Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Winter Wrap Up

Dear Princess Celestia,

Once again I have come to the conclusion that you are a grade A troll. Seriously, you expect me to take part in this ridiculous event known as Winter Wrap Up? Seriously, we never had to do crap like this up in Canterlot because you'd just flare up your horn and clear away all the damn snow but in this dump, they actually have to do everything without magic. Not only is that a waste of time and energy, it is horribly annoying.

What is even worse is that these idiots look forward to doing this! Yes they will be bringing in spring but still, I'd think they'd rather you double their taxes if it meant they could do away with this horrid event and not have to go through so much mindless, menial labor.

Well after an epic musical number, I finally learned some of the hideous shit they do for this. Get this, Rarity was making birds nests! Yep, apparently either the birds down here are incredibly stupid, horribly lazy or a combination of both. This would be what I would do. I would say "screw it" and if they were too stupid to make their own nests, too bad. They can go live in the forest for all I care, its not like they serve any real purpose to start with.

Now let's not forget PETA girl, there she was waking up animals. Seriously, these ponies think that animals need to be woken up from hibernation. This is my idea, if they starve to death during an extended coma, who cares? If they can't wake up on their own then maybe they aren't fit to be alive to start with. Now I tried getting Fluttershy to bail on that mindless task and come get initiated and actually be a friend, but she turned me down! Can you believe that, she turned down some fun with a hot unicorn so she could continue to wake up useless animals.

Regarding waking up those stupid animals, because of some stupid snakes I wound up waking up bats, getting stung by bees and getting sprayed by skunks. With the skunks however came a tomato juice bath. I look back and wonder why the hell I left the library again that day. It would have made my life much easier and I could have got a laugh out of watching them fuck up time after time trying to get this done.

Now Pinkie was equally as moronic as she was scoring the lakes so the ice would melt along the lines. I should have just had Spike melt the ice with his breath but I figured I'd let the moron continue with that idiotic task, at least it kept her away from me after I left. Let's not even get started with Applejack, I tried helping her clear away the snow from her fields and she got mad at me! Yes I caused an avalanche but so what? It was the thought that counted, right?

Finally I decided "screw this shit" and proceeded to watch them bicker back and forth over who was going to do what and I am honestly surprised they have ever got winter cleared away to start with. Finally though I got sick of watching their idiocy so I offered my organizing skills to them and they actually got it done! Now what pissed me off is that they did not pay me for providing my superior intellectual skills. Next time this cursed event comes around, I'm skipping town and going someplace where they don't have to do shit like this.

Now could you please cast some sort of spell to where this absurd and time consuming event is no longer needed in Equestria? It would make our lives so much easier.

Your Annoyed Student,

Twilight Sparkle

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To My Annoyed Student,

I suppose I should have warned you about this when I sent you down there but it skipped my mind because my mind was elsewhere. Anyway, I'm glad to see that you are degrading yourself by engaging in such pathetic activities. Maybe you will ultimately become more down to earth and finally fit in down in that shit hole.

It doesn't surprise me that they look forward to doing things like that because remember, unlike us Canterlot ponies, they are unrefined and aren't used to the finer things in life. For generations they have dealt with things like this so they know that to get back to the good seasons, they have to engage in hard labor to end winter.

Regarding the things they have to do, it really sucks to be them. Now when it comes to issues like the birds nests and animal waking, I actually agree with you, especially on the comatose critters. Just let them starve and life would be so much easier. Now PETA girl must not find you all that attractive if she turned down being initiated into your friendship circle just so she could continue to wake up animals.

Now I find the fact that they argue over things involving that ridiculous even rather funny and I do wonder how it is that they are able to change seasons and how they have managed to not die off yet. I would like to thank you for getting them organized though but I can understand your irritation over not being paid for that. Oh well, just go to the spa and everything will be just fine.

Oh and just so you know, I would cast a spell to make things like this unnecessary but Luna and I cast an irreversible spell when we took over to make ponies take care of anything so quit your bitching, alright?

Secretly not caring about your problems,

Princess Celestia

P.S. I saw the incident with the snakes. There you were bitching about the cows stampeding away from non-venomous snakes and now I got to see a one pony stampede because of a few non-venomous snakes. At least the cows didn't do anything stupid like you did nor did they get stung by bees or have to bathe in tomato juice. I guess those cows aren't so stupid after all, are they?

Comments

[Dashie04]

Next time this cursed event comes around, I'm skipping town and going someplace where they don't have to do shit like this.

So basically, she wants to go South?