Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Feeling Pinkie Keen

Dear Princess Celestia,

Alright, I have something I must tell you. I have decided that Pinkie must have issues much more serious than ADHD and so I could properly diagnose her, I decided to see what all her hiding and twitchy tail shit was about. Get this, she claims that was her way of telling that something was going to fall. Here is the thing, she was looking up and then something just happened to fall.

I can't believe that she is trying to troll me like this, causing me to buy into something that stupid. What is worse, PETA girl has decided to haul frogs out to some nearby swamp because there are too many of them around here. I have a request, could you please either exterminate the frogs down here or at least put them on the pill so our animal loving idiot will have better things to do with her time, such as let me initiate her as a real friend?

Pinkie thinks she is some sort of fortune teller and her tail twitches again and I just happen to fall into a ditch. Her predict the future my lavender flank, I just happened to walk in the direction of that ditch and her tail twitched. Now for what is worse, Applejack believes in her alleged ability to predict the future. I personally think she simply has things set up ahead of time so she'll always be right.

Soon I find out she has all sorts of other "special abilities" that she can predict the future with and we all know that it is a crock of shit. The alligator in the tub, she already knew that damn thing was there. Her and Spike conspired to slam me into the wall with a door after I showed her my underground torture chamber where I plan on dragging Fluttershy against her will and making her a friend eventually.

Now in my attempt to spy on Pinkie like she is some sort of wild animal, which isn't too far from the truth, I wind up getting stung by bees, having shit fall on me like I'm in Loony Tunes and falling into Applejack's new apple cellar. She can claim all that crap she wants but I'm sure they were in on this together and even Derpy managed to troll me with everything falling on me, Derpy for Faust's sake!

At that point I was feeling rather pathetic and then little miss ADHD started getting the shivers when it was eighty degrees, eighty degrees! Now whatever was going on she said it was going to be a doozy out at Froggy Bottom Bog. Of course that is where PETA girl was taking those stupid frogs. I honestly thought that maybe the doozy was that she slaughtered a bunch of useless frogs and was going to prepare frog legs for everypony.

Unfortunately I was wrong but what I'd like to know is how the hell a fucking hydra managed to be out there. A hydra in that shallow of a swamp? My acquaintances pretended to be scared and run away but I soon realized what the hell happened. They trolled me but they had to have had help. There is no way they could have got that hydra out there so I have come to the conclusion that you assisted them.

You want to know something Tia? I could have died out there just so you and my inferiors could get a laugh! Now I know you are all bitches who don't care about my welfare. I'm thinking I may expose you and your trolling ways to the newspaper down here in Ponyville. Just wait until they read an article about how you put a hydra in the bog so you and my acquaintances could share a few laughs. Perhaps if I'm lucky they'll demand you abdicate and have your sister take over in your stead.

You really need to rethink your priorities in life. If you're going to try and kill anypony with your trolling, target the fashionista or that idiot who wants to screw the Wonderbolts.

Your Angry Student,

Twilight Sparkle

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To My Angry Student,

Oh yes, Pinkie Sense. I have heard rumors about it and always wondered whether or not it was true. I'm going to let you in on something, you got trolled, bad! I am in a state of shock that my most intelligent, most talented student would fall prey to the antics of a pony that may have ADHD.

I would have thought that after the first couple incidents you would have been able to tell that none of that was legitimate but I do have some advice, watch where you're going so you don't fall into cellars. Applejack could have done who knows what to you down there. I will admit though, with as big of a bitch as you are most of the time, whatever she would have done to you, you would have deserved it.

Now regarding that hydra, I will admit that I talked with these acquaintances of yours and we all thought it would be hilarious to have one go after you but there is one thing I want to know. You are supposed to be so good with magic yet you run like a little chickenshit from that thing. You have strong magic, why didn't you just teleport out of that situation? Were you really in such a state of panic that you couldn't think straight enough to do what any unicorn with sufficient power would do?

All I am going to say here is that you have let me down big time. Here I thought you were an intelligent pony but you act as though you have no more power than those hicks you call acquaintances do. Perhaps I should have sent Moondancer down there instead, she would have been able to tell she was being trolled the second the frog hit her face.

Your Disappointed Overlord,

Princess Celestia

P.S. You go right ahead and report what I did with the hydra to the newspaper down there. That thing doesn't circulate outside of Ponyville and out of the ponies that do have access to it, I'm sure very few know how to read it so I think I'm pretty safe.

Comments

[Dashie04]

I honestly don’t think Pinkie had AD/HD

She just has HD.

[Scoots_went_burrr]

Your Angry Student,

I LAUGHED SO FRIKEN MUCHHHHHH
Don’t ask, I laugh very easily