Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Dragon Dropped

Dear Rarity,

I can't believe this. I spent so much time with you over the past nine years and you always seemed to take advantage of me. And suddenly I have another friend to spend time with and you get jealous? Come on, you treated me like I was a cute child and an errand boy for so long and all of a sudden it seems like you want me in the way I wanted you for so long. Look, I don't see you that way anymore. That crush is a thing of the past. I finally realized I would never have you as a marefriend so I expanded my social circle. Yes I will still spend time with you but you're not my only friend so you will have to share me.

No Longer Crushing on You,

Spike

---

Spikey-Wikey,

I'm sorry alright. It was just that I had grown so accustomed to having you help me that when you were gone I suddenly realized how much I had taken advantage of you. When you were gone, I finally realized that you were so much more than a cute child and an errand boy. All I can say is I'm sorry and ask you to please give us a chance. I know I can't make up for how I took advantage of you all the time in the past but I do hope that we can have a future together. I'll admit it Spike, I do love you and I do hope that I can be your marefriend.

Love,

Rarity

---

Dear Rarity,

I'm sorry but that ship set sail, hit an iceberg and sunk. I no longer see you that way. I only see you as a friend now. I do hope you understand.

Your Friend,

Spike

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Dear Twilight,

Something is horribly wrong! You know how Spike declined an invitation to join me at the gem cave and has been spending so much time with that annoying griffon? Well as it turns out he has a new friend and I have to share him, I have to share my Spikey-Wikey with an overly hyper griffon! THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! Could you please talk to him and get him to spend a lot more time with me than he does that Grabby or whatever that little seductress's name is? I love Spike and I don't want some little mail delivering bitch stealing him away from me!

I even asked him if I could be his marefriend and he said no, he said no! What do I do to set things right? How do I get him to love me like he once did and become my dragonfriend?

Hoping You'll Talk to Spike,

Rarity

---

Dear Rarity,

What the fuck? You are bitching because Spike sought to expand his social circle? Let me tell you this right now you jealous little bitch, Spike has adored you for years! You have no idea how much I have tried to tell him he'd never have a chance with you and he would never listen. Now all of a sudden he finally sees you as just a friend you are all pissy?

Look Rarity, had you simply accepted the fact that he loved you and gave him a chance years ago, this would not have happened. I know what your real thing is though, you miss having him being your errand boy and catering to your every want and need. Well Spike isn't like that anymore. Spike has grown a lot and has finally realized that you were doing nothing more than taking advantage of him. I know you are wanting a special somepony so how about this, you can be my marefriend. In fact, I am issuing an executive order that not only you stop harassing Spike but that you be my marefriend. Maybe if you get some Sparkle forced into your life a couple times a week, your diamond covered ass will calm down.

Finally Ready to Initiate You as a Friend,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

P.S. If you refuse my generous offer of being my marefriend, your initiation ceremony will be painful as hell, got it?

---

Dear Twilight,

Fine, I'll become your bootie-call just like Cadence but don't go thinking I will ever love you. I know you're only doing this to punish me for making your assistant's life miserable and please don't be too rough with me.

Not Loving You,

Rarity

---

Dear Rarity,

You know what? You are nothing more than a jealous bitch who only conned Spike to do things with you because you were afraid of losing your errand boy. Spike and I have talked and he told me about how he feels that you have taken advantage of him for years. He told me that you knew about the crush and that he would do anything to win your love, until recently. He finally opened his eyes and realized that he would never have a chance with you so he said that he won't let you manipulate him into doing anything you want him to anymore and no amount of bedroom eyes will work anymore. Just face it you manipulative bitch, you'll have to share Spike from now on.

Spike's New and Better Friend,

Gabby

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Gabby,

You listen to me you little seductress, you may be friends with Spike now but he will always see me as a better friend. He may say that he won't bend for me anymore and he may have rejected my offer to be his marefriend but he will come around. I will see to it that I am the only one suited to love him and that you are just an overly hyper mental defect and that I am a sophisticated pony with a level head on her shoulders. Mark my words Gabby, my little Spikey-Wikey will be mine in the end and you go home and cry to that grumpy grandpa griffon and I'll laugh when he doesn't give a shit!

Spike's Future Marefriend,

Rarity

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Dear Twilight,

I think you are going to be very proud of me. Rarity asked me to join her out at the gem cave but I declined because I had plans with my new friend Gabby. I also realized that I should not allow her to manipulate me anymore and I am not going to do so. Rarity is going to have to come to terms with me having more than her as a friend. Even better, she asked me if she could be my marefriend and I told her no! You have no idea how liberated I feel. I have finally realized I don't need to enslave myself to her anymore because I no longer love her and I certainly don't want to get in her coat anymore.

Feeling Liberated,

Spike

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Dear Spike,

You bet I'm proud of you. For nine years it bothered me that all you thought about was Rarity. All you thought about was hooking up with her, getting in her coat and marrying her. I am so happy to see that you have gotten over your crush on her and have expanded your social circle. I'm going to admit, I don't know Gabby very well but if she is as friendly as Gallus tells me she is, if you and her ever decided to pursue anything beyond friendship, I'd be behind you 100%.

Now I know about Rarity wanting to be your marefriend and her professing her love for you and I am thrilled you shot her down. Want to know what is even better? I issued an executive order forcing her to be my marefriend and that she put out for me just like Cadence. I may not love her but I do think you should leave the castle when I have her over for her initiation ceremony. It is going to be rough and I don't want you hearing her cries of pain while I punish her for all the trouble she has caused both of us ever since we moved here.

Happy for You,

Twilight

P.S. You know how I know Rarity's gem finding spell? How about we go out into the badlands and I can find you a ton of gems to celebrate. Don't worry about the diamond dogs, I can blast them with magic to keep them at bay. Hell you can even bring Gabby if you'd like. Activities are always so much more fun when you have close friends with you anyway.

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

You are not going to believe this but you know how Spike has wanted to get in Rarity's coat since the day you banished us to this third-world dump? Well after nine years he finally got it through his thick skull that he would never score with her so he at long last told her no. She wanted him to go out to the gem cave with her and he said no. You have no idea how proud I am of him. I feel like he has finally grown up and get this, Rarity asked him to be her dragonfriend and he declined! Now Rarity is all pissed that not only will she never get in his scales but that she has to share his friendship with this griffon, Gabby.

Now for what will make you proud. Rarity was bitching about how she will never get Spike so I issued an executive order making her my marefriend and that she put out whenever I wanted! Her initiation ceremony is going to be very soon and to punish her for all the problems she has caused over the past nine years, I am going to be rough with her, extremely rough! Hell I might even see if Colgate will cast that horn enhancement spell on me and increase the size of her hole big time!

Proud of Spike,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Twilight,

You're shitting me. You mean to tell me that Spike finally realized that he would never score with Rarity and that she has been using him for the past nine years? All I can say is good for him. I am glad to see that your slave has realized that no matter how many things he does for her, she would never love him. Now I do hope that you will reward him in one way or another for coming to this conclusion and growing up. I'm thinking maybe you should take him out to find some gems since you know the diva's gem finding spell.

Now I am even more impressed with what you are going to do with Rarity. First you force Fluttershy into your bed and now Rarity? This is the Twilight Sparkle I raised! Not only are you making the lives of a couple of your friends miserable but you are getting something in return! Now I'm sorry Discord is protecting Fluttershy from you and your friends BUT I would suggest you turn Rarity into your sex slave and if you don't want her on a regular basis, I know your friends up here would gladly take her. Just put a bow in her mane and they'll want to make her their wife and domestic slave in nothing flat! Just issue an executive order making her their property when the series is over. That will teach her a lesson for causing us all so many problems for so long!

Happy for Spike,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Forcing Rarity to marry my old friends sounds like a good idea! Hey as long as I get her first I will be fine. I know that they are going to be so happy, especially since she can give them what they will be giving her. Besides, with as much of a diva as Rarity is, I think she would have it coming going from owning a fashion empire to being reduced to being the sex slave and housekeeper of my old friends. Hell, maybe I should reunite them with Lyra and issue the same order for her too.

Ready to Make Rarity Colgate's Property,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Twilight,

Regarding Lyra, DO IT! I am glad you mentioned this because now we know we can finally punish her for running off the way she did. Now feel free to make Bon Bon a permanent resident down in your dungeon while you are at it. Oh this is going to be sweet, too sweet! Hell with the way you are thinking now, I can't help but wonder if maybe you aren't related to me.

Happy You are Going to Bring About Misery to Rarity and Lyra,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[RDDash]

Spike already has a harem of girls lusting for him anyway. There is Ember, Starlight, Smolder, Rarity. (I guess not in this story) I'd figured with Gabby all of them would jump into massive orgy.

[StormLuna]

9823788
Ugh, disgusting, absolutely disgusting. Hooking ponies up with dragons, GROSS! Straight shipping ponies and dragons, even more gross. Hooking full grown mares up with a baby dragon, even worse....putting Spike in an orgy, pure filth. Ember and Smolder are the only ones I would ever even consider shipping him with and even that is a long shot.

And I highly doubt Starlight is lusting for him.....she views him as a friend, nothing more....her lust is reserved for Trixie anyway!....and maybe Twilight given how much they have hugged in the series.

[RDDash]

9823790
Right yeah of course Spike still an overgrown 'baby' dragon. Aha, sure.

I am trying to be sarcastic with my posts here.

Let's face the facts a) Spike has a very good collection of friends even without Gabby. b) People are going to go banana crazy over Spike and Gabby, trust me c) half of the chapter is spent on bitching over how Rarity wanted to get into Spike's pants. d) Spike is hardly a baby, he went through puberty for bucks sake e) can't they just be friends, this shipping crap is really getting on my nerves when I think about it.

[vortex123]

…is it weird that I can't stop seeing Rarity as a yandere during her letter to Gabby? I know it's mostly because of free labor (I don't believe she's actually developed feelings for him), but I just can't get it outa my head.