• Published 14th Apr 2018
  • 4,866 Views, 1,441 Comments

Unpleasant Correspondence - StormLuna



After sending Twilight to Ponyville, Princess Celestia demands letters from her but when Twilight starts to complain, Celestia becomes unhappy and replies to her letters in her own way.

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To Where and Back Again

Dear Princess Luna,

I want to thank you for saving me from my nightmares. I will admit, I was scared to go back to my old village but in the end everything turned out to be good, especially once I assisted in saving you and everypony else important.

Sincerely,

Starlight Glimmer


Dear Starlight,

You're welcome and I suppose I should thank you for saving all of us. What a shame that you couldn't have reformed Chrysalis. Well you'll do something special someday and my sister will attach those wings she has stored in Canterlot Tower.

Sincerely,

Princess Luna


Dear Princess Celestia,

I am normally not like this but I have to say something, I saved you, your sister and everypony else who had been taken. Now if that is not worth you attaching those wings onto me and casting that longevity spell on me I don't know what is. Oh and if you do decide to do that, do you think you could do the same for Trixie because I certainly wouldn't want to be parted from my sweetie. Just imagine, Princess Starlight and Princess Trixie would sound pretty awesome, wouldn't it?

Oh and just so we would have somewhere kick ass to live, you could force Twilight to move in with her oppressor and give the two of us that castle. Don't worry, I would torture criminals, dissidents and undesirables much more brutally than even pre-doormat Twilight would. Want to know what would make me even better than Twilight? I wouldn't be one to go bitching about everything. Hell even if Trixie and I could get married I would be happy because I love her oh so very much.

Glad to Have Saved Everypony,

Starlight Glimmer


Dear Starlight,

Please remember that you weren't the only pony to have saved all of us. Your sweetie, Discord and the new king of the changelings, Thorax, were responsible as well. There is no way in hell you could have done it on your own. Hell I'm surprised that when you saw your little marefriend up in a cocoon, you didn't break down, bawl your eyes out and be put in ooze yourself.

Now regarding your other requests. Look, I would make both you and Trixie princesses, give you a royal wedding and make Twilight move in with her oppressor but one thing is stopping me. You see, God-Emperor Goldner will not let me. I actually contacted him about giving you two a lavish wedding but he said that throwing a lesbian couple into My Little Pony would hurt Hasbro's profits and he wouldn't be able to buy a new yacht. Sorry but you two being a couple will have to stay in the realm of fan fiction.

Oh and could you please not get all lovey-dovey over Trixie in your letters to me? I get it, you love her and your life would be nothing without her but please, sappy, sweet moments like that repulse me. Let me warn you, if you ever get so sappy that you wind up making me lose my appetite and I miss my cake, I'll take that little sweetie of yours away, got it?

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia


To Starbitch,

Just you wait you little wretch, my revenge will be brutal and you will wish the hell that you had never been born. Hell maybe I should kidnap you and Trixie and kill her right in front of you. I know that would crush your fragile, pathetic, love infested heart.

Ready to Exact Revenge,

Queen Chrysalis


To a Queen Without a Kingdom,

You're joking, right? You should know well enough that a loser like you isn't going to win, ever. Seriously, your pathetic ass was defeated by love energy on two separate occasions! You truly are pathetic that all it takes to defeat you is love. At least it took freaky powerful magic to defeat Tirek. Just do me a favor, cower down before me, beg me to spare your pathetic life and fucking transform like your former hive did.

So Much Better than You,

Starlight Glimmer


To Chrysalis,

You truly are pathetic, you lost to love energy, TWICE! Also, who would have imagined that I would be the one to lead the hive now that we aren't vicious little assholes seeking conquest. Don't worry though, I am making plans on how to transform this place and if you are accompanied by Starlight and have a horn cap on, you can come air your grievances in this feelings forum I'm setting up.

King of the Changelings,

Thorax


To Thorax,

Not just no but hell no. I'm not about to come take part in some feelings forum that reeks of weakness. Hell I'm betting you'll make the whole hive gayer than a three bit coin. Oh well, when creatures come and eat all of you for being weak, I will return with a new swarm and retake the changeling kingdom as my own.

Still Your Queen,

Queen Chrysalis


Dear Trixie,

You see that cave up on the hillside? That is where I used to have fun stealing cutie marks and locking them away. What do you say we go up there and have some fun of our own, much more productive fun?

Loving You,

Starlight Glimmer


Dear Starlight,

Let's go sexy girl! Now remember this, you may have been the leader on our mission but nopony will have power over The Great and Powerful Trixie in the bedroom, or in this case, in the cave.

Loving You More,

Trixie Lulamoon


Dear Princess Twilight,

Remember when I said that you weren't all that popular anymore and that someday Starlight Glimmer would have to wind up coming in and having to save your flank? Well that time has come and I am happy it happened. Now I want you to look at things this way, if you are excluded Starlight won't either have to save you nor can she outshine you like she always does. Don't worry though, I'll make sure that she outshines you all the time now, and I plan on having Trixie surpass you someday too!

Sincerely,

Brian Goldner....CEO of Hasbro, Inc.

P.S. You really need to dump Fluttershy. I know others have likely told you this, including your star student, but just dump Fluttershy alright? I can sense it in you, I know you want your freedom. Also, I have been in touch with your old friends and they have said they will give you an "epic celebration" if you dump her. If what I understand is true, you used to like spending time with them, time that Fluttershy will not allow. Just imagine, if you free yourself up, you can visit them again.


Dear Brian Goldner,

Oh yes, way to rub it in. Celestia does it constantly, Trixie does it even more, Luna mocks me in my dreams and even Rainbow Dash has boasted about Starlight! Let me make myself clear, Trixie will never be better than me at magic, NEVER! I suppose you are right about Starlight outshining me but still, there was a time when I was the star of the show! Those days need to come back because the show was doing better. Now I better get better treatment in season seven or else.

Upset that Starlight Outshines Me,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Ugh, you too? Look, you have no idea how many ponies are telling me to dump Fluttershy but I never thought you would. What upsets me more is that you have been in touch with my old friends. Hell, if something happens to cause Fluttershy and I to break up, they'll likely abduct me and force themselves on me. If that happens, I will know YOU were behind it.

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