Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Owl's Well that Ends Well

Dear Princess Celestia,

First off, I want you to thank your sister for creating the lovely meteor shower for us. That right there is proof that she is better than you because you never create stuff like that. Before she got back, we never had anything pretty like that. All we ever got was early sunrises that pissed everypony off.

Naturally since things like this don't happen all that often, Spike and I decided to round up some treats and head up to this hilltop to watch the show with our acquaintances. Now you see, I am caring! If I was as much of a bitch as you claim I am, I would have said, "screw them, they don't need to eat."

This meteor shower taught me two things. First, your sister truly is a gem. Her creations are so much more beautiful than yours and she was locked away in the moon for a thousand years! I am so glad to see that she doesn't hold any ill-will towards us, I do hope one day though that she will be ready to come out and socialize again.

The other thing I learned? I learned that Spike is either lazy as hell or that baby dragons need twelve hours of sleep a day to function. I personally hope it is the former rather than the latter because at least you can punish laziness, there is nothing you can do for the latter.

Later that night I learned that owls are very useful when one retrieved a scroll I nearly lost and that gave me an idea. Why only have one slave when I can have two of them? A diurnal slave and a nocturnal slave, this is going to be good because now I can get a whole lot more work done and not have to cut back on my spa time. It is a win-win situation, right?

Now I had never thought that Spike would be the paranoid or jealous type but once he found out I had a junior assistant, his paranoia went into overdrive and once Rarity gave him some attention, I think he wasn't so worried that I would replace him but it was more of a matter that his crush was going to wind up choosing an owl over him. Personally I wouldn't blame her, at least my new junior assistant, Owlicious, isn't going to try to score with her. Yeah he won't enslave himself to her but hey, I wouldn't want a dragon wanting to screw me either.

As you know, I have been taking mid-day spa breaks here lately but I would not be thrilled when I got home. Not only did I find a toy mouse soaked in ketchup on the floor but Spike was tearing my pillow up and blamed Owlicious for it. Does that little bastard not know how much that pillow cost? It was one of the really good ones that I spent fifteen bits on, twice as much as that pet bed of his. What a little bastard. Perhaps I should see if I could trade him in for a white unicorn with a pink mane and tail. I'm sure she wouldn't get jealous, not to mention I could unwind with her every night.

I left for a while again and once I got home, I discovered that Spike had run away. Shit, I thought I had lost my diurnal slave because he was a jealous little bastard. Now I figured I could come up there and see if you had a replacement baby dragon you could give me but obviously Owlicious is way too nice! He wanted us to go looking for him and obviously we found him and he finally realized that he needed to come home after nearly falling prey to a huge dragon.

Now just so you know, I tried to get him to write you a letter admitting his idiocy and jealousy but he fell asleep before he could finish it. I still think you should let me trade him in for an assistant that can go for more than 12 hours without a nap.

Owner of Two Slaves,

Twilight Sparkle

---

To My Slave Owning Student,

First off, I am not very happy that you are praising my sister like that. I'm going to let you in on something, the reason she made that meteor shower is that she is way too nice. Unlike me, she actually wants to impress the serfs of this country. There is a reason why you never saw anything like that while she was on the moon though, I didn't know how to do such frivolous stuff. A night sky is just a boring night sky. It is dark, has stars and had a moon with Luna's mug shot engraved in it. You know, I miss having a moon with a personality like that. Perhaps someday a bitchy lavender unicorn will frown down upon us from up there.

I get it, you needed a second slave so you could continue to try and impress me with your academic pursuits and not have to give up spa time. Look Twily, I sent you down there to study friendship, not write useless reports about comets and other shit that I don't care about in the slightest. So far though, you are failing miserably on what I sent you down there for and I am not happy.

Regarding the owl, I think you were an insensitive bitch by bringing him in. You could have introduced the two and let Spike know that he was not going to be replaced, that he would still have a job. Rarity didn't do any better, she could have at least told Spike that she wasn't interested in either one of them so Spike wouldn't throw a temper tantrum.

What irks me the most though is that you are now boasting that since you have two slaves you'll have more spa time? Not if I have anything to do with it you won't. I'll come down there, make up some health code violation about that spa, shut it down and make those hot little twins come up here and operate a private spa for ME!

Oh and had Spike fallen victim to that huge dragon, you would have been punished severely. I would have forced you to move in with Rarity and be her fashion model. I do not take kindly to ponies who use others, especially you. I suppose I better quit writing before I make a decision I may later regret.

Your Spa Seeking Overlord,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Spike is not a stage coach, you can not trade him in, especially for one of my favorite students, one that is much hotter and nicer than you. Had you tried trading him in, the best you would have got was some ugly, snobby bitch like Upper Crust or some other undesirable I hope to purge from Canterlot one day.

Comments

[Ri2]

Doesn't Celestia use other ponies, like Twilight, all the time? Seems kind of hypocritical of her. Does she have slaves too?

[StormLuna]

8910523

Later on she will. Given that Twilight is her star student and protege at this time, Twilight will be the primary one she focuses with and up until "Lesson Zero" Twilight was the one that she almost exclusively communicated with....now yeah, she has talked about Twinkleshine and keeping her away from Twilight and will continue to do so, she has a sense that Twilight OWES her for the position she is in and that is why she focuses on her the way she does.

[Ri2]

8910550
Does that make Twinkleshine her slave?

[StormLuna]

8910556

No, Celestia simply wants to do whatever she can to keep Twilight from getting her because she knows how much Twilight wants her, chances are the same situation will happen with Minuette too.....it is whoever Twilight talks about a lot out of her old Canterlot friends.

[Ri2]

8910560
At this rate, how/why will Twilight ever ascend?

[StormLuna]

8910562

Just wait, it will be a rather funny reason.

[LostArchivist]

All we ever got was early sunrises that pissed everypony off

Someone called her out on it! Ha!