• Published 14th Apr 2018
  • 4,900 Views, 1,441 Comments

Unpleasant Correspondence - StormLuna



After sending Twilight to Ponyville, Princess Celestia demands letters from her but when Twilight starts to complain, Celestia becomes unhappy and replies to her letters in her own way.

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Flutter Brutter

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am fed up, very fed up. I am fed up with my parasitic brother and how he constantly uses my parents. The little bastard flunks out of another school because hideous manes are not in and naturally, he moves back home and starts destroying everything he touches. He made mom replant her flowers, he destroyed half of dad's cloud collection and he acts like I actually give a fuck about him.

Oh and when it comes to his behavior, I tried getting my friends to give him jobs but he failed. My beloved Twilight gave him a job that should be simple for any pegasus pony but he failed there too. Would you mind if I hauled him down to Twilight's dungeon and simply tortured him to death? Yes I know he graduated from mane therapy school finally but I know he'll wind up getting fired and moving back home or even worse, come begging me for a roof over his head.

Fuck that shit, I have much more important things to deal with in life such as making Twilight my doormat and taking care of my animals than assisting him in any way, shape or form. I will tell you one thing, if he comes crawling back after another failure, he can go live in the forest. I don't feel like having to put up with his fucking drama ever again.

Sincerely,

Fluttershy


Fluttershy,

Oh yes, the parasitic little brother that will never amount to anything, gotta love them right? Now I don't blame you for going on this rant but I can't help but wonder if Twilight is rubbing off on you because this reminds me of something she would write, or should I say used to write before you turned her into a pathetic little weakling.

Now regarding you hauling him into your little marefriend's dungeon and torturing him, go for it. I have been spying from my balcony and I think he is nothing but a waste of space. I do ask you of one favor though, don't dispose of the body anywhere that it may contaminate the soil because I really don't want ponies bitching to me about shit suddenly not growing.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Please don't make Twilight too much of a doormat because she does have royal duties you know. If you make her such a doormat that she won't deal with law breakers and undesirables like she is supposed to, I'll take your precious little sweetie away from you so if you know what is good for you, don't soften her up too much.


Dear Princess Celestia,

I can not believe how stupid some ponies are. Fluttershy wanted me to give her idiot brother a job and the dumbass wouldn't even do it. He conned Spike into doing all the work while he just sat there on his dead ass and did nothing. You have no idea how pathetic I think he is and if he weren't Fluttershy's brother, I would have hauled his ass down to my dungeon and tortured him for a few days.

On a positive note though, he did graduate from mane therapy school and while Fluttershy still doubts whether he will ever amount to anything, I hope he does succeed in life so that he won't bring about any undue stress on my sweetie.

Sincerely,

Princess Twilight Sparkle


Dear Princess Twilight,

I am disappointed in you. I am disappointed in you because you failed to haul an undesirable down to your dungeon and torture him. I get it, you're so fucking afraid of upsetting Fluttershy that you won't do what you are supposed to do when it comes to potential drains on society. If you knew some of the things Fluttershy told me, you wouldn't have had to worry about what she thought about you hauling him down to the dungeon because she thinks he will fail miserably, as do I.

I'm going to be honest, it is situations like this where I miss the old you. The old you, the real you would have punished him severely and if I were lucky, had invited me down for pegasus wings. Just do me a favor and don't slack too much because if you do, I may come down there and run you through your own torture devices, got it?

Disappointed in You,

Princess Celestia

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