sincerely,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Let me make myself clear Twily, the name of the show is "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" it is not the Twilight Sparkle show. There have already been times when you have been excluded and I know for a fact that there are going to be many, many more. Just wait, a day will come when a pony will come along who will steal your glory and I will laugh my ass off when her figures outsell yours, well that and go buy myself another yacht.

I'm going to tell you exactly what Celestia would, go to the spa and forget all your troubles, alright?

Sincerely,

Brian Goldner, CEO of Hasbro, Inc.

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Dear Princess Celestia,

What the hell is up with Wind Rider? The bastard framed me and nearly got me banned from the Wonderbolts for life! He needs to be punished in one way or another. I don't know how you'll do it but it must be done, banish him to the moon or something!

Angry at Wind Rider,

Rainbow Dash

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Dear Crash,

Tell somepony who might actually give a rat's ass because I certainly don't. What goes on in their little club is not of any concern to me. As far as Wind Rider goes, I'm not going to punish him solely to spite you. I don't like you much more than I do Twilight and I certainly am not going to do you any favors. Now do me a favor and quit your bitching before I decide to lump you in the same class of crybabies as Twilight and you certainly don't want that now do you?

Sick of Your Whining,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Rarity,

From what I understand, in your quest to clear Crash's name, you flirted with some of the guards and just so you know, that is a felony. Doing anything that may interfere with a guard doing his job is punishable in whatever way I see fit. Get your ass up here upon receiving this letter and perhaps it won't be too bad. If you are not here within 48 hours, I will come and get you myself. If I have to do that, your punishment will be far worse and trust me, you will not like it!

Ready to Torture You,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Please darling you have to understand, I had to do that so that Rainbow would not get banned from the Wonderbolts! It has been her lifelong dream to fly with them and I just couldn't bear her not being able to fulfill it! I do hope you understand and will spare the rod.

Sincerely,

Rarity

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Rarity,

You are such a sentimental crybaby. It is ponies like you and situations like this that cause me to realize why Twilight despises sappy moments. I honestly don't get why you'd do this for Crash unless you want to get in her coat and if you ask me, that is downright disgusting. Now get your ass up here or your punishment will be worse!

Ready to Punish You,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Ri2]

...Someone frames Rainbow Dash and she doesn't give a crap, but someone flirts with a guard and she's going to torture them? Wtf?

[StormLuna]

9055974

Flirting with a guard is a felony, that is why she is going to torture her! Look at it as like her distracting a soldier. This happened in the palace too! Regarding the framing, that doesn't cause any kind of threat to national security so she doesn't care.

Oh and sorry for the 2 year late response.